quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

18 hours long is not a few hours. It's an intense scene for both parties.

And mummy, you're clear that you were paying her to do this, not in cash but in goods - the vacation. The problem is that I don't think you explained it to her in those terms, that you weren't submitting to her, but were paying her to service top you to your specifications. If you had said to her, "I know you're not a proDomme, but I propose paying for you to have this vacation in exchange for you giving me this scene, exactly as I wrote it out" do you think she would have accepted? Or would she have said that she doesn't sell topping services and you should find someone else?

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

MM,

I think that, in essence, this is no different from any other way in which one 'progresses through one's business career'. At the lower level, when you start out, it's about straightforward applications and forwarding of one's precis or CV. At later levels, though, this isn't how it works at all. You need to have got to know people and learned to sort the reliable and balanced ones from the nutters and losers.

You've been around the block a lot and your tastes, needs and demands have become refined. You need at least to have people on hand who know who you can go to to see that these are met, even if such people can't provide what you're after themselves. Personally, in your position, I'd cultivate good, intelligent femdom and malesub friends friends, and organise my activities on the basis of what I've learned by (very trusted) word of mouth alone. I don't see that there's any substitute for that, come a certain stage in one's progress through the business of life - in BDSM, or anything else.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mummyman321

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

18 hours long is not a few hours. It's an intense scene for both parties.

And mummy, you're clear that you were paying her to do this, not in cash but in goods - the vacation. The problem is that I don't think you explained it to her in those terms, that you weren't submitting to her, but were paying her to service top you to your specifications. If you had said to her, "I know you're not a proDomme, but I propose paying for you to have this vacation in exchange for you giving me this scene, exactly as I wrote it out" do you think she would have accepted? Or would she have said that she doesn't sell topping services and you should find someone else?

Let me clarify a 1thing here. The 18 hours I mentioned was to find a Domme who enjoyed doing longer sessions to that length. For the get together I said 8 to 12 hours was the target for the new toy.

Yes she was getting paid if you want to look at it that way. I disagree that I was not submitting to her. She was being served the entire weekend except for when I was to be bound. Hard to serve when you are bound. So are you saying anytime a sub is bound he is not submitting and he is topping from the bottom?

My specifications. There was only 2. Use the toy on me. Keep me in the toy all day. She agreed to this and was very interested in it. So I do not seek it a topping from the bottom. But even if it was, it was still mutually agreed upon.

As for asking her your question: "I know you're not a proDomme, but I propose paying for you to have this vacation in exchange for you giving me this scene, exactly as I wrote it out" That would be a hard question to ask her. I thought I hinted pretty good as to what she did. She is both a Pro and lifestyle Domme. Hence she is a latex Domme and she specializes in overnight bondage sessions. So if I did ask her to Play for pay, she would more than likely accept.

Paying for a weekend getaway. I see more as courting the Domme. No different than buying someone dinner and a vanilla date. Though I would say this courtship was little more complicated because we were also talking business possibilities. So think of it as courting a business partner and a Domme from an alpha sub point of view.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

This is why having one person pay for everything in situations like this and mixing business transactions with "courting" gets messy. You didn't want to flat out SAY it but you THOUGHT she knew that was what you meant....it all should have just been stated right out up front if it was a business transaction. "hinted pretty good at" is not good communication. Not when you are talking about thousands of dollars and lots of time and two people's expectations.

If a man thinks he is "courting" a lovely woman by taking her to a very expensive dinner and thinks he "hinted pretty good" that he was getting sex at the end of the night and she goes into it thinking "probably I will have sex but really I just have to see how I feel about it" and then half way to the restaurant she tells him "Oh by the way, I made plans after dinner to meet my girlfriends for drinks, will you be able to drop me off there?" and he gets pissed off because he thought they were going back to his place......because he strongly hinted....and then she had the gall to change the plans...

??

Akasha