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releasing a slave - 3/2/2012 8:45:00 PM   
swaybackgirl


Posts: 11
Status: offline
Please explain how releasing a slave, after said owner believes that the relationship is not mutually beneficial to either of them? Is the slave so disposable, devotion means nothing. I don't really see how this would seriously be helping out a slave.

If the slave lived within the rules, no outside source of income, how exactly is throwing out the relationship going to make the slave feel like "wow", I am so glad that I have nothing now and served with all my heart and soul, only to be kicked to the curb...

Owners, if you want a slave who does not work, and obeys all your rules, how could you just turn your back to the one who has devoted themselves to their owners happiness?

If I go the pound and pick a puppy, is it morally right to open the door and release it, don't I as an owner have an obligation to teach and train my puppy regardless?
I hear so many sad stories of slaves, who devote their time, energy, love and give unselfishly only to be told... opps sorry.. your on your own now.

Thank you
SBG
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RE: releasing a slave - 3/2/2012 8:50:05 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
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Everyone has the right to change their mind in a relationship.

You are a living example of why it is irresponsible to have a non-marriage relationship where one person is completely financially dependent on the other. Both of you were irresponsible in that regard.

(in reply to swaybackgirl)
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RE: releasing a slave - 3/2/2012 8:56:57 PM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana

Everyone has the right to change their mind in a relationship.

You are a living example of why it is irresponsible to have a non-marriage relationship where one person is completely financially dependent on the other. Both of you were irresponsible in that regard.


+1, if indeed the OP is the 'slave' in the example above.

I might say the same for marriage, but at least there are legal safeguards there.

Re: animal adoption: my kittehs get forever homes when I adopt them. That's because I made a choice for them which they couldn't make themselves. Humans make their own choices so comparing apples to oranges doesn't really work here.

That said, I'm sorry for the loss of your relationship. I hope you get back on your feet soon and your next partnership is a better one.


< Message edited by MistressDarkArt -- 3/2/2012 9:03:43 PM >

(in reply to Baroana)
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RE: releasing a slave - 3/2/2012 9:04:04 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt

quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana

Everyone has the right to change their mind in a relationship.

You are a living example of why it is irresponsible to have a non-marriage relationship where one person is completely financially dependent on the other. Both of you were irresponsible in that regard.


+1, if indeed the OP is the 'slave' in the example above.

ETA: I might say the same for marriage, but at least there are legal safeguards there.


That was my point. In a marriage, the parties have a legal duty to support each other. If the marriage ends in divorce, then the spouse who is financially slighted will (kinda, sorta, in theory) be compensated by the other.

Without the legal protection of marriage, you're on your own.

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)
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RE: releasing a slave - 3/2/2012 9:46:32 PM   
MalcolmNathaniel


Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
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People enter into all kinds of agreements that don't work out ; marriage, as has been pointed out, is one of them.

Don't forget that there are two sides to the equation. People are very fickle. You may have put your heart and soul into it, but if it's not there for the other person, it just isn't there. Sometimes, "It's me, not you." is actually the truth.

OTOH just because you have put an awful lot of effort into it doesn't mean it works for the dominant. I was at a place that had karaoke last weekend. There were two guys in a row who put there heart and soul into their music but I still had to leave the building because it was so awful. It wouldn't have mattered how much effort they put in, they were just that bad at it. So maybe it IS you.

I don't know the answer to that, I don't know you.

But to actually answer your question: it is good for the slave because it gives an opportunity to find another Master without wasting time on a lost cause. There are several sayings that have relevance:

Throwing good money after bad.
Time to cut bait.
You can lead a horse to water.
Fighting a losing battle.
Pissing in the wind.

I have nothing more to say than, "If the creek's dry it's time to find another fishin' hole."

I made the last one up myself. :-)

Good luck!

(in reply to Baroana)
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RE: releasing a slave - 3/2/2012 9:47:31 PM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
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Sometimes, that is not enough.

I always take these dismissal stories with dose of salt, if only because they tend to be told by the resentfully dismissed. Those who do not resent their dismissal tend to say little about it. Sometimes, it is not enough that you want to serve and give your all, that you think you've put your heart and soul into service and devoted yourself to them and lived by their rules, if you have not done it to your Owner's needs. I knew a slave who "devoted" himself to his Domme... above and beyond what she wanted of him. He stalked her. Broke into her home to clean numerous times -- and yet, funny enough, this same slave was also in the infuriating bad habit of leaving a great mess of a kitchen behind after making meals for her lol -- He showed up everywhere following her like a lost sheepdog, called her up for every little decision he had to make, tried to do everything for her... bearing in mind that this was not what she wanted of him, and tried for 6 months to correct him, to no avail. We, her friends, intervened and made her kick him to the curb after he expressed an intention to quit his job to attend to her at all times. At some point, sometimes, you just have to kick them to the curb and lock the door behind them. The way he tells it, however, is exactly what you wrote... devoted everything to her and got kicked out after being told the relationship is not good for either of them.

I recently dismissed a sub who felt he devoted his all and everything to serving me. I didn't tell him the relationship was not mutually beneficial, I told him exactly why I was letting him go, that what he thought was his best was not good enough. I tried for 3 months to school him up to par on the basics (standard of cleanliness, The Rules, appropriate behaviour) and left it when he didn't show any improvement and I got tired of repeating myself, and especially because I knew he could do better.

I object to your analogy of the pound puppy since that implies the slave has no skills whatsoever and knows no life or world outside its slavery. However, the analogy of puppy may be quite apt. Sometimes, a puppy does things you had not thought you needed rules for, like chew on your shoes or peeing everywhere. Sometimes, no matter how much work you put into correcting the behaviour, you cannot get there. Sometimes, its when problems start when you realise you didn't actually want to own a puppy at all. There is nothing else for it except release, finding the slave/puppy a new life for it to thrive in.

(in reply to swaybackgirl)
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RE: releasing a slave - 3/2/2012 10:03:27 PM   
Killerangel


Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
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Why would you want to hold onto someone that doesn't want you anymore? Is this owner supposed to keep you there in spite of not wanting your presence? Would you honestly want to be in that position and feel it every second of the day that you being there isn't wanted? At this point you'll never get back the ease of being united together, or the lighthearted fun, or the leaning on in bad times.

If it's that you weren't provided for and now have no way of taking care of yourself, then bad on you for letting that happen. I suppose there isn't much you can do about it now. Your devotion isn't a one-way ticket to forever happiness, or being taken care of regardless of how things turn out. There are two sides to this as was mentioned.

You certainly are entitled to some form of security, you should have made sure it was there. Would you take a job without knowing what the wage is and what benefits are provided? As a society there have been so many cases of people getting screwed over the years in a relationship break up, that it's now fairly common place for either party to do a prenup or at least get a lawyer at the end of the relationship to protect assets. You had to have some notion from just living in this country that you were entitled to something all along and steps should have been taken to ensure that. If they weren't and you were relying on the notion that things would be forever, or that your person would take care of you - well, all I can say is that taking a hard look around at the media should show you that neither of those things are the way it goes about half of the time or more.

(in reply to swaybackgirl)
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RE: releasing a slave - 3/2/2012 10:07:15 PM   
SpiritedRadiance


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Joined: 3/3/2010
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Well depending on the field the slave worked in before giving it up it might be that the slave no longer has the skills necessary to become gainfully employed... In the technology field 6 months out of it usually spells a death to your career...

Factor in also the current state of the economy and there are about 20 people vying for the same 9 dollar position... it might be more then undue hardship to get work..

In my opinion, anyone who asks their partner to not work has a responsibility to said partner if things dont work out, meaning housing, feeding and clothing, while that person gets back on their feet after the relationship ends....

Regardless of wither they were the worse slave in history or not, they took on the responsibility of care, and should maintain it, regardless of relationship until the slave can survive on their own...

It blows, but thats sadly one of the things about being in control, and being the responsible party in the above situation, accepting the consequences of your decisions...

However, the same can be said of the slave who entered into a relationship, knowing they will not be earning their own income, and not making sure provisions either they supplied themselves, or that their owner provided, to make sure if the relationship ended theyd be cared for...

_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to Alecta)
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RE: releasing a slave - 3/2/2012 10:28:27 PM   
MrBukani


Posts: 1920
Joined: 4/18/2010
Status: offline
I invited a nice woman from Philly to come to Holland.
She couldnt work here but she cooked and cleaned the house without having to ask.
The ticket was for a month, I told her I didnt fall in love with her.
She begged me to stay, she had nowhere to go back to in the USA.
I kept her with me for 6 months in total and took care of her a bit when she was back in the US.
Now she is back on her feet again, stronger and with somebody that does love her a lot.

Lotta Dom-bo's just have no heart I heard in another thread.
Yeah it's not smart to be dependent too much.
So better have something in a slavecontract.
Why marry when you just met, thats icky lasvegas lingo.
Is that the I take half strategy?
Funny I dont read the word love anywhere.
Maybe thats it.

(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)
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RE: releasing a slave - 3/2/2012 11:52:54 PM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance
Well depending on the field the slave worked in before giving it up it might be that the slave no longer has the skills necessary to become gainfully employed... In the technology field 6 months out of it usually spells a death to your career...


Agreed, but not death to your ability to work. So you lose a few rungs on the corporate ladder and the tech race, but no more so than anyone else who for whatever reason breaks off from their career. Losing your footing on a trained career path does not equal to being unable to be gainfully employed. Part-timing at Starbucks is gainful employment too.

I do not disagree regarding responsibilities and obligations involved in releasing a dependent slave, but that is besides the point of the OP which leaned heavily more on the "well, you brought it home, it's yours to keep for life now, unless it decides to run away", and I certainly do not feel that the Owner has more fiscal obligation towards the ex-slave than any one person has towards any ex-dependent.


(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)
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RE: releasing a slave - 3/3/2012 4:06:48 AM   
DarkSteven


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Joined: 5/2/2008
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swaybackgirl, my sympathies.

Your owner decided that the relationship wasn't working. In his defense, you had the same option, to decide things weren't working and leave.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to swaybackgirl)
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RE: releasing a slave - 3/3/2012 5:46:04 AM   
SpiritedRadiance


Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alecta


quote:

ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance
Well depending on the field the slave worked in before giving it up it might be that the slave no longer has the skills necessary to become gainfully employed... In the technology field 6 months out of it usually spells a death to your career...


Agreed, but not death to your ability to work. So you lose a few rungs on the corporate ladder and the tech race, but no more so than anyone else who for whatever reason breaks off from their career. Losing your footing on a trained career path does not equal to being unable to be gainfully employed. Part-timing at Starbucks is gainful employment too.

I do not disagree regarding responsibilities and obligations involved in releasing a dependent slave, but that is besides the point of the OP which leaned heavily more on the "well, you brought it home, it's yours to keep for life now, unless it decides to run away", and I certainly do not feel that the Owner has more fiscal obligation towards the ex-slave than any one person has towards any ex-dependent.




the problem with that is making 200 bucks a week is nearly impossible to live in, working part time at starbucks is barely even going to cover the gas to get there for the most part...

I make 15 an hour, I cannot live on a salary with my current obligations to get anything under 12... so to me starbucks is not nor could it ever be an option...

Unemploment where i live is near 10 percent, theres over 50 applicants per job...

In this economy, what the master requested of his slave was completely and utterly wrong with out making sure that there was a financial backup plan for if things didnt work...

_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to Alecta)
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RE: releasing a slave - 3/3/2012 6:00:41 AM   
fucktoyprincess


Posts: 2337
Status: offline
FR

I think the end of any relationship, whatever the causes, is always sad.

But most relationships do not last forever. M/s is not any more of a commitment than say a marriage, or some other committed relationship. Sometimes they don't work out.

Personally, I think that people sometimes forget to think about BDSM relationships as just being relationships, and this often clouds judgment. It is all too easy to think at the beginning "oh this will last forever", but realistically, how many relationships actually do? I think people who want M/s without marriage should consider at the beginning how things are going to be handled should there be a dissolution/break-up. I think it is somewhat naive, in this day and age, for anyone to enter into any kind of arrangement with someone without understanding the longer term implications, and creating appropriate safeguards for themselves.

< Message edited by fucktoyprincess -- 3/3/2012 6:01:11 AM >


_____________________________

~ ftp

(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)
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RE: releasing a slave - 3/3/2012 7:40:14 AM   
MrsT301


Posts: 48
Joined: 2/28/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance

In my opinion, anyone who asks their partner to not work has a responsibility to said partner if things dont work out, meaning housing, feeding and clothing, while that person gets back on their feet after the relationship ends....

Regardless of wither they were the worse slave in history or not, they took on the responsibility of care, and should maintain it, regardless of relationship until the slave can survive on their own...


I agree. I don't think one person is responsible to support the other FOREVER, but until they are at least able to support themselves. The alternative (to kick someone out into the street basically with no job and no money) is cold and cruel. Treat them as a roommate for a few months til they get a new job.

(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)
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RE: releasing a slave - 3/3/2012 7:47:34 AM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrsT301


quote:

ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance

In my opinion, anyone who asks their partner to not work has a responsibility to said partner if things dont work out, meaning housing, feeding and clothing, while that person gets back on their feet after the relationship ends....

Regardless of wither they were the worse slave in history or not, they took on the responsibility of care, and should maintain it, regardless of relationship until the slave can survive on their own...


DITTO

I agree. I don't think one person is responsible to support the other FOREVER, but until they are at least able to support themselves. The alternative (to kick someone out into the street basically with no job and no money) is cold and cruel. Treat them as a roommate for a few months til they get a new job.


(in reply to MrsT301)
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RE: releasing a slave - 3/3/2012 8:01:26 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
Relationships remind me of jobs in that either person or entity is free to end the collaboration when it stops working for them on their side. Because jobs often end on one side or another, they are highly structured as far as what is expected, salary, benefits, vacation, etc. I am really sorry that you're feeling pain over the breakup of your relationship. The best thing would have been to begin it like a job, with things outlined in order to prevent the situation you're in now it seems.

(in reply to swaybackgirl)
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RE: releasing a slave - 3/3/2012 8:30:17 AM   
LoreBook


Posts: 257
Joined: 2/22/2012
Status: offline
If you want to take on a slave who will be financially dependent on you, then you have to be able to support that slave, and you have to provide for that slave's financial support for a reasonable period of time after the relationship ends. If you're not able or willing to do that, then you have no business taking on a slave. Personally I wouldn't consider taking on a slave until I have at least enough money set aside to support that slave in a modest lifestyle for at least 6 months, should things go wrong, and I would continue to add to that fund while the relationship lasted.

If your slave works and turns over their income to you, then you have to manage that money sensibly. That doesn't mean you can't use it, but you should be putting a substantial part of it aside for the benefit of the slave down the road.

Doing it any other way is just being irresponsible.


_____________________________

WITHOUT "ART" THE EARTH IS JUST "EH"



LLT

(in reply to swaybackgirl)
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RE: releasing a slave - 3/3/2012 9:36:41 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: swaybackgirl

Please explain how releasing a slave, after said owner believes that the relationship is not mutually beneficial to either of them? Is the slave so disposable, devotion means nothing. I don't really see how this would seriously be helping out a slave.

If the slave lived within the rules, no outside source of income, how exactly is throwing out the relationship going to make the slave feel like "wow", I am so glad that I have nothing now and served with all my heart and soul, only to be kicked to the curb...

Owners, if you want a slave who does not work, and obeys all your rules, how could you just turn your back to the one who has devoted themselves to their owners happiness?

If I go the pound and pick a puppy, is it morally right to open the door and release it, don't I as an owner have an obligation to teach and train my puppy regardless?
I hear so many sad stories of slaves, who devote their time, energy, love and give unselfishly only to be told... opps sorry.. your on your own now.

Thank you
SBG


Shame on both parties for not being responsible, realistic, grown ups.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to swaybackgirl)
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RE: releasing a slave - 3/3/2012 10:24:23 AM   
dovie


Posts: 1211
Status: offline
Well, I was going to write about "character," and "responsibility" or lack therof, but LT sums it up quite nicely and correctly. The things we learn as we go forward in life. Mr. Bukani, contracts are a great tool IF they are honored, but that again leads to "character," and "responsiblity," personal or otherwise. pfft!

Be well and ride safe,
dovie

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse


quote:

ORIGINAL: swaybackgirl

Please explain how releasing a slave, after said owner believes that the relationship is not mutually beneficial to either of them? Is the slave so disposable, devotion means nothing. I don't really see how this would seriously be helping out a slave.

If the slave lived within the rules, no outside source of income, how exactly is throwing out the relationship going to make the slave feel like "wow", I am so glad that I have nothing now and served with all my heart and soul, only to be kicked to the curb...

Owners, if you want a slave who does not work, and obeys all your rules, how could you just turn your back to the one who has devoted themselves to their owners happiness?

If I go the pound and pick a puppy, is it morally right to open the door and release it, don't I as an owner have an obligation to teach and train my puppy regardless?
I hear so many sad stories of slaves, who devote their time, energy, love and give unselfishly only to be told... opps sorry.. your on your own now.

Thank you
SBG


Shame on both parties for not being responsible, realistic, grown ups.


_____________________________

"Sometimes love is a nice long lick!"

gentle dove with 38's *the kind you shoot with*


(in reply to LaTigresse)
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RE: releasing a slave - 3/3/2012 10:51:38 AM   
MrBukani


Posts: 1920
Joined: 4/18/2010
Status: offline
Any signed contract you can take to a civil court, as far as I know. You seem exhausted with my opinion. You know what they say about opinions.

(in reply to dovie)
Profile   Post #: 20
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