Subs and boredom. (Full Version)

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ilearn -> Subs and boredom. (11/29/2011 8:54:01 PM)

What is your boredom threshold? Most submissive people have low boredom thresholds and expect the dominant person in the relationship to keep them entertained.


Is that a pretty much the standard fare?



MissToYouRedux -> RE: Subs and boredom. (11/29/2011 8:55:20 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ilearn

What is your boredom threshold? Most submissive people have low boredom thresholds and expect the dominant person in the relationship to keep them entertained.


Is that a pretty much the standard fare?


Really? In my relationships it's the complete opposite. [;)]



ilearn -> RE: Subs and boredom. (11/29/2011 8:56:57 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MissToYouRedux


quote:

ORIGINAL: ilearn

What is your boredom threshold? Most submissive people have low boredom thresholds and expect the dominant person in the relationship to keep them entertained.


Is that a pretty much the standard fare?


I must meet you then. *tongue in cheek*

Really? In my relationships it's the complete opposite. [;)]




littlewonder -> RE: Subs and boredom. (11/29/2011 8:59:13 PM)

Can't say I expect him to keep me entertained and I never get bored with Master. If I'm bored in my life then I expect to find something all on my own to hold my interest.





tolovetolaugh -> RE: Subs and boredom. (11/29/2011 9:00:40 PM)

If I am bored around them any time in the first few months I see them, I probably would not see them again.
If someone is my "type" I am generally happy and non bored no matter what we are doing.



lelloy -> RE: Subs and boredom. (11/29/2011 9:32:49 PM)

I can amuse myself...but that generally gets me into trouble. [:)]



stacey4u2luv -> RE: Subs and boredom. (11/29/2011 9:42:26 PM)

i do not know why but i thought this would be the opposite as i did some reading about personality traits and i maybe mistakenly came to the conclusion that most submissives were introverts as i am. i am sitting here now enjoying my quiet time and entertaining myself in peace and quiet. Yet, Master can talk and talk and talk and talk and talk loves His music loud etc... in real life most of my talk is Yes Master, OK, uh huh, whatever or whatever You wish Master etc... i fare so much better online. lol



domincalifornia -> RE: Subs and boredom. (11/29/2011 9:47:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ilearn

What is your boredom threshold? Most submissive people have low boredom thresholds and expect the dominant person in the relationship to keep them entertained.


Is that a pretty much the standard fare?


If you have to keep someone constantly entertained, it's not a relationship -- it's a performance.

If you just want to have occasional kinky fun with someone, that's no problem. If you truly want a relationship, which to me means spending time where you are talking about and doing things that are non-BDSM related, I think you need to enjoy each other's company while you're just being yourself. If you feel pressure to constantly be entertaining, that won't work/

But to answer your main question, I have never noticed that submissive people have a different boredom threshold than anyone else.



myotherself -> RE: Subs and boredom. (11/29/2011 9:51:23 PM)

I'm an extrovert submissive. I have friends and plenty of hobbies to keep me amused and entertained.

And when we're together, Master and I keep each other entertained.



stacey4u2luv -> RE: Subs and boredom. (11/29/2011 10:13:33 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

I'm an extrovert submissive. I have friends and plenty of hobbies to keep me amused and entertained.

And when we're together, Master and I keep each other entertained.



Interesting, thank you. :) i would love to know more on how many submissive's truly are introverts vs. extroverts



cunt -> RE: Subs and boredom. (11/29/2011 10:19:12 PM)

I am bored by pretty much anything I can do outside of fantasy and still keep my health. But I am turned on by the idea of sex out of duty so comming from a perspective of denial it works for me. There are more important things than sex even in erotisism for me.



littlewonder -> RE: Subs and boredom. (11/29/2011 10:31:24 PM)

I'm an introvert but I still am not bored all the time. I like peace and quiet and it keeps me entertained. I like talking and laughing and having fun with Master as well and that also keeps me entertained.

Just because I'm an introvert does not mean I don't like to do things outside of online.



Winterapple -> RE: Subs and boredom. (11/29/2011 11:43:22 PM)

I find people who can't entertain themselves very tiresome.
I'm not easily bored. I don't enter relationships
expecting someone to entertain me or out
of boredom.
I'm more introverted than extroverted.
I tend to think of extroverted people as
more inclined to being easily bored because
some very extroverted people thrive on
constantly being stimulated by other people.
I'm self sufficient by nature and that can
go along with being introverted or extraverted.
Introverted doesn't have to equal passive
or not active. Submissive doesn't have
to equate to that either.
I hum along at my own pace following my
interests and goals. My preference in a
relationship dynamic doesn't make me a
empty vessel or empty headed. I wouldn't
be interested in a partner who expected me
to be so. And I would be sad if my partner
didn't find me entertaining and didn't look
to me for his amusement and stimulation.
Not just me of course but a lot of it from me.




stellauk -> RE: Subs and boredom. (11/30/2011 2:24:38 AM)

I don't know most sub dom couples, so I can't say.

That saying, I am experienced, and it's never really been an issue for anyone who's ever experienced me or for those I've met so far. Well apart from the odd exception.

However if you're experiencing boredom among people you choose freely to interact with you might wish to to examine how you come to make such choices.




MariaB -> RE: Subs and boredom. (11/30/2011 3:00:52 AM)

I think its more about the expectations of a new sub than boredom.
Lets take a submissive who spends all week in nilla land but on Friday night at 5pm she drives the two hours to her Doms house. All week they have been chatting and flirting on the phone and all week she has been building up expectations and fantasizing about what he is going to do to her over the weekend. She arrives but instead of him tying her up naked and slapping her tits, he wants to cuddle up and watch a film with her. She's not saying anything but she's waiting for something to happen and waiting can be so tedious and disapointing can't it!!

When its a fairly new and un-experienced dominant we have a double problem because he is anxious about her expectations and he may be suffering from 'stage fright'. He tied her up and slapped her tits a few hours ago but where does he take this from here?
I will put my hand up and admit that when I first came into this and had my first sub over for the weekend I had absolutely no experience of how this dynamic was really supposed to work. Up until that point I had been conditioned not to be demanding and not treat another adult like a servant. Changing my ways felt like an act and it all felt a little ridiculous to begin with. I think I spent that first weekend trying to entertain the sub and making sure I lived up to his expectations [8|] and it was exhausting. I was so glad when he left!!! He on the other hand went away with a big grin on his face. He had been entertained all weekend.
If I had continued that way then I would of left this lifestyle long ago but as I started to fit more comfortably into my dominant layer, things started to evolve in a much more exciting and positive way. My expectations changed and were aimed towards my sub rather than on myself.

Edited to say; I don't think subs (especially those going through sub frenzy) feeling disappointed and bored is unusual and I don't think dominants (especially new ones) complaining about having to do all the entertaining is unusual either. We don't all come out the box pre-built and ready to go, most of us come flat packed!!



LillyBoPeep -> RE: Subs and boredom. (11/30/2011 3:10:53 AM)

Maria makes a good point;n if the people have expectations that don't jive, then one might become "bored" when expectations aren't met.

But with the right person, raking up leaves won't be borinng. :p
And really, what's so wrong with a little boredom? It makes a great motivator to try new things.



SpaceSpank -> RE: Subs and boredom. (11/30/2011 3:25:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

Maria makes a good point;n if the people have expectations that don't jive, then one might become "bored" when expectations aren't met.

But with the right person, raking up leaves won't be borinng. :p
And really, what's so wrong with a little boredom? It makes a great motivator to try new things.


I think one of the big problems is that some people have unrealistic expectations coming into this (and in general of course, it's not specific to any one topic). Some on the Dom/Master side expect it'll be easy and free sex at the snap of their fingers in any way they want it with no fuss or hassle. Some on the sub/slave side think it will be a lifetime entry straight into the pages of their favorite fantasy novel. Things like that lead to those on both sides who either can't or won't take a step back to look at the big picture... so when reality comes by and smacks them in the face, they need to come to terms with it.

Sick days, stress, work, unexpected visits from family, food poisoning from that new Thai place you decided to try, whatever... sometimes shit happens and it will put a damper on the fun times (whatever those may be to you and yours).



TheFireWithinMe -> RE: Subs and boredom. (11/30/2011 4:06:18 AM)

quote:

Maria makes a good point;n if the people have expectations that don't jive, then one might become "bored" when expectations aren't met.


To me if it were the first time we were together I would feel disappointed. If it weren't it would - and has - lead to a WFT? moment. I went there expecting things to be the same as the first time and when they weren't it really did a number on me. Couldn't figure out what was going on things were so different. Sadly I wasn't any good at speaking up and asking, we really should have had a talk about it.



DarkSteven -> RE: Subs and boredom. (11/30/2011 4:29:23 AM)

I have absolutely no clue that you're talking about, OP.  Did you cut and paste "What is your boredom threshold? Most submissive people have low boredom thresholds and expect the dominant person in the relationship to keep them entertained." from a message you received, or where did it come from?

To me, that would define a needy sub.  I have heard of some, who cannot see what has to be done and need another to give them tasks.  One of the many things I like about my sub is that she will see what needs to be done better than I and organize a plan to address it.  And do it.



gungadin09 -> RE: Subs and boredom. (11/30/2011 4:32:56 AM)

Oh, come on DS. Throw in a "fella", won't You?

pam



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