RE: Ok did I over react ?

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NibbyJibby -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 8:04:18 AM)
quote: im not looking for anything long term,not looking for love either so might not be worth checking the other side of the coin seems we are looking for different things all the best in finding someone As a submissive to have received such reply would have me with different perspective. Firstly i would have appreciation that she was with courtesy and etiquette to reply; also appreciate she conversed openly, sincerely and honestly as i have appreciation and respect for such traits. As such, if said response is a negative, i would accept that reality... if both persons are not with compatibility and interest there is no point in pushing further... especially online with a stranger. She felt from your response there was not a mutual compatibility nor mutual interest. I suspect you freaked her out with your initial reply especially with words "love" and "bedroom" and phrase "Anyway will get off now". I understand what you meant with phrase but perchance it added to a different perception. Then you follow up in subsequent communication how you are with a active libido. I very much suspect she was not interested with those aspects as her prime interest/expectations. Cool, she responded and expressed herself. "im not looking for anything long term,not looking for love either so might not be worth checking the other side of the coin seems we are looking for different things... all the best in finding someone" At that point for myself i would STOP and ACCEPT!!! If there was no mutual interest at that point, i fail to see need nor logic for justifications or to obstinately pushing forward. She took time to make her feelings known. She expressed herself articulate and clear! If it was me i would have the etiquette and self confidence to accept her decision. What i do not understand is why you push forward after that. Why do you not accept her decision and change of heart. She not only conveyed her non-interest but also wished you the best in finding someone. What part of her reply was not forthright and clear, what aspect did you not understand? For myself in having received respect and etiquette of a reply, i certainly would not portray disrespect in pushing forward regardless, again and again! In the end did such determination achieve anything positive? Of course not. On the upside however much can be gleaned from the experience and from your decision to share and to receive input.

MariaB -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 8:06:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kalikshama Are you using a browser that helpfully underlines the misspelled words? The problem with spell check for dyslexic people is, it gives you a drop down option of words. Which word should he choose from that drop-down menu? the right one of course but dyslexia is a bugger because it doesn't let you know which is the right one!

Winterapple -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 8:09:06 AM)
FR "She" seems a little fishy to me and her reply to your first message seems over the top and frankly a little weird. I didn't see anything wrong with your first reply. And you were replying to her message. But I don't know why you kept messaging her. I would be wary of a empty profile especially one that messaged me first.

myrgth -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 8:11:54 AM)
Yes, I think you over reacted a bit. The end of the conversation should have been her second message saying she wasn't interested. At that point there was no reason to continue messaging her. She was over the top and a bit ridiculous in the later messages but that well could be because we (women) get really tired of telling a guy we aren't interested only to have them continue sending message after message, so she might have been bringing the crazy to the table to get you to stop. In the end, it really doesn't matter and you allowed the communication to get out of hand by not shutting it down. That comes across as desperate, as others have said, and looking for easy sex. Regardless of your intent, it comes across as creepy when "I'm not interested" doesn't end the conversation. At most, the only acceptable reply to that is, "Thanks for letting me know. Best of luck finding what you seek." Oh! Edit to add: Your initial response was fine, however it was a bit long for a lot of people. When someone sends you one or two sentences then odds are they aren't looking for you to send multiple paragraphs back. I've heard and seen many women complain about this. Conversation is best when it is a mutual back and forth with both giving and getting a fairly equal amount of effort. That you put so much effort into someone with very little profile and very little to say is reaching for something that may not really be there. Save that for those that show they are worthy of the effort.

kalikshama -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 8:12:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MariaB quote: ORIGINAL: kalikshama Are you using a browser that helpfully underlines the misspelled words? The problem with spell check for dyslexic people is, it gives you a drop down option of words. Which word should he choose from that drop-down menu? the right one of course but dyslexia is a bugger because it doesn't let you know which is the right one! While I am sympathetic to dyslexia, I'm noticing that he made much more of an effort for psycho chick than he is for us after his OP.

Winterapple -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 8:13:17 AM)
Her third reply seemed a little weird not the second. All in all a rather bizarre exchange.

givemyall -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 8:18:03 AM)
She (or he) sounds like a troll who was setting you up for a slanging match - best forgotten and move on to someone who will respect your honest approach.

PeonForHer -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 8:21:20 AM)
Matt, Quick question: Does this woman who contacted you show up on your 'Who's Viewing Me' page? It is possible that she could have viewed your profile without it showing up, but not likely. See, I have a feeling that she never even looked at your profile in the first place.

MrBlue76 -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 8:22:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: myrgth At most, the only acceptable reply to that is, "Thanks for letting me know. Best of luck finding what you seek." That's the ONLY acceptable reply? It sounds so corporate...

Lockit -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 8:34:41 AM)
I see this a bit differently than most. Her first contact in which she reached out to you, pointed out that she read your profile. If she had read it, she would have known you were smooth so to speak and were looking mostly for long term and a relationship. Therefore, she was a bit whacked out to be surprised that you wanted that. You said it in your profile that she claimed to have read. (Red flag number one... nothing on profile, number two and her messed up email style... number three.) By her second email you should have seen she was a nut case by adding all the little signs she was giving you. Emailing someone that says he is seeking a relationship and what she claims she didn't want but emailed you anyway was rather obvious. However, you do seem to be trying to present as very polished, very intelligent, smooth... like you are a god among men type dominant (which she should have seen if she had read your profile) and then you come off in your own emails as if you would jump on the first frog that jumped in your direction, hoping she would become a princess. Both of you have a bit to learn about humans, human interaction and mental health issues, because she doesn't read as real stable and your libido is a bit much and getting you into situations your brain ought to get you out of. I would have laughed and moved right along thinking she was a nut case rather than to show her I was even willing to do a nut case to get my libido on.

JanahX -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 8:48:35 AM)
I find that very hard to believe. (Please refer to your text I highlighted in RED) Also ... in reading your exchange with her - she sounded like she might have been drunk at the KEYBOARD. The way she puts her sentences together isnt coherent. She didnt seem like she has her ducks in line, but in all reality, NIETHER DO YOU. quote: ORIGINAL: XEN64 quote: ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess Okay, I am going to say this. Your profile actually makes it clear that you are looking for something on-going, but with potential for something longer term - but it is written in a very straightforward way, and tone, that differs quite a bit from the style you used in your e-mails to this woman. So maybe that was what freaked her out. She might have been expecting something else. She is entitled to fill out her profile however she sees fit. While I think having a blank profile is not the best strategy for finding someone if that's all she wants to put up, then that's all she wants to put up. Your first e-mail to her was fine to a point - it seemed sincere, and you made it clear what you were looking for - and from reading your first note it sounds like you are looking for a ltr. You chose to sign it xxx which I don't always think is the best idea with someone you have not yet met. It suggests a level of closeness or even intimacy that can't possibly be there yet. Then she sent you and e-mail that clearly indicated she was not looking for something long term. So at this point, you now have one of only two options. You politely say goodbye or you politely indicate that you also would be willing to do short term or some other arrangement. You chose to do the latter. It sounds like you are looking for an ltr in your first note, but now suddenly, once you hear she is not interested, you are suggesting other alternatives - but her guard is already up from the first note, and she no longer thinks you are being sincere about what you want. Also, the way you chose to write to her wasn't the best, in my opinion - starting with "baby" again suggests a level of closeness that cannot possible exist at this juncture. So it strikes a completely false chord with her, especially as she clearly states she is not looking for love or a ltr. So now she's freaked out - she accuses you of being "smooth". At this particular point, there is only one option for you. To say goodbye as quickly and succinctly as possible and not try to engage her in further dialogue. She sounds annoyed at you at this point, and you should have the sense that this is not going to go anywhere. I personally feel some of you e-mails to her overstepped in terms of level of intimacy. But I also feel some of her e-mails to you were rude. But at the end of the day, you are still left with the fact that she was telling you she wasn't interested. At some level there is no need to explain yourself further. The best tactic is simply to ignore, say a polite good-bye, and move on. Just stop the exchange. Because she's already upset and it is causing her to react badly, so nothing you say or do will salvage this. For the record, some of her e-mails are, in fact, rude, however your e-mails upset her, and she felt you weren't listening to her. Don't let your ego get in the way of seeing this exchange for what it really is. The two of you are not on the same page - in many ways. So just let it go. She is not "the one". Compatibility is a two-way street. I'm not sure it is a loss, at this early stage, to discover you are not on the same page. you make some good points and thinking back it would have been better if I had just let it go I have been on this site for what must be 5 to 6 years now if not more and be completely honest this is the 1st time I have ever had a message with some one go so completely down hill like that it is also the 1st time I have some one so total get the wrong end of the stick like that.I do agree it completely up to all of us what we put in our profiles, But I do feel it lead this down hill as it gave me no insight into her in any way nothing all I new was that she had messaged me. but as I have all ready said I do need to learn a few points from this thanks for the input

DesFIP -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 9:49:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MrBlue76 quote: ORIGINAL: myrgth At most, the only acceptable reply to that is, "Thanks for letting me know. Best of luck finding what you seek." That's the ONLY acceptable reply? Yes, because anything else sounds as though you're refusing to accept rejection and are hoping by keeping a conversation going that you believe you can get her to change her mind. You can't, all you can get is blocked. And if you reply with anything that is in the slightest negative, she will learn from this never to keep talking with someone once she doesn't believe there is compatibility. Nastygrams teach women to just block and delete, in mid sentence if that's what it takes. Not to say goodbye and good luck, not to send thanks but no thanks in the future. Every time you get zero response from someone you sent a message to, it's because other men have taught her that this is the only safe response. It sounds so corporate...

OsideGirl -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 10:20:48 AM)
Yes, she went too far. But, when she said she wasn't interested your response should have been "Thank you for the reply. Have a nice day and good luck in your search". Instead you decided to 1) call her baby and 2) not let it go. So, my view is that whatever you got after that is pretty much your own fault.

jennileigh8182 -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 11:18:30 AM)
FR - Like everyone else, I would have stopped the conversation MUCH sooner. Personally, I probably wouldn't have responded to the first email, as I tend to believe that if someone can't be bothered to write a paragraph about themselves, that's probably about how much effort they're going to put into the relationship, too...or they simply have no insight into themselves, or they're hiding something and don't want to risk being identified. Your initial response was fine, but you both went way overboard....and she's a nut job. Or drunk. Or non English speaking, maybe?

Duskypearls -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 11:21:16 AM)
It ALL sounded unstable and off to me.

GreedyTop -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 11:24:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl Yes, she went too far. But, when she said she wasn't interested your response should have been "Thank you for the reply. Have a nice day and good luck in your search". Instead you decided to 1) call her baby and 2) not let it go. So, my view is that whatever you got after that is pretty much your own fault. yep, I agree with this.

sexyred1 -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 12:24:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: XEN64 ok seems the tide is not flowwing my way so I will take it on board and move on, Thankyou all dose no one see the lady having an emty profile and insulting me with out true grounds as not relevant in any way ? I will comment on that. Her responses were odd if she read your profile and wrote you first, then got far too freaked out over what you wrote. However: You said she wrote you first, correct? You said she had nothing written in her profile and only a photo, correct? You obviously felt the photo was intriguing enought to reply to, correct? You went from discussing what you wanted long term (serious relationship) and then when she said she was not looking for long term or love, you jumped right in with agreement, correct? Then she said she thought you were just saying anything that you thought any woman would want to hear. Correct? Then you got upset and frustrated and had to post this on the message board like all guys who get upset over getting rejected by strangers and wanted validation, correcte? I would not call what you did overreacting; I would call it stupid.

Scala -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 12:53:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: givemyall She (or he) sounds like a troll who was setting you up for a slanging match - best forgotten and move on to someone who will respect your honest approach. This is excactly what I thought as well. Matt really never stood a chance. All this analysis of what he could have said and when he should have backed off is okay , but lets be honest here. SHE could have worded her responses better than she did. SHE could have taken a few moments to fill out her profile to better facilitate communication. Thats what its there for. Communication is a two way thing. Also, lets say Matt did decide to back off ... it could happened and it has happened to friends of mine in the vanilla world that she then says , "what, are you going to give up so easily?" @Matt ... I think that given her answers its just as well that it didn't work out. It sounds like it would have been really heavy going. A friend of a friend is like that. She is looking for Mr 100% perfection. Problem is that her idea of perfection changes daily. But I also think that next time it may be better to say something along the lines of , "Okay I accept your opinion but if you change your mind maybe we can just converse as friends and see where it takes us''

JeffBC -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 1:11:18 PM)
I'd be really embarrassed if I were either party in that conversation. You didn't so much over react as under act in my opinion. Your subsequent posting of a private conversation is questionable judgement at best. and yes, if it helps you any, she's not exactly emotionally stable herself.

TheBlank -> RE: Ok did I over react ? (2/19/2012 1:38:35 PM)
Just look at the meat. "Hi, tell me more about you." "I want long term" "Oh, I don't.. good luck." "But baby.. I'm horny, like, ALL the time!" I can't image what went wrong.

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