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CastleRock32 -> RE: Bullying... the results (4/24/2012 12:53:26 AM)
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ORIGINAL: DarqueMirror
quote:
ORIGINAL: CastleRock32
DM: You say you aren't blaming the victims, but your suggestion for solving the problem is for the victims to change. If the discussion were about rape, and you suggested that to avoid rape, scantily dressed women should wear more modest attire, that would be called blaming the victim.
Do women not seek out self-defense classes and learn how not to be a victim? Same concept.
Absolutely. I'm not remotely opposed to people learning to defend themselves. But we (or at least *I* and I HOPE you as well) don't suggest to society that the solution to rape is for the victims to learn to defend themselves. The SOLUTION to the problem is not to require the victim to change. Yes, in individual cases this can help. That doesn't mean it is the way we should respond to bullying as a society.
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ORIGINAL: DarqueMirror
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ORIGINAL: CastleRock32
You indicated that someone made a better victim by not becoming like their bullies. Your statements indicate that you did in fact turn into a bully yourself. After all, in your mind, becoming like your bullies is what made you less of an "easy target" right?
Not even a little bit. I learned to stand up for myself. I never bullied others. Learning to defend yourself does not a bully make. Unless you think a woman learning self-defense makes her a rapist.
I'll concede that point. I think somewhere someone said they didn't want to physically learn to fight back, b/c that would make them be "like their bullies." You indicated (I thought) that that was better than being an easy target. But I agree that learning to defend yourself does not make you a bully.
quote:
ORIGINAL: DarqueMirror
And thus they are afraid to go on, and think it's the only way out. It's retreating from life. Ie...a coward's choice.
This is appalling and not even logical.
Even in actual battle, there are many non-cowardice reasons to retreat. But we aren't talking about war. We aren't even talking about adults who (ideally) have learned how to deal with emotions but are overwhelmed. We are talking about kids whose life turns into hell and they can't make it stop. When you call them cowards, that IS a form of blaming the victim.
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ORIGINAL: DarqueMirror
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ORIGINAL: tazzygirl
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ORIGINAL: Kaliko
Cyberbullying.
true enough, which seems to be even worse than face to face, psychologically speaking.
And which is so much easier to stop. Every social media outlet has privacy settings. Email can be deleted.
This statement makes me think you really have no concept of what cyberbullying is.
It isn't about someone hacking your facebook account and sending you mean emails (necessarily). It is about a concerted effort perpetuated by a group of your peers (at an age when peers are EVERYTHING) to make every aspect of your life hell. They can do it to you no matter when you are now, and for a kid, it is unbearable. Privacy settings don't prevent someone from setting up a fake FB account for you and causing humiliation. Deleting emails doesn't prevent bullies from posting video online of them beating you up.
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ORIGINAL: tazzygirl
I completely agree. I did want to expand on the karate comment. my son was, and still is, a big boy. But he has a heart of gold and just could not seem to stand up to those who were beginning to bully him. He was taller than most, heavier, but was just a gentle giant. Karate gave him a sense of feeling "right". Amazingly, his size worked against him. He wasnt fat... but they picked on him for his size anyways. He was asthmatic, which made it worse. He loved to read, played the clarinet, and was a science and math geek. And, bless his heart, he was oblivious to the girls who would follow him around. Picture Harry Potter, but the size of Ron Weasley... and taller.
I got some parents together, and we discussed how to best deal with the bullying problem. Someone brought in a karate instructor to talk with us. We got approval to have the class as an after school activity, and his classes quickly filled. Not only did they learn self defense, but they learned self control. They also learned to look out for each other. The group developed a sense of respect among and for each other, as well as a camaraderie that made all of us parents proud. My son continued even after we home schooled....
My point is that we didnt have to teach them to fight, just to defend themselves, and each other. That is the best way to take down a bully. Bullies rely upon having only one victim at a time. These kids were amazing.. like a wall.. and they not only took care of each other, but of other weaker ones as well.
For me, thats the difference with martial arts... it teaches so much more than just violence. In fact they were taught violence only as a last resort. But it was always funny to watch my son be hip tossed by girls half his size.
This is amazing. I think having a martial arts program come into the school and teach things could be a great way to reduce/eliminate bullying. What your son and his friends made of that opportunity is just awesome, and made me regain a little hope in humanity. Thanks for that!
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