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I am about to wash my hands of this guy - 12/20/2011 9:23:41 AM

Iamsemisweet

Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
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I am considering ending yet another relationship in my life.
I have this guy friend, who dated a woman 20 years younger than him for about 3 years. They broke up 2 years ago!

She is engaged now (although he doesn't know that). He still refers to her as his "soul mate" and says shit like they have a spiritual connection, so he knows when she is nearby. Stalkerish stuff, in other words. The latest thing he has done is found a hooker on Craigslist, gathered up all his ex's stuff still in his possession, and gave it to the hooker, saying that she is more honest and forthright than the previous owner of this stuff. I think that is just too creepy for words.

I like this guy, in a friendship way, and he would be a hell of a catch for someone. He is musically talented, smart, physically attractive, makes a great living, and is probably kinky as hell, but his obsession with this relationship is just too weird. I can't think of anything to say to him to snap him out of it (he has done counseling to death), and his obsessiveness is starting to freak me out, not to mention that I am sick of hearing about the whole thing. I certainly don't want to tell him that his ex is engaged.

I don't know, can this friendship be saved? The thing with the hooker crossed a big line, in my opinion.

< Message edited by Iamsemisweet -- 12/20/2011 9:24:29 AM >

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

Post #: 1

RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy - 12/20/2011 9:24:54 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
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I wish I was a hooker right now, I could use some stuff.

Hey if you feel its toxic, flush it and fuck it, thats all there is....no more to it.

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

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Post #: 2

RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy - 12/20/2011 9:30:06 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
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I had a friend with many admirable qualities but she had one issue I considered toxic and when she picked up a second off putting behavior I had to drop her. Sometimes I feel a little guilty, but that's better than having that negativity in my life.

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

Post #: 3

RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy - 12/20/2011 9:31:25 AM

JanahX

Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
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Whats there to save? Either you deal with him the way he is or you dont.

It isnt rocket science. Youre not going to change him.

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The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

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RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy - 12/20/2011 9:31:56 AM

tj444

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Joined: 3/7/2010
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When i was younger i had this female friend, she was always bitching about something not being right, bitch,. bitch,.. bitch.. always negative.. i decided i didnt need that in my life.. I dont regret dropping her one bit, i bet she is the same now as she was then..

Time is all we really get in this life.. spend it wisely with people you really enjoy.. jmo..

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As Anderson Cooper said “If he (Trump) took a dump on his desk, you would defend it”

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Post #: 5

RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy - 12/20/2011 9:33:19 AM

Iamsemisweet

Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
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Too bad. He is such a nice guy, in so many ways.

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to tj444)

Post #: 6

RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy - 12/20/2011 9:37:12 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

I'm sorry.. in one statement you claim he is stalkerish, and then you say he

quote:

would be a hell of a catch for someone

not computing...

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

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RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy - 12/20/2011 9:44:19 AM

tj444

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any idea what he will do when he finds out his soul mate is engaged to someone else? He may be nice but his reality is skewed, not in a good way.. and he wont listen to anyone about it.. how will potential fall out when he does find out affect you? Only you can say.. and only you know if there are more pros than cons in remaining his friend..

_____________________________

As Anderson Cooper said “If he (Trump) took a dump on his desk, you would defend it”

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Post #: 8

RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy - 12/20/2011 9:44:22 AM

Lockit

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I knew a guy like that. Everyone thought he was so amazing until he showed the stalker... the predator... the abuser. He started with only one soul mate too... before he was done... there were many. If they can do that crazy shit with one person... they are unstable and can eventually go off and there can be more people involved.

Tonight they burn the fucker we knew that abused every life he touched... eventually. He went out gun a-blazin. Before that, he gets military honors and some from the church he fooled still think he is or was amazing. Just another abuse to the victims, knowing how so many others liked him, honored him and here they sit watching it, knowing what he was really like.

If a man could be so unstable about a woman... I wouldn't count him as friend, I don't care how charming he could be. It isn't always what they do currently... but what that unstable mind will become eventually.

< Message edited by Lockit -- 12/20/2011 9:48:31 AM >

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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

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RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy - 12/20/2011 9:44:31 AM

kdsub

Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
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Just wondering have you told him as you have told us?

Butch

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Post #: 10

RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy - 12/20/2011 9:46:09 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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This guy is a trainwreck. His "nice guy" qualities are utterly trumped by that lack of grasp on consensus reality. RUN LIKE THE WIND.

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[page 23 girl]

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Post #: 11

RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy - 12/20/2011 9:47:27 AM

abrattyprincess

Posts: 198
Joined: 6/22/2009
Status: offline

I've had to drop several people over the years because of being so negative or draining.

Why can't you just sit down with him and tell him that because of A, B, and C you no longer feel it's in your best interest to continue the friendship? A couple good friends of mine have had to go through that talk with me and once they heard things from my POV they were able to begin reassessing their behavior and attitudes. It might just take someone he thinks highly of to knock him back into reality - but it may not and nothing will change.

I still think it's better to tell the person WHY he's being dropped but that's just me.

_____________________________

I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.

I know who I am. No one else knows who I am. If I was a giraffe, and someone said I was a snake, I'd think, no, actually I'm a giraffe. -Ellen

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

Post #: 12

RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy - 12/20/2011 10:06:05 AM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
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I'm not sure I "get it." First you say......

quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet
He still refers to her as his "soul mate" and says shit like they have a spiritual connection, so he knows when she is nearby. Stalkerish stuff, in other words.

And then you say......

quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet
he would be a hell of a catch for someone.

I guess I just don't know how a stalker-type guy would be a hell of a catch for anyone. What if he just transferred his obsession to the new target? I'd stay the hell away from him. I had to take someone to court and get a no contact order once. Stalker types are NO fun.

NBMG

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I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

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RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy - 12/20/2011 10:07:59 AM

ashjor911

Posts: 7793
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: balcony, having a Smoke
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet
I can't think of anything to say to him to snap him out of it

Kick him in the nuts sofuckin hard,
& then tell him to get over it she is moved on so he would be,
you may say this words " MOVE THE FUCK ON YOU MORON SHE IS GETTING MARRIED"

now, the kick in the nuts so he will lay on the ground in pain, & when you done talking keep running.. !!

_____________________________

"operative" working undercover for the federal government of bangladesh.

my name is : bonsh ... jamesh bonsh.
code name : 009.5
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Post #: 14

RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy - 12/20/2011 10:11:14 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

yeah! What NBMG reiteratedwhat I said PLUS what Ash said!!

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to ashjor911)

Post #: 15

RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy - 12/20/2011 10:12:53 AM

DarkSteven

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Joined: 5/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

I like this guy, in a friendship way, and he would be a hell of a catch for someone. He is musically talented, smart, physically attractive, makes a great living, and is probably kinky as hell,

I know some people who are attractive and make a good living, who I would not be caught anywhere near.

The dude suffers from a serious case of being creepy. If it's been two years and he's not over her yet, it's not going to happen.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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Post #: 16

RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy - 12/20/2011 10:19:13 AM

ashjor911

Posts: 7793
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From: balcony, having a Smoke
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
The dude suffers from a serious case of being creepy.

I think they are working on cure.

_____________________________

"operative" working undercover for the federal government of bangladesh.

my name is : bonsh ... jamesh bonsh.
code name : 009.5
licensed to give formla

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 17

RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy - 12/20/2011 10:21:03 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Ash is some kind of a supergenius!

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[page 23 girl]

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RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy - 12/20/2011 10:24:29 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I know I am raw here... but that isn't just creepy. That is a mental illness playing out and that doesn't just stop and the person doesn't just snap out of it. If you think that... come to my house tonight and talk to some of the victims of a creep. Or go to the funeral... many will be there. I bet they would call this more than creepy now.

How many women are killed each and every day by a creep like that? It all starts somewhere and a creep can turn into much more.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to ashjor911)

Post #: 19

RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy - 12/20/2011 10:37:45 AM

Iamsemisweet

Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline

I basically like the guy (although I WOULD NOT date him myself), and he does have many great qualities. I want him to be happy and have a great relationship, but I can see that is not going to happen. The creepiness is getting hard to overlook, especially after all this time. He is going to go ape shit when he finds out his ex is getting married. He would already know, except he goes to great pains to stay away from others who know her. I could understand this behavior for a time, but not this long. To be fair, though, I don't think he calls her or follows her around. He does try to regulate his behavior to that extent.

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 20

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