quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP


That's your assumption. I would think that in a committed relationship the dominant is very well aware of what is going on and wants the sub to feel stronger, more secure and thus chooses to agree to do what the sub is requesting in order to get them to feel happier and more assured.

I do find it interesting that the predominant majority of those who think this is always horrible are female dominants who have male submissives. Whereas the dominants who choose to indulge the sub in this manner, for whatever reason, are male dominants of female submissives who have a long term monogamous relationship. And I chose the term "choosing to indulge" deliberately, because I think they are well aware of what is going on.

Again, when a dominant rewards this behavior, there's a reason. It could be that the dominant thinks anything that makes him laugh is good and deserves approval. Or it could be that he wants her to feel safer in asking for what she needs and knows she isn't yet able to ask outright but only indirectly and feels that rewarding the indirect request will lead her to be able to make direct requests. But these sorts of reasons don't take place between play partners but between life partners.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana



Sure, he may have an inability to lead/inspire...but I gotta tell ya, from lots and lots of life experience, that you can't teach someone who don't wanna learn and you often can't inspire folks who aren't willing to let go.
So maybe it's on the top. Maybe it's on the bottom. But one thing for sure, we damn well know it's on the both of them.

Now, and here is the disclaimer, we are moving into the opinion zone.

Frankly, I think the main reason this stuff happens is simply because the "Dom" ain't willing to say that "We do things my way or we don't do em." and then actualize.
Lotsa folks make that threat-very few follow through...and in failing to do so, destroy all the credibility they have with the bottom.
But on the flip side, there are folks who just won't let go. They may talk the game, they may even really really want to let go and trust, obey, follow direction...but for whatever reason (Trust issues, prior experiences, childhood issues, whatever) they are unable to surmount that obstacle when push comes to shove.

quote:

Topping from the bottom surely exists in the form of limits and safe words. No Dominant has supreme power over their sub, and every sub has the right to say no, and that's topping from the bottom

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

Lol, it seems like, this is bdsm, everybody has a different interpretation.
That's probably what makes it so hard.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

Lol, it seems like, this is bdsm, everybody has a different interpretation.
That's probably what makes it so hard.

• A deeply loving couple with a hot sex life which includes some elements of control and brattiness.
  
• A dysfunctional and embittered dominant who can't really dominate his own shoelaces much less another person.
  
• A sub who isn't
  
• Any one of about 4 trillion other possible things
  

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

I just got done reading another thread in which it was stated that topping from the bottom does not exist.

The premise is that a "real" dominant can't be topped from the bottom, that it was a term used to stifle and control the s-type.

I very much disagree with this statement. As a switch, I know both sides well. I am *very* aware that subs can and do manipulate dominants to get what they want/need. In fact, I would say most subs do this.

Of course, they are either smacked down (metaphorically speaking, or not) for this behavior, or it goes by unnoticed, or *and herein lies the issue to me* the dom notices it but does NOTHING.

Even my uber laid back dominant will say on occasion, "you know, you are getting a bit uppity there, girly," with that *ahem cough* stern voice.

In other words, he knows I am attempting to manipulate him, it's no big deal he's rather an immovable force, but he does let me know I've put a tippytoe across one of his lines in the sand.

So, what is your opinion on this issue?

Does topping from the bottom exist?

Why or why not?

And please, can we keep the discussion civil, tyvm.

quote:

Just dont forget the regular meanings of words when you discuss important issues.
Wow.... seriously? There are "regular meanings" for BDSM words? Where did you find the dictionary because honestly I can't find it. Or, put more accurately, I can find about 2 gajillion dictionaries that don't even remotely agree with each other.