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Remind me of my place? - 3/30/2012 10:56:28 PM

artemiss

Posts: 88
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

Ok, I'll admit this is half rant, because the saying just grates on me.

But on the other hand, it is so prevalent around here that it has to be important to many.

So can some of yor please enlighten be on this need to "show a submissive their place?

I know who I am and what I want, I don't need arbitrary reminders. How many out there truly feel they constantly need to be reminded of their place, and why?

Post #: 1

RE: Remind me of my place? - 3/30/2012 11:07:01 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

My place is by his side.

Don't worry about what you read on a lot of profiles here. You have to realize that there are a lot of people online who just pretend they are into BDSM. They really have no clue. Just because someone checks a Dominant box on a web site does not mean he has any clue as to what that means, or what place a submissive is supposed to occupy.

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to artemiss)

Post #: 2

RE: Remind me of my place? - 3/30/2012 11:16:27 PM

Kaliko

Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline

If I need to be shown my place all the time, then I kind of suck as a submissive, in my opinion.

Now...that doesn't mean I don't need to be directed or corrected. I enjoy changing my behavior to suit his needs. But I don't walk into a relationship thinking he needs to show me anything about my place. I know my place, thanks.

(in reply to peppermint)

Post #: 3

RE: Remind me of my place? - 3/30/2012 11:58:40 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

Same reason people are constantly telling submissives it isn't about what they "want." The clueless conception that submissives exist purely for the enjoyment and use of the dominant, regardless of their desires, thoughts, feelings or otherwise. So of course, on occassion when those nasty desires, thoughts, feelings or otherwise rear their ugly head, the dominant must "remind" the submissive of their "place."

(in reply to artemiss)

Post #: 4

RE: Remind me of my place? - 3/31/2012 12:18:52 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I don't ever need to be shown my place with Master but there are times when he feels he needs to remind me when I get a bit uppity or when I'm ranting to him about something. There have been a few times where I'm unconsciously taken my mood out on him so he has to give me a look or a tug or tell me to watch it. That's all it takes though. It's not really a reminder of my place but more a reminder that I'm being disrespectful to him, and I don't mind really. Sometimes I I just don't realize what I'm doing until he tells me.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 5

RE: Remind me of my place? - 3/31/2012 12:24:57 AM

littlekitten1

Posts: 160
Status: offline

Well I suppose for some people it's exciting. If it's a mutually pleasurable activity for both parts, then I see no wrongs with it, and I don't see why people would judge other people's dynamics. I think it's in the same category as role-play and 'force' play and such. If someone likes it, then why look down upon it?

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 6

RE: Remind me of my place? - 3/31/2012 2:31:30 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

Well the snarky response would be...

"Oh well, since you're clearly so fucking perfect, and so clearly 100% capable of submitting precisely as your dominant other requires the question must surely be moot since you will never need to be reminded of your place."

And I'll admit, that was my first reaction.

Less snarky...

I think some d-types over use the term for sure. And I've encountered the odd male dom for whom "reminding the whole of womankind of their place" seemed to be a mission.

But in my experience, I've never met a sub who didn't need reminding of her place once in a while. The reminder doesn't need to be a three act opera... it could be just a certain glance, or a subtle change in tone of voice. This could be because I have a strong preference for feisty subs.

I'd go further and say that I've met a couple of subs for whom being "reminded" is a big part of the kink. We'd be out to dinner, somewhere lovely, and getting along famously, talking, debating, laughing, then I make a point of ordering her food for her... she's reminded.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to artemiss)

Post #: 7

RE: Remind me of my place? - 3/31/2012 2:42:10 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: artemiss

Ok, I'll admit this is half rant, because the saying just grates on me.

But on the other hand, it is so prevalent around here that it has to be important to many.

So can some of yor please enlighten be on this need to "show a submissive their place?

I know who I am and what I want, I don't need arbitrary reminders. How many out there truly feel they constantly need to be reminded of their place, and why?

A D/s relationship is founded on an unequal control dynamic - sub defers to Dom's will.

But in the real world, that's not always easy to remember (for Dom or sub alike). So yeah, when I feel my girl's getting a bit too bratty or disrespectful, it's time to rein her in; to pull rank; to put her in her place.

But a need constantly remind her? That would mean the whole relationship is in jeopardy.

On the other hand, a (hypothetical) sub who never needs reminding because she always knows her place? Think I'd last maybe a day with such a boring, uninspiring girl....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to artemiss)

Post #: 8

RE: Remind me of my place? - 3/31/2012 2:43:32 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
On the other hand, a (hypothetical) sub who never needs reminding because she always knows her place? Think I'd last maybe a day with such a boring, uninspiring girl....

Focus.[/font][/size][/color]

I'm with you on that one, man.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 9

RE: Remind me of my place? - 3/31/2012 2:56:35 AM

ProlificNeeds

Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline

FR~

I think most who are into the 'know your place' bit, are simply looking for excuses to make 'funishment' they haven't yet discovered the art of "How's my delicious little sub today? Now bend over I feel like beating on your ass until I get a stiffy" or vice versa, "Master please beat/humiliate your property, I'm randy and want your hands on me."
Some people use the 'know your role' thing mistakenly, and some just use it as lingo as their method to funishments. (I'm sure also in rare circumstances it's used out of in security as well.)

(in reply to crazyml)

Post #: 10

RE: Remind me of my place? - 3/31/2012 3:02:11 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

Yup!

[ED to add]

Oh and "phwoar! Love the dress"

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to ProlificNeeds)

Post #: 11

RE: Remind me of my place? - 3/31/2012 5:36:03 AM

Killerangel

Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline

Putting me in my place is not something I find desirable in a partner but there are many out there who seem to want it. I figure it's great that they come out with it right away so I know we aren't compatible. It is something that is part of a dynamic for many and I won't knock it for that reason.

That being said, it also seems to be a point that the fantasizers and porn watchers rally together on. Meaning I seem to see it amongst the portion of the kink population that gathers their ideas from what they've seen in porn or how they think things work as opposed to having much real life experience. It appeals to the socially inept portion of the kink population because it gives them a way to keep out of sticky emotional areas that they either don't have a lot of experience in yet, or handle poorly. It is my experience that BDSM on the whole draws in many people that have poor social/relationship skills. They see something that appears black and white to them and it's like a sigh of relief. They think different rules apply here so they don the persona they think is the one needed, and go forth to play at relationships BDSM style.

(in reply to artemiss)

Post #: 12

RE: Remind me of my place? - 3/31/2012 5:44:08 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Killerangel

Putting me in my place is not something I find desirable in a partner but there are many out there who seem to want it. I figure it's great that they come out with it right away so I know we aren't compatible. It is something that is part of a dynamic for many and I won't knock it for that reason.

That being said, it also seems to be a point that the fantasizers and porn watchers rally together on. Meaning I seem to see it amongst the portion of the kink population that gathers their ideas from what they've seen in porn or how they think things work as opposed to having much real life experience. It appeals to the socially inept portion of the kink population because it gives them a way to keep out of sticky emotional areas that they either don't have a lot of experience in yet, or handle poorly. It is my experience that BDSM on the whole draws in many people that have poor social/relationship skills. They see something that appears black and white to them and it's like a sigh of relief. They think different rules apply here so they don the persona they think is the one needed, and go forth to play at relationships BDSM style.

Great paragraph, I wish I would have written it myself.

Of course I need to be reminded of my place at times, I'm not perfect. Often it's a sexual thing, so purely for fun. When it's an actual reminder, a glance is all that is needed.

I have encountered more than one desktop dom who thinks, "girls should know their place." This tends to correspond to those who think slaves should be broken. They are not looking for a relationship with a whole person, I assume b/c they are not whole people themselves.

_____________________________

(in reply to Killerangel)

Post #: 13

RE: Remind me of my place? - 3/31/2012 5:54:37 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Does being put in one's place include being pushed up against a door and naughty whisperings in the ear that leave a gal panting with desire? My friend wants to know.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 14

RE: Remind me of my place? - 3/31/2012 5:58:51 AM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

yep... its parental and pejorative... blech... if someone doesn't know who they are and what they want, then they need to stay single until they do

quote:

ORIGINAL: artemiss

Ok, I'll admit this is half rant, because the saying just grates on me.

But on the other hand, it is so prevalent around here that it has to be important to many.

So can some of yor please enlighten be on this need to "show a submissive their place?

I know who I am and what I want, I don't need arbitrary reminders. How many out there truly feel they constantly need to be reminded of their place, and why?

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to artemiss)

Post #: 15

RE: Remind me of my place? - 3/31/2012 6:01:20 AM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

heh... that's the good kind.. I'm planning on that tonight... shshshs don't tell...

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Does being put in one's place include being pushed up against a door and naughty whisperings in the ear that leave a gal panting with desire? My friend wants to know.

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 16

RE: Remind me of my place? - 3/31/2012 6:13:58 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

yep... its parental and pejorative... blech... if someone doesn't know who they are and what they want, then they need to stay single until they do

Now that's an interesting idea. I don't agree with it but it's interesting. More than once in my life I have found that there are things that were enticing and that I hadn't known I wanted until a lover pointed it out or shared an experience with me. I've also had many an experience in which I found out more of who I am from being with someone. I remember more than one profound moment with my ex. The most amazing moment in my life perhaps even was when I realized that yes, in fact I DO have the ability to love someone unconditionally. Thank G*d I didn't take your advice and stay single. What an empty life I would have had if I stayed single until I figured out who I am and what I wanted. Heck, I'm still discovering those things. In fact, I hope I continue to discover them until the day I die. What a dull life I would lead if it weren't the case. I think there are some things we simply can't find out about ourselves if we are single.... like who we are in a relationship.

You've reminded me to be grateful for the amazing and wonderful people who have uncovered parts of me that I hadn't been aware of before they came around. Thank you for the nudge.

best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 17

RE: Remind me of my place? - 3/31/2012 6:25:41 AM

littlecherie

Posts: 137
Joined: 3/29/2012
Status: offline

I like to be 'shown my place' by Master, but that's just us.

_____________________________

LIGHTS
(hellionsLight)

http://anewslave.blogspot.com

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 18

RE: Remind me of my place? - 3/31/2012 6:49:35 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: artemiss
So can some of yor please enlighten be on this need to "show a submissive their place?

When a sub says he or she is looking for it, I translate it as, "Please don't just be a service top." A dear friend of mine, and one of the most independent powerful but still sub women I know, once said she really liked a guy because just from a phone call he could "put me in *that* place." It's almost like a form of subspace. Also, a lot of sub women have a dilemma: either the guy is controlling and an asshole, or a good guy but unwilling/unable to control. Finding a decent man who will be firm with you at the right time isn't easy. So it's a way of saying, "Please be able to be firm with me."

When male doms say it, I have less experience there, but the times I have heard it or seen it on a profile, it is usually connected to a Biblical head of household, taken-in-hand thing. The man is the head of the home, and the woman is his support, and he will make sure she knows that.

Also, please remember that a lot of people find ritual and protocol to be grounding, and to "help them reinforce their true nature." (Though I have problems with that quote, but that's for another thread.)

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to artemiss)

Post #: 19

RE: Remind me of my place? - 3/31/2012 6:52:04 AM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

hi sunshinemiss ... *grin*

I think I was very black and white -- more so than I really meant.. but I'll stand by it. That stems from my feeling that the best things your can bring to a relationship are a sense of self, knowing who you are and what you want, and being clear about that. Ultimately, that's an idea, based on emotional intelligence and maturity --and certainly I don't always have it.

In this case, for me, if someone wants to submit to me -- I'd like them to have a really good idea of what that is, for them, not just for me... and maybe its about age and experience...

eta -- I also come from a place I note many others don't seem to... if one submits to me, then do so.. I won't fight you for it.. you do it, or not -- other than a little good natured tussling... I don't care to fight about it, or need to put someone in their place.. or remind... I don't go in for a lot of punishment or correction... one submits or not... (wow am I EVER black and white... *grin*) ... simple and I'm clear with people

nice to see you...

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

yep... its parental and pejorative... blech... if someone doesn't know who they are and what they want, then they need to stay single until they do

Now that's an interesting idea. I don't agree with it but it's interesting. More than once in my life I have found that there are things that were enticing and that I hadn't known I wanted until a lover pointed it out or shared an experience with me. I've also had many an experience in which I found out more of who I am from being with someone. I remember more than one profound moment with my ex. The most amazing moment in my life perhaps even was when I realized that yes, in fact I DO have the ability to love someone unconditionally. Thank G*d I didn't take your advice and stay single. What an empty life I would have had if I stayed single until I figured out who I am and what I wanted. Heck, I'm still discovering those things. In fact, I hope I continue to discover them until the day I die. What a dull life I would lead if it weren't the case. I think there are some things we simply can't find out about ourselves if we are single.... like who we are in a relationship.

You've reminded me to be grateful for the amazing and wonderful people who have uncovered parts of me that I hadn't been aware of before they came around. Thank you for the nudge.

best,
sunshine

< Message edited by Madame4a -- 3/31/2012 6:55:03 AM >

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 20

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