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RE: Slave, Help me - 11/17/2011 12:47:10 AM

Alecta

Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: winspiritsbaby

~FR~
I peeked in on the OP's profile, then went to Terry's. As complete as his profile is I have a hard time believing that he didn't make his expectations clear to her in the beginning. If by chance she is going by what is in his profile and there are things he hasn't brought up to her yet, then maybe he is trying to ease her into the full realm of what he wants. Either way, I stand by DS's suggestion, by reading Terry's profile he appears to have the integrity that I mentioned earlier.

Hm, really?

I'm willing to chalk it down to my not liking Dom Mn very much in general, and even to bad profiles (gawd knows mine's not completely stellar either) but to me reading his profile felt ... wrong. He felt to me like someone who's read a lot about the "correct literature" and watched a bunch of porn but has not really been in the position of a Owner... he seems to have all the words, but does he understand what he's saying when he says it? Reading his profile, I felt it was believable that he'd gone to a bunch of sites and copy and pasted the most acceptable and applicable bits to him, paraphrased it a bit and posted it as his profile. A word spew does not equate to integrity. The impression I got, I could quite see him put forth a set of expectations and rules and such to the slave, without once checking that the slave actually properly understood it all, or if the slave was ready, or even if the slave is just saying it because she felt obligated to because she wanted to keep him around. After all, he does sound like a little studmuffin to her! Whether this is intentional or not, we don't know. Maybe the profile's been there since before her and she's the dream woman to which he refers in it. I just don't feel much integrity and sincerity in it.

(in reply to winspiritsbaby)

Post #: 41

RE: Slave, Help me - 11/17/2011 1:47:01 AM

winspiritsbaby

Posts: 141
Status: offline

Alecta,
While you very well could be right my whole point is really that the hasty decision that she made cannot be put completely on the Dom's plate. If at her age, she hasn't learned to ask questions and make sure of what is going to happen then that seems to be an issue within her. We only have one side of the story, and I am merely pointing out the possibilities. The main thing that I am looking at is the fact that to go to the effort of putting together his profile, copy and pasted or not, I would think that at least some if not all does reflect his beliefs and wants, and if that is the case then it would make sense that he would convey those to any potential slaves.

(in reply to Alecta)

Post #: 42

RE: Slave, Help me - 11/17/2011 2:58:50 AM

Endivius

Posts: 1238
Joined: 8/22/2011
Status: offline

the absurdity of this thread is up there with the tap tap thread and the guy with the "slave house".

OP: Really? C'mon. Put on your big girl pants and use your common sense. If the dickin' is really good don't worry, there are plenty of guys out there happy to give you the buissiness without all the BDSM requirements.

_____________________________

Basically if you can't inspire someone to trust you deeply, you aren't going to be able to buy that or a reasonable facsimile thereof. -DesFIP

(in reply to winspiritsbaby)

Post #: 43

RE: Slave, Help me - 11/17/2011 4:04:16 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

I think the best thing would be for you to discuss all of this with him. You may not realize this,
but Master Terry can find this post of yours quite easily. Just imagine how thrilled he will be to know
you have kept all of this incredibly important information from him, and that you are only with him out
of a sense of obligation and not out of desire, and now the very place he sent you to seek advice
knows all about it.

Mmmhmm, he's on the thread at this moment...lol

_____________________________

See how easy it can be?

(in reply to poise)

Post #: 44

RE: Slave, Help me - 11/17/2011 4:59:35 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

I couldn't tell if Terry's "My slave" bits in his profile was meant to be "my future slave" or "my current slave."

Since it's really not clear if he is seeking one woman or additional women, I got the impression of cut and paste as well.

quote:

Mmmhmm, he's on the thread at this moment...lol

May this create an opportunity for them to communicate.

< Message edited by kalikshama -- 11/17/2011 5:01:48 AM >

(in reply to Alecta)

Post #: 45

RE: Slave, Help me - 11/17/2011 5:05:33 AM

yourMasterTerry

Posts: 14
Joined: 4/15/2011
Status: offline

After reading the comments posted, I see that some of you need more information before you start casting stones at me. Without having all of the facts a lot of you just assume that you know how things actually are, but as normal when someone assumes they either make an ass of them self or others, in this case you are the ass. Normally, I do not feel that I should have to explain myself to anybody, for I answer to no one. However, my protective instincts have kicked in and feel that some of you are being too mean to my slave and are attempting to humiliate her in some way. So I feel that I need to step in to protect my property. I notice how some of you are actually trying to be helpful, while others of limited intelligence are trying to be hurtful. I had my slave open the account on Collar Me to find a friend on here that she would be able to talk to about the lifestyle and about things that I may not be able to supply her with as a Dom/Master. It is unrealistic for me to believe that I can supply her with everything that she needs, and there is no one we know in real life that is objective enough for her to talk to about anything of this nature, so I thought this would be a good place for her to find a friend. Yes, it is my responsibility as Master to teach and train her as well as for me to learn, I often send my slave web sites and other information about D/s and M/s relationships as well as talk with her about my expectations. She obtained my permission to ask the question that she posted, so I allowed it and did not change it. I realize now that we have an issue that we will work on together. Just to let all of you know, there are actually several stipulations and we both know what they are, but I want her to “feel” that there are none. As far as the no choice thing goes, it is conceptual, it may be unrealistic but as a slave, I want her to feel that she has no choice. The relationship we have is, in my opinion, D/s as well as M/s but there is underlying ideals that make the relationship M/s more so then D/s. She always has the right to say time out, I have a question, or I need a break, I have even allow her to let me know, when she feels that she is really not into it, and I will not attempt to control her at that time. 24/7/365 is unrealistic but more of a suggestive thought that the subliminal mind will control. We have a 13 year old child that we do not want to know how “crazy” his father is so when he is around we are very vanilla, when he is not around we turn the M/s switch on. My slave and I are married; we have been married over 14 years and have been experimenting with the lifestyle for the past 6 years. We have during this time been discussing, listing, counseling, attempting, fighting, arguing, planning, and researching. Yes I am a self diagnosed non criminal sadist; I am a professionally diagnosed Sexual Addict. For me as a child I experienced all of the childhood descriptions of a sadist, however, as I aged, I was able to control the urges and only fantasized about BDSM. Seven months after our wedding our planned child was born and no he was not premature he actually was 2 weeks late and since he was planned he was not the reason we got married. We got married for all the right reasons, but things changed as they normally do when a child is born, but never returned to a reasonable level of mutual desire and sexuality for my wife. She spoke with the doctor about her loss in sex drive and desire and even asked if it may be post pardon depression, according to her doctor she did not show the symptoms of this form of depression.
I am a compulsive natured person that re-thinks actions or thoughts over and over again. I also am a caring person and I truly love my wife and she loves me as well, that is the way it is now and the way it was then. Unfortunately over the next 7 years after the birth of our son, my compulsive mind began to wonder as to what I had done to cause my wife to not want me anymore? We talked about the facts over and over again, and she always assured me that it was not me or anything I did, it was her. That she just lost the desire for sex. The longer I would go without the closeness of relations between us the more I would fantasize about what I would like to have, since she had no desire for sex, no longer even wanted it the boredom I felt released those suppressed childhood thoughts and I goofed, I spoke the words out loud concerning my fantasy and she decided that she would try, but would never fully commit. We set up ground rules for both of us, I always tried to follow them, and occasionally I would cross the line and so would she. I told her that in order for this to work she needs to fully commit and accept it. Early this month I told her my final thoughts on the subject and what I wanted to happen. In my opinion she had a choice and freely entered into the agreement. She had firsthand experience and plenty of knowledge. She made an informed choice. She made a promise and I expect her to keep it. So if anyone wants to give her insight or to be her friend please do so. If anyone wants to beat her down for making the choice she has freely made, keep it to you self. Remember opinions are like ass holes, everyone has one, and they all stink.

(in reply to winspiritsbaby)

Post #: 46

RE: Slave, Help me - 11/17/2011 5:08:06 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

hello yMT!

Could you do me a teensy one?

Could you pop a couple of carriage returns into your text to separate the paragraphs - I'm genuinely interested in your POV, but all I can see is a wall of text?

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to yourMasterTerry)

Post #: 47

RE: Slave, Help me - 11/17/2011 5:12:56 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

So basically she no longer wants to keep this promise. You told her you expect her to even though she no longer has any desire for it.

You two need marriage counseling. You want sex. She doesn't. She is only doing this because it's either do it or walk away from the marriage.

Women her age almost always lose sexual desire usually from menopause or because they have a man in their life that just simply does not pay attention to them and their desires.

Again you two need a heavy dose or reality and a really good marriage counselor or I look for your marriage to be over by this summer.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to yourMasterTerry)

Post #: 48

RE: Slave, Help me - 11/17/2011 5:17:32 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Well, I plowed through the wall of text...

Many women have changes in their sex drive after childbirth. FIND A DECENT DOCTOR. Hormones are very powerful things.

As to the rest of your post,well, it's the internet and you can't get the answers you want, you take what you get. This thread started as a request for help from a troubled woman whose story we do not knwo, but who was evidently unhappy. UNHAPPY. Think about that word, and what it means to you.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to crazyml)

Post #: 49

RE: Slave, Help me - 11/17/2011 5:23:45 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Terry, I stand by my previous statement. I feel you're trying to change things faster than she can accommodate. I'd slow the pace down.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 50

RE: Slave, Help me - 11/17/2011 5:30:43 AM

anniezz338

Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline

Seems like you think if you make her a slave, her sex drive will have to change because you say so. That will not change the issues you both have. What were you thinking?

You have a wife with a low sex drive. She should see her doctor and you both should seek marriage counciling.

_____________________________

I had become insane, with horrific lapses of sanity. Edgar Allen Poe

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 51

RE: Slave, Help me - 11/17/2011 5:40:39 AM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

Terry,

Obviously there was a lot of information that was absent from your wife/slave's post.

Honestly, I think you may be trying to force a solution for a possible biological issue. Find a specialist to deal with that issue and/or perhaps a kink friendly therapist as well; not every change in sexual desire is hormonal. It may be possible she has other issues getting in the way. One thing that does not help is feeling pressured. A kink friendly therapist might help her have a better understanding of the relationship dynamic you are trying to establish.

That she says she felt like she had no choice and feels obligated hints strongly that resentment could be setting in. Working through resentment is very difficult.

Best wishes.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 52

RE: Slave, Help me - 11/17/2011 5:47:40 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

Hi Terry,

Thanks for clarifying.

10 years into my marriage, I lost interest in sex. My husband made no attempt to turn on my body or mind, but instead dove straight for the goodies. Fortunately, we discovered BDSM and suddenly there was FOREPLAY! Hours of delicious tantalizing, teasing, and torturing.

So, Terry, what are YOU doing to turn her on? Because from what you've both said, "Kneel, bitch" just isn't going to work for her.

Best,

KK

(in reply to yourMasterTerry)

Post #: 53

RE: Slave, Help me - 11/17/2011 6:02:23 AM

Fornica

Posts: 2986
Status: offline

I have the attention span of a squirrel, and no spaces or paragraph breaks make me want to kill myself.
Someone read it to me, I'll give you my phone number and a cookie?

quote:

really long thing

_____________________________

There is no spoon.

(in reply to yourMasterTerry)

Post #: 54

RE: Slave, Help me - 11/17/2011 6:03:47 AM

MariaB

Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TripleNipple53

Mentally I wonder what have I done to deserve this treatment. I know that my Master does not know that I entered into this agreement feeling obligated or like I had no other choice, but that is the case.

Well he knows now but still he goes on!

After reading this and reading Terry's post all I can say is, get professional help or get the hell out.
Triple, stop making such huge compromises to keep him. He is trying to mold you into something your not for his own sexual gain. It won't stop, it won't get any easier and he has to accept that if your not into this then your simply not into it.

Terry if you had a decent caring bone in your body you would see this for what it is, 'A cry for help'
Its time to listen to the woman you love and that means putting your selfish needs to one side and sorting this out in an adult manner.

(in reply to TripleNipple53)

Post #: 55

RE: Slave, Help me - 11/17/2011 6:23:45 AM

yourMasterTerry

Posts: 14
Joined: 4/15/2011
Status: offline

After reading the comments posted, I see that some of you need more information before you start casting stones at me. Without having all of the facts a lot of you just assume that you know how things actually are, but as normal when someone assumes they either make an ass of them self or others, in this case you are the ass.

Normally, I do not feel that I should have to explain myself to anybody, for I answer to no one. However, my protective instincts have kicked in and feel that some of you are being too mean to my slave and are attempting to humiliate her in some way. So I feel that I need to step in to protect my property. I notice how some of you are actually trying to be helpful, while others of limited intelligence are trying to be hurtful. I had my slave open the account on Collar Me to find a friend on here that she would be able to talk to about the lifestyle and about things that I may not be able to supply her with as a Dom/Master. It is unrealistic for me to believe that I can supply her with everything that she needs, and there is no one we know in real life that is objective enough for her to talk to about anything of this nature, so I thought this would be a good place for her to find a friend.

Yes, it is my responsibility as Master to teach and train her as well as for me to learn, I often send my slave web sites and other information about D/s and M/s relationships as well as talk with her about my expectations. She obtained my permission to ask the question that she posted, so I allowed it and did not change it. I realize now that we have an issue that we will work on together. Just to let all of you know, there are actually several stipulations and we both know what they are, but I want her to “feel” that there are none. As far as the no choice thing goes, it is conceptual, it may be unrealistic but as a slave, I want her to feel that she has no choice.

The relationship we have is, in my opinion, D/s as well as M/s but there is underlying ideals that make the relationship M/s more so then D/s. She always has the right to say time out, I have a question, or I need a break, I have even allow her to let me know, when she feels that she is really not into it, and I will not attempt to control her at that time. 24/7/365 is unrealistic but more of a suggestive thought that the subliminal mind will control. We have a 13 year old child that we do not want to know how “crazy” his father is so when he is around we are very vanilla, when he is not around we turn the M/s switch on.

My slave and I are married; we have been married over 14 years and have been experimenting with the lifestyle for the past 6 years. We have during this time been discussing, listing, counseling, attempting, fighting, arguing, planning, and researching. Yes I am a self diagnosed non criminal sadist; I am a professionally diagnosed Sexual Addict. For me as a child I experienced all of the childhood descriptions of a sadist, however, as I aged, I was able to control the urges and only fantasized about BDSM. Seven months after our wedding our planned child was born and no he was not premature he actually was 2 weeks late and since he was planned he was not the reason we got married. We got married for all the right reasons, but things changed as they normally do when a child is born, but never returned to a reasonable level of mutual desire and sexuality for my wife. She spoke with the doctor about her loss in sex drive and desire and even asked if it may be post pardon depression, according to her doctor she did not show the symptoms of this form of depression.

I am a compulsive natured person that re-thinks actions or thoughts over and over again. I also am a caring person and I truly love my wife and she loves me as well, that is the way it is now and the way it was then. Unfortunately over the next 7 years after the birth of our son, my compulsive mind began to wonder as to what I had done to cause my wife to not want me anymore? We talked about the facts over and over again, and she always assured me that it was not me or anything I did, it was her. That she just lost the desire for sex. The longer I would go without the closeness of relations between us the more I would fantasize about what I would like to have, since she had no desire for sex, no longer even wanted it the boredom I felt released those suppressed childhood thoughts and I goofed, I spoke the words out loud concerning my fantasy and she decided that she would try, but would never fully commit. We set up ground rules for both of us, I always tried to follow them, and occasionally I would cross the line and so would she. I told her that in order for this to work she needs to fully commit and accept it.

Early this month I told her my final thoughts on the subject and what I wanted to happen. In my opinion she had a choice and freely entered into the agreement. She had firsthand experience and plenty of knowledge. She made an informed choice. She made a promise and I expect her to keep it. So if anyone wants to give her insight or to be her friend please do so. If anyone wants to beat her down for making the choice she has freely made, keep it to you self. Remember opinions are like ass holes, everyone has one, and they all stink.

Better?

(in reply to MariaB)

Post #: 56

RE: Slave, Help me - 11/17/2011 6:44:50 AM

xssve

Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline

Uh, if it's just sex, then I'm not sure the hysteria is called for, I basically gave up sex for my kids as an incidental consequeence, long story, but sacrifices have to be made - losing your sex drive isn't really "normal" either, so if there are no crimes being committed, it's a judgement call.

There is a lot of guilt and psychological baggage associated with kink and BDSM, but it's mostly bullshit, most people do this because they find vanilla sex bores them to tears.

But, I would focus on your loss of sex drive, it might be psychological, might be physical, it's seems to be a common problem thee days, and I don't know that there a lot that can be done, medically, for women at this point - but it shouldn't hurt you physically to have sex, and there are actually benefits: semen acts as an antidepressant for example.

You really should try to relax and think of it as play, that;s what it is , it's role play, a "slave contract" has no legal weight, it won't hold up in a court of law, the relevant issue here is your consent, which is implicit in your participation, but if this family is important to you, then I suggest you try to relax, and focus on your sexual responses, even going through the motions may reactivate your sex drive, which is, to a large extent, autonomous: i.e., we tend to get horny whether we want to or not, nor can we always pick the things that make us horny - so try different things, try masturbation, get some kind of an idea about your own sexual responses and how they work, and you might end up discovering this is bonus, rather than something to merely endure.

Typically, a submissive is supposed to focus on the needs of the dominant, service, but presumably, they get something out of that, but I happen to believe that the subs sexual gratification is important too, just one of the issues you might contemplate.

I think the fact that you didn't run screaming out of the house the minute the subject arose, indicates you have the mental strength to delve a little deeper, let your natural curiosity guide you, it' sone of those things "society tries hard to beat out of us, because it need obedient little puppets, but society itself is simply and abstraction, representing the needs of some class, and really has no validity other than what you give it, it's peer pressure basically, in spite of all attempts to sanctify or institutionalize it, bottom line is it is just peer pressure, just like High school, a lot of people take it more seriously than it really deserves.

I think it is good to maintain vanilla in front of the kids, again, it's a consent issue, they have a right to make their own choices when they reach the age of consent, and part of your job as a parent is to make sure they are able to make informed choices for themselves when that day comes - you do that and I think any ethical conundrum is satisfied.

(in reply to MariaB)

Post #: 57

RE: Slave, Help me - 11/17/2011 6:48:17 AM

orchid77

Posts: 125
Joined: 5/20/2011
Status: offline

To the OP: Without getting deep or anything. It sounds like ur in a nonconsensual, abusive, and controlling relationship. Get out and if you can't get out of the relationship call 911. Holding someone against their will is illegal. I am answering how you presented your post. Period.

PS: I didn't read the rest of the thread only your first post.

< Message edited by orchid77 -- 11/17/2011 6:49:41 AM >

(in reply to Whiplashsmile4)

Post #: 58

RE: Slave, Help me - 11/17/2011 6:48:41 AM

winspiritsbaby

Posts: 141
Status: offline

Second post is much easier to read, Terry. Thanks.
I also thank you for coming and giving your side of things.

I'm not gonna beat anyone down for what is going on in your relationship, but how are any of us to help her if our ideas are formed around the opinion that you should slow things down a bit? She can still hold to her promise if YOU help her.

Win and I have discussed where our relationship is headed and the fact that as long as we work toward it, even if we don't achieve it, then I am still holding to my word. I, like your wife am very new to this and for me I don't think I could have went straight from vanilla to slave. It just makes sense to me to start from D/s and work into the M/s. I mean no disrespect from my response, but I think coming from the same area that your wife is, I might have a little more insight, if only you were to stop and give it some thought.

(in reply to yourMasterTerry)

Post #: 59

RE: Slave, Help me - 11/17/2011 6:55:29 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

I have the attention span of a squirrel, and no spaces or paragraph breaks make me want to kill myself. Someone read it to me, I'll give you my phone number and a cookie?

Highlights:

- 13 years ago after the birth of their son, his wife lost interest in sex. Did not have post-partum depression.
- Terry think a Master/slave relationship will help matters.

(in reply to Fornica)

Post #: 60

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