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NuevaVida -> RE: My way of seeing it... (1/27/2012 7:17:32 PM)
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ORIGINAL: BeautifullyBrokn
For me, BDSM lifestyle is not just about sex. So many times I see or hear about this lifestyle being all about the sex. Having a Dom and submissive relationship requires a lot of things. Patience, trust, time, care, love, honesty, learning, teaching, finding likes/dislikes.
It's not just about sex for me, either, however BDSM in and of itself, is an activity (bondage, discipline, sado-masochism). It's a sexual aspect of my relationship.
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I don't like seeing people who are just like 'Looking for a Dom/sub relationship, sex, sex and sex.' 'Hey lets cam together so you can show me everything, then I'm going to forget about you.' 'Wanna hook up this weekend?'
I think people should do what works for them, and if the above is it, then I hope they enjoy the hell out of it. [:)]
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Most people look at the BDSM lifestyle as just a kinkier sex. Bondage, maybe some spanks here or there then lots of sex.
In my world, BDSM is about sex (see above). It's part of an overall relationship which, of course, is not just about sex.
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It's sad when that is the first thing people think of when told about the BDSM lifestyle and having a Dom/sub.
Oh I think there are much bigger things in life to feel sad about - the way people look at BDSM is their own deal, and gives me no emotional reaction at all.
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No, a Dom/Domme is a protector, mentor, parent-like, therapist, teacher.
He is not at all my therapist. As OsideGirl said, if I need a therapist, I see one (and I have). He has elements of the other things you mentioned, though.
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They care about their sub, about their subs feelings, their day, their problems. Patience when teaching or learning about their sub. They take the sub past what they think they're capable of, and works with them to achieve greater things.
I'm pretty aware of what I'm capable of, and when he's tried to push me past that, we have problems. I know my own limitations, and we talk about them, and those that should be worked through, we work through together. I do the work, he supports it. We influence each other to achieve greater things.
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They help the sub work through their insecurities, doubts, things that the sub wishes he/she could get over.
I did most of this work on my own before I met him. But we work together on those things we both struggle with.
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They are, Master. Mistress. Dom. Domme. Daddy. Mommy. Sir. Miss.
It's a relationship, not a booty call.
Quite true for the Mister and I.
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Submissives accept their place in this relationship. The learner, the one who cares for the Dom/Domme, has trust in them, trust that the Dom/Domme will mold them the way they think is right and the way they want.
Nobody's molding me (sorry I hate that word lol). We are growing together, in ways that are best for us as individuals and as a relationship.
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They have faith the relationship works, struggle through things they didn't think they could get through and works through it, someone who works hard, works through the pain and someone who has patience to learn. Trust and patience is a really big key here for a submissive.
Trust and patience is a big key for both parties. Same with "vanilla" relationships, though. But I don't have issues I don't think I can get through. I've dug myself out of hell before - I can get through pretty much anything. The question is, will what he wants harm me? If so, it's off the table.
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They are putting their mind, body and soul into someones else's hands.
Nobody owns my soul - it's not mine to give away, but that's just my own spiritual belief. My mind is my own, too - although he can surely influence it, and has.
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The submissive (possibly talking about the beginning and start of the relationship) shouldn't be waiting and anxious for the sex. The submissive should be anxious about the collar that he/she will be receiving from their Dom/Domme.
Actually I was dying for him to fuck me senseless, and told him I was allergic to collars. After my last relationship, that kind of commitment was the last thing I wanted. I was happy to be in a relationship with him, and enjoy the sex we have in it, but it took awhile for me to not recoil when a collar was mentioned.
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Receiving the collar. That's the greatest moment in a Dom/sub relationship. Not the sex. (even thought that's a nice part to it as well :P)
No, it wasn't our greatest moment. It was a good moment, don't get me wrong, but we've had much more intense moments than that, which were not sex related.
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You B/both walk this journey together.
Agreed. The Mister and I are walking our path in life together.
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That's my opinion.. I guess I was frustrated enough to post about it. :P
Just my unsolicited advice, but I wouldn't give much energy to the way other people are conducting their endeavors. If it's making them happy, then that's awesome.
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