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ORIGINAL: Deliena

I adore the previous answer, it made me belly giggle (thank you for that).

On the OP's question about "to the level of the girl" I tend to agree with LadyPact (gosh that seems to happen every other post - I really must have an original thought before Christmas) that just because someone is sadistic it does mean they intend permanent harm to come to their partner (be that during casual play or in a full-time relationship dynamic or whatever).

My ex knew I liked some pain, he also knew that I would take more than I enjoyed because I knew he loved it even if I was crying. He also knew when to stop, when it was too much for me. That would be playing to my level in my opinion and as such is valid. If you feel the person that used that response was being evasive perhaps the follow up question is "when you say to her level, what do you mean by that in reality? How do you judge someone's level?" It's a nice open couple of questions and gives plenty of latitude for discussion that could help further understand what they are getting at and whether your needs on that subject match up or vary too wildly to work.

Hope that helps a bit.

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ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

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ORIGINAL: ProlificNeeds

FR~

I usually just ask them what their ideal is, if they can't give me a straight answer about what they want without stipulations or conditions, then I don't bother asking more questions. I can't be bothered to waste time on someone who can't be direct and honest about what they are looking for.

When I get a question like the above my reaction is going to be something like "I want a slave that is willing to take the time to get to know ME, as a human being, a woman, a dominant woman, and then, and only then.........the kink stuff". If they continue to write, or talk, about kink rather than the mundane and not so mundane aspects of life, the things that determine whether or not we can tolerate one another's company in the larger percentage of time we are together........then I know they are not for me.

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ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

LP, you hit it spot on with saying most claim, then when real play comes in, it was all talk. One of My former slaves claimed to be a pain slut. Which for Me, that is awesome. So during a pain session, I started out pretty light, I would say. well about the 6th or 7th tap, she was safewording all over the place. This is not part of the deal, I thought. So after the session, when she could barely sit down, we talked and I think she was able to better explain herself as far as "limited pain slut". Lol

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ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub
Also although I am somewhat of a masochist, what I really need from play is a chance to submit. Does that make any sense?

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ORIGINAL: girl91

I always ask of they are a sadist, do they enjoy inflicting pain onto their sub?

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When I am talking to a possible potential Dominant/Master I try to ask questions in such a way to not indicate my feelings on the subject because I have found when I do not do so, I get responses that mimic my feelings or desires. After I have asked a question, if the person's response indicates that we are probably not a match, more often than not, they change their response with the disclaimer that they didn't want to scare me off. I find it very difficult to get a honest answer because it seems like most of the people I talk with are just trying to find out what I want to hear. But enough of my rant, my question is actually this and I would like a response from both D-types and s-types. If you are trying to find out if someone is Sadistic or not, (a.) how would you phrase the question or (b.) how would you answer such a question.

Thank you in advance for your replies.

heartfelt

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ORIGINAL: littlewonder

The majority of men who told me they were sadists were not. Most would either stop or their idea of sadism was massaging my back with a very light flogger and some handcuffs. Most who call themselves sadists I list as sensation players.

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ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

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ORIGINAL: littlewonder

The majority of men who told me they were sadists were not. Most would either stop or their idea of sadism was massaging my back with a very light flogger and some handcuffs. Most who call themselves sadists I list as sensation players.

Exactly. I've found that the heavy players are quite good at toning it down, but the lightweight guys rarely can amp it up.

I was actually very concerned when Himself and I started dating. We had been friends for 3 years, so I knew that he's a hard core sadist....and I know that I'm not a hard core masochist. He does very well at reading me and pays close attention to where I'm at when we play.

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ORIGINAL: delilahdelight

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ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub
Also although I am somewhat of a masochist, what I really need from play is a chance to submit. Does that make any sense?

If by the above you mean that you need to be led into situations where you are doing/saying/thinking things that aren't anywhere near natural, easy or enjoyable for you to be involved in, and additionally, the only reason it's happening is because HE decided to masterfully take/push/drag you there, then yes, it makes perfect sense to me.

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ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

Heartfelt... I've noticed the same thing from dealing with prospective subbie/slaves at times.

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ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

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ORIGINAL: littlewonder

The majority of men who told me they were sadists were not. Most would either stop or their idea of sadism was massaging my back with a very light flogger and some handcuffs. Most who call themselves sadists I list as sensation players.

Exactly. I've found that the heavy players are quite good at toning it down, but the lightweight guys rarely can amp it up.

I was actually very concerned when Himself and I started dating. We had been friends for 3 years, so I knew that he's a hard core sadist....and I know that I'm not a hard core masochist. He does very well at reading me and pays close attention to where I'm at when we play.

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ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess

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ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

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ORIGINAL: littlewonder

The majority of men who told me they were sadists were not. Most would either stop or their idea of sadism was massaging my back with a very light flogger and some handcuffs. Most who call themselves sadists I list as sensation players.

Exactly. I've found that the heavy players are quite good at toning it down, but the lightweight guys rarely can amp it up.

I was actually very concerned when Himself and I started dating. We had been friends for 3 years, so I knew that he's a hard core sadist....and I know that I'm not a hard core masochist. He does very well at reading me and pays close attention to where I'm at when we play.

Yes, this is definitely true. The issue is not so much the heavy players as the lightweight ones. And in my experience, if someone has found their comfort zone in S&M, it is actually quite difficulty to get them to "amp it up".

So some determination up front for me of whether I might be S&M compatible with someone is helpful, because otherwise, I spend a lot of time building up the other aspects of a relationship, and then find that the S&M level is really quite disappointing. And that is, frankly, unfair to both people. The lightweights seem to think that everything else they bring to the table will compensate for the light S&M. But for people like me, for whom S&M is a big part of the dynamic, that's simply not true.
Again, all of this is personal to each of us. But for those of us who know quite explicitly what we are looking for, I see nothing wrong with getting certain facts on the table ahead of time. It is simply then, an issue of how best to elicit the information given the game-playing that often goes on - where people will simply tell you what you want to hear.

I am not, by nature, a promiscuous sort. I'm not really interested in having play with a bunch of people to determine, after the fact, if we match up in terms of our kinks. I need some information ahead of time to be able to do some screening. And if I didn't care about the kink aspect, and cared more about other things about an individual, then I could just as easily be on a vanilla site and find a vanilla person who has all the things I want except for the kink. Matching up on the kinks is equally important to me. Just saying.

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i don't think a 'true' sadist would give a fuck. no offense to sadists, and please do correct me if i'm wrong.