RE: Ok did I over react ?

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XEN64 -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 6:50:22 AM)
no I do not have a browser that dose that never seen one to be honest. when I type a message to some one or a reply I do do it in my ms office so I can spell cheak it but it dose take awile, So I tend not to bother when on hear or msn

lizi -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 6:54:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: XEN64 looks like I have a few points to take away from this and a few thinks to think about will be honest and say while I do not feel to good right know, Thankyou all for your input I once heard a say that I very much like "perception isn't reality" looks like I have just had a reminder of that point :) O as for the "baby" thing it just something I do its not ment to be any think other than playfull, maby its time that goes as well thanks all matt We've all had these kind of moments where things are kind of crappy but true. They pass, and hopefully we learn so they don't happen again. I think a good thing is that you wondered what happened and you asked about it. I also think a good thing is that after you got defensive, you took another look and saw some truth to what you didn't want to see, and then you came back again. If you want a takeaway summary here I'd say this...and feel free to discard it if it doesn't fit. This is an adult site, there are far more men then women, that is a factor because the men tend to jump at the chance of meeting someone rather eagerly, while the women can relax a little. Women can make mistakes here and there and it doesn't affect their outcome so much, if a man makes a mistake with someone it takes a little longer and a little more effort to find the next person. I think what happens with this sometimes is that men get a nibble, and they're all over it- which pushes the woman away. I think you were rather eager to have some interest and that you pushed too hard to make things happen. A mistake, but nothing that says terrible things about you as a person. She gave you clear instructions as to how she wanted to proceed, which was at an arms length, you ignored that and she ran off. Pay attention to what women tell you. She wrote you a sentence or two each time and you did much more- try to match what you get. Women are wary, they have to be, if you set off their security radar they are like a wild animal and not getting close. Make them comfortable. You were all over trying to switch things up on your end to try to be what she wanted, that was a big mistake. Whatever it is that YOU want is where you should hang your hat. You make a big deal out of her empty profile, I'm wondering if that is because you wanted more details so as to resemble her goal even more. Women don't want a Dominant who puts on his leadership like a suit of clothing, we don't want men who mysteriously morph into our dream Dom, we want someone who is secure in his own right. We want someone who stands for something - it does give off slimy vibes if someone seems to discard and take up things in order to suit us. That feels like a predator, not a leader. You saying long term, and then short term, along with other flip flops didn't inspire confidence- it seemed as though you were trying to do whatever it took to get her pants off. One final thing...no calling baby. Save endearments for those women that you actually know, it's another sign of false pretenses. I know you didn't see it that way but to us, it's someone trying to get in close without deserving that position. I spoke in generalities, it's only my opinion, I'm not speaking for everyone. I hope that helps in some small way. Good luck with things.

Madame4a -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 7:01:30 AM)
simply ... you didn't get it when she said "no" ... several ways, I might add... and you don't seem to be getting it now.. read carefully what folks are saying... in terms of the freak out factor... nothing online really freaks me out, there's an off button; however, some folks do take things like "baby" very seriously... it was inappropriate, as several have told you

JstAnotherSub -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 7:02:22 AM)
Yes, you overreacted. Several times.

fucktoyprincess -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 7:02:41 AM)
Okay, I am going to say this. Your profile actually makes it clear that you are looking for something on-going, but with potential for something longer term - but it is written in a very straightforward way, and tone, that differs quite a bit from the style you used in your e-mails to this woman. So maybe that was what freaked her out. She might have been expecting something else. She is entitled to fill out her profile however she sees fit. While I think having a blank profile is not the best strategy for finding someone if that's all she wants to put up, then that's all she wants to put up. Your first e-mail to her was fine to a point - it seemed sincere, and you made it clear what you were looking for - and from reading your first note it sounds like you are looking for a ltr. You chose to sign it xxx which I don't always think is the best idea with someone you have not yet met. It suggests a level of closeness or even intimacy that can't possibly be there yet. Then she sent you and e-mail that clearly indicated she was not looking for something long term. So at this point, you now have one of only two options. You politely say goodbye or you politely indicate that you also would be willing to do short term or some other arrangement. You chose to do the latter. It sounds like you are looking for an ltr in your first note, but now suddenly, once you hear she is not interested, you are suggesting other alternatives - but her guard is already up from the first note, and she no longer thinks you are being sincere about what you want. Also, the way you chose to write to her wasn't the best, in my opinion - starting with "baby" again suggests a level of closeness that cannot possible exist at this juncture. So it strikes a completely false chord with her, especially as she clearly states she is not looking for love or a ltr. So now she's freaked out - she accuses you of being "smooth". At this particular point, there is only one option for you. To say goodbye as quickly and succinctly as possible and not try to engage her in further dialogue. She sounds annoyed at you at this point, and you should have the sense that this is not going to go anywhere. I personally feel some of you e-mails to her overstepped in terms of level of intimacy. But I also feel some of her e-mails to you were rude. But at the end of the day, you are still left with the fact that she was telling you she wasn't interested. At some level there is no need to explain yourself further. The best tactic is simply to ignore, say a polite good-bye, and move on. Just stop the exchange. Because she's already upset and it is causing her to react badly, so nothing you say or do will salvage this. For the record, some of her e-mails are, in fact, rude, however your e-mails upset her, and she felt you weren't listening to her. Don't let your ego get in the way of seeing this exchange for what it really is. The two of you are not on the same page - in many ways. So just let it go. She is not "the one". Compatibility is a two-way street. I'm not sure it is a loss, at this early stage, to discover you are not on the same page.

Buzzzz -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 7:12:35 AM)
Spell check isn't going to fix " I am going two the mall ".

XEN64 -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 7:20:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess Okay, I am going to say this. Your profile actually makes it clear that you are looking for something on-going, but with potential for something longer term - but it is written in a very straightforward way, and tone, that differs quite a bit from the style you used in your e-mails to this woman. So maybe that was what freaked her out. She might have been expecting something else. She is entitled to fill out her profile however she sees fit. While I think having a blank profile is not the best strategy for finding someone if that's all she wants to put up, then that's all she wants to put up. Your first e-mail to her was fine to a point - it seemed sincere, and you made it clear what you were looking for - and from reading your first note it sounds like you are looking for a ltr. You chose to sign it xxx which I don't always think is the best idea with someone you have not yet met. It suggests a level of closeness or even intimacy that can't possibly be there yet. Then she sent you and e-mail that clearly indicated she was not looking for something long term. So at this point, you now have one of only two options. You politely say goodbye or you politely indicate that you also would be willing to do short term or some other arrangement. You chose to do the latter. It sounds like you are looking for an ltr in your first note, but now suddenly, once you hear she is not interested, you are suggesting other alternatives - but her guard is already up from the first note, and she no longer thinks you are being sincere about what you want. Also, the way you chose to write to her wasn't the best, in my opinion - starting with "baby" again suggests a level of closeness that cannot possible exist at this juncture. So it strikes a completely false chord with her, especially as she clearly states she is not looking for love or a ltr. So now she's freaked out - she accuses you of being "smooth". At this particular point, there is only one option for you. To say goodbye as quickly and succinctly as possible and not try to engage her in further dialogue. She sounds annoyed at you at this point, and you should have the sense that this is not going to go anywhere. I personally feel some of you e-mails to her overstepped in terms of level of intimacy. But I also feel some of her e-mails to you were rude. But at the end of the day, you are still left with the fact that she was telling you she wasn't interested. At some level there is no need to explain yourself further. The best tactic is simply to ignore, say a polite good-bye, and move on. Just stop the exchange. Because she's already upset and it is causing her to react badly, so nothing you say or do will salvage this. For the record, some of her e-mails are, in fact, rude, however your e-mails upset her, and she felt you weren't listening to her. Don't let your ego get in the way of seeing this exchange for what it really is. The two of you are not on the same page - in many ways. So just let it go. She is not "the one". Compatibility is a two-way street. I'm not sure it is a loss, at this early stage, to discover you are not on the same page. you make some good points and thinking back it would have been better if I had just let it go I have been on this site for what must be 5 to 6 years now if not more and be completely honest this is the 1st time I have ever had a message with some one go so completely down hill like that it is also the 1st time I have some one so total get the wrong end of the stick like that. I do agree it completely up to all of us what we put in our profiles, But I do feel it lead this down hill as it gave me no insight into her in any way nothing all I new was that she had messaged me. but as I have all ready said I do need to learn a few points from this thanks for the input

poise -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 7:22:44 AM)
I too may have felt a little insulted by her 3rd response, and even more so by her 4th, where she actually calls you an abuser, and assumes you behave badly in all interactions, simply beause you were trying to clarify your interests. Not always easy in written form. She approached you first, after supposedly reading your profile and finding an interest. After you responded that you were looking for long term, once you found the right submissive, she quickly decided that you couldn't possibly be the same man she was interested in 3 minutes ago. For her to call herself your prey is rather silly, since she initiated contact. You both ended each email with a closing "I wish you luck in your search", but it seems that you were both fighting for who was going to have the last word. Baby would have freaked me out too though. :) I'd chalk this up to a lesson in poor communication, and think nothing more of it.

XEN64 -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 7:23:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lizi quote: ORIGINAL: XEN64 looks like I have a few points to take away from this and a few thinks to think about will be honest and say while I do not feel to good right know, Thankyou all for your input I once heard a say that I very much like "perception isn't reality" looks like I have just had a reminder of that point :) O as for the "baby" thing it just something I do its not ment to be any think other than playfull, maby its time that goes as well thanks all matt We've all had these kind of moments where things are kind of crappy but true. They pass, and hopefully we learn so they don't happen again. I think a good thing is that you wondered what happened and you asked about it. I also think a good thing is that after you got defensive, you took another look and saw some truth to what you didn't want to see, and then you came back again. If you want a takeaway summary here I'd say this...and feel free to discard it if it doesn't fit. This is an adult site, there are far more men then women, that is a factor because the men tend to jump at the chance of meeting someone rather eagerly, while the women can relax a little. Women can make mistakes here and there and it doesn't affect their outcome so much, if a man makes a mistake with someone it takes a little longer and a little more effort to find the next person. I think what happens with this sometimes is that men get a nibble, and they're all over it- which pushes the woman away. I think you were rather eager to have some interest and that you pushed too hard to make things happen. A mistake, but nothing that says terrible things about you as a person. She gave you clear instructions as to how she wanted to proceed, which was at an arms length, you ignored that and she ran off. Pay attention to what women tell you. She wrote you a sentence or two each time and you did much more- try to match what you get. Women are wary, they have to be, if you set off their security radar they are like a wild animal and not getting close. Make them comfortable. You were all over trying to switch things up on your end to try to be what she wanted, that was a big mistake. Whatever it is that YOU want is where you should hang your hat. You make a big deal out of her empty profile, I'm wondering if that is because you wanted more details so as to resemble her goal even more. Women don't want a Dominant who puts on his leadership like a suit of clothing, we don't want men who mysteriously morph into our dream Dom, we want someone who is secure in his own right. We want someone who stands for something - it does give off slimy vibes if someone seems to discard and take up things in order to suit us. That feels like a predator, not a leader. You saying long term, and then short term, along with other flip flops didn't inspire confidence- it seemed as though you were trying to do whatever it took to get her pants off. One final thing...no calling baby. Save endearments for those women that you actually know, it's another sign of false pretenses. I know you didn't see it that way but to us, it's someone trying to get in close without deserving that position. I spoke in generalities, it's only my opinion, I'm not speaking for everyone. I hope that helps in some small way. Good luck with things. thankyou you make some good points not sure I agree with them all but good points all the same, And I did ask :)

Rochsub2009 -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 7:26:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: XEN64 dose no one see the lady having an emty profile and insulting me with out true grounds as not relevant in any way ? No. Actually, I think the fact that you wrote to her despite the fact that she had an empty profile, makes YOU look even worse. Throughout the entire interaction, you don't sound very Domly. Instead, you sound desperate. You practically begged her to talk to you. Since she had a blank profile, I'm curious about what made you write to her in the first place? You were probably horny from the hot picture (that wasn't even her). Your entire interaction with her was poorly conceived. You've already succeeded in making yourself look silly and desperate. If I were you, I'd leave this thread before I made myself look even worse.

PeonForHer -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 7:27:07 AM)
Yep, I thought her reply was over the top. She had an initial interest and approached you first, but then lost that interest. She pointed out that you and she weren't compatible because you were interested in something long term, whereas she wasn't; then she starts to talk in terms of your being a predator with herself as the intended 'prey'. Frankly, for me, she doesn't add up. Alarm bells of a pro trying a 'bait and switch' would have been ringing in my head.

XEN64 -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 7:29:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: poise I too may have felt a little insulted by her 3rd response, and even more so by her 4th, where she actually calls you an abuser, and assumes you behave badly in all interactions, simply beause you were trying to clarify your interests. Not always easy in written form. She approached you first, after supposedly reading your profile and finding an interest. After you responded that you were looking for long term, once you found the right submissive, she quickly decided that you couldn't possibly be the same man she was interested in 3 minutes ago. For her to call herself your prey is rather silly, since she initiated contact. You both ended each email with a closing "I wish you luck in your search", but it seems that you were both fighting for who was going to have the last word. Baby would have freaked me out too though. :) I'd chalk this up to a lesson in poor communication, and think nothing more of it. thankyou those where my thoughts at the time But in hindsight it would have been better to end things after i had had my 1st reply

LaTigresse -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 7:31:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kalikshama You are why women Delete Unread and men come on to complain about this. Exactly. Fragile male ego cannot just take a polite 'no thank you' and keeps pushing. I don't know what the fuck guys like this think they can achieve. Do they think that the more they keep pushing, the creepier they get, they are going to somehow convince the women they are pushing, to change their mind and actually give them a chance? Dear OP, you need to chill the fuck out.

xxblushesxx -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 7:31:48 AM)
I agree with FTPrincess and Poise. It was an odd exchange all the way around. I'm not sure where that person was going beginning with her first (rather indecipherable) message on. It did seem OP, that you were trying to say whatever you felt you needed to say to get her to want to be with you? "I want long term" "well I don't." "Well a quick fuck is fine" "fuck you" "uhm...so...no quick fuck?" I suggest OP, you know what it is you want, and stick to looking for that. Otherwise you end up with "whatever", and that hardly ever works. Good luck!

PeonForHer -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 7:41:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: XEN64 thankyou those where my thoughts at the time But in hindsight it would have been better to end things after i had had my 1st reply A couple of times, supposed 'lifestyle' Dommes have made initial approaches to me saying very little other than 'Tell me more'. After checking their profiles and seeing little or nothing therein, I've thought, 'Hang on, this makes no sense. A person who really wants to connect would have something in her profile'. That simple line 'Tell me more' is very useful to a bait-and-switcher. If you write back with a list of your horniest fantasies, you're a potential target. If you write back with hints about forming warm human relationships, you're not a promising target. TBH, XEN64 - I have a suspicion that you were the intended prey, here.

FemmeDominion -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 7:42:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: XEN64 to be honest it was not realy so much about trying to get into her knickers as it upset me that she had just got the wrong end of the stick so, that had me reply to her. I guss i just hated the thought of leaving it with her thinking I was some sort of usser and abuser. I guss that more to do with my igo than any thing I get this. It drives me mad when some insist or suggests that I'm someone I'm not. However, and this took me a while to hold on to, what it comes down to is that they don't know me and obviously don't want to. You're not going to change someone's perception of you who does not want to see you differently. Tell yourself that you know who you are, see that they couldn't care less about who you really are, and walk away firm in your understanding and feelings about yourself. Personally I think your first message was fine except for your jab at her lack of profile.

PeonForHer -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 7:54:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FemmeDominion I get this. It drives me mad when some insist or suggests that I'm someone I'm not. Heh. It's a very neat trick if you're a bait-and-switcher, though. Standard for con-artists everywhere actually: the moment you notice that it's not going to work with an intended target - feign horror and accuse him of something. This way it stops him thinking about you, the con artist, and instead starts to make him turn his own head over in self-doubt. One hideous bait-and-switcher tried that on me - giving me the line that 'I shouldn't be using this website' because I was 'no true submissive' (yawn). [I'm not saying that you yourself are one of these-con artists, just to be clear.]

Musicmystery -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 7:58:13 AM)
quote: Ok did I over react ? Matt, you are also unperceptive. She has no profile to speak of. She cmailed you with excuses to run already in place. She isn't really looking for someone, even if she thinks she is. You were wasting your time from the start. From there, you clung to the hope that some woman you know nothing about and who wasn't telling you anymore might somehow become interested. Why? Why would you want this? You don't even know what it is. Really, you just pointed out that you're ready to consider anything. Take time and decide exactly who you'd like to meet and be with--it really isn't everyone. Sure, she also has problems and overreaction. But it's hardly a reflection of mastery to get sucked into that. All problems, and all solutions, are ultimately found within our selves and our thoughts. Take it as the learning experience and the instructional mirror it is, be grateful, and enjoy the process of finding who you really want.

XEN64 -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 7:58:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FemmeDominion quote: ORIGINAL: XEN64 to be honest it was not realy so much about trying to get into her knickers as it upset me that she had just got the wrong end of the stick so, that had me reply to her. I guss i just hated the thought of leaving it with her thinking I was some sort of usser and abuser. I guss that more to do with my igo than any thing I get this. It drives me mad when some insist or suggests that I'm someone I'm not. However, and this took me a while to hold on to, what it comes down to is that they don't know me and obviously don't want to. You're not going to change someone's perception of you who does not want to see you differently. Tell yourself that you know who you are, see that they couldn't care less about who you really are, and walk away firm in your understanding and feelings about yourself. Personally I think your first message was fine except for your jab at her lack of profile. good points made thanks it what i have taken most away from this whole thing, I should have just walked away

MrBlue76 -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 8:03:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: poise I too may have felt a little insulted by her 3rd response, and even more so by her 4th, where she actually calls you an abuser, and assumes you behave badly in all interactions, simply beause you were trying to clarify your interests. Not always easy in written form. She approached you first, after supposedly reading your profile and finding an interest. After you responded that you were looking for long term, once you found the right submissive, she quickly decided that you couldn't possibly be the same man she was interested in 3 minutes ago. For her to call herself your prey is rather silly, since she initiated contact. You both ended each email with a closing "I wish you luck in your search", but it seems that you were both fighting for who was going to have the last word. Baby would have freaked me out too though. :) I'd chalk this up to a lesson in poor communication, and think nothing more of it. Well said, I thought I was going to end this thread without agreeing with anybody. Xen64, you didn't overreact. You overreplied. You'd done much better just saying "bye" if instead of that second message, with all those nice explanations. After all, the girl can't read, obviously she doesn't understand what you say. It's like playing chess with a monkey. (Or with me, for that matter)

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