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njlauren -> RE: My way of seeing it... (1/28/2012 6:04:46 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: BeautifullyBrokn
For me, BDSM lifestyle is not just about sex. So many times I see or hear about this lifestyle being all about the sex. Having a Dom and submissive relationship requires a lot of things. Patience, trust, time, care, love, honesty, learning, teaching, finding likes/dislikes. I don't like seeing people who are just like 'Looking for a Dom/sub relationship, sex, sex and sex.' 'Hey lets cam together so you can show me everything, then I'm going to forget about you.' 'Wanna hook up this weekend?'
Most people look at the BDSM lifestyle as just a kinkier sex. Bondage, maybe some spanks here or there then lots of sex. It's sad when that is the first thing people think of when told about the BDSM lifestyle and having a Dom/sub.
No, a Dom/Domme is a protector, mentor, parent-like, therapist, teacher. They care about their sub, about their subs feelings, their day, their problems. Patience when teaching or learning about their sub. They take the sub past what they think they're capable of, and works with them to achieve greater things. They help the sub work through their insecurities, doubts, things that the sub wishes he/she could get over. They are, Master. Mistress. Dom. Domme. Daddy. Mommy. Sir. Miss.
It's a relationship, not a booty call.
Submissives accept their place in this relationship. The learner, the one who cares for the Dom/Domme, has trust in them, trust that the Dom/Domme will mold them the way they think is right and the way they want. They have faith the relationship works, struggle through things they didn't think they could get through and works through it, someone who works hard, works through the pain and someone who has patience to learn. Trust and patience is a really big key here for a submissive. They are putting their mind, body and soul into someones else's hands.
The submissive (possibly talking about the beginning and start of the relationship) shouldn't be waiting and anxious for the sex. The submissive should be anxious about the collar that he/she will be receiving from their Dom/Domme.
Receiving the collar. That's the greatest moment in a Dom/sub relationship. Not the sex. (even thought that's a nice part to it as well :P)
You B/both walk this journey together.
That's my opinion.. I guess I was frustrated enough to post about it. :P
[sm=cute.gif]
Layla, <3 (please don't mind the grammar and spelling mistakes. I'm not here for that, I'm here to post my opinion. Thanksss.)
Nicely put, and I agree totally when you are talking bd/sm relationships. I think what happens is you see people who are seeking sex partners into kinky play (which there is nothing wrong with), rather then BD/SM style relationships. For those people kink is an enhancement to sex, not about expressing an underlying dynamic (just my opinion, no right or wrong answers here).
It is like there are people who are into the S/M elements because they enjoy topping/bottoming, rather then being into a d/s relationship and for them it is about the sensation play and (in many cases) the sex that follows, or is part of the play.
I see this with erotic fiction on sites like Literotica where people are all caught up in the idea of the kinky play alone, or caught up in the idea of the 'cruel dominant' and the 'lowly worm sub', and IMO it is written by people who don't know. I remember talking to a vanilla friend about d/s relationships, master/slave, etc, and explaining to him that the relationships are not about the whips and chains and so forth, but about establishing a relationship based on love and mutual respect where one person agrees to allow the other one elements of control over them, and that in many ways it IMO is a lot stronger relationship then vanilla ones, since so much trust is required both ways, and communications and work, when I explained to him about lifestyle people I knew and how hard they worked on their relationships, he was amazed, his comment was regular relationships often seem to be run on mutual assumptions rather then actual communications and trust.....
I think the OP was talking about d/s relationships, which is her thing, and expressing what she sees, I don't think she was criticizing others particularly. I understand why people are sensitive, there are plenty of people in the 'bd/sm' sphere who claim right and proper, who seek to determine what others should do, but I didn't get it out of the OP's post, it wasn't like she was some 'old guard' type claiming 'truth', not at all. I do think with certain types of BD/SM/DS relationships it is a lot more then sex, at varying levels. I also will add that BD/SM play for me turns sex into something fantastic, but what the hell:)
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