Toppingfrmbottom
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Joined: 6/7/2009
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I don't. I don't have any real life friends. Other than my daddy.
I used to have one person i had considered a best friend, but she was a user and a flake who'd only call or come over when she wanted something from me and as time wore on that got worse an worse.. We had previously been friends since high school, i was 19 and she was in 1 of my classes so i saw her all the time, hung out wit her at lunch all the time. She'd always been kind of flakey jake, looking back even then, but it's easy to hang out with and be friends with someone you see every day. Once we got out of school we stil lhung around and stuff but it became less frequent, until it came to the point if we ever saw one another , it was because i called her, and even then sometimes she was "to busy" and only dropped everything to come over when i started offering to pay her to help me clean house, because one day she mentioned she wouldn't mind helping me and would only ask a small amount of money. She'd always say i miss you, we should hang out, i love you like family, but when i asked her if she wanted to come over an have lunch, she was " to busy" just t o find out she'd gone to the mall to hang out with some guy she was cheating on her bf with, or that she'd already made plans with another best friend, when she's busy an says she'll call me back, months go by before i hear from her again if i am not the one to track her down.
Every time i see her, she's always asking me for something, oh since you don't use it could i have your sewing machine, I told her no, but then she was hinting around how she wanted to learn to sew and oh could i have some of your fabric? The kicker was i offered her 4 black 30 gallon trash bags of fabric at one point, all she had to do was come over and get it and she could never be bothered to call me to come pick it up. So later on when she started asking me if she could have this fabric, or that fabric, i was pretty peeved.
I haven't heard from her in months after she stood me up and never called, and one of the first things she said was if we have any chicken eggs we want to give away, give her a hollar she'd be glad to take any we can't eat.
In my head i was thinking REALLY? You stand me up don't make good on your promise to finish the job you started, don't call me for months, an you have the gall to ask me for stuff?
It still hurts a lot how it turned out because we've known each other for 11 years and I was a true friend, and she was a flake an a user.
But that still doesn't mean i won't pick up one portion of something a day, put on some good music, that makes my spirits feel good an go to it.
We can't afford therapy, i was going every week and the lowest sliding scale they had was 25 dollars a week. And even if you only went once every two weeks, it was still a lot of money. Most places, don't even have sliding scales, they're 80 to 90 dollars an hour, more if you get someone who's a specialist, I've seen them go for 100 dolllars an hour. And a lot of them are across town from us.
Kiaser has a free therapist but you only get to see them once a month, and i am going to her, but i do not think once a month is truely often enough to seriously acomplish anything, and then when trauma's come up, she's not there to talk to soon after, like our old therapist was. I remember one time after a particularly bad fight with Daddy i Called out therapist, and she was free to talk, so she talked to me. And she never wanted extra money, she cared that much about her patients and considered some of us friends, in a professional way.
Dr oChoa, isn't at all like that, if you need to talk to her she will try to schedual you in as an emergency appointment but even as an emergency it could take you weeks to get into see her. I miss our old therapist, i loved going to her, and i loved that she was availible to talk if you needed her , then, and not months later.
Unfortunately she quit seeing patients due to a life crisis of her own.
quote:
ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
You can pick one thing each day that you are going to completely clean, like putting all the laundry away and straightening out the dressers/closet. Once it is clean, it is less work to keep it that way, and move on to the next thing. The problem is that you really don't know where to start and are so overwhelmed by the current mess you can't bear to get started. Surely you must have one friend who can come over and help or at least keep you company? Play music, like you said and let it help motivate you.
Your partner is obviously not going to help you clean, nor is he going to get help for his depression. You need to decide if you are so desperate to be in a relationship that you want to live like this. If you are, then this is going to be as good as it gets unless you resign yourself to trailing behind him and cleaning up his messes. If you aren't, then you need to kick his lazy ass to the curb and work on yourself. The latter would be a healthier choice for you, but I have my doubts that you will be able to do it.
With your disability, you should still be in regular counseling, occupational therapy type things. Speak with your case worker and explain that you need some help getting your shit together and see if there isn't someone who can come and teach you some organizational skills.
Part of being an independent grown up is being able to care for yourself. That means you need to learn how to keep house and cook relatively healthy meals for yourself. It also means having the maturity to know if someone in your life is inhibiting your ability to do that.
I'm deleriously happy living on my own. Any mess that is in my house is of my own making and if I have any friends come over, they will not leave a mess or they won't be invited back.
When there is clutter all around you, it clutters your mind as well. When living with a severely depressed person, it will bring you down, rather that you bringing them up. Is this truly how you want to live your life?
quote:
and move on to the next thing. The problem is that you really don't know where to start and are so overwhelmed by the current mess you can't bear to get
< Message edited by Toppingfrmbottom -- 3/24/2012 12:24:56 PM >
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