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The formula for a successful D/s relationship - 1/11/2012 3:25:39 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
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We we recognize that a D/s relationship is a two way street and both sides of the slash have to work at it to sustain the dynamic what is it that you as an "s" type do to keep his interest in you both as a fem/male outside of D/s as well as his/her maintaining the D/s dynamic?

If you comfortable with it it would be helpful to other readers to also state how long your relationship has been working.

I will follow this up with the same question to the "D" type in a week or so.

CP

Post #: 1

RE: The formula for a successful D/s relationship - 1/11/2012 7:24:33 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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We've been together 12 years and I don't think we specifically go out and try to keep each others interests. We're just ourselves. We're very good friends that have fun just being together. We still flirt. We talk. We do things together. We spend time together. We talk. We don't over analyze it, we just do.

_____________________________

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(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 2

RE: The formula for a successful D/s relationship - 1/11/2012 8:43:39 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Mine's been going on since Feb. Simply put, each one of us is committed to making things work, and we each feel that we're getting the better end of the deal. We have to shoehorn in the time for D/s actually - it's simply a good vanilla relationship that incorporates D/s.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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Post #: 3

RE: The formula for a successful D/s relationship - 1/11/2012 8:56:33 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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If I had to work to keep his interest it would mean he had already checked out of the relationship. We're best friends. We have a blended family. We genuinely like each other and appreciate each others take on things. And we're highly compatible.

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Cynical and proud of it!

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Post #: 4

RE: The formula for a successful D/s relationship - 1/11/2012 8:57:56 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

If I had to work to keep his interest it would mean he had already checked out of the relationship. We're best friends. We have a blended family. We genuinely like each other and appreciate each others take on things. And we're highly compatible.

Because you have a RELATIONSHIP, that happens to be D/s. Much as I love the s/m play, much as I love being large and in charge, I can't imagine doing any of that long term with someone I didn't really enjoy as a human being.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 5

RE: The formula for a successful D/s relationship - 1/11/2012 9:13:41 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Mine's been going on since Feb.

Whoa, whoa. How did I miss this?
Big Fucking Deal time here.

Congrats, Congrats, Congrats.

_____________________________

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(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 6

RE: The formula for a successful D/s relationship - 1/11/2012 9:19:51 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

nothing specific. The same thing other couples do outside of bdsm. I just continue to be me, to pay attention to him, to do things for each other, to continue to show our love for one another. We do things together, I defer to him, I do what he tells me to do, I don't cause problems for him in his life, I try to make his life easier in whatever way I can, I give him affection and love, we smile, laugh, talk, share in each other's good and bad times.

We just are who we are.

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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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Post #: 7

RE: The formula for a successful D/s relationship - 1/11/2012 10:22:12 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

We have been togehter 6 years (next month). We just enjoy spending time togheter the Ds is just icing on the cake. We also love each other that helps a lot. I don't have to work to keep his interest. We talk about everything and anything under the sun. After i had my surgery i could not do anything sexual for a month, Master did not go out abd find somewhere he came home every night to just be with me. We just like and love each other.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 8

RE: The formula for a successful D/s relationship - 1/11/2012 6:17:34 PM

RaspberryLemon

Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline

There is no formula. I don't have to try to keep his interest--it just happens by me being myself. He loves me and likes who I am. We're each others best friends, and we enjoy each others company and affections. The fact that these interactions happen through a M/s or D/s context doesn't change the fact that we are together because we just like being around each other and being with each other.

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 9

RE: The formula for a successful D/s relationship - 1/12/2012 2:07:24 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

We've been together 12 years and I don't think we specifically go out and try to keep each others interests. We're just ourselves. We're very good friends that have fun just being together. We still flirt. We talk. We do things together. We spend time together. We talk. We don't over analyze it, we just do.

Osidegirl,

12 years looks likle a good relationship that works well. It does seem that the equation would might be more basic vanilla than D/s........but whatever works!!!!!!!!! Especially the flirting.

Thanks for your input.

CP

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 10

RE: The formula for a successful D/s relationship - 1/12/2012 2:09:50 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

it's simply a good vanilla relationship that incorporates D/s.

DS,

Seems that concept is gaining popularity in recent years.

Thanks for your thoughts.

CP

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 11

RE: The formula for a successful D/s relationship - 1/12/2012 2:42:20 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

We we recognize that a D/s relationship is a two way street and both sides of the slash have to work at it to sustain the dynamic what is it that you as an "s" type do to keep his interest in you both as a fem/male outside of D/s as well as his/her maintaining the D/s dynamic?

If you comfortable with it it would be helpful to other readers to also state how long your relationship has been working.

I will follow this up with the same question to the "D" type in a week or so.

CP

I feed him. His belly with food, his beast with various pieces of me, his soul with my love, his humanity with my kindness and understanding, his inner child with my nurturing and acceptance, his ego with my pride of belonging to him, his power with my submission.

He feeds me, too.

16 years and counting.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 12

RE: The formula for a successful D/s relationship - 1/12/2012 6:11:57 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

that was beautiful, Bita :)

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Post #: 13

RE: The formula for a successful D/s relationship - 1/12/2012 10:15:12 AM

fragilepieces

Posts: 416
Joined: 7/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

We we recognize that a D/s relationship is a two way street and both sides of the slash have to work at it to sustain the dynamic what is it that you as an "s" type do to keep his interest in you both as a fem/male outside of D/s as well as his/her maintaining the D/s dynamic?

If you comfortable with it it would be helpful to other readers to also state how long your relationship has been working.

I will follow this up with the same question to the "D" type in a week or so.

CP

I wear a goofy mask and sometimes I take all the labels off the cans and whoever guess's what is in the can gets to have the remote for the night---our relationship has only been 'working' 9 1/2 weeks but we were a couple long before that---it's gotten better since I adopted wearing the goofy mask. (Literally it is a goofy mask)

_____________________________

Me to Daddy: Now you'll think I'm a weirdo
Him: I love you BECAUSE you ARE a weirdo.

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 14

RE: The formula for a successful D/s relationship - 1/12/2012 10:20:53 AM

mysouldesire

Posts: 85
Joined: 11/28/2010
Status: offline

quote:

what is it that you as an "s" type do to keep his interest in you both as a fem/male outside of D/s as well as his/her maintaining the D/s dynamic?

Not to long ago I read the following..... I practice it.

If you WANT a man in your life,
you are going to have to make him FEEL needed.
A man needs to feel needed as a woman needs to feel wanted.

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 15

RE: The formula for a successful D/s relationship - 1/12/2012 1:07:32 PM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

If I had to work to keep his interest it would mean he had already checked out of the relationship. We're best friends. We have a blended family. We genuinely like each other and appreciate each others take on things. And we're highly compatible.

Des,

Congrats on getting that blended family consideration to work.................mostly a hard thing to do, but it appears the the kink might well be down on the list of activities.

CP

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 16

RE: The formula for a successful D/s relationship - 1/12/2012 1:09:32 PM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Because you have a RELATIONSHIP, that happens to be D/s. Much as I love the s/m play, much as I love being large and in charge, I can't imagine doing any of that long term with someone I didn't really enjoy as a human being.

LH,

Could you define the above a bit more in terms of the original question?

CP

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 17

RE: The formula for a successful D/s relationship - 1/12/2012 11:06:21 PM

ScatteredRose

Posts: 171
Joined: 3/9/2010
From: New Orleans
Status: offline

Formula for a successful D/s relationship...Hmmm...

(2x+y^4)(4p+u)x^6+10b
For my formula anyway...Haha!

But on a serious note, it's as other said. You have to have a relationship built on trust and understanding and grow with each other, you can't expect a D/s relationship to just pop out of no where...

Plus, surprises are always fun, no?

BTW:
x=sex
b=beating
y=love
u=understanding
p=patience

< Message edited by ScatteredRose -- 1/12/2012 11:07:26 PM >

_____________________________

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(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 18

RE: The formula for a successful D/s relationship - 1/12/2012 11:14:24 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

We we recognize that a D/s relationship is a two way street and both sides of the slash have to work at it to sustain the dynamic what is it that you as an "s" type do to keep his interest in you both as a fem/male outside of D/s as well as his/her maintaining the D/s dynamic?

If you comfortable with it it would be helpful to other readers to also state how long your relationship has been working.

I will follow this up with the same question to the "D" type in a week or so.

CP

We've been together for three years. It works because we're friends, have common interests, we both get off on making the other person happy.
It's no different at all from a vanilla relationship except that the fucking is so much better because of the kink.
The basis of our d/s relationship is always there. I do what he says. The day I don't means that I want out. The day he doesn't care if I do or not means he wants out.

_____________________________

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 19

RE: The formula for a successful D/s relationship - 1/13/2012 5:20:19 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

nothing specific. The same thing other couples do outside of bdsm. I just continue to be me, to pay attention to him, to do things for each other, to continue to show our love for one another. We do things together, I defer to him, I do what he tells me to do, I don't cause problems for him in his life, I try to make his life easier in whatever way I can, I give him affection and love, we smile, laugh, talk, share in each other's good and bad times.

We just are who we are.

littlewonder,

Methinks even if you do not recognize it besides all the others things mentioned is "I defer to him" has been the key.

Thanks for your input.

CP

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 20

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