SpiritedRadiance
Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
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I do not think topping from the bottom exists... (I prefer Male Dom fem sub relationships so a disclaimer its written from Md/fs but applies to FD/ms as well.)
First off I come from a background of being a "difficult" (read very selective) submissive. Ive had this term used towards me in many many many situations by many dominants submissives and slaves.It has always been in a negative way. It has been for many reasons such as: I refused to submit to a punishment,( i do not engage in punishment dynamics and this was known prior to the relationship forming) Because i sneezed while serving dinner, I broke a dish while putting away the plates, I told a dominant no i wouldnt violate a hard limit of mine. I told a top, i knew in the scene to get his own water. I asked more then once to do something i personally felt was really important. I used my safeword. I took a nap after being up for 36 hours. I went to the hospital after a scene because i couldnt feel my hands.
All of the times its been applied to me or to those i know, its only been applied because the person in question didnt know how to handle me as a submissive, was not in a position of authority over me, or did not have the level of authority necessary over me to get what he asked for.
If the dominant who asked me to get him a drink, (hes not my owner, nor at the time was he someone i played with or knew more then casually) Had said please, id have gotten him the drink (we did not have any sort of power exchange)
I have only heard this term as a negative to a submissive who wasnt behaving as the dominant wanted. Usually in a situation where the dominant in question had not earned the trust of the submissive or had the right of control. I see it as emotional blackmail. Most submissives wish to please, they wish to make their partner happy. When told then are topping from the bottom, they freeze the wonder what theyve done, theyve displeased their partner and they take a giant leap back. Topping from the bottom usually means, you wouldnt give control to a dominant that hasnt earned it, you question their ability to be a top, you question their knowledge. You ask a lot of questions and it makes the dominant nervous. I was topping from the bottom when i asked my then partner, if he tied the knot right, because my hand was completely numb.
They make you feel like your in the wrong, because you do something silly like question your safety. They make you feel like your terrible because you did something they didnt want. They always make it the submissives fault, because something happened that didnt go according to plan.
In Chattes Example with the dogs, i wouldnt see bringing home the puppy as topping from the bottom. Why? The control is still in the dominants hands to make the decision, if he says yes. Hes saying yes, within his power hes agreeing, if he says no it means with in his power hes disagreeing.
If he says yes and you now somehow see him as weak, you must honestly think, why do i see him as weak? Hes in control, just because he made a decision in my favor, doesnt mean hes no longer in control. It means in that instance he did something to me in my favor. Im not going to question him saying yes to something that he said no about previously, just like im not going to question him saying yes. Pet you may cum until you pass out. Im going to accept he said yes for a reason and move on with my life.
Topping from the bottom, can only exist if the dominant isnt in control. Regardless of wither i pout, sulk, whimper, whine, throat a fit, say no, do the hokey pokey, the chicken dance, drink wine, walk around with socks on my hands, dust with his favorite jacket before his big interview, nap when im supposed to be at work or whatever. If the dominants in control in our relationship, he can say Kitten, You know how i feel when you act like your three, knock it off.. He and only he allows wither or not my tactics and actions are going to make him change or effect his decision.. He and only he is in control in the relationship. If he is no longer in control, there can be no topping from the bottom, because there is no top, there is no one in control, there for with out the control there is no bottom to take said control.
He might see how strongly i feel on something and take a step back and reevaluate his answer. Does this make him weak? No, this makes him someone who might have misjudged the importance of something. It makes him someone who values the communication his submissive offers even if it wasnt done effectively. Some times when emotions are high, or theres disappointment, i might not communicate effectively. I might be a down right unpleasant cunt. Is he going to hold this against me? No im a human being, its natural to be disappointed when you get your hopes up. Does he let me know the way i was communicating was not appropriate? Yes he usually does. Does he discount everything I said when i was communicating ineffectively? No he listens, then when we are both calm he asks again to make sure he got it all right. He might see how i react to something, and say Sucks to be you, pout whimper whine beg cry all you want my answer stands...
In all of the situations regardless of what I do, wither i react poorly or not... its still in his power and his control and its his decision what he does... Might he out of pure frustration, say yes to something he would prefer to say no to because i am worse then a dog worrying a bone on some things. Yes. Is this topping from the bottom? No. Because He and HE alone is responsible for being the one in control in the relationship. Even if he says yes when he is indifferent or would prefer no. HE IS allowing the behavior and therefor is being in control. Some things in my life i will not accept no as an answer for. If it has anything to do with my family, I will pester the ever loving shit out of someone until they agree. Topping from the bottom? Nope, Still that person choice to say yes or no. While saying yes makes their life a lot more pleasant... They can choose to say no.
You also have to ask yourself, when does topping from the bottom come into question? I usually see it with newer submissives, who doesnt know the ropes, and doesnt know how to communicate their wants and needs in an effective manner. And i see mostly weak dominants, who live in the worlds its my way or no way adapt, use these phrases.
Its always negative, and its always negative to the submissive's behavior only, its meant to guilt, demean, and other wise put the submissive down.
Its why i call topping from the bottom, bottoming from the top, Its why i call punishment the dominants failure more then the submissives. Because its Two people and if one persons in control hes responsible for that control and if he allows or does something that he doesnt want to or would prefer not to do.. its ONLY HIM that is to blame, because HE allowed it.
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"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11
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RE: Topping from the Bottom - Does it exist? - 
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