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RE: You see a booth in a mall and - 12/6/2011 11:52:47 AM

LillyBoPeep

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Kinky triggers and snickers are one thing -- thinking someone's a fool for attempting to approach you about domestic violence is another...

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RE: You see a booth in a mall and - 12/6/2011 12:02:18 PM

Kaliko

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FR

I have a very good friend who is in an abusive marriage. She knows of my relationship preferences. Though I'm not so much into pain, I do appreciate a good smacking around a bit now and then. She actually cries for me when we talk about it (which is rare - I've learned my lesson) because she can't comprehend that it is anything but abuse.

So...I wouldn't be surprised if someone sees a person wearing a collar and, if they only know maybe what the collar could mean but doesn't understand how it works, can come to the conclusion that the person could be in an abusive relationship. At the risk of sounding condescending, perhaps they just don't know any better.

Still, I don't think in this particular instance that was the case. It does seem like the OP is a bit defensive and/or hyper-aware of her collar. (Which I can understand, I think. One time I went walking through the stores with nothing on under my trenchcoat except thigh-high boots. I could swear everyone was looking at me. It made me feel very special, but really, no one else gave a crap.)

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RE: You see a booth in a mall and - 12/6/2011 12:09:04 PM

Fornica

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This.
I'm trying to stay calm on this one and not flip out, but it's not easy.
To even begin to compare a battered woman and a submissive in a consensual relationship...fuck. Just..gah.

quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

That BDSM and non-consensual abuse are two different things, and it's insulting to compare them.

pam

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RE: You see a booth in a mall and - 12/6/2011 12:13:28 PM

Killerangel

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stacey4u2luv

maybe that is just me i can see any type of sign ie... even this morning i was posting someplace else and got a chuckle out of it saying submit instead of post etc... little triggers do trigger kinky thoughts with me.

Well I have to say this sounds like sub frenzy to me, except that I had a look at your profile and you've been here for a long time so that's not adding up. Hmmm.....

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RE: You see a booth in a mall and - 12/6/2011 12:17:39 PM

LillyBoPeep

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko
One time I went walking through the stores with nothing on under my trenchcoat except thigh-high boots. I could swear everyone was looking at me. It made me feel very special, but really, no one else gave a crap.)

Yah.
I used to wear a handcuff amongst all my other bracelets. I was so positive everyone could see it and people would flip out, but nope. Nobody cared. :p

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RE: You see a booth in a mall and - 12/6/2011 12:24:32 PM

stacey4u2luv

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W/we are all different. i live it i breathe it and i dream it and i only spend time on bdsm sites if i am not being used at the time. So, yes i am always totally aware of my collar and feel naked without it. IE. when in the shower etc..., but other than that if it is a trench coat it does cover the body a collar is bold and black around a neck not even like a necklace which imho a person is more apt to miss. It is a lifestyle that i have come accustomed to and do not rarely put aside. Maybe i am too focused on it but it is where i like to be.

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RE: You see a booth in a mall and - 12/6/2011 12:26:55 PM

stacey4u2luv

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko
One time I went walking through the stores with nothing on under my trenchcoat except thigh-high boots. I could swear everyone was looking at me. It made me feel very special, but really, no one else gave a crap.)

Yah.
I used to wear a handcuff amongst all my other bracelets. I was so positive everyone could see it and people would flip out, but nope. Nobody cared. :p

Now handcuffs on the other hand i would not likely of missed that and may have said something like, interesting cuffs you have there if given the opportunity.

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RE: You see a booth in a mall and - 12/6/2011 12:35:34 PM

January

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quote:

i live it i breathe it and i dream it and i only spend time on bdsm sites if i am not being used at the time.

You don't do anything but BDSM stuff? You don't think about anything else? Not the world? Your friends? Your community? The rest of your family? Your future? You're obviously proud of your position and you enjoy your man's torments.

But I've gotta say, what a limiting life you have.

January

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RE: You see a booth in a mall and - 12/6/2011 1:00:50 PM

stacey4u2luv

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quote:

ORIGINAL: January

quote:

i live it i breathe it and i dream it and i only spend time on bdsm sites if i am not being used at the time.

You don't do anything but BDSM stuff? You don't think about anything else? Not the world? Your friends? Your community? The rest of your family? Your future? You're obviously proud of your position and you enjoy your man's torments.

But I've gotta say, what a limiting life you have.

January

As stated in other posts i really am introverted and do not like company of many others imposing on my life. i wanted Master as this is the life i do enjoy. As for family that is a joke and a half as they raised me and that is that as a duty to keep me in my real family rather than adopting me out. Now, when i say duty i do not mean a duty to adopt, but a duty once they did it was a duty to feed and clothe and that is that. Once of age i was out. Also there i preferred to be out as i always sensed they did not care nor listen. A simple case of tit for tat and regardless to say in that i was the only one to make any such efforts with always the same end results. Lesson learned that curiosity really did kill the cat. As for the world one person cannot change the course of the world and can only control the course of their own lives, even that is only to an extent. Nature can sure attest to that. My community hmmm if i could stop them from tearing down trees and building power plants etc... i would, but knowing that a city will just grow larger and larger to meet the needs of many many people that too is a lost cause. In short but yeah i do prefer to have but one person to hold on a continual basis in my life at a time. My future i am already 40 cannot see it going that much further except for the fact we all grow older, but if more good can come of it then i would not turn my back to it.

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RE: You see a booth in a mall and - 12/6/2011 1:02:58 PM

littlewonder

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hhmm...personally? I think you need to speak to a therapist. It sounds like you have a lot of issues to deal with.

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RE: You see a booth in a mall and - 12/6/2011 1:10:52 PM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stacey4u2luv

So, yes i am always totally aware of my collar and feel naked without it. IE. when in the shower etc..., but other than that if it is a trench coat it does cover the body a collar is bold and black around a neck not even like a necklace which imho a person is more apt to miss.

And yet the picture that is your avatar you don't have one one. Gee....you aren't naked or in the shower either.

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RE: You see a booth in a mall and - 12/6/2011 1:13:05 PM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

hhmm...personally? I think you need to speak to a therapist. It sounds like you have a lot of issues to deal with.

I agree.

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RE: You see a booth in a mall and - 12/6/2011 1:14:28 PM

LillyBoPeep

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I just don't understand not being able to see outside of yourself.
I can be as immersed as I want to be, but still able to see the world through other perspectives. I'm not going to launch into another ramble about facets, but there is a whole wide world outside of your relationship... it isn't necessary to apply that lens to everything.

I'm very introverted, too. When I'm with someone, I tend to focus a lot of energy on them.
But still -- there is life outside of me and that person.

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RE: You see a booth in a mall and - 12/6/2011 1:14:58 PM

stellauk

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I'm happy for you and the fact that you're in a fulfilling relationship but this doesn't take anything away from the fact that this is your lifestyle and your own individual reality.

It's a completely different world from the teenage Iranian girls whipped and hanged for 'sexual misdemeanours' the girls throughout the world who have their clits removed, who are raped by their fathers so that no man takes their virginity...

..just as it's a different world from those who suffer domestic violence and even the women here who suffer such things as stalking and verbal abuse simply because they're women on this site.

You realize you've just come out and declared that you think this man a fool for doing something for society?

Please, stop and think about this.

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RE: You see a booth in a mall and - 12/6/2011 1:17:32 PM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stacey4u2luv

Thoughts that i am currently having now that i am back home is you fool, do not approach a woman with a collar around her neck and ask her to discuss what you are doing there. lol Jesh, i do wonder if he knew what my collar was for or even if he saw it. haha

I think it is you who is the fool.

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RE: You see a booth in a mall and - 12/6/2011 1:32:11 PM

Winterapple

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I doubt he noticed your collar and if he did I doubt he jumped to any conclusions.
All sorts of people wear collars for fashion.
Punks and Goths most notably and many of
them would set you straight if you jumped to
the conclusion they were doing it for the
reason you are doing it.
What did you think the guy was going to do
shanghai you and send you to a re-education
camp?
Violence against women includes not only
domestic battery but rape.
It's also not just about what happens
to women in the west.
Do you know what is happening to women
in the Congo? The rape, the mutilation,
the torture, the murder.
Do you know about honor killings where
rape victims are murdered by family members?
Do you know there are women still being
imprisoned and tried for witchcraft?
Do you know the things a woman can do
to get beheaded in Saudia Arabia?
Women aren't allowed to drive in Saudia
Arabia much less go to shopping malls
alone.
The world is a bigger place than you and
your master.
What that man is trying to prevent has
nothing to do with you and how you
choose to live your life.

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RE: You see a booth in a mall and - 12/6/2011 1:33:37 PM

stacey4u2luv

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stellauk

I'm happy for you and the fact that you're in a fulfilling relationship but this doesn't take anything away from the fact that this is your lifestyle and your own individual reality.

It's a completely different world from the teenage Iranian girls whipped and hanged for 'sexual misdemeanours' the girls throughout the world who have their clits removed, who are raped by their fathers so that no man takes their virginity...

..just as it's a different world from those who suffer domestic violence and even the women here who suffer such things as stalking and verbal abuse simply because they're women on this site.

You realize you've just come out and declared that you think this man a fool for doing something for society?

Please, stop and think about this.

Nobody should remove someones clit or brutalize anyones body without consent. i never said that should be allowed. in fact in the Muslim society i think it totally unfair that they need three witnesses to prove themselves innocent of a rape and only one man to say that they were bad for not being a virgin anymore. There is lots of unfairness in the world for situations such as this. Many people men or women suffer from verbal and domestic abuse and it is not right. He is not a fool to try to do something for society. I shared a thought that i had and wondered at the same time if he had seen my collar it was really a quick thought and is why i asked people to judge on the basis of not having much time to think of reaction from quick thoughts. If he is aware of BDSM and what he may or may not know, who knows right? i do wonder how aware people in the vanilla world are aware of our community and if so.... hence if so would he try to change opinion and would he regard this too as abuse and in that context yes maybe his opinions too would be to change our opinions if he view this as wrong. In that case he would be a fool as i would not change my way of life for anything.

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RE: You see a booth in a mall and - 12/6/2011 1:39:52 PM

Iamsemisweet

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Why, for the love of god, would you think someone who is trying to raise money to help victims of DV would have ANY interest in trying to change your opinion about your consensual relationship? Do you consider what your partner does to you domestic violence? If not, why do you have BDSM and DV so muddled up in your head? By the same token, do you think a woman whose husband beats her on a day to day basis, without her consent, should just sit back and try to enjoy it? Your thinking on this is really, really twisted.

Jesus, Stacey. You are the most self involved person I think I have run across on CM, and that is saying a LOT. Do you think the people on the TV set are talking to you personally, by any chance?

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RE: You see a booth in a mall and - 12/6/2011 1:46:49 PM

Killerangel

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stacey4u2luv

<snip> I shared a thought that i had and wondered at the same time if he had seen my collar it was really a quick thought and is why i asked people to judge on the basis of not having much time to think of reaction from quick thoughts. If he is aware of BDSM and what he may or may not know, who knows right? i do wonder how aware people in the vanilla world are aware of our community and if so.... hence if so would he try to change opinion and would he regard this too as abuse and in that context yes maybe his opinions too would be to change our opinions if he view this as wrong. In that case he would be a fool as i would not change my way of life for anything.

Stacey, who really cares what others think of our lifestyle? It's like anything in life, some people will judge and some will look for insight into that which they don't know anything about. It's no different than any other facet of life. No, vanilla people dont really get BDSM and how can they? It's not something they are familiar with. I educate people at times and if they're willing to listen they find it fascinating and their concern for my involvement in it fades. If they're not willing to listen I dont even try. It's not my job to make them come around to my viewpoint as its my life and I'm going to live it regardless.

I'm not sure why you had this long involved thought process, or why it was important to you, or why you are so defensive about BDSM and yourself - you seem almost aggressive about it in the post above and in others. Your choice for yourself is fine as long as you're happy with it. Screw what others think, living well and being happy is all you need.

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RE: You see a booth in a mall and - 12/6/2011 1:47:19 PM

stacey4u2luv

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

Why, for the love of god, would you think someone who is trying to raise money to help victims of DV would have ANY interest in trying to change your opinion about your consensual relationship? Do you consider what your partner does to you domestic violence? If not, why do you have BDSM and DV so muddled up in your head? By the same token, do you think a woman whose husband beats her on a day to day basis, without her consent, should just sit back and try to enjoy it? Your thinking on this is really, really twisted.

Jesus, Stacey. You are the most self involved person I think I have run across on CM, and that is saying a LOT. Do you think the people on the TV set are talking to you personally, by any chance?

Now now that is just a blow below the belt saying that i think a woman of DV should sit back and take it. Obviously not she should get out and leave the situation and muscle up enough courage to do so. More clearly, i said if he has a different view point he may consider it the same thing. People in the vanilla world may consider all of us all twisted to an extent.

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