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RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/18/2012 2:17:12 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		Finding a Dominant is like any other relationship between two people. If you met someone online you hoped to date, would you get on cam with him at the beginning when you barely know him? Would you perform for Mr. Vanilla because he asked for it? What do you do when you're on a date? Everything the guy wants? Or do you remain cautious and protective of yourself? Same rules apply now. Any potential Dom is auditioning for a spot in your life just as much as you are. This isn't some rule that says is you call yourself a submissive you now have to do what strange men tell you to do. You are in control of your destiny, you call the shots. You actively make decisions. The fact that you are submissive doesn't mean you're sitting on the side of the road waiting for anyone to pick you up like stray trash.

When I was looking I set up the boundaries of what i was comfortable as a guideline for myself. If someone asked me something that wasn't in those boundaries, I politely declined saying that it was personal information that i wasn't comfortable sharing. Most of the time I let the guy go at that point because he wasn't going to be what i was looking for. You're finding a lot of guys now who just want to get off, if that's not what you want then hold out for something different.

Don't paint the site as being all one thing, that's like saying all dogs are bad because one bit you, or all foreign cars are worthless because you got a lemon. I met my Dominant of 3 years here, we started off by writing emails, went to phone calls, and dated till we got the idea that we wanted to stick with each other.

(in reply to oregongirl)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/18/2012 2:54:04 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

A Dom's cam is something a sub is rewarded with during her training little one and will come near the end of Phase 1 little one


This Dom seemed to be following the Internet InstaDom Manual.
Phase 1 would probably be concluded by him wanking off, and then blocking you.
Keep in mind, you get to call the shots on who and how you interact here, until you
actually choose to have someone dictate that to you.
Refusing to do something you aren't comfortable doing is ALWAYS an option.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to oregongirl)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/18/2012 2:57:27 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

Keep in mind, you get to call the shots on who and how you interact here, until you
actually choose to have someone dictate that to you.


A very good point. You are equals until you agree to take a submissive role. Until that point, I wouldn't tolerate anyone treating me as less than and I certainly dislike people that don't know me using pet names.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/18/2012 3:11:20 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: poise
This Dom seemed to be following the Internet InstaDom Manual. Phase 1 would probably be concluded by him wanking off, and then blocking you.

Hey hey now, I liked that book! It was easy to read with lots of helpful pictures and didn't take much time to bring me fully up to speed on all relevant aspects to owning a human.

Keep in mind, you get to call the shots on who and how you interact here, until you actually choose to have someone dictate that to you.
... and the choice does not end there... well.. unless someone has developed some actual mind control tech that I haven't run into.

Maybe put more simply to the OP... when I tell Carol to do something she dislikes there are good, practical reasons why she obeys anyway. Within the context of our relationship that amounts to "being an adult and doing stuff you don't like sometimes". When you're dealing with dominants who are giving you "unwelcome" commands I'd urge you to be clear on what YOUR reasons are for obeying. If they sound anything like, "I'm supposed to because...." then I'd urge you to think further.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/18/2012 3:58:30 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: oregongirl

So we had a few private conversations before I gave out my Messenger username. Then after the how are you small talk, he says, "That's ok as we will start with the basics. A Dom's cam is something a sub is rewarded with during her training little one and will come near the end of Phase 1 little one. Stand up and let me look at you now."


Wanker. Him being able to reward or punish you should come when you have a relationship, not a cam wank. Also, you said elsewhere you've only been here a few days - this is moving faster than I'd like a newbie to move.
quote:



I resisted because he would not show his face. I blocked him both from my messenger and on CM site.


Right move. At this point, he should be finding out about you and showing you about him. It's a mutual commitment to gauging compatibility. It's also possible he's married and that's why he's withholding his face.
quote:



Since I am new to this scene, what would you say is the best advice for my safety and finding the right dom for me? I think asking for references from other women would be in order, but then those could be faked also.


Try to meet people at munches and play parties. It's harder to lie about yourself when there are others around and a grapevine of shared information. That said, you're detecting red flags and responding appropriately - you're not doing anything wrong.
quote:



I might close out my account here because I also have been asked to beat myself with a hair brush handle after two cam sessions. I don't want to assume all doms are this cruel, but I don't want to do everything a dom asks me to do, especially if I'm not collared to the dom.


Whoa there. You don't have to do what a Dom tells you to do if you're not in a relationship with him. Don't blame collarme because a random person asked something of you that you can refuse. And that's not tremendously cruel in my book - I've swatted subs with much more heavy duty than that. Finally, do what a Dom asks if you want, and don't do it if you don't want.
quote:



Maybe I'm on the right site. Just because I'm on the submissive side, and still exploring does not mean that I am wanting the hard core treatment. Maybe a regular vanilla dating site is for me where my profile suggests that I enjoy "adventure" and seeking a self-confidence man who enjoys a woman to please him. I wonder how I would compose that profile so a Dom would be able to catch that I am indeed seeking both vanilla and submission to my man. What is the term for that? Maybe I am straight while enjoying a few kinks thrown in.


Why? You're a submissive woman. Should you connect with a Dominant man, chances are excellent that you'll mesh in the bedroom, especially since you can check out each other's kinks on your profiles. With that as a given, any intelligent Dom will spend time getting to know you - your conversational style, your vanilla interests, your sense of humor, etc., and see if you're vanilla-compatible. If he tries to find out which nipple clamps you've experienced, cut your losses and move on.


< Message edited by DarkSteven -- 3/18/2012 3:59:25 PM >

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to oregongirl)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/18/2012 4:17:21 PM   
oregongirl


Posts: 119
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

Finding a Dominant is like any other relationship between two people. If you met someone online you hoped to date, would you get on cam with him at the beginning when you barely know him? Would you perform for Mr. Vanilla because he asked for it? What do you do when you're on a date? Everything the guy wants? Or do you remain cautious and protective of yourself? Same rules apply now. Any potential Dom is auditioning for a spot in your life just as much as you are. This isn't some rule that says is you call yourself a submissive you now have to do what strange men tell you to do. You are in control of your destiny, you call the shots. You actively make decisions. The fact that you are submissive doesn't mean you're sitting on the side of the road waiting for anyone to pick you up like stray trash.

When I was looking I set up the boundaries of what i was comfortable as a guideline for myself. If someone asked me something that wasn't in those boundaries, I politely declined saying that it was personal information that i wasn't comfortable sharing. Most of the time I let the guy go at that point because he wasn't going to be what i was looking for. You're finding a lot of guys now who just want to get off, if that's not what you want then hold out for something different.

Don't paint the site as being all one thing, that's like saying all dogs are bad because one bit you, or all foreign cars are worthless because you got a lemon. I met my Dominant of 3 years here, we started off by writing emails, went to phone calls, and dated till we got the idea that we wanted to stick with each other.



Excellent advice lizi...I'm so glad I can come here and trade information. ~smiles at you~ and thanks you very much.

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/18/2012 6:27:53 PM   
Buzzzz


Posts: 839
Joined: 11/28/2010
Status: offline 		okcupid may work well for you. do a basic "nilla" profile and answer the questions thruthfully, they"ll figire out you are kinky, and the match % are going to weed out some.

_____________________________

_"Here is something you should never do to anyone.And here is exactly how to do it to someone you care about". Flagg._



(in reply to ProlificNeeds)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/18/2012 7:31:02 PM   
Pballer123


Posts: 34
Joined: 3/10/2012
Status: offline 		I have had women on other sites claim they want to be my slave and I always ask for a specially posed picture, so that i know that they are real or ask them to come onto cam jsut to verify that they are not another scammer. 99 of 100 claim to not have a camera, or web cam, not even a camera on their phone. Ther are just as many phony women, percentage-wise as men on the sites.

(in reply to ProlificNeeds)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/18/2012 7:49:45 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Pballer123

I have had women on other sites claim they want to be my slave and I always ask for a specially posed picture, so that i know that they are real or ask them to come onto cam jsut to verify that they are not another scammer. 99 of 100 claim to not have a camera, or web cam, not even a camera on their phone. Ther are just as many phony women, percentage-wise as men on the sites.


I'd tell you to fuck off. I have multiple pictures all of the same person which is proof enough that I'm real.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Pballer123)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/18/2012 8:16:45 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: Pballer123

I have had women on other sites claim they want to be my slave and I always ask for a specially posed picture, so that i know that they are real or ask them to come onto cam jsut to verify that they are not another scammer. 99 of 100 claim to not have a camera, or web cam, not even a camera on their phone. Ther are just as many phony women, percentage-wise as men on the sites.


I'd tell you to fuck off. I have multiple pictures all of the same person which is proof enough that I'm real.

That response made me LOL fur realz. That said, Oside, I could link you to multiple scammer profiles that have five or more photos of the same woman.

It isn't hard to tell the difference between a woman and a scammer from how they email or chat. A man who doesn't know the difference either hasn't had women write him back, so lacks experience, or is perspicacity-challenged.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/18/2012 8:33:01 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: Pballer123

I have had women on other sites claim they want to be my slave and I always ask for a specially posed picture, so that i know that they are real or ask them to come onto cam jsut to verify that they are not another scammer. 99 of 100 claim to not have a camera, or web cam, not even a camera on their phone. Ther are just as many phony women, percentage-wise as men on the sites.



I'd tell you to fuck off. I have multiple pictures all of the same person which is proof enough that I'm real.

That response made me LOL fur realz. That said, Oside, I could link you to multiple scammer profiles that have five or more photos of the same woman.

It isn't hard to tell the difference between a woman and a scammer from how they email or chat. A man who doesn't know the difference either hasn't had women write him back, so lacks experience, or is perspicacity-challenged.


Exactly. While there might be scammers that have multiple pictures, it reduces the number. If someone couldn't take that teeny tiny step of faith and talk to me to see if I'm real.....then, I wouldn't have been interested anyway.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/18/2012 8:50:57 PM   
oregongirl


Posts: 119
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline 		Well, now, I did expect this many responses when I first posted my question. lol but I am thoroughly enjoying the debate. Even though it may be a bit confusing to me like "which way to go", I still like hearing all perspectives.

I guess from all the discussion thus far, I would say just be cautious be be on alert for those red flags and many of you here have given me many clues.

So thanks! What a trip. But when someone like has a light bulb moment, isn't that fun! :)

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/19/2012 1:15:34 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

It isn't hard to tell the difference between a woman and a scammer from how they email or chat. A man who doesn't know the difference either hasn't had women write him back, so lacks experience, or is perspicacity-challenged.


Exactly. As I said before, the mesh in the bedroom is much more a given than the mesh outside it. If I'm talking with a genuine woman, she'll welcome me asking her probing questions about why she chose to live in her current location, why she chose her current field of work, etc. A scammer will try to push things along at light speed. And their writing is horrible, and they call me Master right out of the gate.

I recently got this gem "hello how are u doing , i am a slave looking for a master and really hoping to have fun and serve him .i am very summisisve and here is my im so that we can chat <fakename>@yahoo.com okay i am wating for u soon okay" I replied with "Hi, I am doing fine and I write every bit as badly as u do. sometimes I look at my crappy writing and assume I must be some kind of scammer passing myself off as an american because my writing is so bad also just like you I have no clue about the lifestyle but still pass myself off as a master like you do a slave okay"



_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/19/2012 7:23:03 AM   
hellionsLight


Posts: 241
Joined: 10/18/2011
From: Kearney, NE
Status: offline 		I think it's a great idea to cam - both ways - when getting to know someone online. Master and I used skyped, which is why I was comfortable with moving to a different state for the first 'meeting' we had in person.

If I wasn't 'allowed' to see him, though, I would not like that.

But, I'm of mind that if you know the risks, and you still wanna do it, go for it.

_____________________________


(in reply to ProlificNeeds)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/19/2012 8:22:42 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		MODS!

JeffBC would like his cone back.

quote:

Although I wish I could keep the ice cream cone. I kind of liked having that back again since I still self-identify as vanilla.


Jeff - they gave the cone back to Mr. 36,000 posts Ron so if you ask nicely...



(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/19/2012 8:27:12 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I have had women on other sites claim they want to be my slave and I always ask for a specially posed picture, so that i know that they are real or ask them to come onto cam jsut to verify that they are not another scammer. 99 of 100 claim to not have a camera, or web cam, not even a camera on their phone. Ther are just as many phony women, percentage-wise as men on the sites.


A man who asks me for coffee is going to have much better luck than one who asks me to cam or camera.

(in reply to Pballer123)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/19/2012 8:41:59 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hellionsLight

I think it's a great idea to cam - both ways - when getting to know someone online.


Yeah, but that's different than being asked to cam to prove that you're worth even talking to......


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to hellionsLight)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/19/2012 8:54:19 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama
Jeff - they gave the cone back to Mr. 36,000 posts Ron so if you ask nicely...

Well yeah but in that case it makes total sense. I mean seriously... who could possibly be more vanilla than "Mr. BlowJob" himeself? Seriously, on the kink scale a blowjob can't be too many steps removed from missionary position. And, as we all know, Ron's a simple man of simple needs.. LOLOL.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/19/2012 9:04:58 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		LOL Steven!!

Jeff, but have we ever really seen Ron discuss just HOW he gets the blowjobs? For all we know, he has a chick suspended upside down, with one of those gag things that forces your mouth wide open, while he's cropping her tits!

Or, he could just do it the old fashioned way ;)

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/19/2012 9:16:51 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop
Jeff, but have we ever really seen Ron discuss just HOW he gets the blowjobs? For all we know, he has a chick suspended upside down, with one of those gag things that forces your mouth wide open, while he's cropping her tits! Or, he could just do it the old fashioned way ;)

Oh come now. Yes we know the answer to this question. It's quite clearly.

Whatever way gets him the blowjob


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 40
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