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RE: How long do you wait? - 4/12/2012 9:01:22 AM   
pghays04


Posts: 86
Joined: 1/16/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse


quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1


quote:

ORIGINAL: pghays04

Seems kinda cold,

You want cold? A standard scammer tactic is to copypaste Match.com profile text into scammer profiles. This really nailed me when I was first on the site, because some of the women who seemed the most vanilla-interesting were in fact the most fake.

Don't sink any emotion into a good profile. Don't start caring, at all, until you have a good conversation.


This.

Send it and forget it. If something comes back to you, consider it a pleasant surprise.

Thanks LaTigresse. That seems to be the common sentiment. I will just have to adjust to a new way of thinking.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: How long do you wait? - 4/12/2012 9:24:42 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pghays04

How long do you wait after an initial contact message to a sub shows read in your outbox before you consider silence to be your answer and move on? I believe this sub is not a flake, fake, etc. And I know she owes me nothing. Just wondering what is a reasonable amount of time.


What do you mean, "move on"? That makes it sound like there was something to move on from. If I send an initial email to a woman, unless I know her from the forums, I expect no answer. I would be contacting women simultaneously and expecting no more than friendship (if that) initially.

_____________________________

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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(in reply to pghays04)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: How long do you wait? - 4/12/2012 9:38:33 AM   
pghays04


Posts: 86
Joined: 1/16/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven


quote:

ORIGINAL: pghays04

How long do you wait after an initial contact message to a sub shows read in your outbox before you consider silence to be your answer and move on? I believe this sub is not a flake, fake, etc. And I know she owes me nothing. Just wondering what is a reasonable amount of time.


What do you mean, "move on"? That makes it sound like there was something to move on from. If I send an initial email to a woman, unless I know her from the forums, I expect no answer. I would be contacting women simultaneously and expecting no more than friendship (if that) initially.

By 'move on' I mean; forget that one and look for someone else. As in moving on from trying to contact her. I wasn't 'expecting' an answer, I was wondering how long you experienced guys would wait. As for contacting (did you mean multiple?) women simultaneously, I have never been comfortable with the shotgun method. Maybe that is what is needed for online. I think I'm starting to get a handle on that.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: How long do you wait? - 4/12/2012 9:39:35 AM   
DerangedUnit


Posts: 660
Joined: 2/23/2007
Status: offline 		i for one usually don't read one if i don't plan on responding to it( i just scroll over to see the contents) occasionally i'll open one start responding then get called away for an indefinite period of time... most of the time when that happens i never go back and respond unless it was someone actually interesting and not just trolling, if she hasn't responded she probably just hasn't figured out the "scroll over message to read" trick yet.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: How long do you wait? - 4/12/2012 9:40:18 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

What do you mean, "move on"? That makes it sound like there was something to move on from. If I send an initial email to a woman, unless I know her from the forums, I expect no answer. I would be contacting women simultaneously and expecting no more than friendship (if that) initially.
^^^^ This

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

You're overinvested.

^^^^ And this

I picture you hovering over your in box waiting for a reply with bated breath.


_____________________________

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: How long do you wait? - 4/12/2012 9:45:50 AM   
pghays04


Posts: 86
Joined: 1/16/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

What do you mean, "move on"? That makes it sound like there was something to move on from. If I send an initial email to a woman, unless I know her from the forums, I expect no answer. I would be contacting women simultaneously and expecting no more than friendship (if that) initially.
^^^^ This

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

You're overinvested.

^^^^ And this

I picture you hovering over your in box waiting for a reply with bated breath.


No, not hovering. But there is a notification when you receive a new message, hovering is not required. And I will be sure not to invest in caring in the future. Thanks for the input OsideGirl.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: How long do you wait? - 4/12/2012 10:00:45 AM   
igor2003


Posts: 1718
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I'm not so sure that I agree with many (most?) of the replies you have received.  However it is definitely possible and perhaps even probably that she does not intend to reply.  It is also possible that in the tons of mail your message got lost in the shuffle. 

I'm not really looking any more, but when I was I would usually send a second note a few days later if I didn't get any reply at all from the first one.  More than once the second one did merit a reply when just the first one did not.  Sometimes my first message was accidentally deleted, or as I mentined...lost in the shuffle.  But often the second note showed that I wasn't just sending random letters to anyone and everyone, and that I did have an interest in HER...not just someone at random.

Keep it cordial.  Then if you don't receive a reply in fairly short order you definitely have your answer.

_____________________________

If the women don't find you handsome they should at least find you handy. - Red Green

At my age erections are like cops...there's never one around when you need it!

Never miss a good chance to shut up. - Will Rogers


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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: How long do you wait? - 4/12/2012 10:07:50 AM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		dood ----> youre 60. You really dont know the answer to this?

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The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: How long do you wait? - 4/12/2012 10:08:34 AM   
pghays04


Posts: 86
Joined: 1/16/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: igor2003

I'm not so sure that I agree with many (most?) of the replies you have received.  However it is definitely possible and perhaps even probably that she does not intend to reply.  It is also possible that in the tons of mail your message got lost in the shuffle. 

I'm not really looking any more, but when I was I would usually send a second note a few days later if I didn't get any reply at all from the first one.  More than once the second one did merit a reply when just the first one did not.  Sometimes my first message was accidentally deleted, or as I mentined...lost in the shuffle.  But often the second note showed that I wasn't just sending random letters to anyone and everyone, and that I did have an interest in HER...not just someone at random.

Keep it cordial.  Then if you don't receive a reply in fairly short order you definitely have your answer.

Thanks for the thoughts igor.

(in reply to igor2003)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: How long do you wait? - 4/12/2012 10:09:06 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		~fast reply~
I'm agreeing with the "over-committed" line. Step back and look at this. You sent an email to someone you don't know. There IS no relationship. There IS nothing to "wait" for. There is nothing to move on from? There's just a "Hi" email floating about out in cyberspace somewhere. Reading anything at all into her lack of response is both unwarranted and unnecessary. You don't have the information or the need to do so.

One scenario (and one that happens to me from time to time). I get an email. It really is REALLY fascinating. It's so interesting that I can't take the time to give it justice right at that moment. But now it's read in my inbox and I forget for a few days that I have a dangling "to do" out there. Eventually, something jogs my memory and then the "Sorry it took so long to respond..." email gets written.

Here's a bit of truth. Over the internet you generally have no clue what's really going on. Trying to interpret motive over this communication medium is really hard. I generally don't try.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to pghays04)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: How long do you wait? - 4/12/2012 10:10:28 AM   
pghays04


Posts: 86
Joined: 1/16/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX

dood ----> youre 60. You really dont know the answer to this?

I do now, but this is my first try at online stuff, I'm learning though.

(in reply to JanahX)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: How long do you wait? - 4/12/2012 10:19:35 AM   
pghays04


Posts: 86
Joined: 1/16/2012
Status: offline
quote:

Here's a bit of truth. Over the internet you generally have no clue what's really going on. Trying to interpret motive over this communication medium is really hard. I generally don't try.
Ain't that the truth. Some people forget that being older does not equate to experience with new communication methods. I'm still trying to assimilate this new language of odd abbreviations and and loose syntax and everything else. I will get there though. Thanks Jeff.

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: How long do you wait? - 4/12/2012 11:10:07 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		You mention in your profile that you are still married.

That might be a big turn off.

So, not knowing what you wrote to her, it is hard to say but I might wait until you actually are divorced and if the age difference isn't too great (based on a reasonable judgment) and since you admire her posting I would reference that... again, after the divorce is finalised.

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RE: How long do you wait? - 4/12/2012 11:50:26 AM   
pghays04


Posts: 86
Joined: 1/16/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

You mention in your profile that you are still married.

That might be a big turn off.

So, not knowing what you wrote to her, it is hard to say but I might wait until you actually are divorced and if the age difference isn't too great (based on a reasonable judgment) and since you admire her posting I would reference that... again, after the divorce is finalised.

That could have been the problem. I think you're right, I'll wait until the divorce is finalized to contact anyone else. Thanks for the suggestion angelika.

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: How long do you wait? - 4/12/2012 11:55:32 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

One scenario (and one that happens to me from time to time). I get an email. It really is REALLY fascinating. It's so interesting that I can't take the time to give it justice right at that moment. But now it's read in my inbox and I forget for a few days that I have a dangling "to do" out there. Eventually, something jogs my memory and then the "Sorry it took so long to respond..." email gets written.


Oops, I have an apology letter to write for this very reason.

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: How long do you wait? - 4/12/2012 12:05:32 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC


One scenario (and one that happens to me from time to time). I get an email. It really is REALLY fascinating. It's so interesting that I can't take the time to give it justice right at that moment. But now it's read in my inbox and I forget for a few days that I have a dangling "to do" out there. Eventually, something jogs my memory and then the "Sorry it took so long to respond..." email gets written.

Here's a bit of truth. Over the internet you generally have no clue what's really going on. Trying to interpret motive over this communication medium is really hard. I generally don't try.


Oh good lord yes! I seem to do that to one of my most favourite people most often. She writes me the most wonderful long emails and I always want to take time to give them my undivided attention just to even read them! Then, replying, again, I want uninterrupted, undivided attention. Which I so rarely get. Just writing this post had two, complete brain side tracking, interruptions and conversations. I don't want to even try to do that with her emails. So I set them aside to answer when I have time. Unfortunately I don't get a lot of uninterrupted time. So I all to often, neglect the emails from one of my most favourite people to actually get them from.

_____________________________

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: How long do you wait? - 4/12/2012 6:26:42 PM   
littlecherie


Posts: 137
Joined: 3/29/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SinFix

The second they don't send a message back.... If it shows read and she didn't respond back, it most likely means she has no interest.



I don't agree with this totally. I read messages, but I don't have time to answer it.
I say give it a day after a read message.

_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: How long do you wait? - 4/12/2012 6:42:44 PM   
artemiss


Posts: 88
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		Let me see if I understand this.  You checked when she viewed the message, you follow her posts online, you track her sign on history, and you have already established an affinity for her in that you have judges her "one of the good ones" or "not a flake".  More than that you feel some type of commitment in not contacting others.  And now have come online to not only admit this, but complain about her action, or lack there of?

I'm sorry, but to me this comes of as not just desperate, but borderline creepy.


If your actions are indicative of the content of the email, I can't blame her for ignoring it.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: How long do you wait? - 4/12/2012 7:32:47 PM   
tj444


Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: igor2003
I'm not really looking any more, but when I was I would usually send a second note a few days later if I didn't get any reply at all from the first one.  More than once the second one did merit a reply when just the first one did not.  Sometimes my first message was accidentally deleted, or as I mentined...lost in the shuffle. 

I will chat with men that I recognize from the forums...

..but total strangers.. If i did not reply to their first email, then a second email from them gets them blocked.. end of story.. online stalkers squick me out..

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: How long do you wait? - 4/12/2012 7:36:25 PM   
igor2003


Posts: 1718
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444


quote:

ORIGINAL: igor2003
I'm not really looking any more, but when I was I would usually send a second note a few days later if I didn't get any reply at all from the first one.  More than once the second one did merit a reply when just the first one did not.  Sometimes my first message was accidentally deleted, or as I mentined...lost in the shuffle. 

I will chat with men that I recognize from the forums...

..but total strangers.. If i did not reply to their first email, then a second email from them gets them blocked.. end of story.. online stalkers squick me out..


That's you.  Not everyone is like you.  Surprised?  I have met several ladies that did not respond to the first letter but did to the second.  Don't want a second letter...then reply to the first.  Simple.  Two letters does not make a stalker.  If you are that paranoid then you should stay in bed with the covers pulled over your head.

< Message edited by igor2003 -- 4/12/2012 7:37:24 PM >

_____________________________

If the women don't find you handsome they should at least find you handy. - Red Green

At my age erections are like cops...there's never one around when you need it!

Never miss a good chance to shut up. - Will Rogers


(in reply to tj444)
Profile   Post #: 40
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