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ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

OP, your original post is why I would never give up an income of my own for anyone. I would never quit a job or lose my source of income for ANYONE. I never did when I was sub and, now that I'm Dominant, I would never ask someone to do that for me. As a matter of fact, I require that they have their own source of income and, no, I don't want their money. They get to keep it.

Did he force you to give up your income? Or did you choose to give it up? He might have said something to the effect of either you quit working or else there's no relationship, but you still made a choice there. Sometimes we think with our hearts and not our heads and we end up paying for it. Live and learn I guess. It's unfortunate that you are in this situation, but next time you will know better. Good luck in the future.

NBMG

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ORIGINAL: AislynLass

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ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

I'll never understand why some people rely on a significant other for 100% financial support long term. What if the significant other becomes non-consensually abusive? What if the significant other cheats and their partner ends up with an incurable STD because they stayed and put up with the cheating due to lack of income? What if the significant other decides to leave for someone younger? At least with divorce there's a chance of alimony or palimony. Even during the relationship, with no income, how would the partner buy gifts for the significant other? I know I couldn't see myself buying my husband a birthday gift with his own paycheck. Plus I'd feel like a freeloader, even if he asked me not to work. Bottom line, this is 2012, not 1920. I apologize if this offends anyone, but IMO relying on someone else for 100% financial support for an extended period of time is extremely irresponsible.

But what if that is the dynamic required by the Master or the Dominant? That level of control necessitates responsibility for that person within the control. Again, my comments are being directed to the type of relationship where that level of dependency and control is required by the Master or Dominant in the situation. And yes, both the Dominant and submissive parties in this type of relationship need to consider carefully all of the ramifications. I think this thread is an insightful discussion that hopefully may cause people to think carefully about their choices.

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I don't know if anyone is asserting that an earning ex has a duty to support a non-earning ex after a breakup.

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How would you apply that principle to the slave who is required to engage in sex with multiple partners and gets pregnant?

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ORIGINAL: IrishMist

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How would you apply that principle to the slave who is required to engage in sex with multiple partners and gets pregnant?

It's called Birth Control

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ORIGINAL: searching4mysir

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ORIGINAL: IrishMist

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How would you apply that principle to the slave who is required to engage in sex with multiple partners and gets pregnant?

It's called Birth Control

Contraception can fail. A friend of mine conceived all three of her children while on the Pill.

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ORIGINAL: Baroana

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ORIGINAL: searching4mysir

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ORIGINAL: IrishMist

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How would you apply that principle to the slave who is required to engage in sex with multiple partners and gets pregnant?

It's called Birth Control

Contraception can fail. A friend of mine conceived all three of her children while on the Pill.

Getting tangential again, but what the hell? I'm bored.

I think the words "effective and smartly used" were implied in that statement about birth control. If the story about the three children is actually true, then the old "Fool Me Once" saying comes to mind.

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ORIGINAL: searching4mysir

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ORIGINAL: IrishMist

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How would you apply that principle to the slave who is required to engage in sex with multiple partners and gets pregnant?

It's called Birth Control

Contraception can fail. A friend of mine conceived all three of her children while on the Pill.

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ORIGINAL: njlauren

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After a couple of years, the relationship died off (mutually, the M was more into having a sub who was 'changing' and so forth, my friend found more and more she wanted to be with men and simply having the M give her to men in play wasn't enough)...but there was a pretty decent opt out in it, the M had set aside funds to help my friend get out on her own, have her own place, and was able to help her get a job with a friend and so forth, and within 6 months my friend was totally independant. She and her old M are still close friends....they both protected themselves, my friend was especially vulnerable because going 'full time' like that after quitting her profession living as a male, would have left her really vulnerable.

Thank you for your post because I think you articulated the crux of the issue very well. The example you provided here in the quoted part illustrates what I was trying convey when I said to "see the slave or the submissive right" at the end of the relationship. The M in your example ensured that your friend was not in a worse position for having been in the relationship, and I think that is an important aspect when a Master or Dominant requires a total control type of relationship. As you said further in your post, a lot of attention often gets paid to protocol, forms of address, clothing (or lack thereof), sexual requirements, etc., but not always so much with reference to the level of responsibility that hopefully goes along with that level of control.

_____________________________

Aislyn

Life is short. bend the rules, forgive quicky, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile.

(in reply to njlauren)

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ORIGINAL: AislynLass

I'm extremely surprised also at some of the responses from posters who I generally respected. While everyone's meaning of what it means to be a Master and/or a Dominant varies according to the individual, the one common denominator seemed to be the aspect of the Master and Dominant being the one in control. Control carries with it responsibility, and I frankly do not understand how a person calling themselves a Master or a Dominant would wish that the person who gave up working in order to better please the Master or Dominant would feel justified in so neatly washing their hands of responsibility towards that person as soon as the relationship ended. This is considering a relationship where it did not end because the slave or submissive violated some basic tenet of trust or unethical or violent behavior towards the Master or Dominant.

If I were a Master or Dominant, I do not see how I would feel okay that my slave or submissive who gave up or put on hold their career to please me and make themselves more available for my wishes, should then find themselves in a worse situation when the relationship ends that when it began. For the sake of the discussion, I am focusing on the financial aspect. For lack of a better way of phrasing it, I would not wish to see them in a disadvantaged or less position as a result of the time they spent in the relationship with me.

I don't think anyone is arguing that the Master or Dominant should be responsible for the slave or submissive for the rest of their lives after the breakup, but there seems a terrible lack of parity in the situation where the Master or Dominant has enjoyed the benefits of the relationship and is essentially not the worse for it at the end, while the slave or submissive who has contributed their time and efforts in the relationship should bear the worse....especially when the Master or Dominant is making the decision to end the relationship.

I hope I've been able to clearly express my point. Relationships don't work out and people break up all the time for a myriad of reasons, and M/s and D/s relationships are no different in that. However, I just believe that due to the Master and the Dominant choosing to hold the position of control in that relationship, that connotes some measure of responsibility towards the slave or submissive to "see them right" at the end so that they don't find themselves in a worse-off position financially, professionally, etc. at the end of the relationship than they were in the beginning. Again, this doesn't have to mean some cash payout or whatever at the end, but the Master or Dominant acting in their slave's or submissive's best interest. Depending on the couple, it could mean ensuring that the slave's or submissive's skills might be kept current through classes for instance. I agree very much with the comments that have been made that it is very important to have clear discussions of the "what-if", especially if the level of commitment that a Master or Dominant may require in a TPE 24/7 relationship necessitates the slave or submissive stepping back from their career or education to be 24/7 at home for instance. And yes, I know that not all Masters or Dominants, and not all TPE 24/7 relationships require that. My response here with this discussion is really directed to those that are of that type.

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ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess

It seems to me that a slave/submissive has three options in this case. One, be naive and give up their education and career with no thought to the future.

Two, ask the Dominant what provisions he/she will make for them in the event the relationship does not work out and the submissive/slave has given up education/career. If the submissive/slave asks, there are several answers the Dominant/Master might give. One, is not my problem and two, is "here is what I promise you if we should break up". At that point it is up to the submissive/slave to pursue this on the terms the Dominant/Master is willing to give - in other words, the submissive/slave need not continue to pursue this if they feel they are not being protected properly. Of course, keep in mind, a "promise" to give someone something (anything) after a relationship breaks up is NOT enforceable.

Three, the submissive/slave can simply tell the Dominant/Master that under no circumstances will they give up their education/career, particularly if no provisions are made for the future. And if the Dominant/Master can't agree to that - one needs to move on.

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ORIGINAL: Baroana



Now here's where I declare shenanigans.

With few exceptions, which would be irrelevant here, women take birth control pills because they are trying to prevent pregnancy.

Ergo, your friend fucked up, not once, not twice, but three times. The fact that she welcomed the children is irrelevant.

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ORIGINAL: searching4mysir

She welcomed all three children. She knew who the father was and was married to him.

All forms of contraception have a failure rate. Some fail more often than others. And that was my point. Condoms fail in STD prevention and they fail as a contraceptive measure. The intention is good but sometimes it fails. That's the facts of life.