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RE: House Rules - 11/2/2011 9:46:47 PM

soul2share

Posts: 7084
Joined: 12/18/2007
From: somewhere out there.....
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: revmick82
But anyhow, if the thread is officially catjacked, I'm out. Thank for the feedback all.

If "catjacked" is all the thread gets, consider yourself lucky! That's tame......

Again, I stand by my "where's the sponteniety?" question. As mentioned, I'd be way too worried about doing the list properly to actually spend time doing things. I have found that no matter how well structured you are, life has a tendency to get in the way.

My guess is that 2-3 years is about all they could stand of the "structure". And that's generous. And I was in the military to, so yeah, I know all about structure. I actually liked the structure, but not to the point where I was being micro-managed to death.

The list is all about you.....yes you do mention what you'll do for her, but let me say this.....being in a D/s relationship is not all abouth the Dom......

.....it's is a total give and take, 50/50 relationship. The only thing different about the relationships we seek, and a vanilla one, is what it is that we do. (WIITWD) While I want a D/s interaction, I am also a person, and have my own set of needs and wants.

And I'm not trying to put your list down....the fact that you say it works is enough for me. But everyone's different....your list has very little room for change. Personally, I'd ditch the list, start over, and take it one day at a time. That's about what most of us do around here.

Oh, and one more thing....ironing??!! That's a HARD LIMIT!!!!!

_____________________________

I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?"...people are starting to take it as a challenge!

*Not a fuck was given.*

(in reply to revmick82)

Post #: 41

RE: House Rules - 11/2/2011 9:48:55 PM

revmick82

Posts: 51
Joined: 9/9/2011
Status: offline

Well put. The portions of the list that are duplicated tend to be the easy to train ones (coffee, some chores, availability, all nails the same color). The rest as many have noted VERY specific to the relationship and how it's grown.

Concerning micromanagement, I have mixed feelings. On one hand I need to see evidence of a certain attention to detail and consistency of purpose when I am not looking. The list usually satisfies this part of me.On the other I have no desire to track or monitor anyone for personal reasons. It just seems like bad form.

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

Post #: 42

RE: House Rules - 11/2/2011 9:52:37 PM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
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personally, i'm not really into micromanagement, but i think sometimes people jump the gun and are very insulting and intolerant to those who are.

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica

(in reply to revmick82)

Post #: 43

RE: House Rules - 11/2/2011 9:56:55 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
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At first glance I see this list and think Holy Crap, no thanks! But that's because I was seeing it as a list you'd hand a total stranger saying "This is what I want out of a submissive." But reading further, I understand this list was the product of a relationship that evolved and the agreements that came from it - which is a completely different context. But this might be why you've had some of the "No thank you" responses - because people might be reading it as I originally did.

That said, there are things on the list I would not at all be comfortable with - the bracelets being one of them - but if that's something that worked for you and your former submissive, then coolio for you. But from your OP it looks like a standard list that anyone would have to follow. Like a cookie cutter list.

Anyway, I didn't like the part of having to be "endured." I want to be enjoyed, not endured.

ETA: The binder and daily essays would annoy me to all get-out, too, by the way.

< Message edited by NuevaVida -- 11/2/2011 9:58:15 PM >

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to revmick82)

Post #: 44

RE: House Rules - 11/2/2011 9:58:22 PM

Iamsemisweet

Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline

I would like such a list, although maybe not this particular one I have a very low tolerance for process, I don't like discussions, I just like to get to the decision. I don't have to be the one making the decisions, I just like them to be made quickly. This list lays things out very clearly, so there isn't even a need for decisionmaking. It is easy to understand and hard to argue with. I would have to count myself as the kind of sub it would work for. The exception is the chore list, that might be too much since I work also. I also did not see where it dealt with financial responsibilities and decision making.

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to revmick82)

Post #: 45

RE: House Rules - 11/2/2011 10:02:59 PM

HannahLynn

Posts: 687
Joined: 10/16/2011
From: where its fucking at.
Status: offline

quote:

Let me know your thoughts.

my thoughts? well this just about sums it up...

(in reply to revmick82)

Post #: 46

RE: House Rules - 11/2/2011 10:25:13 PM

revmick82

Posts: 51
Joined: 9/9/2011
Status: offline

Good point. I'll have to be more careful to set up context next time. Thanks for pointing that out.

Yeah, I did not like the "endure" part at first. But after some reflection it made sense to me. Relationships are not all sunshine.

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 47

RE: House Rules - 11/2/2011 10:47:19 PM

outlier

Posts: 1111
Joined: 10/22/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

I would like such a list, although maybe not this particular one ....

ASIDE: Why is it not surprising that a legal mind would find the concept
of laying it all out on paper appealing?

_____________________________

Avatar from xkcd.com

"A happy sex life may take years to achieve, but it’s worth it in the long run.
Worth the time, the thought - or rather, the thoughtfulness - and, often,
the waiting." Pete Seeger

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

Post #: 48

RE: House Rules - 11/2/2011 10:55:16 PM

outlier

Posts: 1111
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline

To address the list itself. I am a firm believer that these relationships
should be like any others in one respect.

Whatever the parties involved want that works for them; is what is right.
If a list is a must have for you than that is your choice. It may narrow your
options but it might also help you find the "right one" for you sooner.

Good on you for seeking other opinions but in the end you (plural)
must make your own decisions. Good luck, welcome to the boards

< Message edited by outlier -- 11/2/2011 11:08:43 PM >

_____________________________

Avatar from xkcd.com

"A happy sex life may take years to achieve, but it’s worth it in the long run.
Worth the time, the thought - or rather, the thoughtfulness - and, often,
the waiting." Pete Seeger

(in reply to outlier)

Post #: 49

RE: House Rules - 11/2/2011 11:02:02 PM

Iamsemisweet

Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline

I don't know. Even other lawyers are frustrated by my lack of interest in process in decision making. I think my liking rules has more to do with my hating discussing things to death.

quote:

ORIGINAL: outlier

quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

I would like such a list, although maybe not this particular one ....

ASIDE: Why is it not surprising that a legal mind would find the concept
of laying it all out on paper appealing?

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to outlier)

Post #: 50

RE: House Rules - 11/2/2011 11:02:52 PM

withacherryontop

Posts: 16
Joined: 10/29/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: revmick82

This was actually an issue with the 2nd girl living under the list. Though she could not articulate. There was also a contract and the best practices section of the binder, those included more of my duties. Think of this as the executive summary or a stand in for a lease.

Can you be more specific what you would need?

Here's my guess of what people mean.

Everything you are required to do is pretty vague -- I'll stay curious, I'll make this place a home. Whether you are meeting your own criteria or not meeting it is in the eye of the beholder.

Meanwhile, the woman has a huge to-do list of very specific things. It looks like the woman has about 60 items, most of which are measureable, and you have about 10 items, few if any of which are measureable.

So it's a pretty one-sided list; the woman has a long list of chores; you have a short list of goals.

(in reply to revmick82)

Post #: 51

RE: House Rules - 11/2/2011 11:14:28 PM

withacherryontop

Posts: 16
Joined: 10/29/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: revmick82

Fair enough, I was hoping for some actionable items. Things that based on the list one could reasonable infer and make suggestions. Or ask questions.

"your to do list needs to read something like A,B and C"
"I tried the morning bj thing and one morning she bit it off"
"Why does she write POMS"

But for my part, I guess I was quick to try and narrow your comments. So keep um coming...

It's obvious you're a micromanager, and you had hoped to micromanage this thread.

My take is the answer you were aiming for was: "Dang! That is a spectacular list. Absolutely amazing. Maybe you can change this one item a little, and maybe change this other item a little. But otherwise, keep it like it is. In fact, I am making a copy. Thank you."

Instead the answer you got was: "Overall, that's a pretty lame, one-sided list and I have a hard believing it works for many people, but it's your life."

(in reply to revmick82)

Post #: 52

RE: House Rules - 11/2/2011 11:26:05 PM

revmick82

Posts: 51
Joined: 9/9/2011
Status: offline

So, good start. Yes my items were vague goals. Hers were chores. This goes down all sorts of interesting roads. Was that intentional on my part? Did she write my "goals"? Did I write it all? What is the nature of division of labor? Any of these would be good questions.

Instead you chose to run with the fundamental attribution error, and start attacking.

Please exit stage right. You are not adding any value here.

(in reply to withacherryontop)

Post #: 53

RE: House Rules - 11/2/2011 11:57:54 PM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

Having read all of the posts in this thread, I understand that this list was the result of some sort of evolution in the relationship. You seem to be a micromanage kind of guy, which is fine.

As a slave myself, if I moved in with Master than that list would concern me, mostly as it has no real wiggle room for the real-life stuff to fit in. For example, what if I had to travel for work? What if there was last-minute family thing that came up?

So perhaps add in a bit of flexibility.

Otherwise - if that's what floats your boat, off you go!

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to revmick82)

Post #: 54

RE: House Rules - 11/3/2011 12:09:51 AM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

Hells bells dude uh it's readily apparent you not listening to anyone who is critical of your lame list. So why don't you talk to the wall and use that for feedback. There is a reason your not keeping anyone around you don't listen.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to myotherself)

Post #: 55

RE: House Rules - 11/3/2011 3:31:09 AM

Winterapple

Posts: 1343
Joined: 8/19/2011
Status: offline

To complicated and rigid for me.
And you come off as a little cold.
But some people are attracted to
complicated, rigid and cold.
The bracelet thing is very weird.
How can you live with someone and
not know when they have their period
or if they have a upset stomach?
Journaling is good but the binder and
the writing it twice seems a bit much.
You'll want a girl with a homework fetish.
My basic feeling is you can probably find
women who are willing to try this, even ones
who are excited by it, but I think even they
are going to be vulnerable to burning out
quickly.

_____________________________

A thousand dreams within me softly burn.
Rimbaud

(in reply to revmick82)

Post #: 56

RE: House Rules - 11/3/2011 5:02:33 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: revmick82

Here's a working list of "House rules" I've had since the first time I invited a woman to live with me; about a decade ago. Since then, she left and two others have come and gone, all stuck around for 2-3 years (yes I know it's a pattern, I'll address that in later posts) Let me know your thoughts.

My promise to you

I am here for you, to adore and endure you.

I will stay curious and discover any way I can make your life better.

You mean more to me than any metaphor can express.

I am a poor communicator when I am stressed, but I’m working on it.

You have a space in my heart that will never grow cold.

I invited you to live with me because I love you deeply.

I intend to give you a happy, healthy and safe place to live.

I will stay curious and open minded about your mental and physical needs.

I will communicate honestly and openly with you.

I will help make this space a home for us.

Our Quality time

Make sure music, food and drink are ready for my homecoming.

Express yourself openly, but always respectfully.

Request permission to leave when you have need, make lip to skin contact if granted.
“May I go pee”, “May I go to work”, “May I check on dinner”

Your Binder

Keep your binder in the middle drawer beneath the fish tank.

Write titles and guides in block letters.

Write content in script.

Practice exceedingly neat and elegant penmanship.

Illuminate each page after I review it’s content.

Type and email me each page of content.

Keep a list of Home Rules.

Journal daily, 250 word minimum.

Keep an evolving section of best practices that we make up together.

Your Communication

Speak freely, but respectfully.

Observe courtesies in all phone and written communication with me.
“only if it pleases you”, “not unless it pleases you”, “your obedient servant”, etc

Lips to foot, verbally surrender your mind and body each morning.
“I love you -------. My body and mind are yours. Your wish is my command.”

Grant me all that is yours each morning.
“As I am yours, all that is mine is yours.”

Your Correction

Recognize that I am correcting behavior, not the inner you that I’ve grown to love.

If my correction causes physical or emotional distress, express this in a respectful manner.

Bear corrections with grace and dignity.

Your Dress and Hygiene

Shave your body daily

Wear a red bracelet on your left wrist when menstruating.

Wear a brown bracelet on your left wrist when you are having colon trouble.

House clothes have an open bottom, no panties unless menstruating

No street clothes beyond the curtains unless company is present

Paint all your nails the same.

Mark “POMS” on your body daily.

Your Household duties

No dirty dishes left overnight.

No garbage in the home overnight.

Do laundry as soon as there is a full load.

Hang our next days apparel out the night before.

Write the next days weather forecast on the bathroom mirror in dry erase.

Tables, counters and floors are clean and clutter free before bed.

Keep a grocery list on the refrigerator.

Plan meals in advance.

Make the bed each morning.

Iron my clothes immediately after wear (if not soiled) or wash.

Make coffee each morning. Pour one cup and one thermos full.

Your sexual duties

Find ways to stay curious.

Maintain absolute availability.

Maintain fidelity, whatever we decide that means.

Recognize the cycle of our sex drives as they rise and fall.

Offer oral sex more than twice daily.

Attempt good morning and good night, blow-jobs daily.

What can I say? So much of your list is based on self-aggrandizement. It's clear you need to be told all day long who the "Master" is, and need to remind your s-type all day long what "their place is."

For me, it's not just that you seem to be a micromanaging control freak, I'm aware some s-types like that, it's that so much of what you demand is required for the sole purpose of feeding your ego.

I have this idea in my head of what dominance and submission boil down to in their essence: dominance is about being in control of your ego, submission is about being willing to give up your ego.

I think titles, protocol, and rituals all have their place, however, your obvious need to have your position constantly reinforced appears, to me at least, to come from a place of weakness, not strength.

JMO, YMMV

_____________________________

(in reply to revmick82)

Post #: 57

RE: House Rules - 11/3/2011 6:21:56 AM

ummmmNo

Posts: 100
Joined: 11/21/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: soul2share

quote:

ORIGINAL: ummmmNo
Soul2Share, cats are the ultimate Dominants. Try to tell them what to do, and they just look at you like, "Bitch, please!"

And I have 5 of 'em! Well, one's just a beebee, so he's sort of a "Dom-in-training"! I only hope he doesn't pick up KB's habits.....he's the Dom in this household.....and I am one well-trained sub!

My roomie used to tell my cat "no". My cat's response was to chase my roommate around the apartment, up the stairs and corner her in her room. It was adorable. For some reason, my roommate didn't think so.

(in reply to soul2share)

Post #: 58

RE: House Rules - 11/3/2011 6:28:36 AM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: revmick82

Yeah, I did not like the "endure" part at first. But after some reflection it made sense to me. Relationships are not all sunshine.

In that case, she'd be enduring you, too. Goes both ways.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to revmick82)

Post #: 59

RE: House Rules - 11/3/2011 6:29:08 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

~fr~

Snickers at list. Really? Illuminated pages?

Whatever works, I guess.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to ummmmNo)

Post #: 60

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