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MasterSlaveLA -> RE: My way of seeing it... (1/27/2012 4:05:39 PM)
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ORIGINAL: BeautifullyBrokn
For me, BDSM lifestyle is not just about sex.
For me, this is not a "lifestyle" anymore than anyone else's coupling is a "lifestyle".
As to said coupling/relationship/dynamic/whatever being not just about "sex"?!! For me (and you, obviously), as well as many others, it's not. HOWEVER, for a good many, they're NOT seeking a "relationship", and are simply seeking some kinky sex. Not my personal cup of tea, but hey... to each their own.
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So many times I see or hear about this lifestyle being all about the sex. Having a Dom and submissive relationship requires a lot of things. Patience, trust, time, care, love, honesty, learning, teaching, finding likes/dislikes. I don't like seeing people who are just like 'Looking for a Dom/sub relationship, sex, sex and sex.' 'Hey lets cam together so you can show me everything, then I'm going to forget about you.' 'Wanna hook up this weekend?'
Respectfully, you just described ANY "relationship", be it of the 'nilla, BDSM-based, or whatever. Some folks prefer a "relationship", where others just wanna bump-uglies. Again, to each their own.
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Most people look at the BDSM lifestyle as just a kinkier sex. Bondage, maybe some spanks here or there then lots of sex. It's sad when that is the first thing people think of when told about the BDSM lifestyle and having a Dom/sub.
Sure, I'd agree most "outsiders" view it that way, as do many BDSMers... others view it as a "sickness" of sorts, others view it as the only dynamic that works for them, and still others are indifferent. So we're back to different strokes for different folks.
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No, a Dom/Domme is a protector, mentor, parent-like, therapist, teacher. They care about their sub, about their subs feelings, their day, their problems. Patience when teaching or learning about their sub. They take the sub past what they think they're capable of, and works with them to achieve greater things. They help the sub work through their insecurities, doubts, things that the sub wishes he/she could get over. They are, Master. Mistress. Dom. Domme. Daddy. Mommy. Sir. Miss.
Sure, some view the Power Dynamic in this manner, where others don't -- i.e., back to the different strokes for different folks thing.
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It's a relationship, not a booty call.
To those who are NOT seeking a "relationship", it's little more than gettin' jiggy with it. Again, not everyone is seeking/desires a "relationship".
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Submissives accept their place in this relationship. The learner, the one who cares for the Dom/Domme, has trust in them, trust that the Dom/Domme will mold them the way they think is right and the way they want. They have faith the relationship works, struggle through things they didn't think they could get through and works through it, someone who works hard, works through the pain and someone who has patience to learn. Trust and patience is a really big key here for a submissive. They are putting their mind, body and soul into someones else's hands.
For those of the M/s ilk, sure (and even some within the D/s ilk), but again... not everyone is seeking a Total Power Exchange (TPE) dynamic, which I believe is what you're alluding to. Personally, I don't do "D/s"... for me, "M/s" is what works best. Others are different.
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The submissive (possibly talking about the beginning and start of the relationship) shouldn't be waiting and anxious for the sex. The submissive should be anxious about the collar that he/she will be receiving from their Dom/Domme.
Honestly, I don't agree with the underlined part. To draw a parallel, what you've written in the vanilla world would translate to, "The girlfriend shouldn't be anxious for sex... she should be anxious about the ENGAGEMENT RING that she will be receiving from her boyfriend." Do you now see the flaw in the statement?!! Nobody "should be anxious" about anything... and the RIGHT relationship (if that's what one is looking for) is generally FREE of anxiety. The focus is on COMPATIBILITY, not on some symbol (which is merely a physical representation for what's already present) -- be it a ring, or a collar. Make sense?!! I hope so.
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Receiving the collar. That's the greatest moment in a Dom/sub relationship. Not the sex. (even thought that's a nice part to it as well :P)
You B/both walk this journey together.
I'd disagree... as I view it, the "greatest moment" is FINDING THE PERSON YOU WISH TO SPEND YOUR LIFE WITH, and then BEGINNING said "journey together", regardless of whether it's a vanilla or BDSM-based dynamic. Again, both the ring and the collar are merely symbols for what should already be present.
Moreover, I maintain the RING means MORE than the collar for the simple reason that the RING is LEGALLY BINDING, where the collar is not.
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That's my opinion
Ditto. [:D]
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