Do you have to call a Dom "Sir" from "jump"?

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Do you have to call a Dom "Sir" from "ju... - 6/5/2006 3:30:15 AM

kimmysue

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Joined: 5/20/2006
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Hi, I was just wondering about other people's opinion's on calling a Dom "Sir" from the get go.... I find it uncomfortable & for those who demand it, I find them very unattractive or serious about BDSM.

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RE: Do you have to call a Dom "Sir" from &quo... - 6/5/2006 3:35:40 AM

Quivver

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kimmysue

Hi, I was just wondering about other people's opinion's on calling a Dom "Sir" from the get go.... I find it uncomfortable & for those who demand it, I find them very unattractive or serious about BDSM.

I cant go there........ and if I'm corrected/reminded I pretty much just end the conversation and figure Next!

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RE: Do you have to call a Dom "Sir" from &quo... - 6/5/2006 3:37:11 AM

enigmabrat

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Sir is a term of respect and respect is earned... a real Dom doesnt expect Sir from the begining and those that do arent real Doms

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RE: Do you have to call a Dom "Sir" from &quo... - 6/5/2006 3:37:28 AM

cuddleheart50

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From: Kentucky
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I dont call someone Sir, from the start. It takes time for that to happen. At least thats just me.

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RE: Do you have to call a Dom "Sir" from &quo... - 6/5/2006 3:40:29 AM

feastie

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No, you don't. I think many dominants confuse the use of Sir as a simple form of respect due them as they are dominant. They equate it to being no different to addressing any stranger as Sir as befits good etiquette. This, however, is simply not the case, as the use of Sir in the context of D/s or BDSM concedes power to that dominant. I'm not willing to concede power to any dominant with whom I have no relationship. Therefore, I use none of the honorifics, especially in cases where they are expected by strangers. I follow the adage, "If one must proclaim it, he can't claim it."

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RE: Do you have to call a Dom "Sir" from &quo... - 6/5/2006 3:41:52 AM

enigmabrat

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couldnt have said it better feastie

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RE: Do you have to call a Dom "Sir" from &quo... - 6/5/2006 4:02:42 AM

ExistentialSteel

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Damn, this post gives me flashbacks. We once had a similar post go on for about 32 thousand pages because a Dom wanted everyone to call him Sir.

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RE: Do you have to call a Dom "Sir" from &quo... - 6/5/2006 4:10:33 AM

Focus50

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Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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I both like and expect it from *my* girl but don't particularly appreciate it from anyone else, though I realise some do it to "cover all bases" during initial contact.

Though you don't seem too sure yourself (possibly a lack of experience?), I'd say you have excellent instincts and you should continue to take notice of them.

Focus.

(in reply to kimmysue)

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RE: Do you have to call a Dom "Sir" from &quo... - 6/5/2006 4:12:06 AM

trippingdaisy

Posts: 113
Joined: 6/3/2006
From: Georgia
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No. :) i agree that Sir is a term that's earned.

Which is a conundrum for those of us that were raised to call our elders 'Sir' and 'Ma'am'. If a Dom is older than i am, it's common to let it slip sometimes.

(in reply to kimmysue)

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RE: Do you have to call a Dom "Sir" from &quo... - 6/5/2006 4:32:30 AM

enigmabrat

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I ones chatted in a room were the owner insisted on me calloing him Master and i wouldnt he got pissed and I got kicked I was like your not my Master and i wont call you it hehe wouldnt call him Sir eather

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RE: Do you have to call a Dom "Sir" from &quo... - 6/5/2006 4:50:10 AM

shadowclinger

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having been raised in the south i was taught to address all men as sir and all women as ma'am and i still do that to this day with the exception of this area where it seems courtesy is demanded rather than appreciated

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RE: Do you have to call a Dom "Sir" from &quo... - 6/5/2006 5:44:51 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kimmysue

Hi, I was just wondering about other people's opinion's on calling a Dom "Sir" from the get go.... I find it uncomfortable & for those who demand it, I find them very unattractive or serious about BDSM.

I'd say a person living in the real world only expects politeness from others and offers politeness in return. If someone demands that you use a title (be it generic or not) then I'd say you have the right to either not talk to them or make your own little demand in return.

Now some folks will say "I earned my title in this club/group/over the years" but are you in that same club/group/whatever "earning location"? Probably not so in reality the title doesn't mean anything to you, right?

I'd say that anyone insisting you use a title is probably not as confident as he/she like you to believe. Perhaps they use the title as a way to make up for what their personality lacks?

Like you, kimmysue, Fox is very uncomfortable when tops insist he use a title for them. If it is anything beyond "sir" or "ma'am" he can use me as his reason and say "Mistress has forbidden me to call anyone else by a title". With "sir" and "ma'am" he'll use it around them but then he will stop being around them and even go out of his way to not be around them because he finds them... well he generally makes a face later when he tells me what happened.

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(in reply to kimmysue)

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RE: Do you have to call a Dom "Sir" from &quo... - 6/5/2006 5:48:01 AM

Lashra

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I say call them whatever makes you comfortable and if they raise a stink you know they arent the Dom/me for you. Respect is a two way street

~Lashra

(in reply to thetammyjo)

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RE: Do you have to call a Dom "Sir" from &quo... - 6/5/2006 5:52:09 AM

becca333

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If they have to demand it, they don't deserve it.

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RE: Do you have to call a Dom "Sir" from &quo... - 6/5/2006 5:53:10 AM

marieToo

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From: Jersey
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I prefer to use the term Sir once it feels right to me. However, over the years Ive gotten less hung up about it. If Im talking to someone and it means alot to him to be called Sir, its not a big deal for me to address him that way. Respect/admiration really isnt in how you address someone anyway.

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RE: Do you have to call a Dom "Sir" from &quo... - 6/5/2006 6:00:52 AM

Prunesquallor

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It is certainly not something I expect. I don't mind how a sub addresses me, so long as it's not 'Oi you!'

However, if a sub does use the term 'Sir' (which, let me say, doesn't happen often!) I take it as an acknowledgment of our station, and an indication that the sub in question is respectful and courteous.

(in reply to marieToo)

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RE: Do you have to call a Dom "Sir" from &quo... - 6/5/2006 6:12:45 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kimmysue
Hi, I was just wondering about other people's opinion's on calling a Dom "Sir" from the get go.... I find it uncomfortable & for those who demand it, I find them very unattractive or serious about BDSM.

Like everything, you do it when it feels right for you to do it.

The ones who demand it haven't learned social graces or respect you making the right choice for yourself.

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RE: Do you have to call a Dom "Sir" from &quo... - 6/5/2006 6:16:03 AM

spectreandnectre

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i use the term Sir or Ma'am generally until i am asked not to or until someone has not earned the respect, well thats how it was in the beginning. More recently i use when i am talking to someone who has earned my respect.

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RE: Do you have to call a Dom "Sir" from &quo... - 6/5/2006 6:22:28 AM

HisTicia

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Joined: 5/31/2006
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I also just do it out of respect.. but.. if it is demanded.. I am less likely to do it. That also goes both ways.. he must also treat me with the same respect in return.. if he doesn't...then I stop very quickly.

Now the term "Master"... that is only for the one that holds my heart.. some want you to use it from the beginning..and I tried.. but it just didn't work for me.

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RE: Do you have to call a Dom "Sir" from &quo... - 6/5/2006 6:25:36 AM

Calandra

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I have trained cubby to address all Dominants as Sir or Ma'am... If he's not sure whether someone is Dom or sub, he uses Sir or Ma'am until he is better informed. He is NOT allowed to call anyone else Master/Mistress/God/Goddess. On the rare occasion that one of these words seems to be included in a "handle" that everyone just knows them by, he is to delete the term and add Sir or Ma'am.

I do not impose my expectations upon anyone but my own sub/slaves, but I do expect MINE to follow tradition I hold dear. I do notice however that I am more open to a sub/slave who uses similar protocols because I feel the respect is there and I'm not jumping through hoops to earn it. I sometimes chuckle when a sub/slave begins calling me Kathryn, and as time goes on they unconsciously begin using honorifics...

I've also noted with pride that without exception, my cubby is well-regarded and would probably be cause for a feeding frenzy if something should ever happen to me. ~smiles~ He embraced protocols wholeheartedly from the very beginning, and you can tell with him that it's not just a title... He honestly does hold Dominants in high esteem.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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