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RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/1/2012 3:07:40 PM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

I meant this in a good way "just saying" and am not trying to depress or put any submissive, spending time in the forums, down.


If I hadn't read so many of your post lately, I might have believed that one. But your history speaks for itself.

OP...you are going to have to be more specific if you want any real help here.


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(in reply to Arturas)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/1/2012 3:09:08 PM   
SinFix


Posts: 866
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		Well that's kinda what I meant.. I have meet several people off of CM, though only two inspired me to be submissive right off the bat...

(in reply to Arturas)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/1/2012 3:09:52 PM   
brder


Posts: 6
Joined: 1/28/2012
Status: offline 		Lizi - no, I just find that many submissives here want a "Master" who does everything for them...sometimes when I ask them up front and sometimes it comes out later after they 'commit'

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/1/2012 3:10:53 PM   
Arturas


Posts: 3245
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml


quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas


quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

All I can say is that your experience hasn't been the same as mine, by any means.

[ED to Add..]

I've just scoped your profile, and... I hope you don't mind if I make an observation?

It's shouty. It doesn't say much about what you bring to the party, and... well I just don't see it working out for you, brother.




I've just scoped your profile and it would look really good on match.com, but I don't see it working out for you, brother. The point of my statement, other than I actually mean it in a positive way, is there is no set good way to produce a profile except to write it yourself so it attracts those who think as you do rather than write it to satisfy someone on the forum who means well but does not know you or what will attract the girl or guy for you.

On submissives here on CM, they are very much so on "the other side". Here, the forum seems to do something strange to some of them, they somehow spend most of their time here meeting nobody close to them and then get snarky for it and then meet nobody close to them some more as time goes on and get even more snarky and, well, you see this does not end well. But the subs on the other side who are very submissive, even on the first meeting, all seem to have avoided the forums. Just saying.


As a matter of fact it has been working out for me really well, for quite a period of time.

But I do take your point - and you're right, brder should not be writing a profile like mine if it's not a reflection of his personality.

But, at the moment, his profile is shit. Which I'm sure is not a reflection of his personality either.



I appreciate you comment and do respect it and at the same time I think it likely that one man's shit is another man's honey. If I judge his profile from my plane of reference then I will be wrong as he is obviously very different and is searching and will attract someone very different from the woman who would be attracted to me.

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(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/1/2012 3:11:05 PM   
ModTwentyOne


Posts: 2504
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas


quote:

ORIGINAL: SinFix

Wow great generalization there Art.. I'm on the forums and I meet real people all the time... And pretty damn submissive if he inspires me to be or the guy isn't a HNG....


When I mean "meet" I mean face to face. That is my point of reference. Of course it is a generalization based on years of experience and observation and so does not include all submissives on the forum as you point out very well. How many have you met and submitted to face to face, since you brought it up, and there is no wrong answer here and of course you need not answer if you choose not to.


The question is not about SinFix and their experiences, unless they choose to bring them up to address the topic. Please stick to the topic.


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If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/1/2012 3:12:44 PM   
brder


Posts: 6
Joined: 1/28/2012
Status: offline 		I've noticed it runs more with age than anything, generally younger submissives (20s 30s) are less submissive than they think, that being said the submissives my age (40ish) tend to be more mature in submission but want older 50s 60s men ...

(in reply to brder)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/1/2012 3:13:35 PM   
PurrfectPleasure


Posts: 1
Joined: 1/17/2012
Status: offline 		everyone has differant defination  so hard to say  as I say im dif may try to bend his way   if right man   

(in reply to brder)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/1/2012 3:13:40 PM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

I appreciate you comment and do respect it and at the same time I think it likely that one man's shit is another man's honey. If I judge his profile from my plane of reference then I will be wrong as he is obviously very different and is searching and will attract someone very different from the woman who would be attracted to me.


Fuck me! Have you read his profile?

From any plane of reference.... sheesh.

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(in reply to Arturas)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/1/2012 3:14:05 PM   
Arturas


Posts: 3245
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

quote:

I meant this in a good way "just saying" and am not trying to depress or put any submissive, spending time in the forums, down.


If I hadn't read so many of your post lately, I might have believed that one. But your history speaks for itself.

OP...you are going to have to be more specific if you want any real help here.



I appreciate your post. I have tended to call them as I see them and am not proud of that nor do I excuse it or hold myself up as a model of forum proclivity. I try to be more sensitive.

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"We master Our world."

(in reply to thishereboi)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/1/2012 3:15:12 PM   
PolyDommesgirl


Posts: 75
Joined: 6/17/2011
Status: offline 		Are submissive really submissives [on Collar Me]?

Well answer me this, are Dom/mes really Dom/mes on Collar Me?

In my experience, there are some real ones and there are also some players, teasers, on-liners, some part timers and some full timers. Some do it for the sex, as a life style and some do it for money.

The problem is, some people don’t know what label the fit under. So they cannot “state” why they are here.

Others are embarrassed by their label and intentionally won’t say why they are here.


But in the end, regardless of labels there is no short cuts. You need to learn about peoples personalities. And this is a wonderful place to do it. It likely didn't cost you a thing.

I agree with others, you do need more content in your profile. As with fishing, using the right lure, will attract the right fish.

It took me two years to find a Domme I was compatible with.

Others may do it faster or slower.

I hope this helps, if only in vague way.

Best wishes.

dee

[edited formatting, typos and elaborated on a sentence]

< Message edited by PolyDommesgirl -- 2/1/2012 3:53:44 PM >

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Many men see an award winning, 400 HP, 4L, European styled 911, Many women see a car.

I am blessed with the ability to translate.



(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/1/2012 3:16:01 PM   
Arturas


Posts: 3245
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml


quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

I appreciate you comment and do respect it and at the same time I think it likely that one man's shit is another man's honey. If I judge his profile from my plane of reference then I will be wrong as he is obviously very different and is searching and will attract someone very different from the woman who would be attracted to me.


Fuck me! Have you read his profile?

From any plane of reference.... sheesh.



It is his. Yours is yours. Mine is shit. But it gets the job done my way.

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/1/2012 3:16:19 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: brder

Lizi - no, I just find that many submissives here want a "Master" who does everything for them...sometimes when I ask them up front and sometimes it comes out later after they 'commit'

What aspects of your personality and your lifestyle make you sexy and desirable?

Until you have a clear answer to that question, and can project it to potentially interested women, it is unlikely that women will sexually desire you. As a result, the women who converse with you will be focused on economic security, because they can't see what else you offer.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to brder)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/1/2012 3:40:04 PM   
SorceressJ


Posts: 2968
Joined: 7/24/2010
Status: offline 		Why not simply let each person do and be their own thing for their own reasons, and stop all this utter poppycock about what is and is not twue?
I know it's a hell of a lot to ask. We are an awfully judgemental (slight emphasis on the 'mental' part, myself not excluded) lot who have created endless threads and arguements thereto ad nauseum, concerning who really is or is not anything. I do not expect this to change. I don't think we can help it, much; does this mean we are addicted? But seriously..
Why not just deal with the twueness of the person you see in the mirror, and don't worry about it otherwise? Most particularly, stop worrying about other people's opinions and reasons why. To each their own.
Generalizations, blanket presumptions, and labels all FAIL in the end.
Just sayin'.


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(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/1/2012 3:48:08 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: brder

Lizi - no, I just find that many submissives here want a "Master" who does everything for them...sometimes when I ask them up front and sometimes it comes out later after they 'commit'


Well, I'm going to say a lot of what you've mentioned so far is about expectations. You have them, others do too. It would be nice if you could just ask people upfront about themselves and they'd just rattle off the answers- sure would save people a lot of time. Thing is, people don't work that way. I've gotten to know plenty of men online who I thought were one thing and ended up not being that thing. People's perceptions of themselves are mixed in there, someone  might think they are very submissive on her scale of thinking. What it really comes down to is that human beings are complex and they don't come with disclaimers or bullet points. So you have to spend the time getting to know them unfortunately and seeing how things add up for you. Someone else might find a woman you don't care for to be perfect. It's just a question of matching things up.

You're expecting one thing and getting another....have you ever thought perhaps that your own expectations might be hard to meet? It could be part of what is happening.

Another thing is...isn't it nice that you're finding out right away some of the time that you aren't a match with these women who seem to want things you aren't interested in. It's hard finding a match period, it's nice when we find out early on I think so not as much time is wasted.

(in reply to brder)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/1/2012 3:53:59 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

What aspects of your personality and your lifestyle make you sexy and desirable?

Until you have a clear answer to that question, and can project it to potentially interested women, it is unlikely that women will sexually desire you. As a result, the women who converse with you will be focused on economic security, because they can't see what else you offer.


OP, this posting from Red is very insightful.
If I saw your profile, I'd never have responded to it or been moved to write you. There is nothing of you in it and says nothing about what you want. All it has is a few short lines of negativity.

I really thought the above quote was good advice.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/1/2012 4:04:18 PM   
orchid77


Posts: 125
Joined: 5/20/2011
Status: offline 		Mind you, everyone has their own definition of what submission means to them. Therefore it is important to communicate a long time before commiting to anyone. I notice that so many are in a rush to jump into their desires and fantasties they forget that behind the submissive or dominant is a human being. There are many dominant men who expect submissives to not have a mind of their own. Many who try to mindfuck them. Sometimes others are seeking a thrill. But behind the screen is a human being that you need to get to know. The online thing is not what it was 10 years ago. I made some fantastic friends and relationships from years back and still know them. People today are not very honest about anything...so you never know what you will get until you see them (if you see them) face to face.

I suggest you take CM for what it is and what it isn't. A free site for ALL. And I mean ALL...and take them with grain a salt.

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/1/2012 4:05:53 PM   
fucktoyprincess


Posts: 2337
Status: offline 		To the OP - I still don't get your question.

BDSM is a two-way street. End of story. If you have nothing to bring to the table that would satisfy a submissive's needs and wants, then I don't even see how one gets to your needs and wants.

Do you really think someone who self-describes as submissive has ZERO wants or needs? I challenge any submissive/masochist/slave on this site to tell me that they really have ZERO needs. Which needs they choose a Dominant to fulfill in their lives is still up to a submissive, but as a human being we all have needs (food, shelter, clothing, sexual needs, emotional connection, psychological needs, etc., etc., etc.)

If you want a more thoughtful answer to your post, you really need to expand on your question. What is it that the submissives are asking for that you feel you cannot give?



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~ ftp

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/1/2012 4:09:54 PM   
MistrixMsE


Posts: 198
Joined: 1/3/2010
From: Chicago, USA - Touring Internationally
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

I'm not sure that CM has a corner on the unsubmissive submissives in the world, you're talking like there are more of them here than other places. I'd imagine any BDSM site would be about the same

What exactly are you having trouble with? What you've said so far is a little vague, it's hard to know what you mean. Perhaps you're expecting submission before a submissive commits to you? That seems to be a common area of communication breakdown between the D's and s's.



This. x2.

Then again some 'subs' approach as though they belong to you already... rather assumptive... and clear they take that approach with everyone they contact.

Kind of like fishing with a quarter stick of dynamite. You'll get fish, but they wont be very pretty when you try eat them...


_____________________________

Sadist with a sense of humor... your predicament amuses me.

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/1/2012 4:17:34 PM   
AineofTx


Posts: 6
Joined: 1/31/2012
Status: offline 		May I make an observation and hope to not echo someone else's response? Submissives must take equal responsibility in the beginning: Negotiating limits, asking pointed questions, presenting their opinions honestly. This is the only way to avoid and "oops" later. Submission occurs after the negotiations are complete. Otherwise, one may expect manners, grace and articulate communication.

Am I right? I made some mistakes and learned the hard way that I am responsible for me.

(in reply to brder)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/1/2012 4:23:26 PM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline 		I am a female piece of property.
What my Dom says, goes, full stop.
That is my dynamic.
I am very real and have met several people from CM "face to face", I am well known in my local community.

Now, onto the OP's profile:

I keep finding many women here are not that submissive.
Ok so you start with a negative statement, great first impression.
My definition of submissive being someone who wishes to serve a Master obediently.
Well no shit ...
Many of the women here claim orientation as submissive...
yeah it's a BDSM site...
but when I talk to them I quickly see they are looking for a live-in man who DOES EVERYTHING FOR THEM.
Oooh you mean they want a long term relationship with a man who cares?
Sorry but that is just not submission....
I must make note to tell my Sir this, that him staying with me, waking up next to me and using me as he see's fit means I am not submissive.
that is FEMALE DOMINATION...and something I do not care for.
Ooooh I is a Domme? wooot....

< Message edited by amaidiamond -- 2/1/2012 4:24:19 PM >

(in reply to AineofTx)
Profile   Post #: 40
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