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LafayetteLady -> RE: how much do most maid cleaning services cost? (3/26/2012 3:11:16 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom
I didn't grow up with my parents not entirely. Once I turned 13 I spent the next 7 years a ward of the court in group homes once cps took me away, because my parents were abusing me and I reported it. They had nothing to do with raising me after that and were not aware of my issues outside of my learning disability, which presented itself very early, and the school's solution for that was special ed classes.
I'm not afraid to be alone , despite him bugging me I do love and care for him very much. Id say outside this and the lovelife issue, we are very well matched.
quote:
ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
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While that is true, the fact is that the OP suffers from some psycholgical/mental disabilities which attribute to this issue much more than the physical.
Having parents who are aware of the deficiencies, who didn't work on them while she was growing up, and who think that providing her an "independant" living situation on their property is all they need to do is just as sad as the situation itself.
As for the "boyfriend." Yes, the OP has to conquer her issues before expecting better behavior from him, but her descriptions of him lead one to believe that a serious fear of being alone is what is keeping him around.
I don't mean this in an insulting way, but your parents are doing the bare minimum to help you, for whatever reason. In my opinion, group homes are notorious for their inability to teach life skills and then send people on their merry way, woefully ill equipped to handle life's daily needs. You, my former room mate and others I have come in contact with are prime examples of this.
Being able to pick up after yourself is part of being a grown up, something you admittedly don't want to be all that often (as per your profile). There is no easy way to make this happen, especially when things have gotten as out of hand as they have. I am very well aware of how difficult physical pain can make it to get things done. If my pain levels are at a 5 on any given day, I consider it a "good day." When having to actually engage in the physical activities necessary to keep my home neat and clutter free, one day of cleaning can result in 2 or more days of severe pain. But during those 2 days of severe pain, I am not tripping over shit to crawl to the bathroom and it's worth it.
Perhaps you aren't afraid of being alone. However, "this" situation and your lifelife are two VERY big parts of compatibility in a relationship and they are sorely lacking here, so really the statement of you being "very compatible" is pretty much reaching for the stars. On the other hand, you want someone to play "daddy" to your little girl, meaning being the more responsible one. He is so severely depressed, he can't manage to even clean up a spill when it happens, so maybe you are well suited.
At the end of the day, you need to determine what is most important to you. Is it gaining and maintaining a less cluttered and cleaner living environment? Is it taking better care of your health? Learning how to appropriately take care of your daily needs? Or is it having someone that is there for you at the end of the day, helping you to make messes, encouraging you to purchase things because they are "cute" even though they will sit in a box, bag or on the floor and never be utilized? Is it being able to use physical pain as an excuse for not doing things that need to get done, until you really can't physically do them because you have, through your own actions (or inactions as it is) gotten yourself confined to a wheelchair and need someone to help you with even the smallest personal task, such as going to the bathroom and cleaning your cooch and butt for you after?
You have no children, no one to be responsible for except for yourself. It isn't that difficult to do. If you can't bring yourself to do it, then get into counseling to deal with the issues that are preventing it. No excuses about how your insurance won't cover it, hospitals have charity care that you can utilize to get the help. Don't like it that it is once a month? Tough, if that is all you can get, that is all you can get. Liked your previous therapist better because she was more available? Tough. Your therapist doesn't need to give two shits about you as a person, they are doing their job which does not necessarily mean taking what are no doubt numerous "emergency" calls.
The point is that you either want to do it or you don't. Nearly everyone here is very patient with you due to your issues (which are more than a learning disability). Everyone has given you some wonderful suggestions as to how to accomplish your goal. The next step is yours, but I can assure you that constant excuses WILL and does weigh on people's patience to offer suggestions of help.
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