RE: The formula for a successful D/s relationship

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RE: The formula for a successful D/s relationship - 2/4/2012 9:27:24 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
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Good gawd thank you!
I was seeing all the responses to replies as dismissive due to their lack of seeming protocal.
D/s, when done right is a seamless blend of regular people relationship stuff and an underlying agreement that someone is ultimately in charge.

quote:

ORIGINAL: fragilepieces
What no humor in a D/s relationship? It's all serious, kneeling, never smiling or having fun type of lifestyle? Humor is our formula for a successful D/s relationship as a matter of fact it's the formula for a vanilla relationship IMO---I see no difference between the two really---to me D/s is simply one has the right to make most of the decision on things and is sort of in charge (although we are pretty relaxed on that) and there is kinky sex involved otherwise for me it's just vanilla.

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RE: The formula for a successful D/s relationship - 2/6/2012 10:59:47 PM

subbyinlosangele

Posts: 117
Joined: 1/23/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

We we recognize that a D/s relationship is a two way street and both sides of the slash have to work at it to sustain the dynamic what is it that you as an "s" type do to keep his interest in you both as a fem/male outside of D/s as well as his/her maintaining the D/s dynamic?

If you comfortable with it it would be helpful to other readers to also state how long your relationship has been working.

I will follow this up with the same question to the "D" type in a week or so.

CP

My feeling is if you have to work at a relationship, especially early on, it probably won't work.

If you have to act in a way that isn't natural for you, it probably won't work.

So basically, you make a D/s relationship work in the same way any relationship work -- you find the right person and then you just be yourself.

Laughing together, having fun together, sharing the same values -- all that stuff is more important than the BDSM parts. Heck, it's not uncommon for the BDSM stuff to change, either get more or less intense or whatever, over time. But if you are talking about a real relationship, for most people, the whips/chains/collars etc. are going to be a very small part of it.

< Message edited by subbyinlosangele -- 2/6/2012 11:04:08 PM >

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Post #: 42

RE: The formula for a successful D/s relationship - 2/7/2012 8:49:54 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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Anyone that thinks you never have to work at maintaining a successful long term relationship has never been IN a successful long term relationship.

Otherwise, to answer the OP.

Respect is HUGE. If I cannot respect a person I don't want them around. It doesn't matter if they are dominant or submissive, I need to respect them.

Love. I must love anyone that I share an intimate relationship with. It doesn't have to be all ooey gooey romantic but it has to be love.

Trust. If I cannot trust you, and you cannot trust me..........stay away.

Acceptance. All parties have to accept one another as they are. Not just the good stuff, or the imagined good stuff, but all of the stuff. As in "I love you even though you sometimes piss me off, annoy the fuck out of me, even disgust me on occasion..." If you cannot accept them as they are, then why even start? Don't even go down the route of trying to change a person to fit......it's most likely a road to disaster.

Similar values and morals. It's not going to work if you cannot agree on a few basics. Especially in a live-in, family, home, environment.

For me........a sense of humour. If you ain't got it, I don't want your company and you don't want mine. I will make you miserable.

Just a few that popped into my head.......I am sure there are more.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Post #: 43

RE: The formula for a successful D/s relationship - 2/7/2012 6:45:46 PM

poise

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Joined: 7/3/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Anyone that thinks you never have to work at maintaining a successful long term relationship
has never been IN a successful long term relationship.

Amen Sistah!

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Post #: 44

RE: The formula for a successful D/s relationship - 2/7/2012 8:02:44 PM

kitkat105

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/29/2011
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Trust, mutual respect, honesty, intimacy and the ability to have fun with each other.

I'm no expert, but I'm feeling these feelings right now and it's pretty fucking wonderful.

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Post #: 45

RE: The formula for a successful D/s relationship - 2/7/2012 10:25:25 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
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Sunny Quote of the Day
goes to
LaTigresse

for
Anyone that thinks you never have to work at maintaining
a successful long term relationship
has never been IN
a successful long term relationship.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3990992/mpage_3/key_/tm.htm#4026235
*thanks to poise for the heads up!

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RE: The formula for a successful D/s relationship - 2/8/2012 9:44:20 AM

SirsSweatTreat

Posts: 4
Joined: 2/7/2012
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My Dom and I havent been together long as a couple but we have been friends for a long time. We genuinly love being together in and out of the bedroom. If you make the relationship just about ex(what most people outside te lifestyle think) then you probably wont work out.

(in reply to CelticPrince)

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Post #: 47