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LadyPact -> RE: Why men are better in bed than a dildo ..!! (12/16/2011 1:15:05 PM)
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(With a tip of the hat to Greedy.)
Anything worth doing is worth doing all of the way.......
Why men are better in bed than a dildo
1. Unlike dildos, they say a word from time to time. Yeah, they also fart.
2. They have an internal thermostat that always keeps them at a pleasant temperature. They are at a pleasant temperature. You are probably freezing because the thermostat is 68 degrees.
3. They massage your feet. Sure, when you've worked a twelve hour day and they think a five minute foot rub will get them a bj.
4. Their batteries get replaced themselves, a lot faster, especially if the model is around 20 years old. Unless it's the battery to the remote control because men don't let go of that for five minutes.
5. They don’t fit in a suitcase, but they can carry one. Might be fun to try to squeeze that beer belly into a Samsonite.
6. You don’t have to report them at customs. But since he decided this was a good time to debate the inconvenience of airport security, you missed your connecting flight.
7. The nice ones bring you ice cream in bed, afterwards... Is that before or after he's asked you to make him a sandwich and he's fallen asleep before you come back from the kitchen?
8. They come in a lot of sizes, shapes and tastes. Flavors available are beer fart, onion breath, or the 'what in the hell did you eat' belch.
9. They’re a lot better at having a conversation. If you consider a conversation as you doing all of the talking while he's tuned you out during the football game......
10. They make cute sounds. Those being fart, belch, snort, sniffle, hack, and "loogie".
11. They wash themselves afterwards. Usually with a pre-shower description of the sweat on their ball sack.
12. They warm up the whole bed if you put them there 10 minutes before going to bed. Also known as the early capture of the blanket so you don't get any.
13. They scratch your back. More like rip because of the rough edges on their nails. (We won't even talk about the damage the toenails do <shudder>.)
14. After a “session” with a man, your whole body is tired, not just a hand. Jaw tired from oral, legs tired from being on top, back out of joint because he wanted to be "creative"........
15. They can clean windows in the corners at which you can’t usually get. The debate over which took twenty minutes and you wish you would have just gotten the step stool.
16. They eat the leftovers in the kitchen. After which, you have to clean up the crumbs on the floor, the spilled condiments from the counters, and wash the dirty dishes that are left in the sink.
17. They have a completely different perspective. Usually the wrong one.
18. It’s fun to look at them. Two words: Plumber's crack.
19. Usually, a man is a better dancer than a dildo. At least they think they are.
20. They have a lot of parts with which you can play. Even though they are focused on just one 99% of the time.
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