RE: Does effort matter? (Full Version)

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BootyBoy -> RE: Does effort matter? (1/15/2012 10:32:17 AM)

^ Wow, what made me keep using "their" instead of "there"?



littlewonder -> RE: Does effort matter? (1/15/2012 10:32:17 AM)

I'm one who believes effort counts in absolutely everything in life. If you show no effort in your appearance, job, friends, relationships, etc...I really find no reason to be around that person. So yes, effort counts immensely.




FrostedFlake -> RE: Does effort matter? (1/15/2012 10:34:18 AM)

I once had a pair of black (dark grey) jeans that fit just so and were coming apart in all the right places, and also staying together in all the right places. Black sneakers, a black tee and my leather jacket completed the get-up. I wore it to clubs and the black lights would make the frayed fringes glow. I got lots of compliments, from gay men, so I know I looked GOOOD.

Never wore it dirty, though. Each wash took a toll, so I saved it for clubbing. I was calculatedly ratty and wore a ponytail. But I was clean. Because if I wasn't, I would look like a bum.

It can be a fine line about ratty, maybe it is artistic (Depends on context : MEL), but if there is dirt... that guy doesn't care. It ain't always so, but that is the way to bet.



kalikshama -> RE: Does effort matter? (1/15/2012 10:36:12 AM)

I went to a job fair a few years ago and was bemused to see an older white woman in pigtails wearing a shirt that said, "Hey, I got out of bed, what more do you want." Seriously. I also saw a 20 something black man wearing a suit. Guess who got pulled out of the line by a prospective employer for a private interview?

I went to a munch last month to a really casual venue and was surprised to see that I had made the most effort. M pointed out that probably most people were coming straight from work. (People were casual, not unkempt.) At a bigger munch at a more upscale venue, people put in more effort.

My initial reaction was that I would find torn jeans or pajamas off-putting, but recalled that our bookkeeper at work used to wear PJs there and looked really cute and by torn jeans, do you mean ripped or deliberately styled?



Fornica -> RE: Does effort matter? (1/15/2012 10:36:41 AM)

Probably satan.
quote:

ORIGINAL: BootyBoy

^ Wow, what made me keep using "their" instead of "there"?




kalikshama -> RE: Does effort matter? (1/15/2012 10:39:15 AM)

quote:

^ Wow, what made me keep using "their" instead of "there"?


You still have time to edit :)



MissImmortalPain -> RE: Does effort matter? (1/15/2012 10:40:39 AM)

I honestly have to say it depends on the place in public. If I go to the opera I would be, most likely, offput by someone in jeans that didn't do their hair. But at a rock concert I would look cockeyed at someone in a tie. A lot of it, for me, has to do with age too. Ripped jeans have been a fashion since the '80s and I wouldn't be shocked to see them on a teenager, or someone in a bar. I have worn my pj bottoms to p.t. before because it's early and I have to change when I get there anyway. I guess all in all it depends on the time, the place, and the person.



fucktoyprincess -> RE: Does effort matter? (1/15/2012 11:34:26 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: FrostedFlake

I once had a pair of black (dark grey) jeans that fit just so and were coming apart in all the right places, and also staying together in all the right places. Black sneakers, a black tee and my leather jacket completed the get-up. I wore it to clubs and the black lights would make the frayed fringes glow. I got lots of compliments, from gay men, so I know I looked GOOOD.

Never wore it dirty, though. Each wash took a toll, so I saved it for clubbing. I was calculatedly ratty and wore a ponytail. But I was clean. Because if I wasn't, I would look like a bum.

It can be a fine line about ratty, maybe it is artistic (Depends on context : MEL), but if there is dirt... that guy doesn't care. It ain't always so, but that is the way to bet.


Yes, I think this is quite critical of a distinction. So much of what is fashionable these days is a more casual look, and that is great. But neat and clean is still neat and clean. Living in a large city, I find that much of the fashion game is about trying to look casually put together - it's an art. But I think that ratty is just plain ratty - I find nothing artistic (or attractive) in lack of hygiene.



NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: Does effort matter? (1/15/2012 11:38:55 AM)

I think, for me anyway, effort does matter. Whenever I leave my apartment, whether it's to go to the grocery store, munches, other either nilla or kink social functions, I'm clean and neat. To social functions like munches or parties, I will usually wear make-up. To our kinkster outdoor picnics that we have, I don't feel the need to wear make-up because it's uber-casual. A person doesn't have to get all made up or be wearing perfect clothes, but if they're not at least clean - read not stinky with B.O. and such - well, that's just ICK!!

NBMG



kitkat105 -> RE: Does effort matter? (1/15/2012 12:04:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fornica

This.
For myself, I'm OCD and wouldn't get the mail without my minimal makeup and grooming.
I don't give a rats ass what other people wear. I gave up caring about shit like that when I started watching children die in the oncology ward.
Perspective is a pretty underrated thing.



I agree. For me I'd be downright uncomfortable without a certain level of clothing/makeup, irregardless of the situation. But other people, well you never really know their story.



Fornica -> RE: Does effort matter? (1/15/2012 12:24:06 PM)

Yeah, I guess I should have expanded...I have learned a lot about judging in general.
Someone who appears unkempt, may indeed be going through a hell that we've not known..deciding that person is lazy, or doesn't make an effort cannot be determined by outward appearance. Maybe all the effort they had that day was putting one foot in front of the other and just making it through.
Sorry if I'm jaded today, a little guy that is 2 years and 8 months to the day passed away last night, and his Mommy isn't quite sure how to breathe without feeling like she's dying, so I probably should just keep off the forums :P



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Does effort matter? (1/15/2012 12:30:59 PM)

~beamage for Fornica~
(And a fast reply...)
I want yoga pants to be business casual!!

Yes, effort counts. But I have a baseline of "clean and appropriate". I don't judge people for not wearing makeup, fancy clothings, and the like. Do you look like you belong? Great.








Ninebelowzero -> RE: Does effort matter? (1/15/2012 12:36:00 PM)

I actually started wearing my old tour shirts again, ripped, yellowing, old. All the kids started blagging them off my back.



fucktoyprincess -> RE: Does effort matter? (1/15/2012 12:55:16 PM)

p.s. While the OP was speaking more to lunches/munches and public group get togethers, I have certainly on occasion been in the position of meeting someone for coffee on a personal meet-and-greet where the person showed up looking literally like they had just rolled out of bed - not sexy bed head mind you - but just slovenly unkempt. And then the person was shocked (SHOCKED!) that I was not interested in starting something with them. (Really!?)

So while I may not judge people I meet in a GROUP setting, if you are meeting me personally for the very first time for a one-on-one anything, I'm sorry, but I am NOT going to be forgiving in any way, shape or form. If it turned out to be a bad day for you, then the civil, polite thing to do is to reschedule the coffee with me for a time when you know you can show up looking at least like you brushed your teeth and ran a comb through your hair (and yes, quite frankly, a shower would really be nice, too). I wouldn't rail about this so much if it had not happened to me - more than once. I mean really, who are these people who think they can show up like that for what is essentially a coffee date?? (Again, I am not talking about whether someone is dressed casually - I love my ripped jeans and t's and would happily wear them to a meet-and-greet, provided I was otherwise neat and clean). But is it not hugely disrespectful to the other person you are meeting to show up unclean and unkempt!? Truly, I would have never believed it possible if it had not actually happened to me....



Ninebelowzero -> RE: Does effort matter? (1/15/2012 1:00:00 PM)

My point on the other thread Princess was how many working stiffs were finishing work & going straight to munches? Some of us work shit shifts & that has to be taken into account.



fucktoyprincess -> RE: Does effort matter? (1/15/2012 1:06:57 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Ninebelowzero

My point on the other thread Princess was how many working stiffs were finishing work & going straight to munches? Some of us work shit shifts & that has to be taken into account.


Sorry, perhaps I wasn't being clear. I think showing up to a group meet like that is fine. But would you ever show up to meet a specific person for a date that way? That has happened to me - and I just don't think that's acceptable to do to a specific person. I think if you are making private plans with someone, even just for coffee, you have to make them for a time and place that is mutually convenient, so that the two of you can put your best foot forward, so to speak, especially if it is the first time you are meeting.



Ninebelowzero -> RE: Does effort matter? (1/15/2012 1:11:12 PM)

Yeah I got you FTP I have actually called ahead to offer to delay or turn up straight from work in the past & on both occasions the woman in question didn't mind. Forewarned is forearmed I guess



hausboy -> RE: Does effort matter? (1/15/2012 1:33:18 PM)

The thread here though talks about "effort"--does the effort matter, not the specific clothing.

For me, I would say the effort does matter--not so much the clothing, but the effort--the thought behind it all.
I've gone to munches directly from work where my work clothing was pretty trashed.  I knew I had that munch later in the early evening, and knew I would not have time to go home and shower. (for me, being punctual is a good first impression as well).  The effort?  I threw a clean set of clothes into my truck, and changed into them.  I brushed my teeth & freshened up n the restroom--I shaved that morning so I wouldn't look like I hadn't shaved in days.  The munches I've been to, folks are wearing suits (from work) to construction clothes.  When someone comes to a munch, however, and makes NO effort--that to me says they aren't going to put much effort into whatever else they do. We had guys who didn't bother to put on clean clothes, comb hair, etc. (we had one guy who wore a dirty sweater full of holes and there were some serious hygiene issues! he couldn't understand why no one wanted to play with him)

For those who are service subs, I really do believe putting a little extra effort in matters a lot.  If you don't pay attention to your personal appearance, it shows that you don't care about the details. And to those Tops/Doms/Dommes looking for a serious service sub...the details matter.





Ninebelowzero -> RE: Does effort matter? (1/15/2012 1:38:14 PM)

Fair points hausboy, nice one.



doctorgrey -> RE: Does effort matter? (1/15/2012 1:42:38 PM)

meh.

DrG



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