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racism - 6/11/2012 6:36:15 AM

JstAnotherSub

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quote:

What kind of outcry would there be if there was a "whites only" lunch counter? Anything? Nothing? Is there simply an outcry now, only because of the CRA?

This was in a post in the P&R section, and it got me to thinking about something that has bothered me for a while now.

lately, I have been seeing commercials for "BlackPeopleMeet.com all the time. Yay for them having a place to meet and find love, but........if there was a site called WhitePeopleMeet.com, for white folks to meet other white folks, it is my opinion that all hell would break loose, with folks screaming racism.

So, is racism getting weaker at all?

Is it only hidden better now that before?

Is it ok for one race to wish to stay among their own, but not another?

Has the law changed this, or is it just the fact that the more we live together, the more we realize how much more alike we are, rather than our differences?

Personally, I have seen relatives of mine change because of grandkids and great grandkids being born of mixed race. Suddenly, black folks aint as scarey when you have that baby looking up at you and smiling, loving everything you do.

So, I know this post goes all over the place, but I would like thoughts on any or all of the above. I hope I won't get called names, and I hope this can remain civil, but if not, so be it.

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RE: racism - 6/11/2012 6:50:23 AM

LadyHibiscus

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Racism is alive and well.

There is also a dating site for farmers! And for Jews, and Christians (and omg their commercials make me shudder), and all manner of ethnicities. It's chasing special interest groups, not 'segregating'.

Still trying to figure out how the farmer one works. Don't country folk meet at the Tractor Supply? And aren't they like serfs, bonded to their land? Sweet commercial, though, with talking cows.

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RE: racism - 6/11/2012 7:02:53 AM

JstAnotherSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Racism is alive and well.

There is also a dating site for farmers! And for Jews, and Christians (and omg their commercials make me shudder), and all manner of ethnicities. It's chasing special interest groups, not 'segregating'.

Still trying to figure out how the farmer one works. Don't country folk meet at the Tractor Supply? And aren't they like serfs, bonded to their land? Sweet commercial, though, with talking cows.

Ah yes, the "find gawds match for you" ones make me wanna puke. Never seen the farmer ones, but I bet it is a hoot. I have seen ones for find a cowboy on-line.

I can see the chasing special interest groups, that is ok with me, but I do feel that anything for white folks only would get folks upset. Hopefully, this thread will prove me wrong on that one.

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RE: racism - 6/11/2012 7:23:38 AM

LadyHibiscus

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I know it would make me o.O but being white doesnt seem as cultural as being of an ethnicity or religion, either.

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RE: racism - 6/11/2012 9:15:44 AM

Moonlightmaddnes

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Living in rural farm/ cattle country I can say the farmers all get together at the coffee shop before the sun to bullshit together then at the same coffee shop for lunch to shoot some more bullshit. If someone really wants a farmer just go to the coffee shop in town.

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RE: racism - 6/11/2012 9:24:03 AM

DarkSteven

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I have different levels of relationships. In a friendly one, I am very open. In a romantic one, not as much.

I am pretty much colorblind. However, I could never be in a serious relationship with a woman who wasn't Jewish or Jewish-friendly. I know some women that are very serious Christians and while we're good friends, that's as far as it will go.

I see people who are attracted to a specific ethnicity for a partner. While that's not my thing, as long as it is ONLY for romance, okay. I would be upset if it were a screening for friendship.

I can understand being attracted to a specific heritage as well, if it's shared.

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RE: racism - 6/11/2012 9:44:10 AM

fucktoyprincess

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Racism is alive and well. And always will be in the world. With that said, I want to address the issue of dating sites in particular. To me, wanting to date or marry within one's "group" is not racism per se. There are plenty of studies that show that marriage is easier between two people who share religion, culture, history, etc. I think someone can be black and want to marry someone else black for reasons that have nothing to do with whether the two people are "racist" as we would typically understand the term. Same goes for someone who is Jewish, or Catholic. They might want to marry within their faith, but politically, and socially, they might not be "racist". With that said, some dating sites make more sense than others.

I do think there is something different about groups (especially groups that are still a minority in a given country) trying to form ways for people to build community and interact. African Americans still only represent about 12% of the overall population. So if it matters to someone to date and marry within their race, and they are only a small part of the population, it seems like it might make sense to have ways to narrow the pool down. It provides a way to broaden the search geographically amongst a people who share a common history in this country, and therefore I understand if someone black would prefer to be with someone black.

I also think it makes sense if there is something in particular from your own background that you wish to share with your partner, like religion. So even if Christians make up a majority of the population, if marrying someone from your own religious background is the highest priority, then again, why not have a way to make it easier to find such people.

But white as a category does not to me represent either a shared history, a minority in this country, or a single religious group. Whites in this country who are Protestant have a different history from the Irish-Catholic, or from the Italian Catholic. American Jews have a distinct history as well. These are just a couple of examples. So grouping around the concept of "white", well what does that mean exactly?

I think the charge of racism would come more from the fact that white is not a single group in any way that would make sense for them to group together for dating purposes (unless you add some other factors). I can tell you right now that a white Orthodox Jew from Brooklyn is not really interested in marrying a white Italian Catholic from Long Island or a white Mormon from Utah. Just saying.

Not to mention that some religions are very diverse ethnically and racially. For example, Catholics come from many races and ethnic backgrounds. But they share a religion. So an Irish-Catholic marrying a Hispanic Catholic would still be marrying within their religion even if there are cultural and historical differences. If you attend mass at any of the Catholic churches in New York, you will often see people from a wide range of ethnic and racial backgrounds worshipping together. So again these divisions of ethnicity, race and religion can start to blur very easily.

Also given that the American population is overwhelmingly still white, I believe around 70% of the population, I'm just hard pressed to understand why you need a dating site specifically around the concept of "white". Again, I think white is an over-broad category that covers a wide range of people, not all of whom would be remotely interested in dating or marrying each other.

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RE: racism - 6/11/2012 9:57:45 AM

LadyHibiscus

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I heard of some study or other that said 'white' will be the new minority here in the states pretty soon. For whatever that's worth!

I am an atheist. I have learned the hard way that I cannot enter into a romantic relationship with a religious person. (Or a Republican...) I think of that as a filter, and that's how I view the dating sites.

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RE: racism - 6/11/2012 10:05:32 AM

Moonlightmaddnes

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I heard whites already are officially a minority now.

Yep I have a lot of very close friends. I do not care what color they are, or male or female. My husband has very close female friends as well. There was only once that my ' he is my husband and you'd better back off, I dont share' went off. My husband assured me she had serious issues and he was watching her though. She is just really lonely and always picks loosers to date, so I don't get uptight when she texts him anymore.

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RE: racism - 6/11/2012 10:06:19 AM

girl91

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Someone told me I did reverse racism, I'm was like what the hell was that. But according to them since I didn't date black men, I was doing reverse racism on my ethnic group, which is bs to me. I don't hate or dislike any ethnic, cultural, or religious group, I'm friends with everyone.

As for those commercials, they are just geared toward a special group, like they have an Amish one, but Amish doesn't have power ( correct me if I'm wrong). Someone found a way to make money with these different sites and ran with it.

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RE: racism - 6/11/2012 10:07:35 AM

mnottertail

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I bet you wouldn't go out with me unless I had three eyes, its written all over you, racist.

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RE: racism - 6/11/2012 10:17:13 AM

Moonlightmaddnes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

I bet you wouldn't go out with me unless I had three eyes, its written all over you, racist.

LOL!!!!!! Oh my lands the dirty racist prefers only those with 3 eyes!!!

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RE: racism - 6/11/2012 10:57:13 AM

Musicmystery

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quote:

Still trying to figure out how the farmer one works. Don't country folk meet at the Tractor Supply? And aren't they like serfs, bonded to their land?

Oh my. Where to start.

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RE: racism - 6/11/2012 10:58:38 AM

Musicmystery

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quote:

I heard whites already are officially a minority now.

You heard wrong. Unless 72.4% is now a minority.

http://quickfacts.census.gov/qfd/states/00000.html

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RE: racism - 6/11/2012 11:05:05 AM

LadyHibiscus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery

quote:

Still trying to figure out how the farmer one works. Don't country folk meet at the Tractor Supply? And aren't they like serfs, bonded to their land?

Oh my. Where to start.

I WAS TEASING TIM SHEEESH!!

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RE: racism - 6/11/2012 11:06:53 AM

LadyHibiscus

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http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/lookout/u-census-minority-babies-now-majority-surpassing-whites-144319476.html Is what we were referring to, it is minority BIRTHS that are exceeding "white" births.

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RE: racism - 6/11/2012 11:16:46 AM

Karmastic

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fucktoyprincess analysis is well stated, i agree.

what she didn't cover was that is not only racism is alive and well, but so is reverse racism. we as a society, through our government, and through the Supreme Court, have said that some reverse racism is okay to make up for past discrimination. i won't quibble with this.

a corollary to her point about 'white' not meaning much, is that i believe the same is true for 'black'. e.g., "African American" is a horrible and inaccurate description for many "blacks" who's ancestry has nothing to do with Africa (E.g., Caribbean).

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RE: racism - 6/11/2012 11:18:26 AM

JstAnotherSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: girl91

Someone told me I did reverse racism, I'm was like what the hell was that. But according to them since I didn't date black men, I was doing reverse racism on my ethnic group, which is bs to me. I don't hate or dislike any ethnic, cultural, or religious group, I'm friends with everyone.

As for those commercials, they are just geared toward a special group, like they have an Amish one, but Amish doesn't have power ( correct me if I'm wrong). Someone found a way to make money with these different sites and ran with it.

A friend of mine and I had a discussion about this last week. We are both white, and are 3 months apart in age, I turned 50 in April, she will catch me in July.

She has only dated black men in her lifetime. Being from a lil redneck town in the panhandle of Florida, you can bet this was not well accepted back in the 70's at all. Her parents were appalled at it even, but she said that was just the kind of man she had always been attracted to. Fuck explaining it to anyone. She now has 2 gorgeous kids, is divorced for 10 years, and is going to be getting remarried to the most awesome man in the world in September.

I have only dated white men in my lifetime. When I was 9 and saw a commercial with Kenny Rogers, and told mom he sure was purdy, mom knew I was gonna go for the longhaired bearded dudes. And she was right. Fuck explaining it to anyone, it is what I am attracted to.

My son has only liked black chicks, since he was in elementary school. Who knows why. One reason my marriage ended was because I would not back my husband when he wanted me to tell the kid he could not go to a dance with his g/f.

I wonder if karma may have something to do with my sons attractions though. My ex was about one racist dude. He was 13 years older than I am, and it made him nuts to see blacks and whites together. His daughter, who is now 43, has been married to a black dude since she was 20 now. Great guy, takes care of her and her kids always, but her dad did not speak to her for 11 years after they got married. He is now coming around a bit I think towards her, maybe he will towards my son in a few more years, who knows.

Blah, I am rambling I know. I am just trying to get past my feelings about the BlackPeopleMeet dating site. Every site I know of has ways to narrow the field by race, religion, height, weight, on and on, and I just can not let go of the way it makes me feel. My problem I know.

Thanks for the great replies, definitely have some things to chew on for a bit.

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RE: racism - 6/11/2012 12:02:53 PM

fucktoyprincess

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: girl91

Someone told me I did reverse racism, I'm was like what the hell was that. But according to them since I didn't date black men, I was doing reverse racism on my ethnic group, which is bs to me. I don't hate or dislike any ethnic, cultural, or religious group, I'm friends with everyone.

As for those commercials, they are just geared toward a special group, like they have an Amish one, but Amish doesn't have power ( correct me if I'm wrong). Someone found a way to make money with these different sites and ran with it.

A friend of mine and I had a discussion about this last week. We are both white, and are 3 months apart in age, I turned 50 in April, she will catch me in July.

She has only dated black men in her lifetime. Being from a lil redneck town in the panhandle of Florida, you can bet this was not well accepted back in the 70's at all. Her parents were appalled at it even, but she said that was just the kind of man she had always been attracted to. Fuck explaining it to anyone. She now has 2 gorgeous kids, is divorced for 10 years, and is going to be getting remarried to the most awesome man in the world in September.

I have only dated white men in my lifetime. When I was 9 and saw a commercial with Kenny Rogers, and told mom he sure was purdy, mom knew I was gonna go for the longhaired bearded dudes. And she was right. Fuck explaining it to anyone, it is what I am attracted to.

My son has only liked black chicks, since he was in elementary school. Who knows why. One reason my marriage ended was because I would not back my husband when he wanted me to tell the kid he could not go to a dance with his g/f.

I wonder if karma may have something to do with my sons attractions though. My ex was about one racist dude. He was 13 years older than I am, and it made him nuts to see blacks and whites together. His daughter, who is now 43, has been married to a black dude since she was 20 now. Great guy, takes care of her and her kids always, but her dad did not speak to her for 11 years after they got married. He is now coming around a bit I think towards her, maybe he will towards my son in a few more years, who knows.

Blah, I am rambling I know. I am just trying to get past my feelings about the BlackPeopleMeet dating site. Every site I know of has ways to narrow the field by race, religion, height, weight, on and on, and I just can not let go of the way it makes me feel. My problem I know.

Thanks for the great replies, definitely have some things to chew on for a bit.

Yes, I've never understood why people feel that choosing to date/marry within your own group is somehow racist.

But I will say this. It is all personal choice. So as long as one's personal choice doesn't interfere with one's siblings, cousins, children, etc. and their personal choices around dating/marriage, then it is not racist per se. But the moment one tells someone else they can't marry outside their group, that's when I see it as problematic.

One of the saddest things that parents do is to reject their children's choices of partner for superficial reasons such as race. I so wish people could learn to see past things like ethnicity and race to simply who a human being is. Rejecting a son-in-law because he is a jerk is one thing. But rejecting him simply because he is of a different background is something I hope will start to happen less and less in our increasingly diverse and mixed society.

Your question is a very interesting one.

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RE: racism - 6/11/2012 12:07:35 PM

fucktoyprincess

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic

fucktoyprincess analysis is well stated, i agree.

what she didn't cover was that is not only racism is alive and well, but so is reverse racism. we as a society, through our government, and through the Supreme Court, have said that some reverse racism is okay to make up for past discrimination. i won't quibble with this.

a corollary to her point about 'white' not meaning much, is that i believe the same is true for 'black'. e.g., "African American" is a horrible and inaccurate description for many "blacks" who's ancestry has nothing to do with Africa (E.g., Caribbean).

I knew even as I wrote it that I would be called out on this

Yes agreed, there is a vast difference between African-Americans of slave descent, those of Caribbean descent, and those of more recent African immigration. And these groups often do not mix (although sometimes that is due to religious differences, too). However most of the systemic and cultural racism in the country would still affect these different groups in the same way. I don't think an Aryan skinhead cares if an American "black" is of slave descent, African, or Caribbean, if you know what I mean. And so I still feel there is some commonality there in terms of shared current experiences. Perhaps I am wrong.

But I was certainly wrong to even indirectly suggest that "blacks" are a monolithic group. They certainly are not.

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