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What's with this great divide? - 4/13/2012 4:52:27 PM

Karmastic

Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline

I posted this here because I think it applies to everyone, switches, doms, and subs, and all can give their own perspective.

I think it's safe to say for any complimentary relationship, that playing the other role helps one understand it better, and compliment that role when playing it's opposite. Switches, I get that, and happen to agree.

Then there's the other side that says how can you be the truest true blood dom or sub if you don't devote yourself to that role. Reminds me of Spartans and Ninja warriors, and certainly resonates with me.

Where along these two extremes do you fall? Assuming it's one or the other, don't you see room for both? Is a switch really "better", or just more empathetic? Is a true blood dom or sub really any more or less devoted than a switch filling that role? Does experimenting or being flexible by offering to switch pollute one role? That view reminds me of a sleeping with the enemy perspective.

My take on it - I used to wish I was bi-sexual, so that I could have twice as many options (and fun). But hairy bodies and cocks never turned me on. Now I sort of wish I was a switch. Sort of because I'm careful what I wish for.

As Elvis Costello put it, what's so funny about peace, love and understanding?

Post #: 1

RE: What's with this great divide? - 4/13/2012 4:54:41 PM

supragenius

Posts: 46
Joined: 4/13/2012
Status: offline

just b wot u are man thats all any of us can do :D

peace out

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic

I posted this here because I think it applies to everyone, switches, doms, and subs, and all can give their own perspective.

I think it's safe to say for any complimentary relationship, that playing the other role helps one understand it better, and compliment that role when playing it's opposite. Switches, I get that, and happen to agree.

Then there's the other side that says how can you be the truest true blood dom or sub if you don't devote yourself to that role. Reminds me of Spartans and Ninja warriors, and certainly resonates with me.

Where along these two extremes do you fall? Assuming it's one or the other, don't you see room for both? Is a switch really "better", or just more empathetic? Is a true blood dom or sub really any more or less devoted than a switch filling that role? Does experimenting or being flexible by offering to switch pollute one role? That view reminds me of a sleeping with the enemy perspective.

My take on it - I used to wish I was bi-sexual, so that I could have twice as many options (and fun). But hairy bodies and cocks never turned me on. Now I sort of wish I was a switch. Sort of because I'm careful what I wish for.

As Elvis Costello put it, what's so funny about peace, love and understanding?

(in reply to Karmastic)

Post #: 2

RE: What's with this great divide? - 4/13/2012 5:12:06 PM

Bucephalus

Posts: 93
Status: offline

My view is live and let live. If being a switch works for someone and their relationship with another(s), so be it. What does effect anyone outside their personal circumference? I know I'm much happier being on top rather than the bottom, and doubt I could be comfortable in that role in a D/s relationship. I've felt like I *had* to be the 'bottom' in a previous (vanilla of course) relationship, and it really didn't suit me. It sort of made me feel like shit because I wasn't able to feel confident about being me in that situation. I don't think a switch should be condemned for enjoy it both ways, much like a bisexual shouldn't be condemned or called confused in what they want. You like what you like. If it happens to be both, more power to ya. Now, that said, I do think a switch does have the potential to be more empathetic toward each role, having likely experienced both sides of it. They are able to see things in both lights.

(in reply to supragenius)

Post #: 3

RE: What's with this great divide? - 4/13/2012 5:15:32 PM

Baroana

Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline

Some people like to switch. Others are strongly D or strongly S. It takes all kinds.

(in reply to Bucephalus)

Post #: 4

RE: What's with this great divide? - 4/13/2012 5:26:58 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

I guess I'm not sure I even recognize this continuum you're talking about. I don't think I fit into any of the boxes you've described. Or, more accurately, I think I'm pretty much everywhere on that continuum all at the same time.

My own assessment is that people's performance in a role mirrors that whole "99% perspiration, 1% inspiration" line. Carol may naturally have a worldview that lends itself to obedience... that's the 1%. The 99% perspiration is actually obeying. I have a fairly dominant viewpoint pretty much all the time. But you can bet that if I decided that obedience was the best route then I'd be wanting to do a good job of it.... much like Carol.

Really, when all is said and done, I get in relationships with people, not with labels.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Karmastic)

Post #: 5

RE: What's with this great divide? - 4/13/2012 5:35:42 PM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic

I think it's safe to say for any complimentary relationship, that playing the other role helps one understand it better, and compliment that role when playing it's opposite. Switches, I get that,
and happen to agree.

Then there's the other side that says how can you be the truest true blood dom or sub if you
don't devote yourself to that role. Reminds me of Spartans and Ninja warriors, and certainly
resonates with me.

Where along these two extremes do you fall?

Great divide my ass! I feel, if anything, mimicking the behaviors of someone else won't give
you greater insight into that person, unless of course you're pretending to be Helen Keller.
The other half of this very happy union is a man, not a role, and as much as I love men,
there is no greater joy for me than being a woman he is proud to call his own.

I suppose I fall in the "whatever gives this union the greatest joy" category.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to Karmastic)

Post #: 6

RE: What's with this great divide? - 4/13/2012 6:53:53 PM

Lucifyre

Posts: 1067
Joined: 3/27/2012
Status: offline

meh,

Bi Switch....I am not confused, just greedy ;)

Lucifyre

_____________________________

"Batteries? OMG, Bitch Please! My Shit plugs in!"
I do this because it fucking feels good.
I like girls who like girls
The thing about standards is: There are SO many to choose from.

(in reply to poise)

Post #: 7

RE: What's with this great divide? - 4/13/2012 7:01:43 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

You went wrong when you described it as playing a role. It isn't. Submissive is my authentic self, I am not dominant. Hell, I'm not even capable of topping. And I pity the poor person who would sub to me, to be asked anxiously if it hurt too much, are they okay, and so on. Every two minutes.

Beyond that, if you aren't wired to enjoy pain play, then it's just going to hurt.

Now, I do recommend trying out on yourself any new equipment just so you understand what can go wrong. You only need to be tied legs together with ankles rubbing once to realize it's a bad idea, and from then on to make sure the ankle bones don't hit. Or to see how hard to press with a wartenburg wheel to draw blood. But that's a technical thing, not going to teach you how endorphin play makes you nonverbal in subspace if you don't go into subspace as a result of pain.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Lucifyre)

Post #: 8

RE: What's with this great divide? - 4/13/2012 7:05:36 PM

JanahX

Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline

I have zero desire to top in any scene - and if I did - it wouldnt be pretty because it would be done (topping) out of anger. People are not all wired the same way - I definitely am not.

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

(in reply to Karmastic)

Post #: 9

RE: What's with this great divide? - 4/13/2012 7:15:15 PM

caelestis

Posts: 195
Joined: 9/6/2008
Status: offline

What is "better" is really relative to the particular people involved in any relationship.

_____________________________

"We are a fountain of shimmering contradictions, most of us. Beautiful in the concept, if we're lucky, but frequently tedious or regrettable as we flesh ourselves out."
— Gregory Maguire

(in reply to Karmastic)

Post #: 10

RE: What's with this great divide? - 4/13/2012 7:35:21 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic
Where along these two extremes do you fall? Assuming it's one or the other, don't you see room for both? Is a switch really "better", or just more empathetic? Is a true blood dom or sub really any more or less devoted than a switch filling that role?

I used to be a dyed in the wool 100% submissive. Then, somewhere along the way, I started to be curious about & feel like switching. I did so and then I found out that it didn't work so well. The Dom I had at the time kept trying to control things, including me, which went over very shittily. Then I found that, over time, I was becoming more Dominant and not wanting to put up with that controlling me crap, so here I am, a Domme. And I'm happy being one.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to Karmastic)

Post #: 11

RE: What's with this great divide? - 4/13/2012 10:05:15 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic

I posted this here because I think it applies to everyone, switches, doms, and subs, and all can give their own perspective.

I think it's safe to say for any complimentary relationship, that playing the other role helps one understand it better, and compliment that role when playing it's opposite. Switches, I get that, and happen to agree.

Then there's the other side that says how can you be the truest true blood dom or sub if you don't devote yourself to that role. Reminds me of Spartans and Ninja warriors, and certainly resonates with me.

Where along these two extremes do you fall? Assuming it's one or the other, don't you see room for both? Is a switch really "better", or just more empathetic? Is a true blood dom or sub really any more or less devoted than a switch filling that role? Does experimenting or being flexible by offering to switch pollute one role? That view reminds me of a sleeping with the enemy perspective.

My take on it - I used to wish I was bi-sexual, so that I could have twice as many options (and fun). But hairy bodies and cocks never turned me on. Now I sort of wish I was a switch. Sort of because I'm careful what I wish for.

As Elvis Costello put it, what's so funny about peace, love and understanding?

Your "other side" implies you're talking two halves of the one whole - and it just ain't...!

I'm a Dom, I don't switch - and that's *my* truth. For those who think you have to submit to appreciate your domliness; well that's their truth - and a whole lot of bunk to me.

Same as my hetero needs. A female complements that aspect of my sexuality and that's all the inside info I need to know. You sayin' we fellas need to spend time in a dress and heels, maybe some lippy etc, so we can be real men, too? pffft...!

And just so I'm clear.... There are those who are all Dom/me and those who are all sub. So no, a switch doesn't have all the insight to both as you may think. No-one can be 200% of a whole. Switches have *some* insight and what you get is generally what you've got for them to respond to. The (admittedly few) switches I've known r/l sure weren't showing any signs of domliness when I was talking to them.

So who's really most comfortable in their own skin? Not them (perhaps?) - and not you, it seems to me.... What you have here is a personal issue, not a lifestyle philosophy! Hmmm, two issues, from the sounds of that bi comment....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to Karmastic)

Post #: 12

RE: What's with this great divide? - 4/13/2012 10:23:29 PM

Bhruic

Posts: 985
Joined: 4/11/2012
From: Toronto, Canada
Status: offline

My personal opinion is - and common sense dictates - that someone who explores both sides of a coin has more understanding of the whole coin than someone who only looks at one side.

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 13

RE: What's with this great divide? - 4/13/2012 10:29:27 PM

RaspberryLemon

Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline

I don't think this is one-size-fits-all. Some people are better off and benefit from experiencing both sides of the dominant/submissive spectrum, and others don't need it. Neither way is superior or correct in the grand/general sense. I don't even think that one who experiences both is necessarily always more empathetic. It's an individual thing, some will benefit from it and some will not.

For me personally, I've never needed to try being dominant or in charge, because that's just not who I am in relation to the man I love. I understand him perfectly well, not because I've ever tried to be him, but because he is my Master, the one I love, and we have an intimate connection facilitating plenty of communication and intense empathy. Switching just isn't necessary, nor desired. And him? Likewise, he understands perfectly well the effects his leadership has on me, for those same reasons. He doesn't need to be me to understand me, either.

So it's all relative. It matters only on the individual scale.

(in reply to Karmastic)

Post #: 14

RE: What's with this great divide? - 4/13/2012 10:33:22 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bhruic

My personal opinion is - and common sense dictates - that someone who explores both sides of a coin has more understanding of the whole coin than someone who only looks at one side.

Just trying to imagine your screen pic in heels, dress & lippy....

Or maybe that's why dictators have a bad rep.

Nuthin' to see here, folks - move along!

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to Bhruic)

Post #: 15

RE: What's with this great divide? - 4/13/2012 10:37:48 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bhruic
My personal opinion is - and common sense dictates - that someone who explores both sides of a coin has more understanding of the whole coin than someone who only looks at one side.

Honestly, were that possible, I would completely agree with you. But for Carol and I, these aren't roles. I can't be Carol and she can't be me. We could pretend to swap roles, but little understanding would come from play acting.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Bhruic)

Post #: 16

RE: What's with this great divide? - 4/13/2012 11:04:09 PM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

I don't see a switch as being 'better', just 'different'.

I'm a slave. I never want to be put in a dominant position in my relationship. Hell, I get enough of that at work - I don't want to bring it home too!

Because I know that I'm 100% slave, I know that I would only be completed by someone who is 100% dominant.

Now before anyone starts casting stones, I have dated a couple of switches - guys who were mostly dominant but who also wanted to change roles once in a while. One guy tried to do that with me, with disastrous results. I couldn't top him, and when it came time for him to take the lead again, I struggled to follow him.

Another went elsewhere to get his sub needs filled, and that broke us because of the 'monogamy' thing my brain is wired for.

Neither of these guys were bad people or 'fakes'...quite the opposite. But they weren't the other side to my particular coin.

I'm very much a 'live and let live' kind of person, but I'm also not going to compromise my own relationships for the sake of being 'politically correct'.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to Karmastic)

Post #: 17

RE: What's with this great divide? - 4/13/2012 11:26:18 PM

Whenready

Posts: 319
Joined: 3/5/2009
Status: offline

I can't help feeling this is apples and oranges. I'm dominant. I check toys on myself before I try them on someone else. That seems to be common sense. I odn't see that as subby but health and safety. Nor do I think myself "into the role". I'm the dom - she's the sub. Simples. It's about who WE are not which badge she's wearing - tho if the pin just happens to go through the nipple.....

(in reply to myotherself)

Post #: 18

RE: What's with this great divide? - 4/14/2012 1:08:59 AM

another1harder

Posts: 112
Joined: 3/11/2012
Status: offline

I believe in testing, but I also believe in Einsteins insanity expression, insanity is trying the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.

(in reply to Whenready)

Post #: 19

RE: What's with this great divide? - 4/14/2012 3:35:29 AM

tj444

Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic
I posted this here because I think it applies to everyone, switches, doms, and subs, and all can give their own perspective.

I think it's safe to say for any complimentary relationship, that playing the other role helps one understand it better, and compliment that role when playing it's opposite. Switches, I get that, and happen to agree.

Then there's the other side that says how can you be the truest true blood dom or sub if you don't devote yourself to that role. Reminds me of Spartans and Ninja warriors, and certainly resonates with me.

Where along these two extremes do you fall? Assuming it's one or the other, don't you see room for both? Is a switch really "better", or just more empathetic? Is a true blood dom or sub really any more or less devoted than a switch filling that role? Does experimenting or being flexible by offering to switch pollute one role? That view reminds me of a sleeping with the enemy perspective.

My take on it - I used to wish I was bi-sexual, so that I could have twice as many options (and fun). But hairy bodies and cocks never turned me on. Now I sort of wish I was a switch. Sort of because I'm careful what I wish for.

As Elvis Costello put it, what's so funny about peace, love and understanding?

where are you getting this shite from? switches are "better"??? wtf? imo switches are inferior,.. they cant make up their friggin mind what they are.. jmo..

I am not interested in switches or subs or bi-sexual men..

me thinks you have been gazing at your navel too long.. go out and enjoy the sunshine..

_____________________________

As Anderson Cooper said “If he (Trump) took a dump on his desk, you would defend it”

(in reply to Karmastic)

Post #: 20

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