RE: When is it ok to talk about kink?

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RE: When is it ok to talk about kink? - 12/13/2011 11:41:07 PM

MistressDarkArt

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

<snip> I also think person to person chemistry is more important to find out at first rather than what flavor of kink gets you off.

Amen, sister!

< Message edited by MistressDarkArt -- 12/13/2011 11:55:51 PM >

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RE: When is it ok to talk about kink? - 12/13/2011 11:51:51 PM

MistressDarkArt

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Casteele

I understand and have sympathy for many of the submissives here whom have to deal with that kind of thing. Yet I also see some double standards there. I've seen lesbian Dommes openly approach other female submissives in public forums (elsewhere, not here, but I'm still reading the forums here..) and act in a manner similar or worse than that which I see women complain about men who do it. Yet they get cheered on and encouraged to keep doing it by all sides.

Perhaps these aggressive 'lesbian Dommes' are ummm...yanno...guys?

< Message edited by MistressDarkArt -- 12/13/2011 11:53:44 PM >

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RE: When is it ok to talk about kink? - 12/15/2011 3:17:35 AM

Casteele

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Always a possibility, MDA, but I also see it with ones I've met personally as well as R/T when I go out. I've even seen girls out on the dance floor getting really raunchy with each other, but the moment a guy joins in, even if he just joins to dance and not get raunchy, he's boo'd off the dance floor, no matter how good his moves. I'm not complaining or anything, mind you, just stating my observations.

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RE: When is it ok to talk about kink? - 12/15/2011 6:34:27 AM

Duskypearls

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When does one bring kink into the conversation?

To me, the creation and sustenance of any healthy relationship, regardless of topic, is based upon inquiry and balance, and revolves around the action of give and take, which I see as a form of mental, emotional, and spiritual currency. We all have different degrees of sensitivity, sensibility, needs and desires, and as no two people are ever in the same place at the same time, investigation and negotiation are key tools in mapping and navigating this divine dance. Ideally, the participants goal is that of a marriage of timing and fluidity, which requires strength, attention, intuition, generosity, and appropriate response.

Whether egalitarian in nature, or if one partner takes the lead to some degree, patience, delicacy, self-restraint, direction, correction, and the ability and willingness to support, guide and be guided are required by both to facilitate function, form, and success. For the individual and pair to flourish, each must tune into the other, and find and apply whatever skills, tools and steps will most potentize and enhance the dance. In other words, they must be in service to each other, otherwise imbalance and chaos will reign.

The ability to read the other, sacrifice, and provide supportive connection is paramount. Each person is a sacred thread, with the goal being that of intimately weaving each into the other in hopes of producing a joyful, strong and resilient fabric, that will stand for years to come, if not a lifetime.

While each tries and deserves to get their needs and desires met, there is no place for greed, selfishness, and insensitivity. It is never about getting what one wants, when they want it, at the expense of the other. The pressing of one's agenda against another before they are ready is that of putting the cart before the horse; a bull in the China Shop approach, so to speak, and rarely fares well for either.

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RE: When is it ok to talk about kink? - 12/15/2011 3:00:42 PM

anniezz338

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When i damd well feel like talking about it....or he brings it up first. It never fails, he brings it up first hehe

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RE: When is it ok to talk about kink? - 12/17/2011 6:37:51 PM

Casteele

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Reading some of the views and replies, I'm wondering, when is it not okay (not necessarily inappropriate) to bring up kink? When would it simply offend you and make you not want anything to do with the person from that point forward? And, just how much does what you were/are looking for play in to that? (IE, if you were just looking for someone to fill an unfilled need for a night, vs looking for a L/T soulmate?)

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