BrazenBitch
Posts: 17
Joined: 9/11/2004
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Gender vs Sex - an interesting and very old discussion. If someone feels that they are female, despite being born with male genitalia or that they are male, despite being born with female genitalia - ok, can't argue with that. Everyone decides for themselves who they are or want to be. It gets a bit trickier when others come into the mix. Then it is not so simple.
What should be the reaction of a man who was born with male genitalia and believes he is a man and who prefers women for romantic partners but finds out the woman he is dating has male genitalia? Should he feel deceived or should he try to be 'big' about it and not think he has been lied to? And what about the woman who was born with female genitalia and believes she is a woman and identifies as a lesbian? Should she feel lied to and deceived when she discovers the woman she has been seeing has male genitalia or should she just overlook that and try to be 'open-minded'?
And it's not just the genitalia, you know, that makes you who you are. How you were raised makes a difference too. What happens to you from birth to about age 7 still has an impact. I'm talking about socialization. Were you raised male but identify as female? Were you raised female but identify as male? And what if you were treated as the gender you appeared to be, but don't feel that you are for 20 or 30 years? If you think it does not make a difference, I'd say that in fact it does.
I am acquainted with a number of people who identify as M2F and F2M - some have had surgery, and some don't ever plan to do so, although they live as the gender they believe they are, and how they refer to themselves varies from person to person as does how and when - and even if - they let potential romantic partners know their 'situation'.
I know one person who has breasts and a penis, and has no plans to make further changes. She says she is female and she looks like a beauty queen. You'd never know what is below the waist unless you looked or touched. Her long-term boyfriend is bisexual and it works out just great for them, probably especially for him since he was always worried about people knowing he had a bit of a thing for boys, once of those super macho types who has a bit of denial going on, but he treats her very well, and they are both very happy with their relationship.
I even know one person who was born male, has had all the surgery and lives as female and never tells anyone about her past. Now, as it happens, she's slim and not that tall for a woman, and she paid for some most exellent assets. Between that, and having small hands and feet (although kind of wide) and the gym and the beauty parlour, plus her now all-done feminization lessons, there's no way to know that she was born physically a boy. She doesn't tell people, and no one can tell, not even with her clothes off.
Now, on a very personal level, I strongly prefer my partners to be born female and to identify as female. I've tried being more open and flexible - I've dated both M2F and F2M people - but it just doesn't work for me on an emotional level, no more than it works for me with 'standard' men. And I really liked the girl who ended up deciding she was a male. I do try to be respectful of people's differences, but I do know what works for me on a romantic/sexual level, and it is just not a woman who was once physically a boy, or still is.
I think that people who are not the gender they seemed to be at birth should be respected, and I also think that they should be respectful of others. Tell the truth if you care about someone. Hoping they will get to like you first, and that it won't make a difference is just not how people are, for the most part. Not all surprises are good ones. Eventually, you'll meet someone who is right for you, and a relationship that starts with honesty has a better chance of being successful than one that does not.
< Message edited by BrazenBitch -- 5/29/2006 5:17:31 PM >
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RE: Trans as a Gender on Profiles - 
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