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How Do I Learn To Keep My Mouth SHUT ? - 5/26/2006 5:46:48 AM

littlesubjess

Posts: 305
Joined: 2/2/2006
Status: offline

Hi A/all ...

After a couple of "false starts", i am now ready to settle down with my current Owners, and begin my true "Journey To Submission" ... W/we have tried this before, with little success, as it appears to be that i am too loud, mouthy, opinionated and intelligent to become a true sub/slave.... and quite frankly, i agree .... i am all of the above and more lol.

However, it has caused problems between myself and my Owners in the past, and i know that i will never become that "elusive" (i hate that word lol) sub, if i continue to be such a gobshite (meaning loud and mouthy) ....

Anyone got any ideas please ?

Thanks
Jess xxxx

_____________________________

And on the eighth day, He created Jessica ...

Anything is possible if you try hard enough ...... xxx

Only the one who hurts you can make you feel better. Only the one who inflicts the pain can take it away.

Post #: 1

RE: How Do I Learn To Keep My Mouth SHUT ? - 5/26/2006 5:51:59 AM

piscess

Posts: 101
Joined: 5/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesubjess

Hi A/all ...

After a couple of "false starts", i am now ready to settle down with my current Owners, and begin my true "Journey To Submission" ... W/we have tried this before, with little success, as it appears to be that i am too loud, mouthy, opinionated and intelligent to become a true sub/slave.... and quite frankly, i agree .... i am all of the above and more lol.

However, it has caused problems between myself and my Owners in the past, and i know that i will never become that "elusive" (i hate that word lol) sub, if i continue to be such a gobshite (meaning loud and mouthy) ....

Anyone got any ideas please ?

Thanks
Jess xxxx

Wow, here goes!!

Advice: Learn how to speak your mind without being rude. Keep it respectful and learn the art of communication. You say that you are ready, but in being ready it means you need to be what you say you are.

Do you believe submissives/slaves cannot be intellegent?
Being submissive does not make you stupid, but it does make you respectful to those you call your Owners.

Not trying to be nasty here, just honest. There is a right way and a wrong way to let someone know how you feel. Focus on finding that way and you will be okay.

Good luck.
piscess

_____________________________

There is nothing simple about me.

(in reply to littlesubjess)

Post #: 2

RE: How Do I Learn To Keep My Mouth SHUT ? - 5/26/2006 5:59:40 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

I'm sure you didn't mean to imply that those of us who are having some degree of success in our submission are unintelligent and lack the ability to form our own opinions.....but that is how your post reads.

Maybe you and your Masters need to take some time and understand what submission is. It really is possible to be submissive and be a whole intelligent person complete with opinions. The mouthy/loud part may be something that you need to work on but...as your tag line suggests.....anything is possible if you try hard enough.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to littlesubjess)

Post #: 3

RE: How Do I Learn To Keep My Mouth SHUT ? - 5/26/2006 6:05:07 AM

babyblues

Posts: 80
Joined: 8/10/2005
Status: offline

i'm trying hard not to be offended by your thought that slaves are not intelligent....in the meantime....

i have a friend, a sub, who struggles with her self-proclaimed mouthiness as well....i will tell you what i tell her....work on being respectful and remember your place at all times....

if it is such a struggle (for you and for her), perhaps being a sub, much less a slave, just isn't the place you should be....

(in reply to piscess)

Post #: 4

RE: How Do I Learn To Keep My Mouth SHUT ? - 5/26/2006 6:10:27 AM

PhoenixLM

Posts: 79
Joined: 5/12/2005
From: Fort Wayne, Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesubjess

Hi A/all ...

After a couple of "false starts", i am now ready to settle down with my current Owners, and begin my true "Journey To Submission" ... W/we have tried this before, with little success, as it appears to be that i am too loud, mouthy, opinionated and intelligent to become a true sub/slave.... and quite frankly, i agree .... i am all of the above and more lol.

However, it has caused problems between myself and my Owners in the past, and i know that i will never become that "elusive" (i hate that word lol) sub, if i continue to be such a gobshite (meaning loud and mouthy) ....

Anyone got any ideas please ?

Thanks
Jess xxxx

My first Master had a sure fired way to teach me to think before I speak. It was called gagging me. LOL If I got mouthy he put a gag in my mouth. I'll tell you right now having to communicate through a note pad because he chose to ignore visual clues other than the written word taught me.

_____________________________

Phoenix
House Ds Haven
http://dshaven.com

(in reply to littlesubjess)

Post #: 5

RE: How Do I Learn To Keep My Mouth SHUT ? - 5/26/2006 6:18:06 AM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

Self-Discipline

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to PhoenixLM)

Post #: 6

RE: How Do I Learn To Keep My Mouth SHUT ? - 5/26/2006 6:20:00 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I agree with Erin and will also add that you should perhaps learn how to be smart and intelligent WITHOUT the mouthy and loud part. There are many great role models out there for this.

Behavior modification takes time and much practice. Be patient and work hard.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to littlesubjess)

Post #: 7

RE: How Do I Learn To Keep My Mouth SHUT ? - 5/26/2006 6:20:56 AM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

If you are a "loud and mouthy" person, then why on earth would somebody take you on if they didn't want a "loud and mouthy" slave/submissive? I am a firm believer in not trying to change your partner's basic nature.....find one who is the type of person you want and go from there. If you want a doormat or quite as a mouse type, then look for a person who is already that.

Personally I want a submissive who has a brain and who uses it, and who is not afraid to have opinions and to express them...if i think the opinion is wrong I will say so, and then get ready for a good arguement/discussion. I am no different from other Doms in wanting my sub to agree with my opinions, where I might differ is in wanting my sub to agree because they actually do agree, either because they did originally or because they have honestly been persuaded that my opinion is correct, not simply because they are my submissive.

To me, a submissive is a person first, and a submissive second, and the stronger and more independant a person, the sweeter the submission is.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to littlesubjess)

Post #: 8

RE: How Do I Learn To Keep My Mouth SHUT ? - 5/26/2006 6:23:56 AM

piscess

Posts: 101
Joined: 5/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

If you are a "loud and mouthy" person, then why on earth would somebody take you on if they didn't want a "loud and mouthy" slave/submissive? I am a firm believer in not trying to change your partner's basic nature.....find one who is the type of person you want and go from there. If you want a doormat or quite as a mouse type, then look for a person who is already that.

Personally I want a submissive who has a brain and who uses it, and who is not afraid to have opinions and to express them...if i think the opinion is wrong I will say so, and then get ready for a good arguement/discussion. I am no different from other Doms in wanting my sub to agree with my opinions, where I might differ is in wanting my sub to agree because they actually do agree, either because they did originally or because they have honestly been persuaded that my opinion is correct, not simply because they are my submissive.

To me, a submissive is a person first, and a submissive second, and the stronger and more independant a person, the sweeter the submission is.

But isn't there a way to give an opinion without being mouthy?

Maybe I am seeing things wrong.

piscess

_____________________________

There is nothing simple about me.

(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 9

RE: How Do I Learn To Keep My Mouth SHUT ? - 5/26/2006 6:25:07 AM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

In addition: I agree, changing takes hard work and commitment. The best way to make a change within ourselves and in regard to our actions is to have a reason for changing. It gives us a focus. Realistically we dont do anything we dont want to do in life..if you can find a reason thats strong enough to *want* to change the behavior wild horses couldnt stop you from achieving your goal.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 10

RE: How Do I Learn To Keep My Mouth SHUT ? - 5/26/2006 6:28:39 AM

gloriousangel

Posts: 361
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: West Midlands
Status: offline

Ladies Gentlemen.

I have learnt only to answer when I am spoken to and if they ask if I have anything to say then i would try and word it so that it would not hurt any ones feeling.

Just he honest and truthful with your owners and try not to back chat

_____________________________

I am now owned and collared and leashed.

(in reply to Chaingang)

Post #: 11

RE: How Do I Learn To Keep My Mouth SHUT ? - 5/26/2006 6:36:20 AM

spankmepink11

Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: piscess

quote:

Advice: Learn how to speak your mind without being rude. Keep it respectful and learn the art of communication.   You say that you are ready, but in being ready it means you need to be what you say you are.

Good luck.
piscess

Very well put piscess, i also agree with babyblues

"if it is such a struggle (for you and for her), perhaps being a sub, much less a slave, just isn't the place you should be.... "

I read something once about thinking before you speak, and it always stuck with me...
"Before you speak, think,     Is it true
                                                    Is it kind
                                                    Is it neccessasy

(in reply to piscess)

Post #: 12

RE: How Do I Learn To Keep My Mouth SHUT ? - 5/26/2006 6:40:55 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gloriousangel
I have learnt only to answer when I am spoken to and if they ask if I have anything to say then i would try and word it so that it would not hurt any ones feeling.

Well I certainly don't think that any of us need to go this far. I'm not an ornament or piece of decorative bric a brac. There is nothing wrong with having opinions...even strong, passionate opinions. The question being posed here has nothing to do with being submissive. All people need to learn the basics of tact and eloquence when speaking a differing or opposing viewpoint. To do less makes one an arrogant, overbearing idiot and shows anything BUT intelligence. Just because one is of submissive orientation certainly does not mean they must only speak when spoken to.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to gloriousangel)

Post #: 13

RE: How Do I Learn To Keep My Mouth SHUT ? - 5/26/2006 6:47:18 AM

spectreandnectre

Posts: 401
Joined: 3/20/2006
From: nebraska
Status: offline

i am definately an opinionated submissive too but i go about it very respectfully and at times i do get frustrated and feel like i could blow but He is keen enough to know when i am getting that way and asks what is wrong so i am able to talk about my opinions. Just work on the respectful part it will take you where you want to go

_____________________________

"When I see you, the world stops as if the only purpose in life was for me to please you."

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 14

RE: How Do I Learn To Keep My Mouth SHUT ? - 5/26/2006 6:49:54 AM

rose442

Posts: 60
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline

jess,

Your intellegence should be a positive asset to you and your Ones. That should be a quality that They should want you to have. And you are intellegent because you realize that being... too loud, mouthy, opinionated is a problem. And really to loud and mouthy is the problem. Opinionated is good to. Because to me that goes with intellegence. You have to have opinions, that is where you can say what you like and don't like. That is YOUR opinion. But your opinion is only needed when They ask for it. But you have to be intelligent enough to know that. Blurting out your opinion will get you in trouble. That is where being opinionated is the problem, i am guessing, right?

As long as your Ones want to take the time. They will teach you when is the right time to talk, how to talk (tone), and how to do it in a respectful, desirable way.

Good luck in your journeys.

rose442

_____________________________

This slave is Masters, heart, mind, soul, and body. To use as Master wishes, when Master wishes to do so.

(in reply to littlesubjess)

Post #: 15

RE: How Do I Learn To Keep My Mouth SHUT ? - 5/26/2006 7:03:52 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesubjess

Hi A/all ...

After a couple of "false starts", i am now ready to settle down with my current Owners, and begin my true "Journey To Submission" ... W/we have tried this before, with little success, as it appears to be that i am too loud, mouthy, opinionated and intelligent to become a true sub/slave.... and quite frankly, i agree .... i am all of the above and more lol.

Sorry to jump on the bandwagon but you might want to reconsider your use of the phrase "...too intelligent to become a true sub/slave...". I have yet to dominate a woman who wasn't college-educated and whatever problems existed in those relationships was not because of their intelligence...unless you consider the fact that one's intelligence took her up farther in her job and she was no longer willing to relocate.
Here's a thought...it seems to me that intelligence would lead you to see that submission does not mean not having a thought of your own that is in disagreement with your owners, it should be able to allow you to express yourself in a way that is respectful of others.

quote:

However, it has caused problems between myself and my Owners in the past, and i know that i will never become that "elusive" (i hate that word lol) sub, if i continue to be such a gobshite (meaning loud and mouthy) ....

Anyone got any ideas please ?
Thanks
Jess xxxx

Yes, I do. One is that you might honestly consider whether it is your level of intelligence that is the problem here or your level of submission. Submission at the basest level means yielding your will to that of another. If you wish to yield your will to these owners and yet, consistently fight their will by being loud and mouthy when they want you to be opinionated while being respectful, perhaps your submission...to them, at least...is not what you think it is. If you continue to have this problem with any dominant, then it may indeed be your level of submission that is an issue. Perhaps you are not suited for full-on submission. Perhaps your submission works best for play...or for service only...nothing wrong with that, but it sounds to me as if you need to examine yourself more closely and honestly, using that intelligence you speak of.

MOO, YMMV

"I've never met a smart woman I didn't like for her intelligence. It was the rude behavior that sometimes went along with that intelligence that was the problem..." Me

(in reply to littlesubjess)

Post #: 16

RE: How Do I Learn To Keep My Mouth SHUT ? - 5/26/2006 7:05:38 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: rose442
But your opinion is only needed when They ask for it. But you have to be intelligent enough to know that. Blurting out your opinion will get you in trouble.

As long as your Ones want to take the time. They will teach you when is the right time to talk, how to talk (tone), and how to do it in a respectful, desirable way.
rose442

I will respond to this, just as I responded to basically the same sentiment expressed by gloriousangel. The "don't speak unless you are spoken to" is not realistic. Grown up, responsible ADULTS do not need to be taught how and when to speak. Most of us figure that out just by living life. It is not a different skill set that we have to learn because of our relationship dynamics.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to rose442)

Post #: 17

RE: How Do I Learn To Keep My Mouth SHUT ? - 5/26/2006 7:10:20 AM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

Are you sure you are not being goaded into mouthing off? Or perhaps having your buttons pushed? Unfortunately I have known this type of domination and it doesnt sit well with me. Some "get off" on pushing buttons and mind-fucking a submissive as some sick form of testing her to see just how well she can or cannot hold her tongue. I find this to be the dominance of the insecure. This is just a thought. I do not know your owners, nor am I accusing them of being this type.
You sound like you sincerely want this and someone who wants it would do their best. If you are failing at controlling your mouth, perhaps you are being treated/spoken to incorrectly. Could that be possible? It just bothers me to no end when submissives take *all* the responsibility in a situation without realizing that their behavior is in direct reaction to their treatment. Unless of course you enjoy being a mouthy wise-ass, then thats on *you* and not your owner/owners.
As a mouthy bitch myself (lol) I can say that in the hands of the right dominant, that side of me just disintegrates. And when that happens, nothing feels more right than to yield to it. So Im not sure why you are still behaving this way at this point in the relationship. But I would not be so fast to self-blame. I would however, examine the situation and wonder if this is how I am behaving, perhaps I am with the wrong owner/owners.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 18

RE: How Do I Learn To Keep My Mouth SHUT ? - 5/26/2006 7:12:52 AM

LL1aintbehavin

Posts: 104
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

i think the focus should be more on how you say things rather than what you say. subs do not lose their ability to think or their intelligence level when they give their submission to a Dominant, but respect should be shown at all time in the way we conduct ourselves, and how we speak to O/our Dominant. i think that is just common courtesy and respect.
if you respect your Dominant, it is at all times, even when you feel they are wrong about something, and should be approached in a manner as to not offend them.
this is just my personal opinion.
aintbehavin

(in reply to rose442)

Post #: 19

RE: How Do I Learn To Keep My Mouth SHUT ? - 5/26/2006 7:19:21 AM

FloridaISIS

Posts: 235
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

The saying goes, kill them with kindness, baffle them with brilliance. An intelligent sub who isn't afraid to speak their mind is to be treasured.
Again, it's all in the execution; You catch more flies with honey than you do vinegar.
Trust me, as a switch, when I sub I have to constantly check my attitude. I've been 100% Dominant for 3 yrs, and only the past yr, has the sub side reared it's head.
I tend to be very opiononated and try to micromanage everything. I must constantly keep in mind just who the Dominant is when I'm submitting.
The tone in which we say things is important. Knowing you're loud and mouthy, you have half the battle won. Try this, lower your voice and try speaking slower. Pace yourself and speak barely above a whisper, just loud enough to be heard. This is what I do, lower the voice and try to humble myself a bit when speaking to My Dominant.
If you're really riled up and ready to blow a gasket. STOP wherever you are, close your eyes, bow your head, take a few deep breaths and refocus. I've had to do this many a time to keep from telling a Dom off. The extra few seconds it takes it well worth it, if you hate the paddle as much as I do.
Hope this helps.

< Message edited by FloridaISIS -- 5/26/2006 7:21:33 AM >

(in reply to rose442)

Post #: 20

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