RE: I don't think I "fit" into the box........

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RE: I don't think I "fit" into the box........ - 5/27/2006 10:28:04 AM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
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I see dominants and submissives behaving this way frequently. It does get trying and tiring to have these sorts of people contact you and then tell you you're not submissive because you don't agree with their benchmarks. Yes, you ignore them and move on, or if they have really touched a nerve, you tell them exactly what they can do with their opinion and then move on. But why not ask on these boards if anyone is feeling the same as you?

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RE: I don't think I "fit" into the box........ - 5/27/2006 10:32:20 AM

kisshou

Posts: 2425
Joined: 2/11/2005
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I really like you alot and don't really understand why you are comparing yourself to others. I think we are all basically alot alike , I guess it depends if you are looknig for simliarites or differences.

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RE: I don't think I "fit" into the box........ - 5/27/2006 10:33:20 AM

feastie

Posts: 1793
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Could it be that she just doesn't want to feel like the lone stranger?

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RE: I don't think I "fit" into the box........ - 5/27/2006 10:39:05 AM

artglfr

Posts: 235
Joined: 4/8/2005
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I understand the dilemma. I guess I do not fit either. I am NOT going to have to micromanage, and feel if a sub doesn't wish to obey, fine let her go her own way. I am not overbearing and feel if We both want the same things I should not have to pretend to be things i am not. I have my needs and wants and expect my girl to have heres. WE have Ours that We negotiate. She serves me because she wants to and I allow her to because I appreciate her doing so.

I work, she works, she is usually smarter than me on things yet she doesn't feel she has to either hide her knowledge or flaunt it in such a way she makes me feel stupid. I guess We "Communicate" which i find is way way harder than imagined.

I do not feel I must "Punish" her. If she is good and pleases me I flog her and allow her other privileges when she pisses me off I tell her and DO not even think of "Playing" until we have discussed why this event occured. I definitely an far from a Gorean which is fine because it takes all kinds and ones who enjoy Gorean relationships are happy so it is all good.

currently I hope to find another 24/7 girl to help around my house and Museum as my girl is working full time. I know I will but it just takes time, patience and the right person.

You are just exactly right as YOu are and never change...when your true dom comes along great till then enjoy along the way.

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RE: I don't think I "fit" into the box........ - 5/28/2006 5:50:06 AM

mistoferin

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Joined: 10/27/2004
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When I saw that there was another page of replies since I last checked, my first thought was....uh oh, I went and stuck my foot in my mouth again...lol. Thank you for all the replies and I am glad that it appears that I made it a little easier to understand.

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RE: I don't think I "fit" into the box........ - 5/28/2006 6:21:10 AM

Rayne58

Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
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Thank you for this thread erin.....I have been having a few self doubts just lately, whether I am "submissive enough"......you helped me to see that yes I am submissive enough for Him.....thank you!

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RE: I don't think I "fit" into the box........ - 5/28/2006 4:46:45 PM

genvieve

Posts: 228
Joined: 5/14/2005
From: SF Bay Area
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BDSM, should be about thinking outside the box. While it may from time to time need to be inside the box... it is important to define your own box. Hell, make it a virtual box. -snort-

Sorry, creative problem solving is kicking in again.

But seriously...be the submissive that you are. Period. So long as you communicate that to your Dominant upfront, you should do verrah well.

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RE: I don't think I "fit" into the box........ - 5/30/2006 12:18:30 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
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There may well be a 'box' that a submissive is supposed to fit into but I tend to look at it as a box made by the dominant and submissive involved.

I know what I like and want in a submissive. That is what I would look for. Can I find 100% of those qualities and characteristics? No. So, that means that the box I build I will build with the submissive who feels that I fit her and she fits me and the rest...where things are going to have to be changed in some manner...are those areas where yielding of her will to mine comes in.

I think the frustration you speak of, mistoferin, comes about when some dominant tries to make some submissive fit into his preconceived box or...to be fair and because it happens this way too...some submissive tries to make a dominant fit into the "box of dominance" that she enjoys yielding her will to. Why?

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