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RE: Trying to get an honest answer - 3/6/2012 3:45:48 PM   
MrsT301


Posts: 48
Joined: 2/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LoreBook

WARNING
The following post may contain strongly expressed opinions. The author recognises that these are her opinions, based on her definitions and worldview and understands that they may not be applicable to anybody else. It is not the wish or intention of the author to imply in any way that her opinio0ns, definitions, desired dynamic, relationship style, or world view is in any way universally applicable, or that they constitute the only possible way of approaching the issue.

Because while it is very exciting to say "You own me body and soul", its very difficult to actually carry it out, and the s-type who really means it is rare indeed. Assuming that the submissives who post here are a representative sample, the majority of them, as can be seen from their responses here and on other threads, only pay lip service to the concept of submission. They will obey as long as it feeds into their kink, and unless humiliation really is a big part of that kink, being told they aren't just wonderful the way they are will be crossing that invisible line between game-playing and real life, and their submission ends at that line.

If a sub has accepted a D-type's authority and claims to be owned or to have surrendered themselves, then their weight is no longer their concern. It, like everything else, is the domain of the D-type. He/she has been given authority and is free to exercise it in whatever manner they wish. Otherwise its just a farce.

So, unless there is a specific agreement that weight loss (or gain) is a forbidden area, then the s-type should simply do as he/she is told regardless of how difficult or unpleasant it may be. If he/she does not wish to obey, then he/she is free to leave the relationship.


The preceding statement represents the views and opinions of the author and the author alone, and should in no way be considered an attempt by the author to define or determine anything for anybody but herself.


You do have a point. In fact (and this is pure digression) your post ended up sparking a long discussion between me and my Husband about what D/s meansand where we want this to go, so thanks for posting! We're pretty new to this but I have learned a lot just reading posts on these forums.

As far as the original question goes I guess a Dominant would be within his rights to ask this of his sub but I still think it would be best in practice with lots of support in place for her by her Dominant. (ie if you want your sub to lose weight then don't bring food that will tempt and undermine that, into the house- just an example).

(in reply to LoreBook)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Trying to get an honest answer about D mandated wei... - 3/6/2012 4:08:10 PM   
LoreBook


Posts: 257
Joined: 2/22/2012
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WARNING
The following post may contain strongly expressed opinions. The author recognizes that these are her opinions, based on her definitions and worldview and understands that they may not be applicable to anybody else. It is not the wish or intention of the author to imply in any way that her opinions, definitions, desired dynamic, relationship style, or world view is in any way universally applicable, or that they constitute the only possible way of approaching the issue.
quote:

How many women do you know who have tried to lose weight and can't? Yo yo dieting? Lose some on Weight Watchers and the moment they stop, gain it all back?

You are presuming they gained weight deliberately while in control of gaining. That assumption is incorrect.

If you don't have control of this to begin with, then you can't hand it over.
  I've bolded the part of your post that highlights the problem. Stopping is the problem. If you combine a sensible caloric intake with a vigorous regular exercise routine, you will, barring a serious metabolic or hormonal disorder, lose weight, and if the regimen is maintained, the weight will stay off.

Yo-yo dieting is the result of losing the weight and then abandoning the effort and going back to one's old routine. Its a question of willpower and self discipline, and that, to my mind, makes it an ideal area for a Dominant to take control of.

The preceding statement represents the views and opinions of the author and the author alone, and should in no way be considered an attempt by the author to define or determine anything for anybody but herself.


_____________________________

WITHOUT "ART" THE EARTH IS JUST "EH"



LLT

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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Trying to get an honest answer - 3/6/2012 4:12:29 PM   
LoreBook


Posts: 257
Joined: 2/22/2012
Status: offline 		I'm glad you found it helpful MrsT, and that it sparked what could well be an important discussion with your husband. I wish you well and I hope you both get where you hope to go with this lifestyle.


_____________________________

WITHOUT "ART" THE EARTH IS JUST "EH"



LLT

(in reply to MrsT301)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Trying to get an honest answer about D mandated wei... - 3/6/2012 6:24:13 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		When Master first told me I needed to lose weight I was a little hurt and angry at first but he was simply honest and right. I had put on weight from stresses with my daughter over the last few years, finances, work stress, etc....I am not big but he likes girls who are skinny. I was when he first met me. He wants that back. I want that back too.

Now that I no longer have those stresses in my life and life is actually going rather well now, I actually have time to sit down and pay attention to my own self. I'm now losing the weight pretty quickly through healthy living, eating right and not having the stresses in my life.

Basically no one wants to be told "you would look pretty if you lost weight". Everyone wants everyone else to see them as pretty for who they are but ya know, that's just not how it works in life. Humans are vain. You judge people within the first three seconds of seeing them and being big is not considered good in any way in our society.

And then there are people who simply don't want to look at reality or actually have to confront themselves with the white elephant in the room. Someone told me today she'd rather live in bliss happily unaware of certain things and being ignorant. I think a lot of people do that in life so when someone actually comments on them it throws off their bliss.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Trying to get an honest answer about D mandated wei... - 3/6/2012 6:35:44 PM   
LunaM


Posts: 183
Joined: 3/3/2012
Status: offline 		FR

Healthy? By what standard?
Perfect? By what standard?
Check the premise of the person asking you or suggesting to you that you either need to lose weight or gain weight. If a doctor says your healthy they have a pretty good standard of healthy so I would trust their opinion. If your 5'8 and weigh 120, there might be some issues. I agree with Cryptic's post in reply to the OP. Managing a healthy weight shows you care about yourself and that you hold your self in a very high esteem.

_____________________________

~BloodRed's Slave~

~Love is our response to our highest values and can be nothing else~

~And yet she had never felt more totally committed to a will, which was not her own, more totally a slave and more content to be so~

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RE: Trying to get an honest answer - 3/6/2012 6:41:20 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

I am honestly trying to get an honest answer as to why it is such a touchy subject



There are many reasons why this is a touchy subject. The previous posters have set forth many of those reasons. In my view, the top three reasons are the following:

1. Many people have mental landmines that you just don't want to trip. Body fat is a common one, and for good reason. Often times, for people who are significantly overweight, life is pain (and anyone who says differently is trying to sell you something, yada yada). If that pain is in someone's past or present, believe me, you don't want to go poking a stick at it.

2. When you ask (or order) somebody else to lose body fat, you have no idea what you are asking. People who are naturally thin, or who lose weight relatively easily, have no understanding of what it is like for someone who is not so fortunate. Refer to #1 above. Do you really think that all the overweight people out there would be suffering that physical and mental anguish if they could see a reasonable way out of it? Do you actually think it's as simple as just putting down the potato chip bag? It isn't.

Moreover, everyone's body is different, and the weight loss method that works for Person A may not work for Person B. I struggled with my weight for years and years and years. In my 30's, I finally managed to drop 100 pounds and get into decent shape. As such, I feel especially entitled to insist that others keep their opinions to themselves on the issue of whether I should lose weight and what I should be eating. Likewise, I have neither the right nor the duty to tell other people what I think about their body size, diet, or exercise routine.

3. I will not speak for anyone else, but I for one would be crushed if my significant other indicated that he does not think I am beautiful just the way I am.

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
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RE: Trying to get an honest answer - 3/6/2012 7:06:27 PM   
fucktoyprincess


Posts: 2337
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My perspective ONLY.

I honestly feel that weight and exercise require a discipline that has to come from within one's self, not from the outside. Maybe others are motivated by having a person on the outside constantly hounding them about it, but it would never work for me. In fact, the less attention any of my partners paid to my weight and/or exercise regimen the better I am at maintaining my routines.

To me, food should ultimately be a source of joy. Food in my life has always been associated with happy memories. Memories of childhood, family, friends. Sharing food. Cooking meals together. Trying out a new restaurant. To turn every encounter with food into something that my partner was assessing (even silently) in terms of caloric intake, etc., would not only take the pleasure out of food for me, but probably take some of the pleasure out of my relationship, too.

I exercise primarily to control my stress. The positive weight effects are simply an added benefit. Again, I'm not interested in being with someone who is counting how many times I go to the gym, what I do for my workout, etc. For heaven's sake, for me it is supposed to be a stress reducer not a stress inducer.

Anyone who became over involved in those aspects of my life would not last long with me as a partner. That's a fact. If I want to have an extra slice of my mom's carrot cake, that is my prerogative. I'll sort out how to make up the calories later. If I decide to skip a workout because I'm feeling under the weather, again my prerogative. I don't need my partner watching my every move and silently judging everything from the sidelines when it comes to food or exercise.

With that said, I have enjoyed "games" with previous partners - for example I had one Dominant in the past who always ordered food for me when we ate out (I was also not allowed to have any contact with the waiter). It was a fun thing to do. But it was not with a view to weight control, but simply another aspect of having fun with food and having him control what I ate in certain limited contexts. And again, it was really about having fun. Not turning the meal into a reward or punishment for calories lost or gained. Again, I would prefer to keep food fun.

_____________________________

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RE: Trying to get an honest answer - 3/6/2012 7:15:00 PM   
HisPet21


Posts: 395
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quote:

2) Why? Is it because you want the submissive to healthy? Or because you want a hotter girlfriend?


I think those are both valid reasons for asking a sub to lose weight. Of course, I'd only advocate a dom's right to insist upon weight loss or weight gain if it wouldn't cause the sub any significant harm. But who cares if the reasoning behind the demand is "I want a hotter girlfriend"? My dom wants me to wear skirts when we go out and heels because he wants me to look nice for him, and skirts turn him on more than jeans and a t-shirt. Do you also object to wardrobe control? What about a dom who insists on a belly button piercing because he/she finds them sexy? Do you also have a problem with that? We all have preferences when it comes to looks, and those who claim otherwise are liars. That's just life, no offense, get over it. Part of being in a relationship is indulging your partner's preferences, even in vanilla relationships.

I keep up a healthy weight for myself, sure, but I also do so because by bf likes skinny girls. Would he still love me if I suddenly gained ten pounds? Yeah, he would. And I would love him even if he decided not to bathe for a week. But you know what? I happen to be attracted to men who don't smell like sh*t. Who'd a thunk it?

quote:

3) I love you, now change.


So, let me get this straight. You don't believe that partners in a relationship ought to change for the better? You don't believe that human beings have flaws that, maybe, they should work on? Seriously?

I love my bf with all my heart, and my bf loves me. But that doesn't mean that we don't try and improve ourselves for the other, for the sake of a more finely tuned relationship. I grew up in a tardy family. I've always been late to pretty much everything accept work. My boyfriend asked me to work on my punctuality. When he says he wants me over at 10pm, he wants me over at 10pm. THE HORROR!!!!! THE UNREASONABLE BASTARD!!!!

I've also asked my boyfriend to work on his driving habits, as his aggression bothers me at times and seems unreasonable to me. HOW DARE I!!! I SHOULD LOVE HIM AS HE IS!!!!

Look, you can ask someone you love to change, and it not be some horrible injustice. I don't mind if my bf asks me to change certain aspects of myself, so long as they are not integral to who I am as a person. Oddly enough, I don't feel that losing five pounds or become more punctual will require a sacrifice of my identity. For some people, it might. It's an individual thing.

My bf's asked me to lose weight before, and I have never felt insulted. I am confident in our relationship, and in myself, to realize that the request isn't an insult. He just likes me skinny. Big deal.

(in reply to Baroana)
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RE: Trying to get an honest answer about D mandated wei... - 3/6/2012 9:40:28 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

I think there are a number of issues.

1) If some one has never lost a substantial amount of weight, they really have no idea how to do it. They're not in a position of giving advice at that point.

2) Why? Is it because you want the submissive to healthy? Or because you want a hotter girlfriend?

3) I love you, now change.

Let me also add that there are some seriously overweight Dominant men......and I don't see posts about submissives asking their D's to lose weight.


Oside nailed it.

Here's my deal - - When I was seriously overweight, I had serious self image issues. And, like Oside said, nobody who has not lost a significant amount of weight is in a position to understand what it takes someone (and in my case, someone with an eating disorder) to lose a significant amount of weight. They tend to simplify it to the point of being quite unrealistic.

Also, most people don't know how to lose weight - the emotions and mental commitment it involves, and the incredible struggle that occurs along the way. Couple that with the idea that many people taking on weight control of another, have not done the in depth homework to understand what foods will benefit the cause and what will not. Think a salad is healthy? The amount of salad dressing (even low fat) people put on their salads is the equivalent of eating a decent sized steak. Here's my thing - do your homework. Understand the physical, chemical, mental, and emotional involvement this is going to take, and then you might have some credibility to take this on.

I personally grabbed control of my eating disorder. I was fat when I met the Mister. I had lost 20 pounds by the time I met him and have since lost 75 more. On my own. With his support and encouragement, but I have to manage my food. It is not healthy for me to not control my own eating disorder. It fucks me up. Every time he's altered my diet, I've gained weight. So, he watches, supports it, and is very careful when wanting to remove something from it (or add something to it).

I made no apologies for being fat when we met. I figured if he didn't want me because I was fat, that was his choice. I knew I was on my way to being in shape - it was up to him if he wanted to join me along the way. He did.

Oddly enough, my last master (who was fat) took total control over my eating/drinking. He told me I was fat (which d'oh, I knew) and told me I'd be much more attractive if I were thinner. In the four years I was with him, with him "managing" my eating disorder, I gained 30 pounds.

So basically, if you want to manage my food, you had better really know what the fuck you're doing. Most ideas I've seen/read about from people out there wouldn't work for me - at all. I've lost 95 pounds. I'm in my goal size now. I know how to manage my food. The last thing I need is for someone who doesn't know how to manage it as well as I do, to tinker with the progress I have made.

And what most people don't get is the process is more emotional/mental than physical or what you eat.

Ok, I'll get off my soap box now. LOL



_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



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RE: Trying to get an honest answer about D mandated wei... - 3/6/2012 11:11:21 PM   
MalcolmNathaniel


Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
Status: offline 		Just a few thoughts:

submissives: It is possible for someone to be attracted to you but also for them to see how they can be more attracted to you. In engineering it's called negative feedback, in the arts it's called constructive criticism. "Negative feedback", doesn't mean "negative emotions." It means getting closer to the proper numbers. Criticism doesn't mean you are a bad writer or a lousy singer: it's how you get to be a better writer or singer. S/he isn't telling you you are not pleasing, you are being directed at how to be more pleasing.

Dominants: Don't just say, "Lost weight." You can make it part of play. Don't send her to the gym; gyms are boring. Besides, all that work and not a single sammich made. Have her learn how to pole dance instead. She'll feel prettier, look prettier, and you'll get more lap dances. Win win! Although if you are smart you'll also read the note to the OP below.

Wait, I said "a few," but I only had two. You know maybe if I had some of that negative feedback, or constructive criticism when I was younger I'd be able to count to three. Damn you self-esteem enthusiasts and your lack teaching the reality that I can't count.

Oh, wait, I had a third thought (thus making it a few instead of a couple!) I could be full of crap.

OP: The serious answer as to why people jump down the throat of those suggesting weight loss is a coupling of bad experience and/or projection of the problem onto themselves or their loved ones as well as the fact that women are traditionally judged by appearance. The latter of those is based on biological reasons that I won't go into here other than to say, that among other things, female secondary sexual characteristics are far more obvious than those of men. Therefore women are far more invested personally in how they look than men are; that brings us back to that whole projection issue.

(in reply to NuevaVida)
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RE: Trying to get an honest answer about D mandated wei... - 3/7/2012 12:30:50 AM   
SpiritedRadiance


Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LoreBook

WARNING
The following post may contain strongly expressed opinions. The author recognizes that these are her opinions, based on her definitions and worldview and understands that they may not be applicable to anybody else. It is not the wish or intention of the author to imply in any way that her opinions, definitions, desired dynamic, relationship style, or world view is in any way universally applicable, or that they constitute the only possible way of approaching the issue.
quote:

How many women do you know who have tried to lose weight and can't? Yo yo dieting? Lose some on Weight Watchers and the moment they stop, gain it all back?

You are presuming they gained weight deliberately while in control of gaining. That assumption is incorrect.

If you don't have control of this to begin with, then you can't hand it over.
  I've bolded the part of your post that highlights the problem. Stopping is the problem. If you combine a sensible caloric intake with a vigorous regular exercise routine, you will, barring a serious metabolic or hormonal disorder, lose weight, and if the regimen is maintained, the weight will stay off.

Yo-yo dieting is the result of losing the weight and then abandoning the effort and going back to one's old routine. Its a question of willpower and self discipline, and that, to my mind, makes it an ideal area for a Dominant to take control of.

The preceding statement represents the views and opinions of the author and the author alone, and should in no way be considered an attempt by the author to define or determine anything for anybody but herself.




So your a doctor now, and know all the answers? *snorts*

Its simple any man who wants me to change what i look like, is a man whos no longer in my life..

He can prefer skinny girls all he likes, and he can go date them, and ill go find someone who likes me as i am, regardless of my pants size..

Weither im 170 pounds or 270 pounds im still an attractive woman who has a lot to offer a person.

If thats not enough, well thats fine and dandy, they can go find someone for them... And ill go find someone for me...

_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

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RE: Trying to get an honest answer about D mandated wei... - 3/7/2012 1:18:03 AM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		Once again thank you for all the replies. I had especially wanted to here from a few of y'all. I really appreciate the different points of view and how touchy this subject is. I understand that losing weight is difficult, as I am currently doing so. Thank you for those who explained how your D/s dynamic has played into this issues.

heartfelt

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

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RE: Trying to get an honest answer about D mandated wei... - 3/7/2012 2:46:57 AM   
Kainundeva


Posts: 79
Joined: 2/12/2012
Status: offline 		self reflecting:

i am attracted visually to a certain visual appearance of a girl. it´s my prey pattern ( or do you say predatory pattern? i can´t translate that properly from german ), i see that on the street and it start going RRRRRRRR instantly.
of course that´s only visual.
now it is very important in a relationship that you click on far more levels then on visuals.
now if i have somebody that i am happy living with, because it works on all levels except visuals, i naturally want to transform that last thing as well.
because there will always be the predator instinct that awakes when i SEE my perfect shape, and the feeling that there still could be something more perfect out there.
of course this is primitive, but it is there. the feeling simply is there, and you can´t fix it.

shaping your sub now to resemble the prey pattern is just a logical thing. HOW you do it is something else.

first, the dom has to give an example. that is the most important thing. categorical imperative...
i quitted smoking after 20 years, started to grow fat, and started running, cycling, swimming... i am in a better shape now than i was ever.

second, do it healthy. while doing sports together with the sub, also change nutrition.

third, don´t overdo it, not too much, not too fast.

fourth, most important: let her know how you appreciate that. most subs live for the appreciation of her master.
as a sub will endure pain, she will endure sports and healthy food if you let her know you like it.

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RE: Trying to get an honest answer about D mandated wei... - 3/7/2012 3:18:27 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		Over the years Ive been known to tell my bitch after they have eaten a few to many desserts "if you want to keep sucking this dick you might wanna drop a few lbs. No drama just a simple statement. If they dont like it well it's been nice knowing you. I keep myself reasonably fit I expect her to respect her body as well. And NO I dont nag I say it once the decision is now hers.

BadOne

_____________________________

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We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

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RE: Trying to get an honest answer - 3/7/2012 3:57:10 AM   
boundforfreedom


Posts: 4
Joined: 6/19/2011
Status: offline 		This topic touches my heart. Having never been large, after a series of injuries i gained quite a bit. No matter what i did, i would lose a few pounds and quickly gain back more. It was frustrating and didn't really do a lot for my self esteem. When i started seeing my Dominant who is a vegan, we discussed his way of life. I am a diabetic who's blood sugar levels were fluctuating. He gave me a book called "The Natural Diabetes Cure" written by Roger Mason. Although the author can be a bit of a nut, most of what he wrote made sense to me. I started very slowly... for a week or two to change little things. Within a month i was eating and feeling much better. I went to my doctor for my 3 month check up and he was amazed. I had lost 27 lbs and my blood sugar was that of a regular person and i had been weaning myself off of my meds during the first six weeks. By eating properly, the meds were not good for me. I am pleased to say that i am healthy as can be, and embracing the vegan lifestyle. I didn't make this decision because i wanted to lose weight. I did it to get healthy. What a great reward for me. What my Dominant did was give me the tools. He gave me the opportunity to educate myself. I chose to accept. One more thing for me to be grateful for. Thank You Sir.

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Trying to get an honest answer - 3/7/2012 4:36:16 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		Ya know that is a good story. I see that you new here do I be gentle kinda. To sum your situation you have a life threatening situation <diabetes> as it reduces your life expectancy by about 15 years. Furthermore the meds you were taking were not controlling your diabetes instead of doing some really basic research on your own, you are content with the status quo. Now that thing above your shoulders in not a hatrack. Were it me <and yes I was in a similar situation more than once> I would take the time <typically no more than a week> and do the research and figure the best course of action.

The moral of the story is: It's incumbent upon each of us to stop and think for ourselves and NOT rely on others to do our thinking for us. As the 3rd leading cause of death in the U.S. is Doctor errors.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

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We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

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RE: Trying to get an honest answer about D mandated wei... - 3/7/2012 5:42:21 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		I watched a really interesting programme a few weeks ago but can't for the life of me find any links to it.
What scientists have now discovered is, when it comes to diet and exercise, some people are high responders, some are normal responders and others are low responders.
If you are unfortunate enough to be a low responder, then diet will be slow and possibly not work at all and exercise will make little difference. If you are a high responder then its likely you are already an ideal weight or can become an ideal weight very quickly and all exercise you do will have huge benefits to your health and physique.
I don't know how you would find out what you are. I suppose its guess work. I for example can out run much more dedicated runners after only a few weeks training and whilst I'm training I have to eat lots of fuel because I burn too many calories. That probably means I am a high responder. I'm also a fairly serious cyclist but some of the people I cycle with still have to be really careful about what they eat. I on the other hand don't.

There is a couple we know where he's as skinny as a zip and she's constantly struggling with her weight. He suggested she only eat carbs in the morning and protein in the afternoon and radically cut her portion size down which she has rigidly done and he suggested she walk the mile to work and the mile home, which she does rain or shine. This started a year ago and to date she has hardly lost an ounce. I can't even start to comprehend how depressing that must be for her and after watching that programme it dawned on me that she's probably a none responder.


(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Trying to get an honest answer about D mandated wei... - 3/7/2012 5:55:12 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

In that case, since not everybody who reads these threads has been doing so for years, don't you think she should have prefaced her statement with something along the lines of "Since almost all the weight loss threads involve male Doms wanting their female subs to lose weight, I would say.....". Rather than just present her ideas as universally applicable to all possible weight loss scenarios?

I'm surprised you didn't offer her some tips on the proper way to post.


You're funny! I think we'll keep you.

(in reply to LoreBook)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Trying to get an honest answer - 3/7/2012 6:49:26 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

.....To me, my body is not me, it is what I carry me (who I really am as a person) around in and although I don't like it much if someone says that I need to lose weight (which I do and am doing)


I think this is where the difference is and why you might struggle with getting it. For many people their body is them or at least a part of them. An attack on their body is very much a strike at them as a person. I actually think it is rather uncommon for someone like you to have a more detached view of their body to themselves and their identity.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Trying to get an honest answer - 3/7/2012 7:04:14 AM   
NuevaVida


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Joined: 8/5/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

I think this is where the difference is and why you might struggle with getting it. For many people their body is them or at least a part of them. An attack on their body is very much a strike at them as a person. I actually think it is rather uncommon for someone like you to have a more detached view of their body to themselves and their identity.

The part I bolded was my personal experience. Society judges us by the way we look. I judged myself that way, and my esteem was greatly (and negatively) affected. Someone telling me I was fat and actually degrading me for it basically confirmed all the tapes already playing in my head - that I was lacking as a person. It created defensive feelings and reactions in me. I suspect that's why many folks react so strongly to such judgments. I had to get my head straight, and love myself as a person, before I could get my body straight.

Having been very large, and now being in shape, it's fascinating to see the difference of how I'm treated by others.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 60
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