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RE: Question in the Interview Process - 6/11/2012 4:30:40 PM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		Also although I am somewhat of a masochist, what I really need from play is a chance to submit. Does that make any sense?

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Question in the Interview Process - 6/11/2012 4:32:48 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

how would you answer such a question.


I'm in the midst of dinner prep so just going to quote my own profile with this one:

'Be prepared to cry for me, sweat for me and bleed for me.. if you are ready for that.. then you can ask me what I can do for you.'




_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Question in the Interview Process - 6/11/2012 4:34:26 PM   
Endivius


Posts: 1238
Joined: 8/22/2011
Status: offline 		I am guessing you are saying you want to feel forced into your submission. Or rather, a pressence dominant enough to draw the desire to give in to them. If that is what you are saying, it makes perfect sense to me. If it is not, then I dunno what to tell you. Cause you certainly don't have to be canned to get a glass of water or pick up the mail.

_____________________________

Basically if you can't inspire someone to trust you deeply, you aren't going to be able to buy that or a reasonable facsimile thereof. -DesFIP

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Question in the Interview Process - 6/11/2012 4:41:06 PM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		No, Endivius I don't want to be forced into submission, but rather most of the things that an s-type is called to do in a D/s or M/s relationship come so naturally to me that they just feel like me being me, and not me submitting. But if during play I submit to a level of pain that I wouldn't chose to undergo on my own, that feeds my need to actually submit. Does that make any sense?

heartfelt

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

(in reply to Endivius)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Question in the Interview Process - 6/11/2012 4:43:18 PM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble


quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

how would you answer such a question.


I'm in the midst of dinner prep so just going to quote my own profile with this one:

'Be prepared to cry for me, sweat for me and bleed for me.. if you are ready for that.. then you can ask me what I can do for you.'





Thank you for your reply Bita, there is no doubt that you are sadistic (grinning).

heartfelt

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Question in the Interview Process - 6/11/2012 4:46:51 PM   
MissImmortalPain


Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		I do the same thing you do when you talk to people and I have had the same results.

As for how do I find out if someone is a sadist....I ask said sub in question if they would tie me up...for some reason I can always tell by the look in their eyes if they are a sadist or not. When it comes to msgs I can normally tell by how they word their answer.

How do I answer the question as to if I am a sadist or not. Simple I tell them yes and more than likely the worst one they will ever met. I tell them something else too but I can't post it here or someone reading it that might msg me would know how to answer.


_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Question in the Interview Process - 6/11/2012 4:50:25 PM   
MissImmortalPain


Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

Ask him "If im really thirsty will you give me water?" If he responds no he is a sadist.


hahaha I ask my livein this and he says NO. I assume it means he is a masochist

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to chatterbox24)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Question in the Interview Process - 6/11/2012 4:56:21 PM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain


quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

Ask him "If im really thirsty will you give me water?" If he responds no he is a sadist.


hahaha I ask my livein this and he says NO. I assume it means he is a masochist



And I was thinking a no answer would mean that getting up to get a glass of water would be my job.

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

(in reply to MissImmortalPain)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Question in the Interview Process - 6/11/2012 4:57:14 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

Also although I am somewhat of a masochist, what I really need from play is a chance to submit. Does that make any sense?


quote:

No, Endivius I don't want to be forced into submission, but rather most of the things that an s-type is called to do in a D/s or M/s relationship come so naturally to me that they just feel like me being me, and not me submitting. But if during play I submit to a level of pain that I wouldn't chose to undergo on my own, that feeds my need to actually submit. Does that make any sense?

heartfelt


Both of these comments make perfect sense to me.
I don't actually like or crave pain myself, my partner likes to hurt me because he wants to see me take it and know that I take it for him. It's strictly something I do because he desires it, and he knows that. It feeds what we both want. I will never in my life fantasize about someone spanking me or pinching my nipples because I like it, I do fantasize though about the look on his face when he does those things and how it makes me feel to know that he wants me to push myself to accept something purely because he wishes it from me. It ticks me off when he hurts me and also makes me melt, I like feeling conflicted about it because in the end how I would prefer to be treated doesn't matter. I submit to his wishes and that is the overarching thing that I really want more than having my preferences in how I like to be touched be fulfilled.

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Question in the Interview Process - 6/11/2012 4:59:25 PM   
Endivius


Posts: 1238
Joined: 8/22/2011
Status: offline 		And how would you propose doing that when tied up? Details are so important. If you are asking if we are sitting on the couch watchin the T.V. and She asks me to get a glass a water, she better be in some kind of Hojutsu Hog Tie practicing her deep throating skills. Otherwise get your ass up and get it yourself. And while you are up, get me another glass of tea.

_____________________________

Basically if you can't inspire someone to trust you deeply, you aren't going to be able to buy that or a reasonable facsimile thereof. -DesFIP

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Question in the Interview Process - 6/11/2012 5:05:03 PM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		Hadn't thought about being tied up Endivius (grinning). but on that tact, even the biggest Sadist I have ever played with gave me some water when we were playing.

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

(in reply to Endivius)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Question in the Interview Process - 6/11/2012 5:09:58 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

No, Endivius I don't want to be forced into submission, but rather most of the things that an s-type is called to do in a D/s or M/s relationship come so naturally to me that they just feel like me being me, and not me submitting. But if during play I submit to a level of pain that I wouldn't chose to undergo on my own, that feeds my need to actually submit. Does that make any sense?

heartfelt


What you are saying does make sense, however, to me the answer of "to her level," is not a "wrong" answer, but rather that they are not going to keep going regardless of your welfare.  I would see it as an answer that would warrant further discussion with the person if the other areas of the chatting are going well.

As much as you would like to feel that you are doing something you wouldn't undergo on your own, wouldn't you still like to know that the guy is realistic, sane and caring enough to know that there is still a point where it is in your best welfare to stop?

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Question in the Interview Process - 6/11/2012 5:11:50 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Honestly, I have never asked someone if they are a sadist. And, with the exception of forums, I never state that I am a masochist. Now, being the kind of person that I am...meaning, the kind that is attracted to violence...it's not really that hard to find a person who could 'play' on my level, so to speak. All I have to do is find someone who is looking to beat the fuck out of me .

In your case though, I think that you are going about it wrong. Instead of asking what level they play on, or how far they are willing to go with a girl; perhaps you should instead just be asking "what kind of play do you enjoy?" and leave it at that. Make sure you ask BEFORE you have stated your own preferences though. This way, you get an unbiased, almost truth; and can either dismiss them or continue on talking; whichever way you are leaning at the time.


_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Question in the Interview Process - 6/11/2012 5:16:14 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		I ask; “if you had to choose one aspect of WIITWD, would you prefer dominance or sadism?” If they choose strongly one way or the other then I know we probably won't mesh. If they say it's a 49/51 thing, then we might be a good match, 'cuz I need both. If they say they don't know, I move on!

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Question in the Interview Process - 6/11/2012 5:18:39 PM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

No, Endivius I don't want to be forced into submission, but rather most of the things that an s-type is called to do in a D/s or M/s relationship come so naturally to me that they just feel like me being me, and not me submitting. But if during play I submit to a level of pain that I wouldn't chose to undergo on my own, that feeds my need to actually submit. Does that make any sense?

heartfelt


What you are saying does make sense, however, to me the answer of "to her level," is not a "wrong" answer, but rather that they are not going to keep going regardless of your welfare.  I would see it as an answer that would warrant further discussion with the person if the other areas of the chatting are going well.

As much as you would like to feel that you are doing something you wouldn't undergo on your own, wouldn't you still like to know that the guy is realistic, sane and caring enough to know that there is still a point where it is in your best welfare to stop?


Yes I would want them to put my best welfare at heart as well. That is part of why I posed this question is that that thought had occurred to me, but I wasn't sure if that was what could have been meant.

Thank you for your reply.
heartfelt

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Question in the Interview Process - 6/11/2012 5:22:57 PM   
MissImmortalPain


Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub


quote:

ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain


quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

Ask him "If im really thirsty will you give me water?" If he responds no he is a sadist.


hahaha I ask my livein this and he says NO. I assume it means he is a masochist



And I was thinking a no answer would mean that getting up to get a glass of water would be my job.


Actually I wasn't sure what the point in saying "I'm really thirsty" was. I hold out my glass if he takes to long to take it and ask me what I want put in it I throw it at him.

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Question in the Interview Process - 6/11/2012 5:28:41 PM   
Endivius


Posts: 1238
Joined: 8/22/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain

I hold out my glass if he takes to long to take it and ask me what I want put in it I throw it at him.


I do this.

_____________________________

Basically if you can't inspire someone to trust you deeply, you aren't going to be able to buy that or a reasonable facsimile thereof. -DesFIP

(in reply to MissImmortalPain)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Question in the Interview Process - 6/11/2012 5:51:00 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		~ Fast Reply ~

In thinking back to my initial conversations with the Mister, we didn't talk about playing, actually. His character was more important to me than anything physical we might do, and, in my opinion, would be indicative of how he might treat me during play.

So we just talked. A lot. About pretty much everything. In doing so, he showed me who he was, and I showed him who I was. The questions about play came way down the road.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to Endivius)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Question in the Interview Process - 6/11/2012 6:03:40 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I'm sure I will get disagreement on this, but it sometimes seems to me that men are hard-wired to tell a women what they think she wants to hear rather than answer honestly. So getting a completely honest answer on any number of subjects sometimes requires a bit of creativity.


I'm not sure about the hard wiring, but this is definitely an issue. I inevitably go for men with very lengthy profiles so I can see what they're into ahead of time. I like a man who owns his sexuality and can articulate it.

(in reply to fucktoyprincess)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Question in the Interview Process - 6/11/2012 6:06:26 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		In defense of those saying that they play to the level of the partner.......

Please keep something in mind.  As a sadist who also happens to play casually, I know just how far I can stretch My sadism legs with various people.  It's not My sadism that's changed.  It's what the other person can handle.  I've got certain toys in the bag that person A couldn't take on a pain level, but the work with person B just fine.

Unfortunately, it's a hard topic to pin down.  Some people want to up their game by saying they are a bigger sadist or masochist than the really are.  Until some actual play is experienced, it's all just talk.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 40
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