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RE: Topping from the Bottom - Does it exist? - 2/16/2014 7:26:17 AM

LadyConstanze

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quote:

What I don't get is, why would a submissive take the time to find a dominant partner and then fool around in an unsubmissive fashion. Would they be doing that for a bit of a laugh? aren't they really submissive at all? I don't understand what's in it for them?

I think some people have a fetish for playing submissive, sort of this fantasy that they are submissive and in their fantasy obviously all the tasks and actions turn them on, then in comes reality and they crash. Instead of just being honest about it and letting others know what they need, if it doesn't mesh and there are no takers, they can always book a pro domme. Would take out a hell lot of complications on both sides of the kneel.

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RE: Topping from the Bottom - Does it exist? - 2/16/2014 8:03:21 AM

AlexisANew

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

quote:

What I don't get is, why would a submissive take the time to find a dominant partner and then fool around in an unsubmissive fashion. Would they be doing that for a bit of a laugh? aren't they really submissive at all? I don't understand what's in it for them?

I think some people have a fetish for playing submissive, sort of this fantasy that they are submissive and in their fantasy obviously all the tasks and actions turn them on, then in comes reality and they crash. Instead of just being honest about it and letting others know what they need, if it doesn't mesh and there are no takers, they can always book a pro domme. Would take out a hell lot of complications on both sides of the kneel.

Yep, can completely go along with that, especially the male subs who state they want to be locked in a cage 24/7. I've locked a few of that type up but they quickly start complaining and acting up when they realise you're not going to be walking around 'said' cage clicking your heels!

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RE: Topping from the Bottom - Does it exist? - 2/16/2014 8:20:19 AM

VideoAdminChi

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quote:

Surprised me to see this old thread resurrected.

We eliminated the 'no necro thread' rule December 2013. See Frequently Asked Questions

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RE: Topping from the Bottom - Does it exist? - 2/17/2014 9:06:56 PM

DarkSteven

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Topping from the Bottom occurs when someone thinks the sub isn't being sublike enough. In other words, it's a subjective criticism of a relationship.

In my case, the relationship works for the two of us. If someone wants to think that I don't keep my sub on a short enough leash, well and good for them.

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RE: Topping from the Bottom - Does it exist? - 2/17/2014 9:39:01 PM

pg4g

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Completely agree, DarkSteven. How people are is how people are. All this posturing about "correct role behaviour" is bullshit.

Do what works for you (and your partner if you have one). People outside the relationship? Their views don't matter.

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RE: Topping from the Bottom - Does it exist? - 2/18/2014 5:35:37 AM

orgasmdenial12

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AlexisANew
What I don't get is, why would a submissive take the time to find a dominant partner and then fool around in an unsubmissive fashion. Would they be doing that for a bit of a laugh? aren't they really submissive at all? I don't understand what's in it for them?

It's a bit like cake and vegetables.

A lot of submission is like cake, it's freakin great, it's completely enjoyable - there are such high highs and it feels so wonderful.

But some of submission is like vegetables. Really gross vegetables, and you don't always want to eat your vegetables to get to the cake. So sometimes you try to swing it to get less vegetables and more cake.

It's not that you want out of the submission entirely - you most certainly don't, it is far, far too good to leave it alone. It's just that not everything in submission feels so good. Some bits are very hard, or scary, or you're just not in the mood for them on that day, or you really, really want a little slice of cake and the desire for it overwhelms everything else.

Topping from the bottom is natural, imo. It's human nature to try and get the stuff we enjoy - that's why we're all in BDSM in the first place. The point is not whether it happens but how the Dom manages it. I'm much more likely to try and top from the bottom if I'm chronically dissatisfied, than if I'm getting what I need, alongside doing other things to please him. Of course, a large element of that boils down to compatability.

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RE: Topping from the Bottom - Does it exist? - 2/18/2014 9:08:58 AM

DomDolf

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quote:

ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12

So sometimes you try to swing it to get less vegetables and more cake.

Excellent analogy... Thank you.

< Message edited by DomDolf -- 2/18/2014 9:09:57 AM >

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RE: Topping from the Bottom - Does it exist? - 2/18/2014 1:45:53 PM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pg4g

Completely agree, DarkSteven. How people are is how people are. All this posturing about "correct role behaviour" is bullshit.

Do what works for you (and your partner if you have one). People outside the relationship? Their views don't matter.

I find it really amazing how you can read what someone is saying so incorrectly. I haven't seen anyone on here...myself included...posturing about role behavior.

One of the things that Dark notes is that topping from the bottom exists when someone from the outside looking in criticizes another's relationship because, in their eyes, the submissive is not being submissive enough. I agree with Dark...when the opinion given DIRECTLY to someone without being asked. When I spoke about whether or not I feel that topping from the bottom can exist, I was referring to my own experiences, hence the whole "YMMV" and "IMHO" added to what I said. While I MIGHT feel, from the outside looking in, that someone's submissive is NOT being submissive, I realize that it is not MY call to make in regards to their relationship because I am not in their relationship. BUTTTT, if asked my opinion on something occurring within a relationship of between friends of mine BY those friends, I am not going to go the world of "if it works for you" when it clearly is not working. Doesn't mean I cannot express my feelings on here in terms of a general feeling. That is why it is called a DISCUSSION board. If the answer to everything is "everybody do what you feel", then there would be no need for this site except for a general disclaimer...perhaps something along these lines:

"If you have any questions about whether or not you are doing something wrong in your D/s and/or BDSM relationship, remember these words of advice: do whatever you want....nothing is wrong...however the two (or more) of you want to structure your relationship, do so. Thank you for visiting collarme."

ANNNND, if asked my opinion on something within a relationship of friends BY those friends, I am not going to go the world of "if it works for you" when it clearly is not.

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RE: Topping from the Bottom - Does it exist? - 2/18/2014 3:18:20 PM

DesFIP

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I disagree that it can ever be just one person's fault. You chose each other. You're both responsible for not finding out before committing that you are sufficiently compatible.

You might never have had any complaints from your ex, but that just tells me that you had poor communication or they wouldn't have felt it necessary to become your ex.

And I can yell, scream, cry, beg, demand etc. What I can't do is somehow push a button and compel him to do what I want. He's perfectly capable of laughing at me, of telling me to knock it off, or stopping play so we can have a serious discussion about unmet needs.

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RE: Topping from the Bottom - Does it exist? - 2/18/2014 3:57:30 PM

BossyShoeBitch

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

And I can yell, scream, cry, beg, demand etc. What I can't do is somehow push a button and compel him to do what I want. He's perfectly capable of laughing at me, of telling me to knock it off, or stopping play so we can have a serious discussion about unmet needs.

^THIS^

I can't even count the number of "Do-Me" subs that have contacted me over the years to tell me exactly the way that they want to submit to me, and who are very surprised to learn that I have zero interest in becoming a Fetish Delivery Device.

Plus, some people (in many cases um's or pets; in this case, s-types) have a natural tendency to test boundaries. This may not necessarily equate to "topping from the bottom", but instead could be a manifestation of said natural tendency. A way to get to know each other's personalities.

From the very first time I heard the term, I've tended to regard TFTB as a form of manipulation used by a person to get what they want; I see this as passive-aggressive behavior and feel it has no place in a healthy relationship.

Personally, I see nothing wrong with a sub communicating his/her wants and desires to their Dom. For me it's required. Sir likes to hear the things running through my deviant mind, sometimes He'll say, "Good idea, let's do that," sometimes He'll say, "you're really fucked in the head, and I love it!" and sometimes He'll look right into my eyes, flash me that drop dead gorgeous smile and say, "who cares what you want?" THUD

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