|
Arpig -> RE: thanks for the dance. (1/13/2012 10:49:43 PM)
|
First of all I want to clear up a few misconceptions. It wasn't the Mods or LadyPact who got to the bottom of anything, if there is anybody to thank it is Awareness and LaTigresse. It was her reply on his sockpuppet thread that got me wondering, so I wrote VAA asking if she could help me to set my mind at rest as to if HaytchHouse was me. She confirmed that there was some evidence that they could be, and asked if I wanted her to dig deeper, I said OK and made an appointment with my shrink.
He administered some long involved interview process and concluded that I was indeed experiencing dissociative fugue states. From there I did some searching and digging, and came up with some evidence that confirmed to me that they were in fact me, the primary one being that the house where I had visited them did in fact not exist, I had a trusted friend go to the address to see who lived there. Well not only did the 4 girls not live there, but the address didn't even exist. I changed my log-in procedure on my computers. I then wrote VAA and told her what I had found, I changed it from a fingerprint scan to an old-fashioned password, and then admitted myself to the hospital for observation and assesment. Over the 3 days I was in the hospital none of the alternate personas logged in or posted anywhere, which was the final bit of proof we needed. VAA did some further digging and came up with several other connections and links, not only to the 4 girls, but to a number of other accounts as well, as she stated in her first post on here. As to those other accounts, I cannot say if they are me, I have only the word of VAA, and I have no reason to question it. I have only interacted with some of those personas and only through here or via email, so I have no way of knowing for certain. Anyway, VAA and I spoke on the phone and together we decided that the best course of action would be to simply close all the relevant accounts, but that we would hold off for a bit until I could sort out with my shrink what possible ramifications this might have on my real day-to-day life, and then to do so in a manner that would cause the least trouble and strife on these boards.
Well one part of that process was demonstrating to these alter egos that they were in fact just that. Well one result of that is this thread, which was my alternate Hannah's idea, not mine. I had decided not to make any announcement. You see, that is the problem I am having, I am not conciously able to control what these personalities do when I am in a fugue state. I have no memory of the times when they do things. The only reason I was even aware of this thread was because I happened to check my hotmail and saw there were some messages from some people from Collarme. So I logged on and read the messages, which didn't make a whole lot of sense till I came to this side and saw this thread.
At this point I do not know if I am officially suffering from DID, or if it is simply me functioning in an altered state of conciousness. I've decided that I don't really care. These four personas I have actually interacted with, I have seen them and spoken to them face to face. They are hallucinations. I drugged my last set of hallucinations out of existence and I miss them. I happen to like these new hallucinations, so I am not going to drug them out of existence. Together, my hallucinations and I are going to figure out a way for us all to exist, I am going to try psychotherapy to try get to the bottom of what is going on in my head.
To all those I have insulted in my alternate personas, I am deeply sorry, to those who feel deceived, I am deeply sorry, for whatever problems I have caused to anybody as a result of these personas I am deeply sorry. I am not asking for forgiveness, I am not asking for compassion, or even for understanding. I'm not asking for anything.
I don't know if I will be back to post or not, I am going to be spending my days homeschooling my eldest son, and most of my free time I am going to be spending alone...well with the girls, but that is effectively alone, but it doesn't seem like it to me.
To those who have expressed sympathy or understanding....I thank you. To those who are hurt...I'm sorry. To those who are feeling vindicated...kudos, you were right. To those who are angry and feeling vindictive...i'm sorryl, there's nothing I can say or do, I hope you get over it soon.
I would be more worried but right now I have far bigger fish to fry. I have to try clean up the mess that has been made of my life in real time. There are several unpaid cell phone bills and a credit card that has to be paid as well. Isn't that a joke, I can't get a credit card, but the banks gave one to Heather.
As to any future personas showing up, well if you have any doubts that some nick may be me, just write me on the other side and I will contact VAA immediately and together we will see if there is any connection.
That's about it. If any of you would like to continue to correspond with the girls, write me on the other side and I will pass on their emails.
|
|
|
|
