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RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/19/2012 9:58:06 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

True this
1-I've never cammed, asked anyone to cam. Matter of fact I don't even own a webcam and have zero desire to own one.
2-If I need a cam to verify they aren't a wanker I'm in the wrong line of work. I can usually spot a the fakers early on-then I just fuck with em.
3-When I'm talking to a chica I almost never, and I mean never, talk about sex at first.
I talk about everything under the sun, bands, movies, current events, jokes, but I don't get much into pooty-pooty type stuff.
Why?
Lots of reasons. I'm not a HNG so I don't sweat getting pussy-I mean hey, I really wanna get laid I'll go to the bar and pick up some broad. I'm on CM to meet someone with slavery in mind, and that's a wee bit longer term than just a quickie.
Which means I need to get to know em.
So that's what I do in early exchanges-find out who and what they are, see if we might mesh.
I also do it because every fucking guy who writes says they are different-I try to be one who shows how different I am.
And finally, I dunno bout you, but once the conversation turns to sex, things change. The dynamic shifts, and not always in a good way. Frankly, If by that point I'm interested in the person, I'd rather meet than exchange dirty talk.

So thought for the OP-maybe find a cat who wants to know you, invest in you, perceives you as something more than a set of holes (Though, chortles, that may well be exactly what you will be to him a few years down the road, to both parties delight).
Fuck, BDSM ain't special, it's just like everything else. Folks tend to get out of it what they put into it with the opposite being equally true.

There are good dudes out there, it's just that finding them is like mining for gold in a panned out stream sometimes :-)

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 41

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/19/2012 11:44:06 AM

GotSteel

Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: oregongirl
I might close out my account here because I also have been asked to beat myself with a hair brush handle after two cam sessions. I don't want to assume all doms are this cruel, but I don't want to do everything a dom asks me to do, especially if I'm not collared to the dom.

There are some wastes of flesh on the internet...sorry

If you're starting to get burned out on internet dating you might want to look into real life munches in your area.

(in reply to oregongirl)

Post #: 42

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/19/2012 5:23:06 PM

CaptJosh

Posts: 69
Joined: 3/12/2012
Status: offline

I have to say, someone assuming that, just because you self-identify as "on the submissive side", he can order you around and start calling you pet names is offensive to me as a Dom. It is my opinion that in power exchange, the Dominant needs to take care of his submissive. In order to care for a submissive, one must get to know her. You don't get to know a sub by out of the blue starting to order her around on camera like that. Whoever that guy was, he's no Dom. He's not even a Man, just an overgrown teenager stuck in the worst part of his horny teens emotionally. He just wants live webcam sessions without paying for it on some cam site.

But don't let him stop you from finding your true Master. I have my one and only pet, my true love, who CHOSE to submit to me when she had never done that with another man in her life. I am proud to be the Master of joshspet1980 and I will care for her and protect her always, with my very life if need be. She is everything I want in this lifetime and I thank God for her every day. If you keep looking, you'll find a real Man, who will be your Master, and he will feel the way about you that I do about my precious pet.

_____________________________

CaptJosh

There are only 10 kinds of people in the world:
those who understand binary and those who don't.

(in reply to GotSteel)

Post #: 43

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/19/2012 5:34:52 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptJosh

I have to say, someone assuming that, just because you self-identify as "on the submissive side", he can order you around and start calling you pet names is offensive to me as a Dom. It is my opinion that in power exchange, the Dominant needs to take care of his submissive. In order to care for a submissive, one must get to know her. You don't get to know a sub by out of the blue starting to order her around on camera like that. Whoever that guy was, he's no Dom. He's not even a Man, just an overgrown teenager stuck in the worst part of his horny teens emotionally. He just wants live webcam sessions without paying for it on some cam site.

But don't let him stop you from finding your true Master. I have my one and only pet, my true love, who CHOSE to submit to me when she had never done that with another man in her life. I am proud to be the Master of joshspet1980 and I will care for her and protect her always, with my very life if need be. She is everything I want in this lifetime and I thank God for her every day. If you keep looking, you'll find a real Man, who will be your Master, and he will feel the way about you that I do about my precious pet.

That's all well and fine for you, but there are some that don't want a relationship like you describe. Some don't want the emotion, they just want a straight up power exchange.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to CaptJosh)

Post #: 44

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/19/2012 6:15:58 PM

CaptJosh

Posts: 69
Joined: 3/12/2012
Status: offline

OsideGirl, even a straight up power exchange still requires actually getting to know someone. If you're willing to just give up power to anyone who claims to be a Dominant, then you are highly likely to one day end up VERY badly hurt, if not dead.

Bottom line, even emotionally detached power exchange still requires both parties to get to know enough about each other to be able to trust. Some random HNG claiming to be a Dom and demanding nudity on camera while refusing to show even his own face does not seem even remotely legitimate to me, and any self-identifying submissive should, in my opinion, stay away.

_____________________________

CaptJosh

There are only 10 kinds of people in the world:
those who understand binary and those who don't.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 45

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/19/2012 6:25:32 PM

risktaker9

Posts: 197
Joined: 3/10/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptJosh

OsideGirl, even a straight up power exchange still requires actually getting to know someone. If you're willing to just give up power to anyone who claims to be a Dominant, then you are highly likely to one day end up VERY badly hurt, if not dead.

Bottom line, even emotionally detached power exchange still requires both parties to get to know enough about each other to be able to trust. Some random HNG claiming to be a Dom and demanding nudity on camera while refusing to show even his own face does not seem even remotely legitimate to me, and any self-identifying submissive should, in my opinion, stay away.

You are really putting your own spin on this, which is fine, but it's not the way you describe for everyone and it doesn't need to be. For some women doing a cam show for a HNG that they don't know is a fine way to spend an afternoon. Maybe that is the epitome of D/s to those two people who decide to do it. There doesn't need to be any knowledge of each other, there doesn't need to be trust, kink can survive without those things. If you think there should be knowledge and trust then carry on with what you think is important, but it's just not going to carry through for all the rest of the world you know?

So what if random Dom wants cam action and it doesn't seem legit to you, it only needs to seem legit to the woman who consents to it and it's her decision if she wants to or not. There are some people out there who want and seek out exactly what you don't think should be valid and it IS valid to them.

(in reply to CaptJosh)

Post #: 46

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/19/2012 6:31:43 PM

CaptJosh

Posts: 69
Joined: 3/12/2012
Status: offline

I suppose I may be putting my own spin to the subject. I've known a number of people who have been abused. A buddy of mine had the unpleasant experience of being the adult child of a woman murdered by her abuser.

Aside from that, it's rather clear that the original poster is looking for something serious and long term, not anonymous camming and domination by someone she just met.

_____________________________

CaptJosh

There are only 10 kinds of people in the world:
those who understand binary and those who don't.

(in reply to risktaker9)

Post #: 47

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/19/2012 6:52:06 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptJosh

OsideGirl, even a straight up power exchange still requires actually getting to know someone. If you're willing to just give up power to anyone who claims to be a Dominant, then you are highly likely to one day end up VERY badly hurt, if not dead.

Bottom line, even emotionally detached power exchange still requires both parties to get to know enough about each other to be able to trust. Some random HNG claiming to be a Dom and demanding nudity on camera while refusing to show even his own face does not seem even remotely legitimate to me, and any self-identifying submissive should, in my opinion, stay away.

Where at any point did I say that a straight up power exchange wouldn't require getting to know someone?

If you had read my posts, you would have seen that I advocated that very thing. But, not everyone is going to fit into your mold of wanting a romantic relationship.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 3/19/2012 6:53:46 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to CaptJosh)

Post #: 48

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/19/2012 6:54:41 PM

CaptJosh

Posts: 69
Joined: 3/12/2012
Status: offline

My apologies. I must have missed something when reading earlier. As for wanting a romantic relationship, you might have noticed in my earlier post that I already have such a relationship.

_____________________________

CaptJosh

There are only 10 kinds of people in the world:
those who understand binary and those who don't.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 49

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/19/2012 7:02:32 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptJosh

My apologies. I must have missed something when reading earlier. As for wanting a romantic relationship, you might have noticed in my earlier post that I already have such a relationship.

I got that, but my point was that not everyone wants that kind of relationship. I have several friends that feel that it gets in the way of their service. They've pretty much been involved in long term relationships based on respect, agreement and power exchange.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to CaptJosh)

Post #: 50

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/19/2012 7:06:37 PM

CaptJosh

Posts: 69
Joined: 3/12/2012
Status: offline

Different strokes for different folks, I guess. I am an emotional kind of guy, so a detached Dominance certainly wouldn't work for me. My pet is the love of my life and my best friend and I wouldn't have it any other way. If someone else needs detachment to submit without question, I wish them the best.

With that said, perhaps we had better get back onto the original topic before we get it locked or split.

_____________________________

CaptJosh

There are only 10 kinds of people in the world:
those who understand binary and those who don't.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 51

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/19/2012 7:09:47 PM

risktaker9

Posts: 197
Joined: 3/10/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptJosh

I suppose I may be putting my own spin to the subject. I've known a number of people who have been abused. A buddy of mine had the unpleasant experience of being the adult child of a woman murdered by her abuser.

Aside from that, it's rather clear that the original poster is looking for something serious and long term, not anonymous camming and domination by someone she just met.

I think we all know people that do things we wish they wouldn't. We also probably all know people who have been hurt, it's the hardest thing sometimes to stand by while people make what we think are mistakes. Still, we're adults, while we cannot fathom the choices of some- they are still free to make them.

The OP does seem to be in need of advice, which I think she got. Your post though didn't seem to be just to the OP, it seemed to be a general pronouncement and that's tricky territory. If I've learned anything here it's that the scope of human sexuality and kink is much more varied than I ever thought it was.

(in reply to CaptJosh)

Post #: 52

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/19/2012 7:16:19 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptJosh
With that said, perhaps we had better get back onto the original topic before we get it locked or split.

This line made me laugh -- the second one in this thread to do so. It translates to, "I am so dominant I am going to dominate the thread by having the last word on a topic and directing the thread's motion."

While this is true in meatlife as well, it is often most clear on the internet: you can only control yourself. Others will post, or not, on the thread if they please. When I post, I sometimes say that I am going to take some course of action ("I won't respond to you further on this topic") but I don't tell other people what to do.

Leadership tip: don't ever give an order that can be disobeyed. It undermines your capacity to order.

Also, for the record, I believe the people on CollarMe looking for true romantic love are in the minority. Also, more significantly, we don't know what the OP of this thread is looking for, so any advice to her would have to solicit that information first.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to CaptJosh)

Post #: 53

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/19/2012 7:19:41 PM

oregongirl

Posts: 119
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline

Hello all again :)

I am the original poster that put out this concern of mine. I might make a few points. I enjoy being an Exhibitionist. I like showing myself in front of a camera. That said, I also want a romantic, LTR with a dominant man. Ok, I guess I made some foolish decisions because I was sending mixed signals. In the future, I will either consent and say this is for thrills and I'm not interested in you personally but would love to show because it excites me to do so and in turn he gets his enjoyment, OR I will refuse and delete and block those that I pick and choose.

I may sound wishy/washy and not knowing what I want, but if I want to have a bit of fun when I am lonely and bored and home, why not cam (now I'm only going to cam with someone who also will show his face), but I am in this self-discovery mode and I feel like I am becoming more and more sexually awakened after hitting menopause.

So, yes, I do enjoy showing but at the same time I want respect, dignity and loyalty for and from the One I choose to be my partner, and for that person I am truly interested in, I will practice restraint because I want Him to get to know me as a person first and then later on we can discuss our kinks and the D/s lifestyle.

Is that such a bad thing?

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 54

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/19/2012 7:21:30 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptJosh

Different strokes for different folks, I guess. I am an emotional kind of guy, so a detached Dominance certainly wouldn't work for me. My pet is the love of my life and my best friend and I wouldn't have it any other way. If someone else needs detachment to submit without question, I wish them the best.

With that said, perhaps we had better get back onto the original topic before we get it locked or split.

Actually, I think this is relevant. The OP needs to realize there isn't one twue way to do this. What you posted is your way and it may not be the way that someone else approaches D/s BDSM......and it doesn't make someone else's approach less true than yours.

If it makes you happy and you're not harming someone else. Go for it.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to CaptJosh)

Post #: 55

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/19/2012 7:31:39 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: oregongirl

Hello all again :)

I am the original poster that put out this concern of mine. I might make a few points. I enjoy being an Exhibitionist. I like showing myself in front of a camera. That said, I also want a romantic, LTR with a dominant man. Ok, I guess I made some foolish decisions because I was sending mixed signals. In the future, I will either consent and say this is for thrills and I'm not interested in you personally but would love to show because it excites me to do so and in turn he gets his enjoyment, OR I will refuse and delete and block those that I pick and choose.

I may sound wishy/washy and not knowing what I want, but if I want to have a bit of fun when I am lonely and bored and home, why not cam (now I'm only going to cam with someone who also will show his face), but I am in this self-discovery mode and I feel like I am becoming more and more sexually awakened after hitting menopause.

So, yes, I do enjoy showing but at the same time I want respect, dignity and loyalty for and from the One I choose to be my partner, and for that person I am truly interested in, I will practice restraint because I want Him to get to know me as a person first and then later on we can discuss our kinks and the D/s lifestyle.

Is that such a bad thing?

Bad thing? No, I can't presume to know you and what would be best for you or if that even matters. I don't want the responsibility of deciding for you either, lol. You had some initial concerns, people threw things out for you to consider, if it got you somewhere with it all then great.

My guy and I cam, but we're in a relationship and I trust him at this point- if that changes then I'll reconsider. I don't think I'd make the decision to cam with someone I didn't know well since I don't really want nude pics or videos of me floating around on the internet but hey....that's me, not you.

In any case it sounds like you're more solid in knowing what you are looking for and knowing what you want to do, I think that's great as you are the one in control of your life and experiences. On this thread we mostly just wanted you to know that you needed to take the reins and do what you wanted, not what someone else wanted from you.

(in reply to oregongirl)

Post #: 56

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/19/2012 7:36:22 PM

CaptJosh

Posts: 69
Joined: 3/12/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: risktaker9

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptJosh

I suppose I may be putting my own spin to the subject. I've known a number of people who have been abused. A buddy of mine had the unpleasant experience of being the adult child of a woman murdered by her abuser.

Aside from that, it's rather clear that the original poster is looking for something serious and long term, not anonymous camming and domination by someone she just met.

I think we all know people that do things we wish they wouldn't. We also probably all know people who have been hurt, it's the hardest thing sometimes to stand by while people make what we think are mistakes. Still, we're adults, while we cannot fathom the choices of some- they are still free to make them.

The OP does seem to be in need of advice, which I think she got. Your post though didn't seem to be just to the OP, it seemed to be a general pronouncement and that's tricky territory. If I've learned anything here it's that the scope of human sexuality and kink is much more varied than I ever thought it was.

You're right. Especially the way I was raised. It's incredibly difficult for me to see someone doing something that will get them hurt and let it pass.

You also raise an excellent point with your last paragraph. I tend to think of things from my own point of view quite a bit and am rather opinionated at times as well. I need to remember an abbreviation from an IRC channel I hang out on. YKINMK. It stands for "Your Kink Is Not My Kink". YMMV is also a good one for me to keep in mind.

As to you, RedMagic1, you might consider rereading what you quoted. If I was speaking imperatively, I would simply have said "Drop it." However, I did not. I didn't give orders. I made a suggestion. Hence the qualifier phrase "perhaps we had better". As in, it might be a good idea to do this.

Moving on to the last part of your post though, you may be right. I don't know. I know I found my love before I ever found CollarMe. My pet found this place for us, because she, being new to BDSM in general and submission in particular, wanted to learn more and this seemed like a place to learn.

And, if I may preempt comments about having to be open minded to learn, I mentioned above that I am opinionated.I know that can be off-putting to someone who might want to give me information. Please give it anyway. I hope you'll have noticed that I didn't slam the door on risktaker9 or OsideGirl. I kept discussing and looking at their points and acknowledging them. It was good honest debate, which I love. No ad hominem attacks until your comment about me, RedMagic1, and we didn't use any straw man arguments either.

< Message edited by CaptJosh -- 3/19/2012 7:37:30 PM >

_____________________________

CaptJosh

There are only 10 kinds of people in the world:
those who understand binary and those who don't.

(in reply to risktaker9)

Post #: 57

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/19/2012 7:55:44 PM

DomMeinCT

Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: oregongirl

Hello all again :)

I am the original poster that put out this concern of mine. I might make a few points. I enjoy being an Exhibitionist. I like showing myself in front of a camera. That said, I also want a romantic, LTR with a dominant man. Ok, I guess I made some foolish decisions because I was sending mixed signals. In the future, I will either consent and say this is for thrills and I'm not interested in you personally but would love to show because it excites me to do so and in turn he gets his enjoyment, OR I will refuse and delete and block those that I pick and choose.

I may sound wishy/washy and not knowing what I want, but if I want to have a bit of fun when I am lonely and bored and home, why not cam (now I'm only going to cam with someone who also will show his face), but I am in this self-discovery mode and I feel like I am becoming more and more sexually awakened after hitting menopause.

So, yes, I do enjoy showing but at the same time I want respect, dignity and loyalty for and from the One I choose to be my partner, and for that person I am truly interested in, I will practice restraint because I want Him to get to know me as a person first and then later on we can discuss our kinks and the D/s lifestyle.

Is that such a bad thing?

No, it's not such a bad thing - it's your choice whether you cam with someone.

But remember: conducting a cam is not necessarily a fleeting, private event between two people. As soon as you take off your clothes in front of the camera, that *Dom* can be running screen capture software ($20) and grabbing your video or still shots. He can take them and wank off to them, or he can trade them with friends or post them to youporndotcom, and you have no knowledge or control over it.

Camming with a stranger might be sexy, but maybe not so much. Showing his face still doesn't mean he's trustworthy.

< Message edited by DomMeinCT -- 3/19/2012 7:57:22 PM >

_____________________________

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
~ Carl Jung

(in reply to oregongirl)

Post #: 58

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/19/2012 8:04:57 PM

oregongirl

Posts: 119
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline

@DomMeinCT

OMG, I forgot about the screen captures. How dumb can I be! and then for those wankers possibly putting them on the interenet. Is there a way for me to do a search to look for my face because there probably won't be a username attached to it unless he took a whole screen shot because I do have my first real name on my Yahoo Messenger.

Now that I have read this from you, No more! OMG, what have I done that might not be reversed?

Now I'm spooked. A mask might be in order if I ever do this again and change my username on Yahoo Messenger or create an alias.

I hope I can sleep tonight without worrying about this.

Thank you for the heads up!

(in reply to DomMeinCT)

Post #: 59

RE: Online Dom wanting me to cam first before get to kn... - 3/19/2012 8:19:08 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: oregongirl

@DomMeinCT

OMG, I forgot about the screen captures. How dumb can I be! and then for those wankers possibly putting them on the interenet. Is there a way for me to do a search to look for my face because there probably won't be a username attached to it unless he took a whole screen shot because I do have my first real name on my Yahoo Messenger.

Now that I have read this from you, No more! OMG, what have I done that might not be reversed?

Now I'm spooked. A mask might be in order if I ever do this again and change my username on Yahoo Messenger or create an alias.

I hope I can sleep tonight without worrying about this.

Thank you for the heads up!

Remember even if you use a mask that birth marks, jewelry, clothing, hair styles, features that aren't covered by a mask can all show more of you than you think. Looking at your avatar reminds me that household surroundings like rooms and the objects in them can be familiar to others too. Sometimes we're anonymous strangers on the internet and sometimes one little thing can click in place and identify someone. I saw a guy once in the local grocery store that I've seen on here, he was with his daughter. I'm sure he wasn't thinking then that the picture on his profile of him taking it up the ass with a giant dildo would come back to haunt him.

(in reply to oregongirl)

Post #: 60

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