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RE: Whats the difference - 5/5/2012 11:58:25 AM

Englishcrumpet

Posts: 43
Joined: 2/28/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: Englishcrumpet
then follows the passive obedience and the happy compliance and acceptance that comes from knowing youre following a guy youve worked with to develop enough trust to passively obey.

For Carol and I it works a bit differently. For us there is the "passive obedience for stuff that is now normal" and "oh crap I need to submit to this new ludicrous command". For me, about the time Carol was able to just happily and passively submit would be the time I knew I was no longer the leader. At that point, we aren't going anywhere any more... we're drifting... so there is no leader. As long as I am pushing our dynamic then she won't be able to be passive about it.

thats a good point, but i suppose it depends how you see 'passive' - for me living in that place where submission has become effortless is a real joy. to feel that effortless submission means that i am where i need to be, im home, ive arrived. the leadership is still apparent for me to be in that effortless state but its become a partnership where im not restless and He's got me where he wants me.

the anti can get upped at any time just to push me and stretch me and i definitely need that too - but once ive accepted someones leadership its because his leadership is one i really respond to already.

(in reply to JeffBC)

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Post #: 81

RE: Whats the difference - 5/5/2012 3:32:34 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Englishcrumpet

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: Englishcrumpet
then follows the passive obedience and the happy compliance and acceptance that comes from knowing youre following a guy youve worked with to develop enough trust to passively obey.

For Carol and I it works a bit differently. For us there is the "passive obedience for stuff that is now normal" and "oh crap I need to submit to this new ludicrous command". For me, about the time Carol was able to just happily and passively submit would be the time I knew I was no longer the leader. At that point, we aren't going anywhere any more... we're drifting... so there is no leader. As long as I am pushing our dynamic then she won't be able to be passive about it.

thats a good point, but i suppose it depends how you see 'passive' - for me living in that place where submission has become effortless is a real joy. to feel that effortless submission means that i am where i need to be, im home, ive arrived. the leadership is still apparent for me to be in that effortless state but its become a partnership where im not restless and He's got me where he wants me.

the anti can get upped at any time just to push me and stretch me and i definitely need that too - but once ive accepted someones leadership its because his leadership is one i really respond to already.

Hafta totally disagree with JeffBC on "passive obedience". To me, that's when a sub *IS* in a good mental place within a D/s relationship - as opposed to serving a passive dominant. To choose to follow (serve, obey etc) one who isn't proactively leading means neither of you is moving forward, and so both are lost.

Passive obedience, on the other hand, is when the sub is accustomed to following one who is in charge and taking responsibility for both and the decisions that need to be made. Such a proactive Dom leaves the sub to concentrate on what subs do best; a secondary or support role to what the Dom needs and desires of her. The "passive obedience" is a way of saying he may not actually need anything of her in a given moment, but it's always there to call upon.

No offense to Jeff, but he's usually the first to say he's the "vanilla guy" around here, and you need to bear that in mind when considering his comments. I, and I'd imagine the same for most Dom/mes, don't need to be constantly churning out commands in order to feel we're in charge or validated etc. My girl is still a grownup and I expect her to have her own interests (as do I) when I don't require her service or company - "passive obedience" mode.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to Englishcrumpet)

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Post #: 82

RE: Whats the difference - 5/10/2012 1:58:57 PM

Hisfungrl

Posts: 15
Joined: 5/10/2012
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Ok...i get asked this question constantly and even more frequently see the terms being misused by subs and Doms alike...what is the difference between a D/s and M/s and sub and a slave?

I know my definitions for the bottom types is as such:
sub: a submissive that has needs and rights as well as the ability to express those to their Dom/me in an agreed upon fashion. Should be respected(except of course when were talking about playtime humiliation). Subs have the right to say "no" or stop...all in all a sub is a volunteer.

slave: a submissive that has agreed to serve unconditionally...a slave vacates limits. Slaves offer of themselves fully and without reservation. Although technically they can say no...it might mean the end of the relationship for it violates the entire basis of the agreement.

A really good article i've read that articulates the differences between not only sub and slave but the levels of submission is located here...
http://www.steel-door.com/Submissive_vs_Slave.html

kink is just someone who likes the flavor of certain kinky sexual acts but doesn't want to enjoy the power exchanges in other ways...not to say their aren't bedroom Ds or bedroom Ms, those are just power play kinksters :D IMHO

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

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Post #: 83

RE: Whats the difference - 5/10/2012 9:24:09 PM

LookieNoNookie

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Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Englishcrumpet

... between kinky sex and BDSM and can someone explain to me why a kinky sex relationship feels different to Ds and/or Ms

im more aligned to Ms than kinky sex but im having a problem understanding why im finding it hard to align to a kinky sex relationship when kink is what we all do anyway.

it might be that my submission hasnt kicked in and without it im not so willing so submit to certain things (rimming being a specific) or endless BJ's - frankly it gets boring after half an hour!

as an Ms type im finding the lack of submission and resistance to certain things undermining my willingness which is undermining my submission. so a mismatch i agree, but im still a bit confused why kinky sex feels so different to Ds or BDSM perse.

Yes.

BDSM involves whips and chains, kink involves vegetables, strange clothing and a lot of yelling.

(Okay....that last part was really nothing more than me expressing my distaste regards what happened between lawyers during my last divorce but....)

(in reply to Englishcrumpet)

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Post #: 84

RE: Whats the difference - 5/11/2012 2:53:27 AM

Englishcrumpet

Posts: 43
Joined: 2/28/2012
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- i get the clothing and yelling, but the vegetables?? - lol -

'Exhibit A m'lord - a selection of fruit and veg similar in dimensions to the ones relevant to this case - and for the purposes of demonstration m'lord, if youd just bend over...'

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)

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Post #: 85