RE: Fear of oral

RE: Fear of oral (Full Version)

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enigmabrat -> RE: Fear of oral (6/12/2006 4:28:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail I have a fear of even posting to people that have a fear of oral...... But here I am, if I can get over the fear, you can get over yours. You just gotta wanna. I cant help but see that you posted this to make me feel little and stupid and to invaladate my very real and valid feelings. no one asked you or wanted you to post here so keep your snide holier then thou nastyness to yourself

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Fear of oral (6/12/2006 4:45:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: enigmabrat I cant help but see that you posted this to make me feel little and stupid and to invaladate my very real and valid feelings. no one asked you or wanted you to post here so keep your snide holier then thou nastyness to yourself You're still not getting that sarcasm thing...You're so quick to take the path of anger...

somethndif -> RE: Fear of oral (6/12/2006 4:55:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: enigmabrat OK lets say Im NOT interested in EVER doing oral, to the Doms out there, is that something you could live with?? No. Dan

enigmabrat -> RE: Fear of oral (6/12/2006 4:57:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross quote: ORIGINAL: enigmabrat I cant help but see that you posted this to make me feel little and stupid and to invaladate my very real and valid feelings. no one asked you or wanted you to post here so keep your snide holier then thou nastyness to yourself You're still not getting that sarcasm thing...You're so quick to take the path of anger... nope I dont care if it was sarcastic or not there was no call for it besides the fact that people that try and use sarcasm on the net were you can hear it and tell are asking for people to take what they say the wrong way.

slavejali -> RE: Fear of oral (6/12/2006 6:19:38 PM)
quote: One is that I am not disfunctional or unhappy.. I am a straight A B student thriveing in school and am for the most part happy. Sorry, but if you cannot participate in regular adult activities due to a past trauma, you are dysfunctional and not living as fully as you could..which will effect your happiness. Addition: That was not an attack on you. Most everyone is dysfunctional in different ways ..part of the challenge of life is to break through those areas and free ourselves from those things that bind us and hold us back from a full experiencing.

maybemaybenot -> RE: Fear of oral (6/12/2006 8:03:11 PM)
enigma: I think if you look past mnottertails sarcasm, you will see that his advice is sound. You need to want to get over it. You need to want to move on. We don't all sugar coat it, and to be honest, maybe you need to hear it in that fashion since you aren't listening to any one else who has been a little softer. You don't seem to want to do anything to help yourself, you appear to believe that time will heal all. Well, here is somethig my therapist said to me many years ago.. and it holds very true. When you put all your issues in the "emotional closet" and do nothing to sort thru them, eventually the closet door will come crashing open and you will have it spilled all over you. Like I said earlier, YOU have to make a concious decision to be an active participant in your own mental health. Just becasue you are making good grades does not mean you are doing fine and dandy. mbmbn

indybbwsubbie -> RE: Fear of oral (6/12/2006 8:09:14 PM)
maybe it just might help to "sugar coat" it........or splenda? lol might make it taste better!!! indy subbie "to chain the body is to free the soul"

mnottertail -> RE: Fear of oral (6/12/2006 8:15:36 PM)
I am an advocate of tough love when someone gives themselves into bad self talk. If I felt inclined to rip on your ass, you need not check with sources other than those here who have given you very sound advice which you have pretty much shit on, to find out that I have been rather stern but correct with you. I am an asshole of gargantuan and intergalactic proportions and can readily make you swallow your own tongue ala Hannibal Lector... I was pointing out to you in rather plain fashion, that you can overcome this, as well as some of the other bad self-image posts you have diddled with around here, but it must be within you. Oh, my transmission is slipping.......maybe if I drive the car more it will fix itself. That ain't gonna happen. You should retain a firm grip here, 'cause I ain't got one. Sincerely, Ron

mnottertail -> RE: Fear of oral (6/12/2006 8:25:31 PM)
You got inbetween me an my post. So to further elucidate... Sugar coating or even going very far into empathizing with this type of rancid behavior is counterproductive........ But you can.........no I can't (boo hoo hoo) and as you see that is exactly what has happened to this point Fuck that. Nip it in the bud. Just Nip it! (Barney Fife)

enigmabrat -> RE: Fear of oral (6/12/2006 8:59:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavejali quote: One is that I am not disfunctional or unhappy.. I am a straight A B student thriveing in school and am for the most part happy. Sorry, but if you cannot participate in regular adult activities due to a past trauma, you are dysfunctional and not living as fully as you could..which will effect your happiness. Addition: That was not an attack on you. Most everyone is dysfunctional in different ways ..part of the challenge of life is to break through those areas and free ourselves from those things that bind us and hold us back from a full experiencing. ok im not sure how to reply to this without sounding nasty so Im just gunna state I dont agree with this at all

enigmabrat -> RE: Fear of oral (6/12/2006 9:05:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail I am an advocate of tough love when someone gives themselves into bad self talk. If I felt inclined to rip on your ass, you need not check with sources other than those here who have given you very sound advice which you have pretty much shit on, to find out that I have been rather stern but correct with you. I am an asshole of gargantuan and intergalactic proportions and can readily make you swallow your own tongue ala Hannibal Lector... I was pointing out to you in rather plain fashion, that you can overcome this, as well as some of the other bad self-image posts you have diddled with around here, but it must be within you. Oh, my transmission is slipping.......maybe if I drive the car more it will fix itself. That ain't gonna happen. You should retain a firm grip here, 'cause I ain't got one. Sincerely, Ron No were did I "shit" on anyones advice be it sound or not... (besides that I didnt ask for peoples thoughts on my abuse simply what I should do about finding a Dom when i wasnt willing to give oral) and I never said I couldnt over come this... maybe I just dont want to, maybe I dont WANT to ever give oral, maybe ones I do finnaly get over my issues with it I will still find it gross and nasty and distasfull, maybe my abuse isnt the only reason behind me not being able to give oral?? none of that is relavent as this thread has gotten totaly off what I had origanly asked.. wich wasnt for advise from anyone really I know what I have to do to get over what has happend to me no one is telling me anything i dont already know, so i wasnt asking for peoples advise about abuse... but as to weather or not a man would take a fem that didnt want to give oral.

mnottertail -> RE: Fear of oral (6/12/2006 9:13:47 PM)
Now, that seems reasonable. There is some cogency to thoughts like that. Then my answer would simply be 'no'. I had no idea this was simply a poll. Sincerely, Ron

Sudwind -> RE: Fear of oral (6/12/2006 10:15:51 PM)
There is one thing that seems to be lacking in this thread ( and in many other threads I have read). BDSM is a world to be entered when you are emotionally, mentally, and physically complete. It is not a place for those with unresolved issues. Of course everyone has things that bother them, but thinkiing that BDSM can cure life issues is totally incorrect. Understanding from a partner can help complete the healing process, but it can not be considered as the starting point for the healing. I see someone trying to enter a world that will not always be accepting of their fears/inabilities/hangups, even though those fears etc. have a real world cause/effect. Many people come to BDSM as a way to heal. A better path, in my opinion, is to complete all the healing one is capable of, then enter this world as complete as one can be.

slavejali -> RE: Fear of oral (6/12/2006 10:20:16 PM)
Well I think that would pretty much disclude anyone from participating in a bdsm relationship...most ppl have issues in some way or another [:)] But I hear what you're saying...i wonder sometimes how beneficial D/s would be for people who havent healed a lot from their pasts too...and welcome to the boards [:)]

Sudwind -> RE: Fear of oral (6/12/2006 10:24:48 PM)
The difference is simple... do we have the issues or do the issues own us? If we have the issues we are working on them. If the issues have us, they are working on us. As complete as possible is the important factor. Some thing have to/need to be accomplished internally, THEN move forward for the completion.

slavejali -> RE: Fear of oral (6/12/2006 10:38:58 PM)
Well I guess in the OPS case, she has stated quite emphatically, she just doesnt want to ever suck cock, does this void her out of bdsm altogether, thats a pretty big issue and its owning her. Maybe she will find some man who doesnt like his cock sucked...stranger things have happened.

cmwsquirrl -> RE: Fear of oral (6/12/2006 11:52:31 PM)
just wanted to know what thumb sucking had to do with this I am a thumb sucker and I love sucking guys ?????

zero69u2 -> RE: Fear of oral (6/13/2006 12:06:25 AM)
dear enigmabrat, maybe you should try handjobs.. no need to fear oral sex.. try some flavored lube or something. if its grossly oversized cock..handjob in bathtub. suck his nipples instead and hand stroke.. ohh every guy is goin to hate no oral.. but handjobs are cool if you talk nasty while doing it.

heartfeltsub -> RE: Fear of oral (6/13/2006 5:25:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterStoney442 First off let me say this to you . We all have trauma in our lives. But does that mean we should let that take over us ? I can see you only read what you want . So the only thing that is asinine is your comments on that in itself. If you will talk with more then one person in this life style ,you will see that ,in most cases there has been some form of abuse done to them . So for me ,when they complain of it , Means that this is not for them . But like you , I have my opinion and you have yours . That is fine go on and be you LOL. If you had read my comments as well, you would have read that i don't believe in allowing the traumas of one's past to inhibit the actions of one's present or future. i strongly BELIEVE in enlisting the help of others to get past the abuses of one's past to move into being a whole person. And i have REPEATEDLY stated just that. i do not agree with not facing the issues that affect us from our pasts and have stated so to the OP, but neither do i think my past disqualifies me from being a submissive. What i disagree with is your statement quote: In reading all this , I see some thing that is wide spread in this . There are so many women out there that say they are abused or have been in the past . I think that is the issue. But then why if that is what it is are they in this life style ? There are many that say this life style is nothing but abuse. you have these issues or some like them . Asking why people who have been abused in the past are in this lifestyle, like they do not have a right to be in the lifestyle if they have been abused. Which is exactly what you said quote: Why are they in this life style ? The only abuse I can see is being here when you have these issues or some like them . That is what you said and i respectfully still say such a premise is assinine.

enigmabrat -> RE: Fear of oral (6/13/2006 11:38:16 AM)
Im rather tired of people telling me that i have no right to be in this lifestyle because of my feelings!!! its the same here as anywere els you find someone tat is what you want and you are what they want i see no point in waiting and waiting to see if Ill ever feel diiferently then i do now because I may never. the point is Im smart and able to keep myself safe here and not get myself into dangerouse situations because Im emotional. I have a good head on my sholders and dont do stupid things (exept maybe starting this thread because that is turning out to be rather stupid) point here is you dont tell someone to give up something they love because of what someone els did to them... that alone is giveing the abuser more power then they should ever have.

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