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Sex - 4/25/2012 7:15:14 PM

focalss

Posts: 164
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Since this can be classified as a sex site I am going to ask what I think is a question I just don't understand about women.

I like sex and don't get enough. I read a quote that in a Mf relationship it is usually accepted or given that the man will have as much sex with the f as he wants. In the Fm relationship the woman is free to not have sex with the m. (BTW I don't understand chastity or cuckholding, and never will.)

Essentially, which I question, the assumption is women don't like regular sex i.e. intercourse. For the women, what is your view, to me DS is about sex along with some other things including power.

Or are men just a bother to women with their demands for attention, sex, care etc. I know women care more about emotions (in general). I heard a woman talk about clothes, and the conversation went something like, "I don't know how I will feel about wearing this color or this dress or blouse tomorrow."

Post #: 1

RE: Sex - 4/25/2012 7:22:49 PM

FriendlyMuppet

Posts: 171
Joined: 11/16/2010
From: Corpus Christi, Texas
Status: offline

Not all Ds is specifically about the sex act. As a matter of fact, in most of the relationships I've been in, sex has been a very minor part of it. What has been a major part of it, however, is control and the choice of the woman in charge, so that if she "wanted" sex, then she would just have it. Basically, for a lot of femdom like relationships, the main emphasis is one person makes the choice and then the relationship can essentially go all sorts of directions from there.

Now, this isn't to say that all femdom relationships are just like that; just mine were. In a few of those relationships, they could have been seen as almost completely vanilla with lots of sexual activity taking place. But as it was with me, I generally felt a lot more comfortable being available rather than trying to initiate anything.

The cool thing about these types of relationships is they can pretty much go all over the spectrum, so what one person might find normal might be completely abnormal to someone else.

(in reply to focalss)

Post #: 2

RE: Sex - 4/25/2012 7:23:58 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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Assumptions of this nature will get you into trouble. Everyone is different, but don't assume that dominant women don't like intercourse. Big... big... mistake.

And that thing about the clothes... just what was your point?

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to focalss)

Post #: 3

RE: Sex - 4/25/2012 7:36:47 PM

Kaliko

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Joined: 9/25/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: focalss

Essentially, which I question, the assumption is women don't like regular sex i.e. intercourse. For the women, what is your view, to me DS is about sex along with some other things including power.

I like regular sex. I like irregular sex, as well. Even more so.

(in reply to focalss)

Post #: 4

RE: Sex - 4/25/2012 7:38:46 PM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: focalss
In the Fm relationship the woman is free to not have sex with the m. (BTW I don't understand chastity or cuckholding, and never will.)

Essentially, which I question, the assumption is women don't like regular sex i.e. intercourse. For the women, what is your view, to me DS is about sex along with some other things including power.

I think your assumption is way off the mark. In a female led relationship, sex is clearly at her leisure.
That doesn't, and shouldn't, imply that she has no interest in sex, just making it clear that she
is in control of when it happens.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to focalss)

Post #: 5

RE: Sex - 4/25/2012 7:55:39 PM

focalss

Posts: 164
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Re Clothes: I don't get how a woman can "feel" about every little things such as wearing a color or a dress as opposed to just getting dressed in something nice.

(in reply to Kaliko)

Post #: 6

RE: Sex - 4/25/2012 7:58:37 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: focalss

Re Clothes: I don't get how a woman can "feel" about every little things such as wearing a color or a dress as opposed to just getting dressed in something nice.

I've always found, the key to a woman's heart is a paid for Nordstrom's card.

(in reply to focalss)

Post #: 7

RE: Sex - 4/25/2012 7:59:27 PM

focalss

Posts: 164
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Sex to me is a MAJOR part of Ds. It's not all, power is too, but to say it is a minor part is what I don't understand at all. Never will.

Sex at her leisure, again how much. What is one person's desire is too little, or too much for another.

Once, twice a year, too little, every day too much. For me.

This is not in reply to Lockit, but in reply to Poise, not sure why it didn't work.

< Message edited by focalss -- 4/25/2012 8:01:13 PM >

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 8

RE: Sex - 4/25/2012 8:13:59 PM

fetisheden

Posts: 274
Joined: 1/25/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

yes.i agree with this completely

quote:

ORIGINAL: focalss
In the Fm relationship the woman is free to not have sex with the m. (BTW I don't understand chastity or cuckholding, and never will.)

Essentially, which I question, the assumption is women don't like regular sex i.e. intercourse. For the women, what is your view, to me DS is about sex along with some other things including power.

I think your assumption is way off the mark. In a female led relationship, sex is clearly at her leisure.
That doesn't, and shouldn't, imply that she has no interest in sex, just making it clear that she
is in control of when it happens.

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(in reply to poise)

Post #: 9

RE: Sex - 4/25/2012 8:40:10 PM

DarlingSavage

Posts: 2808
Joined: 9/18/2009
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quote:

Or are men just a bother to women with their demands for attention, sex, care etc.

I've always kind of seen it the other way around, women were a bother to men with their demands/needs for attention, sex, care, etc. But that was just due to my experiences with men so far. I've since learned that not all men were that way.

I think that the reason for the chastity and stuff that Mistresses do is because that's the fantasy that their subs want fulfilled. But I really wouldn't know since I'm a sub, but I've seen many a male sub express these types of desires in their profiles and pictures, so on and so forth.

_____________________________

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<-- Easily impressed.

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(in reply to focalss)

Post #: 10

RE: Sex - 4/25/2012 8:43:33 PM

JanahX

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Joined: 8/21/2010
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Look -- people have other things to do besides have sex all day long, and whether they are male OR female - sometimes SEX is not the priority of the moment.

Also what you arnt considering is that women have menstrual cycles and that has something to do hormone levels that deal with peaks and valleys of libido. Men dont have to deal with menstrual cramps, and all that shit that goes along with that.

Most guys I know, have things to do - and dont in fact have time for sex all day long every day - and guess what? Neither do women.

What does clothing have anything to do with any of it?

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

(in reply to focalss)

Post #: 11

RE: Sex - 4/25/2012 9:20:54 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Obviously, the question in the OP is missing a very basic reality.

In the case of both the male and the female Dominant, the person in power of the sexual sphere is the one who controls the frequency. The fact is, they are both having as much sex as they want. It is just that the stereotypes say that one gender wants sex more than the other.

It is the position of the submissive to relinquish control of the frequency of sex and turn the decisions of sexuality over to the Dominant. The Dominant will then, in the power of their authority, decide just how frequently sexual interactions with happen. The fact that this may be different than what the submissive may have chosen is one of the tenants of submission. That being acceptance that the desire of another (that being either more or less) will be different than their own, and they have surrendered control of themselves over to another in that area.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to JanahX)

Post #: 12

RE: Sex - 4/25/2012 9:46:25 PM

focalss

Posts: 164
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Exactly Not the case.

The slave may relinquish all control the submissive does not. What the submissive m wants and what the dominant F wants may not be the same and they are not having as much sex as they both want. The dominant may be having as much as she wants but not the submissive. What a slave wants I won't go into here but I don't classify myself (or most people in Western Countries) as slaves.

Ergo, That being acceptance that the desire of another (that being either more or less) will be different than their own, and they have surrendered control of themselves over to another in that area. If the m does not accept the frequency set by the Domme then is that person either not a submissive or are you agreeing that one is not having as much sex as one wants.

< Message edited by focalss -- 4/25/2012 9:52:17 PM >

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 13

RE: Sex - 4/25/2012 9:51:40 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Often.. and boy I cannot stress that word enough, it is the male sub who desires cuckholdry. The dominant female may want sex, may be getting it from others. or may be doing other stuff. It MAY be at her leisure, but more than likely she just knows that is how to best control her sub.

Your post sort of suggests that females don't care for sex. lol and dang it that is not true from most women I know that are in contented relationships. While ds is not all about sex, it is a pretty good chunk of why I do this stuff.

quote:

ORIGINAL: focalss

Sex to me is a MAJOR part of Ds. It's not all, power is too, but to say it is a minor part is what I don't understand at all. Never will.

Sex at her leisure, again how much. What is one person's desire is too little, or too much for another.

Once, twice a year, too little, every day too much. For me.

This is not in reply to Lockit, but in reply to Poise, not sure why it didn't work.

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 4/25/2012 9:53:39 PM >

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
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(in reply to focalss)

Post #: 14

RE: Sex - 4/25/2012 10:01:08 PM

focalss

Posts: 164
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

If the cuckold or m in chastity does not want sex he is having as much as he wants. I am not interested in that or talking about that, I am talking about the non cuckold non chastity situations, or in the reverse possibly at the request of the m the F will not be having as much sex as she wants. Similarly, if the F insists on chastity where the m wants sex clearly the m is not having as much as he wants.

If the m sub wants sex more then is he not truly a sub if he can't accept the frequency set by the dominant, F. Although is is basically the same question as a regular couple where one is not having sex as much as the other one wants it.

And yes, I am assuming it is the m who wants more and that may not be the case for every couple.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 15

RE: Sex - 4/25/2012 10:01:14 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Perhaps I should have been more clear......

In the case of MY submissives, the decisions regarding issues such as sexual frequency are Mine. Very much the same if we were discussing how the decisions of S/m play were going to be determined. From My perspective, if someone is looking for comepromise, he does not want control. One can not submit to the authority of another and at the same time, attempt to maintain a semblance in the decision making process.

This is not to say that these matters can not be discussed and Dominant CHOOSE to incorporate the wishes of another. Yet, the final decision really is hers.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to focalss)

Post #: 16

RE: Sex - 4/25/2012 10:06:21 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: focalss
Ergo, That being acceptance that the desire of another (that being either more or less) will be different than their own, and they have surrendered control of themselves over to another in that area. If the m does not accept the frequency set by the Domme then is that person either not a submissive or are you agreeing that one is not having as much sex as one wants.

What I would say, specifically, is that person is not submissive enough, for Me.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to focalss)

Post #: 17

RE: Sex - 4/25/2012 10:09:44 PM

focalss

Posts: 164
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I understand your submissives let you decide on the frequency. If you both agree on the amount to begin with then its not an issue. If the m truthfully wants more he is in submission in that area of your (plural) life. If the other reasons you are together outweigh the submission then you will be successful together, if not then you won't be.

I wouldn't / don't submit to someone in a situation where the frequency of sex was / is unacceptable to me. For me the submission would come in the power exchange in other areas doing things such as cleaning the bathroom etc I would not ordinarily find pleasurable.

Again I see it as where it is the F who wants less than the m, usually. Life is compromise to some degree, especially for the submissive.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 18

RE: Sex - 4/25/2012 10:14:43 PM

Wickad

Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline

(fast reply)

Maybe the OP is simply a bottom and not a submissive.

Wickad

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 19

RE: Sex - 4/25/2012 10:43:58 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: focalss

I understand your submissives let you decide on the frequency. If you both agree on the amount to begin with then its not an issue. If the m truthfully wants more he is in submission in that area of your (plural) life. If the other reasons you are together outweigh the submission then you will be successful together, if not then you won't be.

I am sorry, but I feel that you still do not understand.

The only agreement of the amount that I have ever done was zero. That is because I have accepted submissives (not slaves) where sexual interaction was entirely off of the table. In other words, it was a hard limit. I have never sat down with anyone and said, "you want sex X amount of times per week? Well then, I agree to perform!" Most women who consider themselves Dominant will not.

quote:

I wouldn't / don't submit to someone in a situation where the frequency of sex was / is unacceptable to me.

In other words, you have conditional submission. This is fine for you and those who agree to your terms. Please be assured that I am not suggesting that everyone have the dedication to the same depths of D/s as Me.

quote:

For me the submission would come in the power exchange in other areas doing things such as cleaning the bathroom etc I would not ordinarily find pleasurable.

We see this differently. The greatest areas of submission are not about mundane tasks. Seriously? What do silly, little chores like cleaning the bathroom, have to do with this? That's a normal part of life. Or, perhaps you are suggesting that you would never clean your toilet if you were single?

quote:

Again I see it as where it is the F who wants less than the m, usually. Life is compromise to some degree, especially for the submissive.

That is the submissive's place. The 'how often' is not the issue. It is about the submissive putting their own desires aside, understanding that the place they have accepted in life is to follow the wills and desires of another. If the Dominant wants sexual interaction three times a week, and the submissive five, the s-type learns patience. It the D-type wants sex five times a week and the s-type only three, they learn service and creativity. In both cases, the Dominant..... leads. It is not compromise. It is in authority.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to focalss)

Post #: 20

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