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RE: How long do you wait? - 4/12/2012 7:49:51 PM   
tj444


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quote:

ORIGINAL: igor2003

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

quote:

ORIGINAL: igor2003
I'm not really looking any more, but when I was I would usually send a second note a few days later if I didn't get any reply at all from the first one.  More than once the second one did merit a reply when just the first one did not.  Sometimes my first message was accidentally deleted, or as I mentined...lost in the shuffle. 

I will chat with men that I recognize from the forums...

..but total strangers.. If i did not reply to their first email, then a second email from them gets them blocked.. end of story.. online stalkers squick me out..


That's you.  Not everyone is like you.  Surprised?  I have met several ladies that did not respond to the first letter but did to the second.  Don't want a second letter...then reply to the first.  Simple.  Two letters does not make a stalker.  If you are that paranoid then you should stay in bed with the covers pulled over your head.

no, if i dont want to respond to a first email then i wont..

I never used to block much until i realized that after the second one comes a third email and then a fourth.. It is not that 2 emails in itself makes a stalker, it simply means that i stop it at 2 emails so it goes no further and then neither of us wastes any more time on it.. He is free to move on and stalk someone else instead..

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RE: How long do you wait? - 4/12/2012 8:40:05 PM   
mslave4M


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What DesFIP says. Woman get inundated with mail. Send it and forget it, and if you get a reply, be glad. If not, don't let it bother you. Move on.

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RE: How long do you wait? - 4/13/2012 8:47:54 AM   
DesFIP


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Re the second email being creepy. Yes, if it's three hours after the first one, or even a couple of days after.

If it comes three weeks or a couple of months later, then it isn't nearly as creepy unless of course the message makes it so.


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RE: How long do you wait? - 4/13/2012 9:40:03 AM   
OsideGirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: igor2003
  Don't want a second letter...then reply to the first.  Simple.  
I didn't reply to the first letter....because I didn't want the first letter. Sending a second because I didn't respond to the first, is just a little "off" in my book. I shouldn't have to reply to prevent a second email. And, yep, the second one gets you blocked.


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RE: How long do you wait? - 4/13/2012 10:27:18 AM   
risktaker9


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OP, hard not to do this- but don't take it personally. She may have in her profile that she's looking but perhaps isn't right this second. Maybe she just met someone and hasn't changed the profile yet, maybe she's taking a break from it, maybe she's exploring women right now...who knows. Also, you might not have what she's looking for. When I get mail i can see location, age, sexuality if it's listed, and orientation -regardless of what the message says I know that much. More than 1/2 of the time that's enough to tell me if it's going to work for me and if I should reply or not. You might be too old, too far, or of a sexuality/orientation that she's not looking for. I don't know any of your profile details, but maybe she really wants a bisexual switch who is 33 1/4 and lives 5 miles away.

Whatever she wants, it's no big deal if you didn't make the cut k? People have their reasons for wanting what they want, we don't know what they are and have to assume like everyone is saying, that if we get a response then it's an added bonus. I have written in my profile that I am looking for local, real life meetings. My pet peeve is if someone lives 5 states away but travels in for business, they think that they meet my criteria for being local to me. Their interpretation of what I have written (if they even read it) is not mine, but without me writing a novel in the profile they aren't wrong in thinking they might suit what I'm looking for at that point. After all, they could think they fit the bill if I want someone who is there regularly. They seem to want to interpret things that way and that is exactly not what I'm looking for, but we hash that out, or not, in further conversations. I generally don't reply to the offers from business travelers because I'm certain it's not what I want and I don't see the use of setting myself up for rudeness, unless the email caught my attention somehow and i felt like responding.

I get what you're saying about finding someone who seems appealing, there will be someone else, keep at it. There are loads of people on here that have met others. If you want some encouragement look up some old threads about that and see just how many have done that. Some for short, casual, whatevers and some for a long term relationship. It IS hard getting out and dating again plus learning about the kinky stuff, you'll do fine. There's a learning curve, but you're here looking for information and giving things a try, it'll come.

Another thing, you have probably read on the forums by now of why women don't always write back to say 'no thanks'. They may get nasty responses or pushiness- it's safer on their side just to ignore an email they aren't interested in. Also, maybe she thinks you seem nice and doesn't want to say no and hurt your feelings.

If it were me I'd assume after about 2 days she wasn't interested. I'd try another email later, why not? I disagree with the posters that have said it's stalkerish, it doesn't come off that way to me when I get them. If I were considering writing another email to someone I'd wait at least a week I guess. There are a few times when I did not respond to someone's first email and did to a second for whatever reason.

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RE: How long do you wait? - 4/13/2012 10:36:36 AM   
JstAnotherSub


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I have never looked to see if someone read my message. Well, except for one I sent a mod once-lol, but that was different!

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RE: How long do you wait? - 4/15/2012 12:40:30 PM   
Arturas


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quote:

ORIGINAL: pghays04

How long do you wait after an initial contact message to a sub shows read in your outbox before you consider silence to be your answer and move on? I believe this sub is not a flake, fake, etc. And I know she owes me nothing. Just wondering what is a reasonable amount of time.


What does a Master say?

Never wait. If you wait you yield control of your destiny. You are on a hunt. Continue hunting.

Arturas

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RE: How long do you wait? - 4/16/2012 6:48:00 AM   
NuevaVida


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~ Fast Reply ~

Took me four days to reply to the Mister's unsolicited email. I wasn't looking for a relationship, or even chit chat on the other side. I was here just for the forums. But his letter was respectful enough that I didn't want to ignore it, so I finally replied. Neither of us were invested at that point, however.

Had he sent a second one because I hadn't replied to the first - I wouldn't have written back at all.

Her not replying could be for a million different reasons nobody knows about, but it's basically her prerogative. No reply *is* a reply.

Although perhaps her filters are set to weed out certain demographics. In which case, that's an answer, too.

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RE: How long do you wait? - 4/17/2012 3:33:24 PM   
MizBehaving


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For me, If I don't get back right away, it means Im doing alot of things at once. And there is alot of mail to look at and answer. I come online everyday but im also doing other work things, so un interested isnt always the case, but you never know, each woman is different.

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RE: How long do you wait? - 4/27/2012 7:43:57 PM   
jennileigh8182


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FR-

This has been pretty well answered, but I'll toss in:

My email forward to my smart phone. As a result, my phone chimes when I get a new email, including those notifying me of a new message here on CM. Being the curious sub that I am, I usually click over to read it even if I'm at work or busy with something. I might not be ABLE to reply at that time. It might be hours later, it might be a couple days later, considering that I flip between 2nd and 3rd shift and am often home just long enough to snatch a nap and a shower. And, honestly, if it's a crazy week and I'm working a lot, there are times I've forgotten to reply after having read it on my phone because things got hectic and it just slipped my attention. When I had cause to go back to my mailbox (I don't get much mail here, actually), I saw it and did the facepalm and replied with an apology for the lengthy wait.

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RE: How long do you wait? - 4/27/2012 9:40:00 PM   
Awareness


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quote:

ORIGINAL: pghays04

How long do you wait after an initial contact message to a sub shows read in your outbox before you consider silence to be your answer and move on? I believe this sub is not a flake, fake, etc. And I know she owes me nothing. Just wondering what is a reasonable amount of time.
Your approach is wrong.

Every interaction you initiate with a sub should be 'fire and forget'. You're sowing seeds, nothing more. Some of those seeds will get blown away, some will fall on the harsh ground of a sub dealing with issues, some will get lost amongst the chaos of inboxes filled with similar seeds.

Only some get the chance to germinate and turn into a conversation. And that may take a surprising amount of time, for various reasons. I've had a sub break off a conversation and return to it 3 months later.

Don't sit there staring at them, waiting for them to germinate. Fire and forget. Snap off an initial email, then move on.




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RE: How long do you wait? - 5/17/2012 1:24:20 AM   
bostondom55


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I think it depends on the person, your expectations and your interest in the person. Generally, as posted before me, if they read it and didn't reply, they are probably not interested. There is a slight chance they would reply but got distracted. You may want to send a follow up email and ask if they want to continue to correspond.. but chances are they won't...

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RE: How long do you wait? - 5/17/2012 6:23:17 AM   
Kana


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Her silence is her answer

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RE: How long do you wait? - 5/17/2012 6:26:03 AM   
mnottertail


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Ah yes, the horrible silence of the lambs.

Hannibal Lector

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