RE: My fantasy, now a reality...

RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (Full Version)

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Lockit -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 9:32:16 AM)
The great Badone makes a very good point in my opinion! You can have this type of relationship in a loving and caring environment... but also in one that is based on trust and consistency. That inconsistency is going to be what breaks anything that gets broken.

Missokyst -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 9:35:32 AM)
FR quote: She made it very clear what my place was, what my role was. I must accept that if I am to be Her slave. I thought about it, and I accepted it because I do want to be Her slave, more than anything in life. I know, more than ever now, that I am simply Her slave, meant to serve and amuse Her at Her whim. She is not overly concerned with my feelings, and does not want to talk about them most of the time. More power to you if you believe this is what will make you happy. But from my POV... I have enough issues with self esteem. The situation as you described it above would shred any chance I might have of feeling valuable to my mate, at least for me. If I ever choose to live with someone I would hope they cared about my feelings of self worth.

littlewonder -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 10:04:10 AM)
live in slavery is supposed to hurt? huh...someone forgot to tell me that. Personally I couldn't live like you do and feel good about myself. Thankfully Master cares and loves me and we talk all the time. How I feel most times is important to him. But if it works for ya....whatever. Good luck.

femdomlover72 -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 10:31:11 AM)
That is true. I am not completely happy with my situation. I am happy with alot of other things. How many relationships don't have this aspect? I am new to a Mistress/slave relationship, and I suppose that can mean alot of things to many people. I am trying to learn my place in such a relationship, and I am wondering what is reasonable, what is not? I have a fetish that involves emotional pain, but hopefully with someone who cares about me. I suppose what I am not happy with is the idea that I can be replaced so easily. Do I really mean that little to Her, or did I catch Her at a bad moment? Part of me says I am making a mountain out of nothing, another part says to me "no, you got a glimpse of what She really thinks." And if that part is right, is it wrong of Her? Why shouldn't She be able to do or say anything She wants. Isn't that how it is for most Dommes? Especially one that has dozens of slaves who would gladly take my place.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 10:40:27 AM)
Every master/slave relationship is unique. My time with my slave was tempestuous, but I was dedicated to the relationship no matter what. How did you meet this woman, and how long before you decided that you wanted to serve her? Did you negotiate all of this? Any of this? No one has "dozens of slave" to replace the current model, at least not in the long term. I could find a dozen men who would swear to serve me, but they wouldn't last, because we aren't compatible. There are always men willing to follow their fetishes to whatever end. I am not a person who enjoys treating people badly in daily life. I want happy people around me, not resentful and confused ones. The people I know that engage in heavy humiliation play do it in the context of scene, where it is controlled, and there are boundaries. Outside that excitement, they are treasured possessions that are loved and taken care of. Even the most savage of us wants to play with our toys over and over, not wear them to nothing and throw them away.

femdomlover72 -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 10:56:22 AM)
Wow, thanks for that. I wish alot of what you say was true in this relationship. It was to some extent like you say. I met her on a professional level. She is a pro, but has personal slaves as well. It was pretty much love at first site. I knew Her for one week, she said she was leaving out of state, and I begged Her to let me follow. She agreed, and I have been Her slave ever since. Until a month ago, she would call me and confide in me at times. She has let me know more about Her than any other slave. She has treated me very nice many times. But then she can be very cruel. I have seen Her do it to others and to me as well. I recently introduced Her to a new love interest, and things seem to have changed since. I am prepared to accept the change, I just hope She continues to have a use for Me. Things that were okay before are not now, and as happy as She makes me that does hurt. I feel like I am being selfish, lamenting the loss of things I have grown accustomed to. I guess I am not alone in how I feel. I feel that Mistress should care about Her slave. I love Her with everything I have, and I really feel that discussing your feelings is important. It is painful to feel they are not. I hope that is temporary. It has not always been like that.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 10:59:32 AM)
The only thing you can do is talk to her. If she has other outlets for her affections and interests, then that tells you much about where you stand in her household. The fantasy of being the slave that is there when needed and ONLY used when needed is entertaining but the reality is boring at best. It sounds like that's what you signed up for, though.

Lockit -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 11:00:09 AM)
It doesn't matter how many people I have in my life or what place they have in my life, if my slave/submissive doesn't feel safe in his position in my life one of us... both of us, have a problem. Problems don't get hidden and passed over. They must be dealt with. If one or both are unwilling to deal with it honestly and with respect even within a power dynamic... something is going to go bad sooner or later and it could be very bad. Like I said... even a dominant or superior should be accountable and have discipline.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 11:03:52 AM)
What Lockit says about safety is really true... part of the allure of being owned is that sense of security, that you have a place and you know what it is, and the owner knows what it is. How could I rely upon someone who was unsure about his place? Being whimsical, changing the "rules", running roughshod over people, those are not signs of a good master. Those are the signs of a person who knows they can take advantage, and does.

searching4mysir -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 11:09:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: femdomlover72 How many relationships don't have this aspect? Mine doesn't. One reason that I love and submit to my Master is because he is consistent. If there is going to be a change to the rules, he explains it ahead of time and the reasons behind it. To do otherwise would mean that I would be set up to fail. quote: I am new to a Mistress/slave relationship, and I suppose that can mean alot of things to many people. I am trying to learn my place in such a relationship, and I am wondering what is reasonable, what is not? I have a fetish that involves emotional pain, but hopefully with someone who cares about me. I suppose what I am not happy with is the idea that I can be replaced so easily. Do I really mean that little to Her, or did I catch Her at a bad moment? Part of me says I am making a mountain out of nothing, another part says to me "no, you got a glimpse of what She really thinks." And if that part is right, is it wrong of Her? Why shouldn't She be able to do or say anything She wants. Isn't that how it is for most Dommes? Especially one that has dozens of slaves who would gladly take my place. Relationships are two-way streets. I could never submit if my needs were never a consideration. Not once have I ever wondered what I mean to Master. Even on his worst days, he has never made me feel as if I could be easily replaced.

AAkasha -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 11:38:58 AM)
It seems like there are often times when male submissives "settle" for relationships that are not a perfect or "great fit" because of the rarity of having the company of a femdom, and the affirmation that something is better than nothing, even when the something might not be what they want and need deep down. This woman seems like she might not have much care for you other than what usefulness you bring to the table, but you are drawn to stay because the objectification in itself is highly intoxicating. But there is a difference between honestly being as replaceable as an "object" and being objectified in a mutually affectionate relationship. You never alluded to what you saw her doing with another person, but my guess it was 'show genuine affection' as in a touch, a kiss, or romance. You aren't going to get that if this is the line she has drawn. You were a client, and now you are a person who exchanges usefulness for BDSM play, and the BDSM play for her is treating you like an object and keeping you within strict boundaries. This is all fine and good, but you, in your heart, want a relationship with mutual affection and adoration it sounds like. Trust me, I can be as cruel and demeaning and objectifying as the most mythical latex clad dominatrix in a dungeon; but at the end of the day, I adore my partner(s) and treasure them. I may seem at times like I am the most sadistic woman on the planet, but it is expressed in the context of lust and desire. Just my two cents and I might be wrong. The best thing to do is have a frank talk with her about the boundaries of the relationship. Akasha

femdomlover72 -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 12:54:39 PM)
I think you nearly hit the nail on the head. I am settling in some ways. I see how many people are out there who claim to be searching for something along the lines of what I have now. I know that most of those people probably won't get what they are seeking. So I ask myself, how much do I want this to upset me? She asked me "What do you want to do about your issue?" Which, by the way, was not romance related, much more mundane than that. She will never allow any sexual/romantic exchanges between Her and Her slaves. It was, however, a direct contradiction of something She had been telling me for the last year. It made me feel like I repulsed Her to know that She will routinely do this activity with everyone BUT me. It hurts to feel that way, and I really just wanted to express how it made me feel. She never gave me the chance. She walked away as I was speaking. In Her defense, She had been up all night and was frustrated. I probably chose the worst time possible to bring it up. She made it clear to me that I was Her slave, and that I was beneath Her. That I am not to enjoy said activity with Her, but after Her. That I was a slave, and only to speak when spoken to. I asked Her to talk about it and She has not. I wish she had told me the above a year ago, I am completely fine with that. If she had this wouldn't even have entered my mind. I wanted to tell her that, but I never got the chance to. I just wanted to say that the issue was not the activity, but what She said, and how it made me feel. At the same time I have noticed Her being nice to me in Her everyday conversation with me since this incident. I get the impression that She is uncomfortable/unwilling to discuss feelings with me face to face, but that She does care for me. Friends that know Her have hinted at it. I have often wondered if there is a school of thought in BDSM that states a Domme should not reveal Her feelings to Her slave, because She does not. A friend of Hers has said as much. She seems to prefer that any negative events be forgotten once they occur. It annoys Her when I ask too many questions or try to speak too much of our relationship. I have to time such comments carefully, when I can sense She is open to them. You are right, I must know the boundaries, and I wonder if bringing it up to Her was a plea for Her to spell them out for me. I am learning them I think, but sometimes it hurts when they become clear.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 12:59:22 PM)
Let's pretend for a moment that this woman is a vanilla boss. What would you think about an inconsistent person who did not want to talk about negative things, acknowledge her mistakes, reveal her true feelings, or welcome input. Would you want to work for that person? Would you be able to trust her?

SailingBum -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 1:04:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: femdomlover72 Wow, thanks for that. I wish alot of what you say was true in this relationship. It was to some extent like you say. I met her on a professional level. She is a pro, but has personal slaves as well. It was pretty much love at first site. I knew Her for one week, she said she was leaving out of state, and I begged Her to let me follow. She agreed, and I have been Her slave ever since. Until a month ago, she would call me and confide in me at times. She has let me know more about Her than any other slave. She has treated me very nice many times. But then she can be very cruel. I have seen Her do it to others and to me as well. I recently introduced Her to a new love interest, and things seem to have changed since. I am prepared to accept the change, I just hope She continues to have a use for Me. Things that were okay before are not now, and as happy as She makes me that does hurt. I feel like I am being selfish, lamenting the loss of things I have grown accustomed to. I guess I am not alone in how I feel. I feel that Mistress should care about Her slave. I love Her with everything I have, and I really feel that discussing your feelings is important. It is painful to feel they are not. I hope that is temporary. It has not always been like that. Do you mean to say you are paying for this treatment? BadOne

Lockit -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 1:15:16 PM)
Anyone that cannot truthfully express their feelings is going to be someone that will eventually drive you crazy. There is a reason for that and not one we should excuse and allow because something happened to them. They should not need friends to tell someone how they feel. They shouldn't avoid you, be mean to you or neglect you or issues to cover up their own or enable themselves. You are nearly forty and she is just over twenty according to your profile. Do you really expect that this will work because you find her beautiful and far superior than others you have known and because you wish to be a slave to a superior woman? She clearly has the act down... and gets something out of it... which I do wonder what you are doing for her and yet, she hasn't gotten comfortable in her own skin to be honest with self and others and freely express that. There is an abusive pattern you may need to take a look at. The honeymoon... the little issues... the explosion... the cover up and honeymoon... repeat as long as you are dysfunctional enough to hang with it. If you feel that you are not being valued and you get off to that to a point, but now find that you are being devalued in a way you didn't expect or can handle... and you are going to stay with that... that is your choice and your problem. Believe me... she won't be there fixing it... it will be you having to fix it. Will you wait so long that you are damaged goods and no one would want you? What makes this woman superior? I see no superior anything other than maybe her beauty and if you give me fifteen minutes I bet I can find someone more beautiful. Now... you accepted this and it has changed. You either continue to accept it or have the balls to not accept it. If you care about yourself at all... you will prove that by making sure those in your life care about you without compromise and prove it. Not have their friends tell you when she tells them to or you go to them discussing a problem between the two of you. You are talking to the wrong people. You know how you feel and what you want. Go get it or free yourself to go get it.

femdomlover72 -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 1:28:13 PM)
No, at first I paid for sessions with Her, but no longer. She owns me completely, all my money already belongs to Her. I am trying to be completely submissive to Her. Isn't that what all slaves should do for their Dommes/Doms? Trust has always been an issue for Me. However, I can say this. I have been completely at Her mercy several times. She could have vanished and left me stranded out of state many times, but never did. She has always kept me around. I am not wealthy, She has slaves that make much more money than me, I am not ugly, but I am not really all that attractive either. I ask myself many times why does she keep me around if she doesn't care for me? There must be a reason why she does keep me. I have asked her but she never answered. I used to be so scared She was gonna clean out my bank account and vanish. She never has. Once She was late in coming to get me to take me to the bus station so I could return home and catch a flight for a business trip. She drove 16 hours so I could make that flight, and she did not have to do that. THat spoke volumes to me. She does tell me things sometimes that makes me feel very good. She once told me that if she ever married that the person would be marrying both of us. That made me feel so wonderful. She told me just 2 weeks agon that I was more than a slave, but a friend as well. Contrast those things with Her recent treatment of me and it doesn't add up. I struggle with trusting Her alot, but I figure that is my own shortcoming, and that after all we have been through I should trust Her without question. Despite the fact that She doesn't want to talk about Her feelings, I feel She shows them indirectly. I don't think that is healthy, and I am trying to break through that barrier. It is not easy now that She says "Speak only when spoken to", but I hope that is just a phase.

Lockit -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 1:33:28 PM)
I can speak all the pretty words someone wants to hear and not have a honorable bone in my body. Include money into the mix and someone could say all sorts of pretty things, but when challenged on them... will show you the truth. Some will do things to keep everything going... a 16 hour drive to keep it going wouldn't be a hardship. Get it?

femdomlover72 -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 1:51:52 PM)
I know that She is not the only Woman in this world, but how often do you find one that attracts you, is dominant, shares most of your kinks, and will let you so far inside Her personal life? It is more than Her looks, it is the way She is. She really believes She is better than me and most everyone else, and that really does turn me on. The first time I met Her, I could feel Her dominance. I don't know if that makes sense, but it was a sensation I will never forget. I have been able to see the Woman behind the Domme, and I have fallen in love with Her. I know there are others like Her, but I think it is very unlikely I will ever get so close as I have with Her. I don't know if it could ever work with the age difference, but haven't you ever wanted something so much you were willing to go against the odds? If it does not work and it ends tomorrow I will cherish everyday that I have spent with Her. She seemed at first like a dream that came true for me, but then as I got to know Her, I loved the person She is more and more. Now I just want to serve Her. I don't care that we will never be intimate, or that I will never be treated as Her equal. I expect that one day She will leave, and so will a chapter in my life that will most likely never be repeated. That will be a sad day for me. I am not in a hurry to rush that day, especially if there is a chance I could go further with Her than I have now, if I just show some patience.

Lockit -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 1:55:44 PM)
Then shut up and take it... it is your choice. Done deal.

searching4mysir -> RE: My fantasy, now a reality... (1/4/2012 2:54:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: femdomlover72 No, at first I paid for sessions with Her, but no longer. She owns me completely, all my money already belongs to Her. In other words, you are still paying her, only now she gets to keep all of it instead of a set amount.

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