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RE: What is an experienced sub to do? - 5/6/2012 11:41:39 PM

LadyPact

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Granted, I think you would prefer a relationship, but if it came down to just getting the itch scratched, how frequently would you need to see someone? The reason is that I'm thinking along with Hib. Have you been looking in major cities that have 2-3 major events a year to see if you can connect with someone in those areas? That would give you Chicago, Atlanta, LA, Baltimore/DC, and a few others.

I have another question for you. Are you really serious about the 18 hour play right out of the gate? I know you said that the two of you discussed a lot of things over the emails, but that's still a pretty long gig for two people that aren't quite used to each other yet. Maybe it's just Me, but I'd want something shorter the first time around to see how well we fit.

Oh, and to be fair, the toy that got mentioned that other people didn't want to be bought before getting together was a strap on. Not furniture. You have to admit that is a little different.

_____________________________

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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RE: What is an experienced sub to do? - 5/7/2012 1:18:56 AM

littlewonder

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I don't think I could ever even imagine an 18 hour play session. Master and I are lucky if we can spare even a few hours here and there and usually we're both so tired after those few hours we just collapse lol.

Gawd I'm getting old heh.

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Post #: 22

RE: What is an experienced sub to do? - 5/7/2012 5:00:50 AM

MissImmortalPain

Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
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Mummy, I wouldn't have commented had I never been there. Though I will admit it has been awhile. Why can't you find porn???? Hustler is still there and it's not the only place. Larry only keeps it there to piss the county off, admittedly but its still there. I thought I told you the livein I now have is from Cinci....maybe I didn't (brain melt) Either way I do get it...the gally is closed, the dock sucks now, but there are others....most of them just are for the much younger. I hate actually offering to do this but if it would help I could call a few people I know there and ask for places you might be able to look. Most of them are sub, a lot younger, they might be able to help though.

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RE: What is an experienced sub to do? - 5/7/2012 6:06:31 AM

mummyman321

Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Granted, I think you would prefer a relationship, but if it came down to just getting the itch scratched, how frequently would you need to see someone? The reason is that I'm thinking along with Hib. Have you been looking in major cities that have 2-3 major events a year to see if you can connect with someone in those areas? That would give you Chicago, Atlanta, LA, Baltimore/DC, and a few others.

I have another question for you. Are you really serious about the 18 hour play right out of the gate? I know you said that the two of you discussed a lot of things over the emails, but that's still a pretty long gig for two people that aren't quite used to each other yet. Maybe it's just Me, but I'd want something shorter the first time around to see how well we fit.

Oh, and to be fair, the toy that got mentioned that other people didn't want to be bought before getting together was a strap on. Not furniture. You have to admit that is a little different.

Lady Pact,
I am open to the ProDomme thing. I met my wife via that route. So it is an option for getting an itch scratched. Going that route there are a lot of options. I am not longer limited to the US. Think globally. I would more likely seek out a German Domme. There is a place outside of Koln the specializes in 12 to 36 hours sessions. The draw back to the ProDomme is she does it for money and not passion. For me to have an enjoyable time I need to know and feel the Domme is enjoying herself and having a good time with it. I feed off of that energy from the Domme. I am not sure if people can understand this point. The more the Domme is enjoying herself and is having fun, the more I can take. It sort of fuels my energy and greatly influences my endurance level. Now I will say this, there are some ProDommes who do have that passion. Well, let me say this another way. Just as with a dating relationship, chemistry can exist between a ProDomme and sub. But just like the dating scene it requires active selection and I would even say courting of the ProDomme to see if that chemistry is there.

Would I play 18 hours out of the gate? The answer I would say depends but generally not. We would need to open another thread to answer this question full. When I spoke of the 18 hours it was in reference to finding a Domme who has the energy to play at that level. In this instance let me provide a few more details. I had purchased a new custom made inflatable latex bondage outfit. I had sent her the pic of the outfit. She is a latex loving Domme, hence why I did contact her about it. The agreement was rather simple. It started as hey I have this new outfit I want to try out. Would you be interested in trying it out on me for a day? She said yes. The agreement was simply for bondage, and no other play with this item. Then things morphed into would you want to make a weekend getaway out of it which I agreed to. I needed the break from work anyways. Outside of the bondage play I would be serving in the evenings/mornings or when back in the room at the B&B. There was no sex as part of this agreement. We were actually staying in separate rooms next to each other. To answer your question for this particular get together I fully expected 8 to 12 hours for the bondage scene and possibly longer it I could take it.

I do agree meeting in person and talking face to face was a step I skipped. In this instance I was willing to take the risk as the window of opportunity to play would have disappeared for a couple of months due to our schedule not coinciding. And I really needed the stress relief. That might sound foolish on my part and maybe it was. But the phone conversations went really well so I decided to take the risk.

Ah, you remember that thread. Yes the original toy in question was a strap-on. No it is not fair to make the comparison I did. But I would pay to see the expression on her face when she walked through my basement door because I still think she would have a heart attack :)

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Post #: 24

RE: What is an experienced sub to do? - 5/7/2012 6:19:04 AM

mummyman321

Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I don't think I could ever even imagine an 18 hour play session. Master and I are lucky if we can spare even a few hours here and there and usually we're both so tired after those few hours we just collapse lol.

Gawd I'm getting old heh.

littlewonder,
I do have theories on how I got here LOL. A person's life experiences shapes who they are whether they like it or not. I wonder myself what brought me to this precipice of where I am with BDSM. Was I beaten as a child or anything like that? No I had a happy childhood.

I my early 20’s I did suffer some rather extreme bodily injuries (think spinal cord, broken bones) due to a work related accident. I lived in a lot of pain for a long time. I have no doubt that the pain management techniques taught to me during that recovery process is partly to blame for where I am now. Not sure if that is good or bad at this point :)

_____________________________

Life - Its not about where you are but about the journey to get there - I prefer to choose the road less traveled

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Post #: 25

RE: What is an experienced sub to do? - 5/7/2012 6:34:44 AM

mummyman321

Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain

Mummy, I wouldn't have commented had I never been there. Though I will admit it has been awhile. Why can't you find porn???? Hustler is still there and it's not the only place. Larry only keeps it there to piss the county off, admittedly but its still there. I thought I told you the livein I now have is from Cinci....maybe I didn't (brain melt) Either way I do get it...the gally is closed, the dock sucks now, but there are others....most of them just are for the much younger. I hate actually offering to do this but if it would help I could call a few people I know there and ask for places you might be able to look. Most of them are sub, a lot younger, they might be able to help though.

MIP,
Just to be clear, I am actually not looking for porn :) Yes you did tell me about your friend here. The main Hustler Hollywood store is actually north of Cincinnati outside the county limits. They still have a store downtown Cincinnati but it does not have even 1/5 of the merchandise as the store up north. Police keep raiding it so they do not carry much other than the very tame stuff.

I did enjoy the Dock when it was open. Though the Dock was mainly gay oriented with a few BDSM'rs mixed in. The real disappoint here are the munches. PEER is here and does have monthly munches. I have been to a few. I have yet to attend a munch in Cincinnati in where all the Dommes who showed up who were not married. There was a monthly group in Dayton, just and hour north of here. They used to have monthly night club meetings are the Goose cafe in north dayton. They would actually rent out a whole night club, hire a DJ. It was a great place to meet. But that was a long time ago.

I do appreciate the offer. I just need to sit back and decide what I really want to do. Bigger cities are an option. Starting another dungeon is also an option. I am just peeved I just spent 9 months trying to set something up only to have it fall flat. I need to relax a little so I can think with a clear head.

edited for horrible spelling

< Message edited by mummyman321 -- 5/7/2012 6:57:09 AM >

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Post #: 26

RE: What is an experienced sub to do? - 5/7/2012 8:12:35 AM

MissImmortalPain

Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline

Did they close the dock again? Thats what three times in the last two years :| pfft anyway...yeah back to that being really honest thing. Guys often wonder why they can be talking to a domme and be all serious and stuff then find out she has been talking to four other people at the same time she was talking to him. This is pretty much why they/we do it. Because you never know how things will work out. I think its a great idea that you want to clear you mind and think things over because I would suggest always keeping yourself open to different people/things. If you hit one that works, wonderful, if not then you still have a chance with someone else. Good luck.

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to mummyman321)

Post #: 27

RE: What is an experienced sub to do? - 5/7/2012 8:43:10 AM

Missokyst

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Joined: 9/9/2006
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Did you tell her this?

quote:

ORIGINAL: mummyman321
No her reasoning way 2 to 3 hours of bondage in the evening would be enough. At that point I knew it was not going to happen.

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
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Post #: 28

RE: What is an experienced sub to do? - 5/7/2012 8:49:30 AM

mummyman321

Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Did you tell her this?

quote:

ORIGINAL: mummyman321
No her reasoning way 2 to 3 hours of bondage in the evening would be enough. At that point I knew it was not going to happen.

Yes. I discussed it with her on the phone. She did not want to spend a whole day in the room. She wanted to go out and do things. All the conversations prior to booking the place was withone one day of bondage. I knew something was up when she kept asking for the confirmation number for the B&B. Once I gave it to her is when then plans changed.

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Life - Its not about where you are but about the journey to get there - I prefer to choose the road less traveled

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Post #: 29

RE: What is an experienced sub to do? - 5/7/2012 12:24:45 PM

LadyConstanze

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Joined: 2/18/2005
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In case she's a good sailor she could tie you to the mast ;)

But in all seriousness, sorry that this happened, maybe you can compromise and she can keep you in some sort of bondage underneath the clothes, so she's not stuck in the room all the time and you still get something out of it? And yes, that amount of bondage with somebody you haven't met or played with before is a bit much and possibly slightly unwise.

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Post #: 30

RE: What is an experienced sub to do? - 5/7/2012 12:33:37 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

Mumm, not to discount your needs in the slightest. They are every bit as valid as hers or anyone's. But realistically, 18 hours monitoring an immobilized person you have just met in a strange motel room with none of her 'home' things to keep her occupied is a lot to ask. It would be different in a well-established, loving relationship where folks are comfortable with their surroundings and there is no pressure to 'perform' because of a time constraint.

I'm sorry you were disappointed. We've all been there. As you step back to process this event, repeat: I do what I need to to get what I need as I journey to find what I want. Try to remember the time in your life when you had what you wanted, and be thankful for it. I'm sorry it ended too soon with your wife's passing. Still, many NEVER find what you had and for that, you were (and are still) very lucky.

I totally agree with Haus. Do what's necessary to get your immediate needs met. Keep the 'whole package' in sight as a continuing goal with an open mind and heart as you move forward. You seem like a wonderful man with a lot to offer. Good luck!

< Message edited by MistressDarkArt -- 5/7/2012 12:43:13 PM >

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Post #: 31

RE: What is an experienced sub to do? - 5/7/2012 12:36:35 PM

LadyHibiscus

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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I am still boggled. Why would you be somewhere nice if the objective was playing all the time? Because you can do that pretty much anywhere, geographically, and I think I would choose somewhere that had a large space to set up and a nowhere location with maybe a White Castle nearby...

I think we need to visit da Chickie, Mummy... YES THAT IS AN OFFER.

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RE: What is an experienced sub to do? - 5/7/2012 1:02:54 PM

kalikshama

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That reminds me of frantically shopping for a new bathing suit in the winter in Massachusetts before G and I went to spend a weekend at a hotel with three restaurants and a pool...we never left the room

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Post #: 33

RE: What is an experienced sub to do? - 5/7/2012 1:03:50 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

That reminds me of frantically shopping for a new bathing suit in the winter in Massachusetts before G and I went to spend a weekend at a hotel with three restaurants and a pool...we never left the room

Exactly. As a Dirty Weekend Veteran, packing was REALLY EASY.

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RE: What is an experienced sub to do? - 5/7/2012 1:57:47 PM

mummyman321

Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline

LC,
Good to hear from you again. Sometimes you have to take risks in life :). For this trip bondage under the clothing does not work. The whole point was to try out a new toy. A very unique toy at that. Yes you are right I should have met her first. Though to be honest I am not sure that would have changed the planning.

_____________________________

Life - Its not about where you are but about the journey to get there - I prefer to choose the road less traveled

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Post #: 35

RE: What is an experienced sub to do? - 5/7/2012 2:09:03 PM

mummyman321

Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline

Hibbie,
I would not say the point of the weekend was to keep me in bondage. Don't get me wrong I would love that. Simply put it was a weekend getaway for both of us. Fun activites (non-BDSM). As much as I like to be bound, I also like some of the vanilla things, to have dinner, and talk, take walks and do other things. So going some place nice I was fine with. I needed the break and the day of bondage was really just trying out the new equipment for one day. If it was just a total bondage weekend, my basement is more than equipped and has all the comforts of home attached.

I just may take you up on that offer :) It would be great to see you and Chickie again~

_____________________________

Life - Its not about where you are but about the journey to get there - I prefer to choose the road less traveled

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Post #: 36

RE: What is an experienced sub to do? - 5/7/2012 2:11:02 PM

LadyHibiscus

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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Shoot, just make em come to your house next time, there is always the "allure" of Cincinnati chili!

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RE: What is an experienced sub to do? - 5/7/2012 2:12:56 PM

mummyman321

Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline

ah....nothing like Skyline chili! I don't know, most people outside of Cincinnati do not like it. I would probably get my ass beat just for serving it :)

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Life - Its not about where you are but about the journey to get there - I prefer to choose the road less traveled

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Post #: 38

RE: What is an experienced sub to do? - 5/7/2012 2:13:39 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

The cinnamon adds a certain Moroccan flair!

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RE: What is an experienced sub to do? - 5/7/2012 2:58:11 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Trimming some for the sake of brevety.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mummyman321
Lady Pact,
I am open to the ProDomme thing. I met my wife via that route. So it is an option for getting an itch scratched.

Actually, I'm not voting pro here. I was thinking more of finding someone in another location that has your kind of endurance level that is based in a city with a few major lifestyle events a year. If you've ever been to a three day event, you can tell that's where your resource pool is for those who can definitely hack the kind of longevity of play that you are looking for. (Why do you think we're always so tired when the event is over?) Also, I think you'd be more likely to find someone with the experience level that you desire, though it may not exactly match yours. If you could find an arrangement with someone surrounding such events, viola. Problem solved.

quote:

I fully expected 8 to 12 hours for the bondage scene and possibly longer it I could take it.

I don't suppose this was that cool outfit that you started the thread about some time back? OK, that part is none of My business, but I just wanted to know because it looked neat.

Even eight hours would have had to be negotiated very well. I'm thinking of this from the top's point of view. Being unfamiliar with someone is going to make a difference and you're basically talking about a first play time together, ever. There's a certain additional level of caution associated with that.

quote:

Ah, you remember that thread. Yes the original toy in question was a strap-on. No it is not fair to make the comparison I did. But I would pay to see the expression on her face when she walked through my basement door because I still think she would have a heart attack :)

I can't speak for the person that you had in mind, but it really depends. I was against the purchase of the strap on before the woman was involved as well, but if I walked into a play partner's house to see all types of dungeon furniture, I'd have probably been thrilled to no end.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to mummyman321)

Post #: 40

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