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RE: Whats the difference - 4/23/2012 11:53:59 AM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline 		Kinky sex is physical only. D/s or M/s is a state of mind.
When you give endless bjs on command in a M/s situation, you are not experiencing it as "giving endless bjs", you are experiencing it as "obeying Master". Which is why it feels so different when you're just asked to do it without an established M/s connection.

Your resistance to certain things comes from your submissive side not being engaged. This is normal. Establish that connection and state of mind, and things will fall back in place.

If the man you're with cannot step up to the plate, you may have to trade him in for a new one.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Whats the difference - 4/23/2012 2:18:09 PM   
Karmastic


Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline 		omfg lmfao at some of the answers and pics (BDSM chickens!).

and good answers too, so i won't go there.

re this:
quote:

Focus
The girl had no idea what "better" is; that I revelled in her being all bound and helpless etc. Besides, I tend to think the woman's in charge when allowed to use her hands, and we can't have that.... ;)

lol, well said. The pleasure is in deciding who and how the giving goes. Or put more crudely, it ain't about you doing things to me and sucking my dick. It's about me doing things to you, or deciding what I want you to do. Doing things to you with my dick (among other things), not having you do things to my dick.

(in reply to Alecta)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Whats the difference - 4/23/2012 5:39:15 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic

omfg lmfao at some of the answers and pics (BDSM chickens!).

and good answers too, so i won't go there.

re this:
quote:

Focus
The girl had no idea what "better" is; that I revelled in her being all bound and helpless etc. Besides, I tend to think the woman's in charge when allowed to use her hands, and we can't have that.... ;)

lol, well said. The pleasure is in deciding who and how the giving goes. Or put more crudely, it ain't about you doing things to me and sucking my dick. It's about me doing things to you, or deciding what I want you to do. Doing things to you with my dick (among other things), not having you do things to my dick.



I would be very sad if I could not do things to his dick.

(in reply to Karmastic)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Whats the difference - 4/23/2012 6:42:16 PM   
FrostedFlake


Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline 		Half an hour? Either you are way cool, or you are not doing it right.

But to the question, kinky is when you bite. D/S is when he grabs your hair and says, "No teeth!".

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(in reply to Kaliko)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Whats the difference - 4/23/2012 6:53:07 PM   
Karmastic


Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko


quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic

omfg lmfao at some of the answers and pics (BDSM chickens!).

and good answers too, so i won't go there.

re this:
quote:

Focus
The girl had no idea what "better" is; that I revelled in her being all bound and helpless etc. Besides, I tend to think the woman's in charge when allowed to use her hands, and we can't have that.... ;)

lol, well said. The pleasure is in deciding who and how the giving goes. Or put more crudely, it ain't about you doing things to me and sucking my dick. It's about me doing things to you, or deciding what I want you to do. Doing things to you with my dick (among other things), not having you do things to my dick.



I would be very sad if I could not do things to his dick.

yeah, maybe i was too broad. of course she can do things to my dick, but as I direct. freestyle maybe during vanilla.

(in reply to Kaliko)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Whats the difference - 4/23/2012 6:56:47 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		You're capable of giving specific directions during those moments? I am impressed. Or sympathetic...not sure which!

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Whats the difference - 4/23/2012 7:01:39 PM   
Karmastic


Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

You're capable of giving specific directions during those moments? I am impressed. Or sympathetic...not sure which!

i'm not that big into receiving oral and don't lose my mind :)

but it's not like i'm a director giving instructions during. i'm speaking generally here.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Whats the difference - 4/24/2012 5:33:16 AM   
Englishcrumpet


Posts: 43
Joined: 2/28/2012
Status: offline 		that was a fun read! -  - lol.

chickens aside:)

When you give endless bjs on command in a M/s situation, you are not experiencing it as "giving endless bjs", you are experiencing it as "obeying Master". Which is why it feels so different when you're just asked to do it without an established M/s connection.

that sums it up, thanks.  and the comments that kink is for a set time and Ms is a constant flow.

he has said he wants my submission but wanting it and engendering it seem to be polarised.

i agree that BJ's arent kinky - also being the sort of masso that gets pleasure from submitting to Masters wishes rather than the pain itself makes taking pain almost impossible, well, i can feel my temper bubble up and thats not a good sign at all!

so no submission, no cigar - which is a shame because he's a nice guy.

i think too, though i know this is my opinion and not everyones - but for me Ms isnt ALL about BDSM and kink, its the facilitator to BDSM and kink not the premis and i think in the end thats the poo in the chicken coop here.

anyway, thanks for youre help, now to try and explain this to him - thats going to be fun



(in reply to Karmastic)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Whats the difference - 4/24/2012 7:18:51 AM   
DommesLesEnigma


Posts: 108
Joined: 2/12/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


Using a feather is kinky...using the whole chicken is perverted?



lol Did you get that from a Xena Warrior Princess episode (In another context of course).

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Whats the difference - 4/24/2012 7:22:06 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DommesLesEnigma


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


Using a feather is kinky...using the whole chicken is perverted?



lol Did you get that from a Xena Warrior Princess episode (In another context of course).


Nope that's been our joke forever.

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(in reply to DommesLesEnigma)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Whats the difference - 4/24/2012 12:20:54 PM   
GotSteel


Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Englishcrumpet
... between kinky sex and BDSM and can someone explain to me why a kinky sex relationship feels different to Ds and/or Ms


Could be nothing, some people might restrict their D/s or M/s to in the bedroom in which case we could be talking about vanilla relationship + kinky sex. Others have D/s or M/s as a relationship dynamic, they could even have a D/s or M/s relationship dynamic with vanilla sex.

I suspect the issue is that you're having a hard time feeling submissive while being treated with equality and also that poops gross.

(in reply to Englishcrumpet)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Whats the difference - 4/24/2012 12:37:37 PM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		BDSM chickens, hmmm where is Hilly? LOL.

In answer to the OP, one is a kink, the other is a way of life. While we may not be walking around with leather and chains on all times of the day, it is still a part of our everyday lives. There is mental connection that is an important part of the lifestyle, that takes place in and out of the bedroom.

On another note, I see Kana posted in this thread. Wonder where he has been?

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Whats the difference - 4/24/2012 6:24:59 PM   
fucktoyprincess


Posts: 2337
Status: offline 		FR

Not sure what is meant by "kinky" as I would not normally categorize a blow job (even endless blow jobs) as kinky, but simply oral sex (a vanilla act, at best).

Just wanted to also add that while D/s is a mindset, and that explains why it would feel psychologically and emotionally different as an experience, D/s does NOT have to be 24/7. I am a bedroom only submissive/bottom - but the mindset is completely different from simply having "kinky" sex. Again, maybe my issue here is not understanding your use of the term "kinky". Maybe some people consider S&M just "kinky" - I guess it's not the term I would use for it.

Okay, this is just descending into a definitional issue for me, so not sure really how to answer in a way that would be universally understood/applied...

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(in reply to TNDommeK)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Whats the difference - 4/24/2012 6:47:30 PM   
GotSteel


Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess
Not sure what is meant by "kinky" as I would not normally categorize a blow job (even endless blow jobs) as kinky, but simply oral sex (a vanilla act, at best).


Kinky is in the eye of the beholder, far too many Americans consider anything beyond the missionary position to be kinky.

(in reply to fucktoyprincess)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Whats the difference - 4/24/2012 6:50:48 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess
blow job (even endless blow jobs) as kinky, but simply oral sex (a vanilla act, at best).

Um, what is the level of lameness that is even worse than vanilla?

Not that I have ever had bad sex myself, so I'm relying on you to guide me.

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(in reply to fucktoyprincess)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Whats the difference - 4/25/2012 7:58:16 AM   
fucktoyprincess


Posts: 2337
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

quote:

ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess
Not sure what is meant by "kinky" as I would not normally categorize a blow job (even endless blow jobs) as kinky, but simply oral sex (a vanilla act, at best).


Kinky is in the eye of the beholder, far too many Americans consider anything beyond the missionary position to be kinky.


I can understand that maybe 50-100 years ago that might have been true in America. But every vanilla person in their 20s and 30s who I know engage in things like oral sex, doggie-position, etc. And none of these people have any interest in BDSM. I don't think I know a single person (and I'm being honest here, not trying to be facetious) who thinks anything beyond missionary is kinky. I even have vanilla friends who engage in anal sex (gasp!) who have ZERO interest in BDSM. To me BDSM is not really about sexual acts but more about either mindset, S&M, or both. And you can engage in BDSM without even engaging in sex.

Obviously I guess I have a different take on all of this. But my vanilla friends who routinely engage in oral sex would laugh at the notion that oral sex was "kinky". Their aging parents might think differently as they are a different generation. But people in the 20s and 30s?? Just having a tough time with this one. But fine, I concede that at the end of day, I guess we are each entitled to our own definition of "kinky", but seriously - if I were on a vanilla dating site and said I was into kinky sex and then told someone, "yeah, kinky sex, you know like oral sex" - I think I would be laughed off the site. I think is this day and age, "kinky" denotes something else in vanilla people's minds than just oral sex. Of course, I also don't live in the Bible Belt - so maybe my perspective is atypical for the rest of America.




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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Whats the difference - 4/25/2012 8:18:38 AM   
DommesLesEnigma


Posts: 108
Joined: 2/12/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Englishcrumpet

that was a fun read! -  - lol.

chickens aside:)

When you give endless bjs on command in a M/s situation, you are not experiencing it as "giving endless bjs", you are experiencing it as "obeying Master". Which is why it feels so different when you're just asked to do it without an established M/s connection.

that sums it up, thanks.  and the comments that kink is for a set time and Ms is a constant flow.

he has said he wants my submission but wanting it and engendering it seem to be polarised.

i agree that BJ's arent kinky - also being the sort of masso that gets pleasure from submitting to Masters wishes rather than the pain itself makes taking pain almost impossible, well, i can feel my temper bubble up and thats not a good sign at all!

so no submission, no cigar - which is a shame because he's a nice guy.

i think too, though i know this is my opinion and not everyones - but for me Ms isnt ALL about BDSM and kink, its the facilitator to BDSM and kink not the premis and i think in the end thats the poo in the chicken coop here.

anyway, thanks for youre help, now to try and explain this to him - thats going to be fun





Just a question but are you sure you are in the right type of relationship?

I know that if I tried to be any kind of submissive it would not go off well?

_____________________________

There are many people that have found their way. The great ones are those that help others find their way.

(in reply to Englishcrumpet)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Whats the difference - 4/25/2012 5:08:15 PM   
kitkat105


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/29/2011
From: Eating dutch crunch in the Silicon Valley
Status: offline 		BDSM or M/s or D/s and kinky sex are not mutually exclusive.

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Whats the difference - 4/25/2012 9:53:06 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		"You know it's a good party when the police come." Perhaps the measure for kinky sex vs BDSM can be the same measure used for a good party? It crosses from kinky sex to BDSM when the acts become illegal and could potentially involve the police. For example:

Slappin' that ass is kinky
Flogging that ass with a whip is assault with a weapon

Sticking your finger in that butt is kinky
Ramming your cock up that ass is illegal sodomy

. . . and etc.




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(in reply to Englishcrumpet)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Whats the difference - 4/26/2012 4:05:28 AM   
Englishcrumpet


Posts: 43
Joined: 2/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess

FR

Not sure what is meant by "kinky" as I would not normally categorize a blow job (even endless blow jobs) as kinky, but simply oral sex (a vanilla act, at best).



well in a way thats the issue - BJ's arent kinky, having youre nipples twisted hard isnt kinky, even rimming isnt - all of that is within the remit of vanilla sex IMO

but being face fucked till you gag may not be within the remit of vanilla sex, having youre nipples twisted off the map the same, even endless bj's, if the giver isnt into giving endless bjs, it starts to enter into a more Ds arena because submission, rather than egalitarian choice is required to some extent.

for someone who is basically Ms, my pleasure is in giving pleasure and satisfaction even if im not necessarily getting of on the activity  myself. but without the Ms it feels more like vanilla kink because the willingness to 'suffer' for my M's pleasure isnt there and because i said 'no' to rimming which to me is egalitarian choice and not Ms.

so.. after reading everything everyone has said im still wondering why it feels like vanilla kink and even, what vanilla kink is..!

right now it feels like giving without submission: which aint workin' - so maybe, for me anyway, kinky sex means submitting to things that are pretty mainstream in general, but possibly not easily available with a vanilla partner, ie, they dont want to gag during a blowjob or have their nipples twisted to screaming pitch, ergo - find youreself a submissive - only for me, i can and will submit to gagging during a blow job and i have submitted to having my nipples twisted harder than hell, but in a BDSM, Ms relationship when my submission to him gave the discomfort a purpose and a goal i was focused on -

anyway, today he called me a fake, so we're toast.

< Message edited by Englishcrumpet -- 4/26/2012 4:07:50 AM >

(in reply to fucktoyprincess)
Profile   Post #: 40
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