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RE: House Rules - 11/3/2011 6:31:54 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		This particular list wouldn't be for me. I get that it's supposed to be something that's being worked toward instead of being a thing you get at the beginning, but to me life is more organic and changeable than that list. The more you try to nail things down the more chances there are for failure. Think about it...on either side someone might forget or have a bad day or just not do the things on the list that day- but that leaves both of you with the knowledge that things didn't measure up to this pre-determined level - which would make me start to feel like a failure and I may also start having resentments toward you for not carrying through on what I perceived to be your end of the bargain.

Also I have to agree with the others that this list is a lot of specific demands on the woman and some very hazy ones on yourself. Is she supposed to be working outside the home or tending to children? If so I'm not sure how she'd have time to do everything on this list all of the time. I think burnout on her end is a real possibility plus dealing with the fact that your household seems so one-sided with her being the workhorse and you being tended to. Yes, I know that's the kink, but this seems to be really lopsided - what is she getting besides your good intentions? There's nothing there that you are genuinely doing in the form of an action for the upkeep of your lives.

You are putting yourself in the position of leadership here. Is giving her a list of instructions leading? It almost seems like a lazy way out. It's kind of like taking an online course vs going to school and being taught by a teacher. If she's going to take her direction from a piece of paper why should she stick around?





< Message edited by lizi -- 11/3/2011 6:33:35 AM >

(in reply to revmick82)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: House Rules - 11/3/2011 6:34:02 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: revmick82

So, good start. Yes my items were vague goals. Hers were chores. This goes down all sorts of interesting roads. Was that intentional on my part? Did she write my "goals"? Did I write it all? What is the nature of division of labor? Any of these would be good questions. 


Once again, context.  This is YOUR list.  YOU published it. YOU (being the dominant party, I presume) approved the list and therefore own it.

It doesn't matter at that point who wrote it.  

quote:


Instead you chose to run with the fundamental attribution error, and start attacking.


I didn't see an error.  I saw someone holding a dominant accountable for the tools he uses in his relationship. 


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(in reply to revmick82)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: House Rules - 11/3/2011 6:41:52 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		The OP made me think of this really old commercial...

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(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: House Rules - 11/3/2011 6:43:09 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Hells bells dude uh it's readily apparent you not listening to anyone who is critical of your lame list. So why don't you talk to the wall and use that for feedback. There is a reason your not keeping anyone around you don't listen.

BadOne


This is spot on. Print it out in a huge font and tape it to your bathroom mirror instead of the weather forecast and you might keep the next woman around.

People here can post however they like as long as they are within guidelines for the site.
These boards are not for the faint of heart. The people here are honest which is hard for most to take. There is true help here more often than anything else. If something about a comment rubs you the wrong way, it would behoove you to figure out why and address that instead of rejecting things that don't fall within the boundaries of what you think you want to hear.


(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: House Rules - 11/3/2011 6:47:01 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

The OP made me think of this really old commercial...


Hahaha classic. 


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(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: House Rules - 11/3/2011 6:54:35 AM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: revmick82

Recognize the cycle of our sex drives as they rise and fall.
Offer oral sex more than twice daily.
Attempt good morning and good night, blow-jobs daily.


While I can't say that the list is appealing to me, the last three items don't seem very cohesive,
and appear to have been written as an afterthought.
What is the difference between offering a blow job and attempting one,
unless she failed to recognize that your sex drive has dwindled, and you refuse her mouth?

I'm curious in learning what caused the demise of these relationships, as you made mention
of a pattern. I have a feeling it has something to do with your need for a list, and that's why
you are here asking for our input to help you improve upon it?


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(in reply to revmick82)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: House Rules - 11/3/2011 8:00:11 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

(in reply to soul2share)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: House Rules - 11/3/2011 8:14:06 AM   
Killerangel


Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: poise


quote:

ORIGINAL: revmick82

Recognize the cycle of our sex drives as they rise and fall.
Offer oral sex more than twice daily.
Attempt good morning and good night, blow-jobs daily.


While I can't say that the list is appealing to me, the last three items don't seem very cohesive,
and appear to have been written as an afterthought.
What is the difference between offering a blow job and attempting one,
unless she failed to recognize that your sex drive has dwindled, and you refuse her mouth?

I'm curious in learning what caused the demise of these relationships, as you made mention
of a pattern. I have a feeling it has something to do with your need for a list, and that's why
you are here asking for our input to help you improve upon it?



Yes, I thought those things contradicted each other as well.

On the whole it seems as though in trying to spell things out so specifically, it brings up gray areas. Kind like when little kids torture their parents by picking out the loopholes one by one after getting a directive from them. You know, sometimes things work better in generalities, YMMV. The kind of mind that would need this kind of structure wouldn't work for me but I hope you find what you are looking for.

Things seem to be extremely lopsided towards favoring you, but I don't get what you are providing or offering other than some general Hallmark card sentiments?

" I am here for you, to adore and endure you.

I will stay curious and discover any way I can make your life better.

You mean more to me than any metaphor can express.

I am a poor communicator when I am stressed, but I’m working on it.

You have a space in my heart that will never grow cold.

I invited you to live with me because I love you deeply.

I intend to give you a happy, healthy and safe place to live.

I will stay curious and open minded about your mental and physical needs.

I will communicate honestly and openly with you.

I will help make this space a home for us.

Our Quality time."

Those 12 rules are all of the things on your plate. They're very slippery and not specific, hence the greeting card feeling. Let's take into account now that she has a whopping 49 rules to follow which are very specific and contain real work- garbage, ironing, cooking, laundry, etc. Seems a bit lopsided as you have it spelled out here not knowing what else your role provides, but since you want us to go on this list I'm going on it and you seem to be getting much for not much in return.

I wonder if the women haven't stuck around because it gets tiring working and getting a mystical platitude in return. If you're giving out anything else it's not clear, yet her role is very clear. I'd not touch this with a ten foot pole because it feels like BS. My feeling is that if you want to be King of the Universe then get off your throne and work for it, lead, get in the trenches with her, something other than sounding like a card you can buy in a drugstore.

Maybe it's because I'm older, but when people try to pass off some nebulous concept instead of a solid factual statement, they're usually trying to hide the fact that they don't want to be held to any kind of standard and will use that cloudiness to weasel out of things.

(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: House Rules - 11/3/2011 8:17:57 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Killerangel

Things seem to be extremely lopsided towards favoring you, but I don't get what you are providing or offering other than some general Hallmark card sentiments?
<snip>

Those 12 rules are all of the things on your plate. They're very slippery and not specific, hence the greeting card feeling. Let's take into account now that she has a whopping 49 rules to follow which are very specific and contain real work- garbage, ironing, cooking, laundry, etc. Seems a bit lopsided as you have it spelled out here not knowing what else your role provides, but since you want us to go on this list I'm going on it and you seem to be getting much for not much in return.

I wonder if the women haven't stuck around because it gets tiring working and getting a mystical platitude in return. If you're giving out anything else it's not clear, yet her role is very clear.



i have to say i agree... i think 2 years is probably a good estimate of when the honeymoon phase wears off, too. even with vanilla relationships, this is sometimes the case. so this might seem like fun and a novel concept until it's been lived in. that's probably why the women all seem to leave between 2 and 3 years. it just gets old, and the OP seems to be somewhat stubborn and set in his way -- which isn't necessarily a BAD thing, just that it's probably better to move on to someone who is probably a better fit, rather than try to change someone into someone else.

it's very uneven; even though D/s is inherently about a power imbalance, there is an equal sharing of responsibilities to the relationship in order to keep them healthy.

this list is putting all of the responsibility, the affirming of the relationship, the maintenance of the roles, etc, on the sub, while the Dom has not expressed any responsibility on his part.

it would be unattractive to me for this reason, among others.

< Message edited by LillyBoPeep -- 11/3/2011 8:18:58 AM >

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(in reply to Killerangel)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: House Rules - 11/3/2011 8:28:48 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		In my former LD relationship, whenever I called him, I had to say "Thanks for taking my call," which we both enjoyed at first, and then the novelty wore off.

OP - you're receiving consistent feedback that you need to delineate your responsibilities as well. Want to take a stab at it? Financial comes to mind, especially if she does not work outside the home.


(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: House Rules - 11/3/2011 9:29:19 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Dear Sir,

It is quite refreshing to see a dominant man, taking such a leadership role in life. To consider all that you have, I am sure in a thoughtful and balanced measure and to have come to the conclusions that you have is rather amazing.

I'm sure that a Reverend such as yourself, has taken a great deal into consideration that others wouldn't. With military precision, you have the experience, I'm sure to enforce your list of wise rules in a manner that few could. With your experience, skills, knowledge and titles, one could assume that you would be an amazing dominant.

If one were not fully a complete adult in their own right, not filled with fantasy and were of an age to believe that life could work this way. Of course then we would have to understand that life experience with someone that is OCD, and a self promoting Reverend isn't a joy to behold and will turn into a nightmare, but how many young people fully understand this? If in three relationships of two to three years, you haven't seen that this could be a problem, one must consider that though you are great at making lists that really have few merits or reason beyond your own, you really haven't experienced enough in life or relationships to get past the pompousness and stubbornness that preempts what is best for yourself or anyone else.

If you are going to make lists of rules, make sure they make sense, can be used throughout life realistically and you are consistent as well as wise in the way of life. Be sure to understand your own nature and emotional balance, know what works for you and others and be sure to acknowledge the fact that you are dealing hopefully with adults that must not give up wisdom in their own life and life building, to cater to you by understanding the full impact of what you demand from them. And do remember that being dominant isn't made up of list making and enforcement, but of understanding what works in life, being a good leader and someone that inspires a submissive person and one that covers their ass in risky lists that really make no sense.

You have a bit to work on.

< Message edited by Lockit -- 11/3/2011 9:31:27 AM >

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(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: House Rules - 11/3/2011 9:31:07 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		*adores Lockit*

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Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: House Rules - 11/3/2011 11:10:59 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I did a stint working on procedure manuals when I was young. You know, the Big Binder of How It's Done that bigger offices have. I also know those that have multi-servant households that keep books like that so if Mistress asks for tea, and someone doesn't know how she likes it, it's all written down. It's nice to have stuff like that codified.

If I am in a RELATIONSHIP with that person other than service, well... I expect they will know that I like my hot tea with sugar, cold tea without. I expect I will know when they are unwell.

It's a world of folks.

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(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: House Rules - 11/3/2011 11:39:19 AM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline 		as someone intimate with the effects of chrohns, the bracelet would be the first to go outta the window, unless you have lost your sense of compassion, humour and smell.
I can tell within 2 seconds of looking at him how he is feeling. Health is ONE thing you dont micromanage unless you are qualified.
However, taking that into consideration, you could micromanage her diet and fluids, what she is allowed to make/eat, size portions, meeting dietary requirements you make up, with her input.. colour co ordinate everything, from her panties and bras, to her eyeshadow, lipstick, her daily clothes, her shoes, her limitations on how to do certain tasks, like folding clothes or the position in your wardrobe or hers.
Why not get her to send you information during the dy regarding weather, have her detail every hour what she has done who she has spoken to, what she ate for lunch, how many women she spoke to, how many men.
The biggest problem with this is that you would actually have to do some work and open your mind to all kinds of things, and take responsibility for talking about things. compromise while not very "dominate" is needed during the course of a ltr. Things change , expectations and experience change, likes change, life happens and if you dont work at them, resentment sets in.
DO some of your own hard work and make it something you can grow in together and not apart.
Just my thoughts
So far, I dont see a chance of that happening.


_____________________________

(•_•)
<) )╯SUCH
/ \

\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
/ \

(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
/ \

Duchess Of Dissent
Dont Hate Love

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: House Rules - 11/3/2011 11:47:12 AM   
Ninebelowzero


Posts: 3134
Joined: 8/5/2011
Status: offline 		You mean like be a lover, a friend, a good egg. Can't see that happening anytime soon.

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Profile   Post #: 75
RE: House Rules - 11/3/2011 12:01:19 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi
The more you try to nail things down the more chances there are for failure. Think about it...on either side someone might forget or have a bad day or just not do the things on the list that day- but that leaves both of you with the knowledge that things didn't measure up to this pre-determined level - which would make me start to feel like a failure and I may also start having resentments toward you for not carrying through on what I perceived to be your end of the bargain.

This, wholeheartedly. Not only would the submissive start to feel like a failure, but it would also seem that the Dominant set the submissive up to fail.

quote:

Also I have to agree with the others that this list is a lot of specific demands on the woman and some very hazy ones on yourself. <snip>There's nothing there that you are genuinely doing in the form of an action for the upkeep of your lives.
I also see it this way.



_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: House Rules - 11/3/2011 12:03:01 PM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline 		yep because while the fantasy is cool, after two years of living like that, I would be ready to commit all sorts of heinous acts.
Relationships are hard work and his list of stuff HE has to do, is missing huge chunks of relationship requirements, which is good if you both feel the same way, but ive known too many so called dominants who just want their needs met and think everything is fine if they demand a blow job. Starts of lovely then within months his idea of dominating her has turned into a blowjob when he wants one. oh and keeping him fed, clothed, ego stroked and dick sucked is his idea of being masterful
NOT

_____________________________

(•_•)
<) )╯SUCH
/ \

\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
/ \

(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
/ \

Duchess Of Dissent
Dont Hate Love

(in reply to Ninebelowzero)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: House Rules - 11/3/2011 1:01:30 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		I've known people that have entered into "service agreements". These are mutually beneficial arrangements with set expectations and a set time period. They are not relationships. Your list of rules reads like you want a submissive to love and adore you, while you get to treat them like the hired help with no expectations about your behavior. There may be somebody out there that gets off on it, but the reality is that most will tire of being treated that way with nothing in return.

Also, you've noted that you don't communicate well, but your submissive is expected to communicate clearly, openly and respectfully. So, you have a standard of behavior for your submissive that you're not willing to hold yourself to.

Lastly, having to wear the red bracelet just tells me that you're so distanced that you don't take notice of what's going on with your submissive.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Lucylastic)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: House Rules - 11/3/2011 1:28:00 PM   
fragilepieces


Posts: 416
Joined: 7/6/2008
Status: offline 		Ohh so would not work for me but the biggest thing would be I KNOW MEN.

He is engrossed in some tv show.
"Sir may I use the rest room?"
"Sir?"
Wave my brown bracelet frantically in his face.
"Sir?"
Pass gas
"SIR. please now?"
Shit all over his feet, kiss his cheek and his eyes are still glued to the tv.

< Message edited by fragilepieces -- 11/3/2011 1:29:03 PM >

(in reply to revmick82)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: House Rules - 11/3/2011 1:31:26 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		LOL That was priceless !!

Doubly true if it's some sports thing he likes.

< Message edited by ChatteParfaitt -- 11/3/2011 1:32:12 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 80
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