RE: Ok did I over react ? (Full Version)

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XEN64 -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 2:03:18 PM)

I posted because I wanted a insight into it thats all I have not and am not plaining on lose any sleep over it. I truly belive that seeing other people point of view on all things helps me grow as a person, Many of the things I hold dear and are a strong part of me, Have come from argueing with people who have a completely diffrent belive two me and some times I completely agree. My belives and my opines are mine and for me but that dose not mean I do not want to here diffrent ones. After all if you are not wiling to change your point of view you will never grow

As I said before I have been on this site at least six years and in all that time I have never had this sort of thing happen to me I have talked to many sub who told me about the kind of fools who exspect to be treated like a god straight away and demand to be called sir and all the other rubbish
And that has never been me nor would it ever be. So to be called a abuser and that I was just some smooth talking hunter was very strange. And it got me thing how had I set off the wrong signals or had I ?

that was my reseon for posting I just wanted a diffrent point of view thats all

Anyway thanks for the input guys

I will be making a few changes

matt



CarolBC -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 2:18:14 PM)

From my viewpoint, the sub threw the first punch - it was quite unnecessary and mean-spirited. matt, I thought you stayed civil for longer than I would have, but I guess no peace prizes will be handed out for either party for this exchange.



ResidentSadist -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 5:08:41 PM)

~fr
Let it go dude.
It's enough work to rule over those that want you to much less try to rule those that do not.   

The "seems we are looking for different things" in first reply would have been the end of it for me.  Did you overreact?  You sent more than a "good luck, thanks for time" note.  Why waste your time and hers?



angelikaJ -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 5:22:57 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: CarolBC

From my viewpoint, the sub threw the first punch - it was quite unnecessary and mean-spirited. matt, I thought you stayed civil for longer than I would have, but I guess no peace prizes will be handed out for either party for this exchange.


"im not looking for anything long term,not looking for love either so might not be worth checking the other side of the coin seems we are looking for different things

all the best in finding someone "

That is not nasty.

The OP kept crossing boundaries: signing off with kisses, and calling her the familiar "baby"; and not hearing her when she gave her polite "thanks but no thanks".

Her frustration was understandable.



JanahX -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 6:44:37 PM)

He CANT let it go. He's a typical type A personality. They get FIXATED on things and will dwell on them for weeks - months and never stop until they fixate on something new. I cant stand being around them very long myself....

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

~fr
Let it go dude.
It's enough work to rule over those that want you to much less try to rule those that do not.   

The "seems we are looking for different things" in first reply would have been the end of it for me.  Did you overreact?  You sent more than a "good luck, thanks for time" note.  Why waste your time and hers?




Aileen1968 -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 6:49:33 PM)

I would have called you a fucktard after the second message you sent.



GloriousMorning -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 8:41:54 PM)

I think it's tacky that you posted the private correspondence here, and I think continuing to message her after she was sending clear messages not to, is the first clue that you have boundary issues. Don't blame the ladies on these sites, we get emails from people like you ALL THE TIME, and they get tiresome and repetitive, most don't even get a second email when they CLEARLY don't know how to take "thanks, but no thanks" for an answer. Consider the 3 additional messages you got from her an anomaly, and move on.



crazyml -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/20/2012 12:16:03 AM)

Yep you did.

You got a message, you sent a reply. She then responded with a really pleasant note which terminated with "all the best in finding someone".

That's your cue to move on.

The replies you subsequently sent made you look like a bitch.

quote:

ORIGINAL: XEN64

dose no one see the lady having an emty profile and insulting me with out true grounds as not relevant in any way ?



She didn't insult you, you demeaned yourself.



ResidentSadist -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/20/2012 12:52:01 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968
I would have called you a fucktard after the second message you sent.

I dunno'...  I gotta' agree that he seems to be the one that went off base first. 

His profile says "I'm not looking for a live-in slave".

She said, "you have an interesting profile".

wait for it . . .   here comes the romantiDom flip-flop . . .  He wrote her all that mushy crap about "I will add that long term when I find the right submissive we will have all that a normal relationship has to offer love, trust, honest, and friendship but with a lovely kinky quirk running throw it"

She said, (fuck off ya' flip flopper) "im not looking for anything long term . . . all the best in finding someone"

He said, (wait, don't take the pussy away) "no way rules out every thing eles I am more than happy to and do meet for short term"


. . . pretty much seems like a downward spiral from there. 



DommesLesEnigma -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/20/2012 10:50:26 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: XEN64
1


hi you have an interesting profile. are you with someone,in talks,then you are not for me however if you have no interest at the moment then would like to know more

2




Read your profile (did not take long :) ) so its a little hard for me to get a handle on what it is you are looking for, So if you could let me know more about you. like do you have any experience and what is it you hope to find, what is it you need from a Ds relationship etc etc that would be a big help

matt xxx

3




all the best in finding someone





So here is what you got:

No info in profile
Not a picture of her

It sounds to me like she was screening you. I can understand why because when I get responses I got a sneaking suspicion that they were just saying what they wanted me to hear.


1. Your profile caught her eye and so she liked something in it (seems). Maybe she wanted to know what her competition may be. On the other hand you need to pay attention to the messages too. Notice the comment in bold above under 1 She is offering to tell you more about her. She knows what you are looking for. It is in your profile.

2. She knew you were dominant it should be in your profile. So in this case you over did it with your first contact with her. It came off as desperate. Now notice words in bold under 2. To help with what?? It sounds like the bait and switcher tactic below. All you should have answered with was. "I am not currently involved. Yes tell me more". I really think from their it would have swung in a whole different direction. Sounded like she wanted to tell you from words in bold under 1.


quote:

PeonForHer

That simple line 'Tell me more' is very useful to a bait-and-switcher. If you write back with a list of your horniest fantasies, you're a potential target. If you write back with hints about forming warm human relationships, you're not a promising target.



3. So your blew it. She probably thought that you jumped to reply so quick, that you didn't even read her whole message. That you missed the part where she offered to tell you more. At that point you should have just Replied back to her in kind. See words in bold under 3. Maybe add to it "Feel free to contact me again if what you are looking for changes". Then there would have been the possibility that she may have checked up on you again or maybe not. The rest just should not have happened. Definitely not the last message you sent. It only made her view of you worst. It is just good manners to end it respectfully. To be blunt the last message sounds like your saying "No pussy, well fuck you..."

To the post above by PeonForHer
Not all the time is someone scheming with the question "Tell me more?". I use it a lot because of all the insincere sounding messages I get. Most of them just looking for a chat to get off. So, I require they tell me more. In order to see if they are serious or just wasting my time. Then again I don't have a blank profile either. Just a thought.

Dommes Les Enigma



OsideGirl -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/20/2012 10:53:31 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist



She said, "im not looking for anything long term . . . all the best in finding someone"

He said, (wait, don't take the pussy away) "


There's the crux of the whole situation right there.



GreedyTop -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/20/2012 10:56:52 AM)

quote:

He said, (wait, don't take the pussy away)


Suddenly, I hear:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ujhdf9_IO4w



SailingBum -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/20/2012 10:58:57 AM)

much ado bout nothing..

BadOne



PeonForHer -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/20/2012 12:00:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DommesLesEnigma

To the post above by PeonForHer
Not all the time is someone scheming with the question "Tell me more?". I use it a lot because of all the insincere sounding messages I get. Most of them just looking for a chat to get off. So, I require they tell me more. In order to see if they are serious or just wasting my time. Then again I don't have a blank profile either. Just a thought.

Dommes Les Enigma


I'm sure that there are occasions when someone will write 'tell me more' - and it'll be an honest question from someone who's in search for some kind of lifestyle relationship. With yourself, for instance, I'd check your profile. Unlike the woman (assuming it's a woman, of course) who approached the OP, you actually do have something in your profile that says something about you. I'd think, from that, that you're bona fide.

But I still wouldn't write back with much. TBH, if a Domme were to *initiate contact* (crucial point) with me saying just 'Tell me more' a part of me would feel like saying, 'No. Read my frigging profile. Then, either fill in your own profile, or tell me more about yourself - since you made the approach, not I.'

Once or twice I've written back to a Domme who's opened a conversation with me, with just the line 'tell me more', with a one word answer - 'No'. 'Tell me more' can look conceited and feel offensive. (I can't deal with haughty, stuffed up people, even if they're Dommes. I just find them tiresome and, in general, silly and a bit childish underneath the imperial veneer.) If I've had the time, and felt like it, I've actually replied with something like 'What is it you specifically want to know about?' or similar. Then, if she's forthcoming, seems human and writes in a friendly way, I'll do likewise in return.

TBH, I've found that a woman who actually wants to form a relationship (romantic or just friendly), and who writes little or nothing in either her profile or her private cmails to me, is a very rare beast indeed. Women who want actually to connect aren't economical with their words. They want to talk, and a lot.

Aside from all that - it seems wrong to me not to match, very roughly, the number of words that someone sends. A short comment to me will usually elicit a short comment in reply. That's a standard rule, it seems, in real time - I can't see why it should be different on the net.

Errrr . . . I'm a little hazy, now, as to where this post was going! I hope at least some of it was useful. To be blunt, I'm someone who rarely makes an approach but gets approached a lot. As a malesub, especially, this gives me an unusual vantage point, from what I'm told.



CelticPrince -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/20/2012 12:08:33 PM)

quote:

ok seems the tide is not flowwing my way so I will take it on board and move on, Thankyou all

dose no one see the lady having an emty profile and insulting me with out true grounds as not relevant in any way ?


64,

Of course I as well as most can see it...........but the puzzle still remains............she had an empty profile and said not interested to boot yet you kept on. If it were me in your place I would have reviewed her profile and said not thanks to her 1st inquiry.

CP



DommesLesEnigma -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/20/2012 1:35:02 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Errrr . . . I'm a little hazy, now, as to where this post was going! I hope at least some of it was useful. To be blunt, I'm someone who rarely makes an approach but gets approached a lot. As a malesub, especially, this gives me an unusual vantage point, from what I'm told.



ok....I don't make an approach either so I hear you on that. My "tell me more" is after they contacted me with one or two sentences and then a "can we chat". But, good one for you on figuring out how a process for the "bait and switch". I have found certain patterns too. Care to share anymore of your secrets on finding time wasters.



PeonForHer -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/20/2012 1:36:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist



She said, "im not looking for anything long term . . . all the best in finding someone"

He said, (wait, don't take the pussy away) "


There's the crux of the whole situation right there.



Interesting. For me, the crux of the whole situation was that she was at best too stupid to be worth talking to in the first place; at worst, a fruitcake or a scammer. The OP, on the other hand, is a sound enough guy - a bit clumsy, a bit inept and naive - but no worse. I've read his profile: what he said in his reply to this woman only reflects what was in that. If she'd read his profile, which I doubt she did, she'd have got the sort of reply she was expecting and would have taken no offence. She'd have got the man she'd have read about there, and nothing else.

I suspect that a lot of the disagreement on this thread comes down to the fact that, on the one hand, women know a lot about men who bullshit to women but a lot less about women who bullshit to men; on the other hand, men know a lot about women who bullshit men, but a lot less about men who bullshit women.

Well, anyway, OP - if you're still reading, which I greatly doubt - we're all in agreement here about your question, except for the minor point about a) whether you're a complete arse, b) she's a complete arse, or c) you both are.

I hope that helps. OK, I know it probably won't have, but a person can hope. :-)







tameeks -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/20/2012 2:05:18 PM)

One thing I'm glad I have these days... A healthy dose of "I don't give a fuck" as it pertains to random internet strangers. :)



OsideGirl -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/20/2012 2:08:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist



She said, "im not looking for anything long term . . . all the best in finding someone"

He said, (wait, don't take the pussy away) "


There's the crux of the whole situation right there.



Interesting. For me, the crux of the whole situation was that she was at best too stupid to be worth talking to in the first place; at worst, a fruitcake or a scammer.
For whatever reason, he decided she was worth talking to. That's not where the conversation went wrong.


quote:

The OP, on the other hand, is a sound enough guy - a bit clumsy, a bit inept and naive - but no worse.
I'm actually going to disagree. She said "No" and he decided to keep pursuing her. He ignored the idiom that "No means No" and decided that he was the exception. I understand her frustration at that point although I do think she way way off kilter.

quote:

I've read his profile: what he said in his reply to this woman only reflects what was in that.
Which time? Because his first reply was "I'm looking for long term" and the second reply was " Well, it doesn't have to be long term....". (Translation: Well, I'd take a piece of ass if I could get one.)

quote:

If she'd read his profile, which I doubt she did, she'd have got the sort of reply she was expecting and would have taken no offence.
She took offense at the OP ignoring her "No thank you". She did not take offense at what he's looking for in a relationship.



chatterbox24 -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/20/2012 2:40:22 PM)

Xena
I think the girl sounds like a wack job, thank your lucky stars. Seems You were being a nice guy to me and didnt understand why this chick was responding the way she was. Sounds like she has some real problems to me. So I for one agree with you. I understand completely why you were scratching your head.



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