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RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/3/2012 7:26:45 AM   
OsideGirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DominantHunger
There most certainly are "subs" posting on the personals side asking for a Dom who does literally everything - all they are willing to do is be a fuck toy. The OP is not off base at all in claiming those types exist.
Absolutely. They're usually in one particular age group as well. So, I think he just needs to widen his scope a little bit.


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RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/3/2012 7:32:13 AM   
xssve


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Well I suspect the average 20 something is mainly looking for a boyfriend, not a lifetime of servitude, although there is always the odd exception.

And the not-as-cute ones are probably harder than the cute ones, being used to fending off passes from guys who think they're easy.

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RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/3/2012 7:37:33 AM   
xssve


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Bottom line I think though, is that for every woman on here looking for a real D/S relationship, there is at least one other who is just looking for a guy who's good in bed.

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RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/3/2012 10:07:17 AM   
kalikshama


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What do you base that on?

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RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/3/2012 1:00:24 PM   
DesFIP


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quote:

ORIGINAL: xssve

Bottom line I think though, is that for every woman on here looking for a real D/S relationship, there is at least one other who is just looking for a guy who's good in bed.



Maybe, but I think for every guy here claiming to be dominant, there are two just looking to get laid and who aren't good in bed.


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RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/3/2012 1:12:07 PM   
Lockit


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ROFL... I think the numbers might be a bit higher Des and that goes for submissives too! I will add... they often want to take a passive role... 'let me lay here while you do things to me' and expect to be serviced rather than to be a great lover. Except for the guys that want to give oral for hours... they may want an active role, but tend to be clueless and the clueless are typically not good lovers.

(Though my research isn't scientific... I do retain emails that prove my theory and I do have some life experience. hehe)


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RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/3/2012 1:28:55 PM   
xssve


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That is probably not a farfetched assumption.

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RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/3/2012 1:29:55 PM   
fucktoyprincess


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: xssve

Bottom line I think though, is that for every woman on here looking for a real D/S relationship, there is at least one other who is just looking for a guy who's good in bed.



Maybe, but I think for every guy here claiming to be dominant, there are two just looking to get laid and who aren't good in bed.


So at the end of the day, it is still about two people determining if what one has to offer is what the other wants and vice versa.

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RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/3/2012 1:51:05 PM   
xssve


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Yes, which is why it probably works best when the guy just wants a shot of leg, any leg, and the chick will entertain anybody who will pay some attention to her - so the desperate uggos are all as happy as pigs in shit, while the rest of us grow old waiting for the one.

Which is why I never make fun of them.

Excepting of course, those who have either found their one, or have given up, and are just passing the time of day mocking or talking to the more or less fortunate.

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RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/6/2012 1:04:15 AM   
brder


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for me a submissive having a career or not is not a problem as long as other work gets done by someone/somehow.

what I'm talking about is submissives who are not submissive, and that also goes for dominants as well who aren't dominant. This seems to be a growing problem maybe because people are too busy trying to stay alive due to worsening economy, have been burned too much and simply don't have time for d/s or bdsm or for relationships. Scary but current situation is making mindless robots out of everyone.


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RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/6/2012 2:35:47 AM   
DaddySatyr


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DominantHunger

That's not what I got from his post at all. What I got from it was he didn't want a submissive who was insisting on indulging in having their fantasies played out for them while doing nothing in return for their Dom. Maybe the OP should clarify, but I believe you took the wrong message from his post.


Yeah. That's what I took from it.

I make fun of this all the time but we've all seen the profile name: (I hope this is fictional) "sluttycumslutfuckholeprincess4u"

This profile starts off something like: "I am not uber-experienced but, I know what I want and need from my submission."

"I will not engage in ... "

"I don't want someone who ... "

"If you contact me and we click, we're well on our way"


There are plenty of those types of profiles. I have, on occasion, written to a few and suggested a re-write and as you can maybe imagine, the suggestion was not met a ticker-tape parade.

I have seen a lot of evidence of people coming into this lifestyle, curious and really sponge-like, looking to learn and have seen them indoctrinated into the "You're-A-Masochist-So-You're-A-Submissive" belief. It just isn't so.

(ETA: I was at a club where a man was introduced by someone as their "curious friend" and a lady said to him: "Are you dominant or submissive?" The guy said: "I don't understand" She answered: "Do you like being flogged or doing the flogging?" That's where it starts)

My best friend identified as a submissive for years. One day, she was bitching to me about male submissives approaching her and what did these "idiots" want from her and ... She ended her tirade with: "Jesus Christ, Michael. Do I seem like a dominant? Michael? Michael, I asked you a question?"

As gently as I could, I dropped the bomb on her (but, the first word was: "Yes!"). She was livid.

Fourteen hours later, she called me up and told me how much she hated me because I was always right. It's funny, though, her relationships have been a lot more fun and successful since she realized that masochist does not equal submissive.



Peace and comfort,



Michael


< Message edited by DaddySatyr -- 2/6/2012 2:40:42 AM >


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RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/6/2012 2:37:06 AM   
crazyml


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quote:

ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess


So at the end of the day, it is still about two people determining if what one has to offer is what the other wants and vice versa.


So, I'm getting a strong "use your common sense, and think of this shit as something akin to forming a relationship" vibe from this?


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RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/6/2012 7:27:03 AM   
fucktoyprincess


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quote:

ORIGINAL: brder

for me a submissive having a career or not is not a problem as long as other work gets done by someone/somehow.

what I'm talking about is submissives who are not submissive, and that also goes for dominants as well who aren't dominant. This seems to be a growing problem maybe because people are too busy trying to stay alive due to worsening economy, have been burned too much and simply don't have time for d/s or bdsm or for relationships. Scary but current situation is making mindless robots out of everyone.




Life is always busy. But I do not think a busy life by both people prevents someone from having a D/s relationship. Again, I have to be honest, but you seem to have some definition of what a D/s relationship is that is very much centered around "the other work get[ting] done". That may be your definition and you are entitled to it, but not everyone operates with this definition. So, perhaps, YOU are not finding a submissive who fits the type of D/s relationship that you define, but this does not mean that submissives as a whole are "less" submissive than in years past.

I also really dispute this notion that two people having busy, productive lives somehow precludes a D/s relationship. I'm sorry, but this makes no sense to me. I think two people, of whatever gender, and whatever role each of them has chosen, can still have employment outside the home, and lead busy lives with children, etc., AND still have a successful D/s relationship. Where is it written that the submissive MUST stay at home in order for it to be called a successful D/s relationship. I think some D/s relationships fit that 50s household pattern (male Dominant who works outside the home, female submissive who stays home), but NOT all D/s relationships would necessarily fit this pattern, and that does not make the other D/s relationships any less valid.

For example, to cite the easy examples, male submissive, female Dominant relationships where both work outside the home; gay or lesbian relationships where household and childrearing tasks are obviously not divided by gender because both partners are the SAME gender; female submissive, male Dominant relationships where both must work outside the home in order to economically provide for their family (In the U.S., of working married women, 48% provide half or more of the household income -they are the primary bread winner; also over 60% of married women with young children work outside the home). Any of these couples I have described can have a very successful D/s relationship.


< Message edited by fucktoyprincess -- 2/6/2012 7:43:32 AM >


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RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/6/2012 7:33:40 AM   
sexyred1


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quote:

ORIGINAL: brder

It's been my experience here that submissives here often are looking for the one WHO DOES EVERYTHING FOR THEM. Is this really submission???...it seems more like vanilla world-- female domination to me than submission. I'm not saying I wouldn't do many things for a submissive I cared for, but I just don't have a feeling here that submission means submission.


It has been my experience here, there and everywhere that people who do not get what they want instantly, tend to make sweeping generalizations about the specific group they are seeking.

I also notice that people who have unreasonable expectations often make generalizations about their failure to achieve them. ie. if you do not get responses to your emails, everyone is a "fake", etc. If a woman rejects someone or questions someone, she is not "really a submissive".

Usually it is simply a lack of chemistry/communication that results in these types of questions on the boards.

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RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/6/2012 7:33:56 AM   
BenevolentM


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quote:

ORIGINAL: brder

It's been my experience here that submissives here often are looking for the one WHO DOES EVERYTHING FOR THEM.


I've had the same impression for a long time and I suspect it stems from the fantasy side, fantasy D/s. I would go so far to say that Dominant Men are discriminated against.

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RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/6/2012 7:37:48 AM   
fucktoyprincess


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quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml


quote:

ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess


So at the end of the day, it is still about two people determining if what one has to offer is what the other wants and vice versa.


So, I'm getting a strong "use your common sense, and think of this shit as something akin to forming a relationship" vibe from this?


Well, yes. A D/s relationship is still a relationship....

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RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/6/2012 9:46:36 AM   
DesFIP


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quote:

ORIGINAL: brder

for me a submissive having a career or not is not a problem as long as other work gets done by someone/somehow.

what I'm talking about is submissives who are not submissive, and that also goes for dominants as well who aren't dominant. This seems to be a growing problem maybe because people are too busy trying to stay alive due to worsening economy, have been burned too much and simply don't have time for d/s or bdsm or for relationships. Scary but current situation is making mindless robots out of everyone.



So you're definition of a sub is someone who will do all the scut work while you watch tv? Sorry Charlie, a guy who does that isn't my definition of a dominant.

Because a dominant wouldn't burn the sub out, but would get off his lazy ass and realize that if she's going to have any energy for fun and games later, he needs to share the chores.

Dominant means someone who makes the decisions, who leads the relationship. Not an incompetent who wants someone to mommy him since he can't clean up his own mess.


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RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/6/2012 10:05:23 AM   
fucktoyprincess


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

So you're definition of a sub is someone who will do all the scut work while you watch tv? Sorry Charlie, a guy who does that isn't my definition of a dominant.



Yes DesFIP this is how I am reading the OP also. And my comments on this thread reflect that. I know others are giving the OP a more charitable interpretation, but as I read his various posts on this thread, I reach the same conclusion as you.

I do feel that he is entitled to define D/s however he wishes. My main objection is to him feeling that his definition is the ONLY way to define D/s. In other words, just because he is having difficulty finding someone to "do all the scut work" does not give him the right to malign all submissives as being "less" submissive. I am sure there are submissives who define D/s the way he does. But that doesn't automatically mean that a submissive who doesn't share his perspective is somehow not submissive.


< Message edited by fucktoyprincess -- 2/6/2012 10:17:27 AM >


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RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/6/2012 10:14:56 AM   
JanahX


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Funny thing is, reading your profile you dont seem very Dominant to me. In fact= not even close. You sound like a complainer and a whiner when things dont work out your way. Accepting that your not very smart might be a place to start with this problem.

< Message edited by JanahX -- 2/6/2012 10:18:49 AM >


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RE: Are the submissives here really submissive? - 2/6/2012 10:27:11 AM   
OsideGirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: brder

for me a submissive having a career or not is not a problem as long as other work gets done by someone/somehow.


So, it's fine if she has a career as long as she cleans the whole house too? So, basically submissive equals house cleaner?

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