Casteele
Posts: 655
Joined: 12/10/2011
From: Near Sacramento, California, USA
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Killerangel
Except that it's not any other subject, it's an intimate subject like sex. This is why there is a thread on it and not about when it's ok to ask about someone's job. For example, would you walk up to the little old lady on the street corner and instead of commenting on the weather say "I like tying my lovers up and making them beg." No, it's not the same as asking if you own a car or like Starbucks coffee.
Sure kink is an interest, it's an intimate interest. It's not the same as talking about other general topics, this is probably exactly why the OP was asked. The people you mentioned that can't get enough of talking about their kink, yes, they are in my inbox every day, and it's boring and it's presumptive. It's not ok for a stranger to be crossing personal boundaries when he doesn't know me, I don't care if this is a 'kink' site or not. On the receiving end of the boundary-crossing conversation is another person. People all have their own white/black/gray areas and they should be respected. It gets tiresome being treated as though kink is just any other subject because some guy wants to tell me all about his cuck fantasy that ends with him eating out another guy's sperm. If I don't know you, I just don't want to know that.
This whole idea of appropriateness is why social skills are needed whenever you leave the house to go interact with others. I get that it's harder to find where the line in the sand is on a site that is based on an intimate subject, and because it is based on that subject many feel ok to approach it willy nilly to others without using the usual boundaries, which in turn makes those people feel as though they don't count and as though they aren't really people, just a way for some stranger to get off on.
I think it's true though that when it comes up differs according to the particular mix of the two people involved. On the whole I think it's wise to approach it with caution and feel your way through on the subject before assuming or risk losing ground with this new person before you ever establish any.
In general, you are quite correct and I agree. But I've also seen many instances where something which for many people would not be intimate or person, but for whatever reason, was very much so for that particular person. I've also seen the opposite; When something that many of us may find deeply intimate and personal, one or more others may feel it's no different than talking about their favorite coffee. I did not however, mean to imply that "kink" was either way; My focus was on the point I was trying to make, and did not realize it would come off the way it apparently did. There's also the implied understanding that I'm talking in a group of people with whom the "normal" rules of social conduct are somewhat.. different. The same rules still apply but the parameters are different, therefor, the results will be different. That was the point I was trying to make. This is especially true in the world of BDSM and related lifestyles/groups, where one person's kink/fetish..
Context is something I feel is critical in these situations. I've peeked at lizi's profile, and I see nothing to suggest she would welcome or has any interest in discussing the "Top ten methods of nipple torture," for example. So if someone were to message her and start just such a discussion, they should not be surprised if she deletes it without responding. And in such a case, I definitely feel the person sending the message has indeed crossed a line and been inexcusably disrespectful--They did not even bother to read her profile and get a feel for her or what she is like. Even worse if the person were to write her again demanding she respond (I see that happen way too much on sites like this, too.)
I understand and have sympathy for many of the submissives here whom have to deal with that kind of thing. Yet I also see some double standards there. I've seen lesbian Dommes openly approach other female submissives in public forums (elsewhere, not here, but I'm still reading the forums here..) and act in a manner similar or worse than that which I see women complain about men who do it. Yet they get cheered on and encouraged to keep doing it by all sides.
I also feel it is just as wrong and disrespectful for anyone else to sit in absolute judgment over others and tell them what is wrong or right based on something that is really a personal preference. I highlighted "absolute" to differentiate from simply telling others what your opinion or preferences are, which is perfectly okay. What I am talking about is feeling I get reading some of the posts here that anyone who does not ascribe to their specific ideals and beliefs is the scum of the earth and should be cleansed from it--More of a complaint about the actions of some guys here than a genuine discussion/curiosity about the topic. I know lots of people whom if they had their way, would apply the same standards to you, me, and the others in this lifestyle, if they could find a way to do so.
As I read in another thread complaining of PD's asking for tribute that the only truly appropriate response to someone doing something that is not inherently illegal or prohibited, but which makes you uncomfortable personally, is to "Deal with it, delete it, and move on." That's actually pretty good advice in topics like this, as well.
* Grumbles at His editor for not catching some grammar mistakes before posting.. *
< Message edited by Casteele -- 12/10/2011 5:17:28 PM >
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RE: When is it ok to talk about kink? - 
Profile
), just certain states in the sun belt tho.. 
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